LOVE
The post below is semi still going on with the health part, but then a whole new dimension of life has entered into my mind!
I am living with love but then I have a guard that says I will never date until I get a degree! This last week or two has been the closest ever in questioning my own motives!!!! I realize that I am just guarding myself from pain, commitment, and responsibility, which if I remember correctly, never really protected me anyhow, but it sounds good in my mind. It told me that I do not have to get too serious!
So in my mind, there was a list of potential guys, and I do not know what I was thinking that a guy would be willing to wait on me after I get over my guard! Maybe that would mean he really loved me? The guy who had been on my top list stopped writing to me for a week, and then he finally does write to tell me that he has a girlfriend. I am very happy for him, but I questioned why he did all he did when I was with me? Then I realized that there was no reason for him to do anymore for me when I will only go so far until too serious!!!!
Then when I was with a group of guy friends, they all asked me if I would date, and that same line came out of my mouth but my mind was telling me to stop holding that guard.
In the zone I am in is a lot of fun, because it is exactly dating, going out, but just minus real dating stuff!!! I really do not know if I can even do the real dating stuff.
THEN, I was invited to a Bible Study that is a 40 day lesson and the main topic is LOVE, and as I was listening to the dvd, the pastor's words spoke right to me when he said that we can love, but we cannot hold back when we feel that we need to do something in love that is on our hearts before it passes us by and we miss our chance!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mind is really thinking on this topic.... lots of questioning because I just don't know, but I feel this ongoing stirring of urgency in my spirit that will not go away.
HELP ME LORD, PLEASE!
I am living with love but then I have a guard that says I will never date until I get a degree! This last week or two has been the closest ever in questioning my own motives!!!! I realize that I am just guarding myself from pain, commitment, and responsibility, which if I remember correctly, never really protected me anyhow, but it sounds good in my mind. It told me that I do not have to get too serious!
So in my mind, there was a list of potential guys, and I do not know what I was thinking that a guy would be willing to wait on me after I get over my guard! Maybe that would mean he really loved me? The guy who had been on my top list stopped writing to me for a week, and then he finally does write to tell me that he has a girlfriend. I am very happy for him, but I questioned why he did all he did when I was with me? Then I realized that there was no reason for him to do anymore for me when I will only go so far until too serious!!!!
Then when I was with a group of guy friends, they all asked me if I would date, and that same line came out of my mouth but my mind was telling me to stop holding that guard.
In the zone I am in is a lot of fun, because it is exactly dating, going out, but just minus real dating stuff!!! I really do not know if I can even do the real dating stuff.
THEN, I was invited to a Bible Study that is a 40 day lesson and the main topic is LOVE, and as I was listening to the dvd, the pastor's words spoke right to me when he said that we can love, but we cannot hold back when we feel that we need to do something in love that is on our hearts before it passes us by and we miss our chance!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mind is really thinking on this topic.... lots of questioning because I just don't know, but I feel this ongoing stirring of urgency in my spirit that will not go away.
HELP ME LORD, PLEASE!