Year's end
I'm quite angry, I had a very nice written here but I hit the wrong button on this computer and there it went. I shall summarize:
I've found myself in a much better state of mind that I have as far back as I can remember. I feel very much transformed as a person I was this exact date last year as I've noticed from how I no longer feel as though the vacation I am on right now in Utah is an escape from the anxiety and stress that I've inflicted upon myself for the past few years because I was so stubborn, and is much more of interruption from the comfort-driven life I've created for myself at home. (I apologize for the really long sentences, I'm making paragraphs from the lost post into fragments)
I can only hope for two things from 2005: An attempt to fix the few things that still bother me about myself that I've interestingly picked up on in the last two days or so; and to have a similar feeling about 2005, on year from today.
I will now shamefully jump on the bandwagon and list some of the things I've enjoyed about 2004 (because the UF/UM game is not proving to be very exciting):
- Learning to break through the walls I've built around myself over the past few years: learning to experiment with and play jazz, as well as being able to listen to music less for criticizing (sp, I don't have time right now to look up the words that I was stupid enough not to actually look up by my age) and more for enjoying; realizing how little I need to be worrying about my academics; and opening my horizons to many more people that I'm very glad I've met.
- Realzing that looking up to people to a certain level can be very dangerous: I do not fear admitting that I spent most of the first half of the year learning many things from people I had convinced myself it was safe to look up to, however I at this point almost feel violated for doing.
- Being able to eat lunch with three wonderful groups of people: Last year at the pole (Leah, Sarah, Kari and Eric), this year very close to the same place (it varies, but all of you are wonderful people) and the Fins (even though I only find myself visiting all of you once a week because you moved so far away: Shani, Caitlin, Arly, Johanna, Jessica, Lauren, et al. I'm sorry if I left you out, you know who you are).
- Speaking up for myself about what I think is right when it concerns particular people and the effects they have on me directly: I will not list anything because I'd thus be violating our privacy, but the five or six of you that I'm talking about I'm sure can recognize who they are.
- Being content with wanting very little more out of life at 15 (even if that might be because I just don't know what I'm missing, but whatever).
I've found myself in a much better state of mind that I have as far back as I can remember. I feel very much transformed as a person I was this exact date last year as I've noticed from how I no longer feel as though the vacation I am on right now in Utah is an escape from the anxiety and stress that I've inflicted upon myself for the past few years because I was so stubborn, and is much more of interruption from the comfort-driven life I've created for myself at home. (I apologize for the really long sentences, I'm making paragraphs from the lost post into fragments)
I can only hope for two things from 2005: An attempt to fix the few things that still bother me about myself that I've interestingly picked up on in the last two days or so; and to have a similar feeling about 2005, on year from today.
I will now shamefully jump on the bandwagon and list some of the things I've enjoyed about 2004 (because the UF/UM game is not proving to be very exciting):
- Learning to break through the walls I've built around myself over the past few years: learning to experiment with and play jazz, as well as being able to listen to music less for criticizing (sp, I don't have time right now to look up the words that I was stupid enough not to actually look up by my age) and more for enjoying; realizing how little I need to be worrying about my academics; and opening my horizons to many more people that I'm very glad I've met.
- Realzing that looking up to people to a certain level can be very dangerous: I do not fear admitting that I spent most of the first half of the year learning many things from people I had convinced myself it was safe to look up to, however I at this point almost feel violated for doing.
- Being able to eat lunch with three wonderful groups of people: Last year at the pole (Leah, Sarah, Kari and Eric), this year very close to the same place (it varies, but all of you are wonderful people) and the Fins (even though I only find myself visiting all of you once a week because you moved so far away: Shani, Caitlin, Arly, Johanna, Jessica, Lauren, et al. I'm sorry if I left you out, you know who you are).
- Speaking up for myself about what I think is right when it concerns particular people and the effects they have on me directly: I will not list anything because I'd thus be violating our privacy, but the five or six of you that I'm talking about I'm sure can recognize who they are.
- Being content with wanting very little more out of life at 15 (even if that might be because I just don't know what I'm missing, but whatever).