THIS HABIT NEEDS TO BE KICKED
Okay, Ive discovered a few things over the years. I bite my nails for two reasons:
1. Im nervous as hell (usually the case).
2. Im bored as hell (during class).
Usually when its the nervous one, I whip out the pocket knife. Today I was able to go all day without biting my nails. As soon as I got on the bus to go home, comes the biting. Usually, I would have associated it with the fact that there was nobody on the bus and I was bored off my ass (because I stayed after school to help Gracian), but I was far more bored listening to one of Beck's BORING ASS lectures in geography. Anyway, I still can't seem to pinpoint the problem. Last year, I had reason to be nervous, because I was in a new environment and I was indeed very nervous about my surroundings (hence why I had shingles the 4th week of school and was out for a week). However, I met plenty of great people and grew much more comfortable with myself. Still bit the shit out of my fingers.
Then comes this year, as of right now a slack year with not much change in sight, and I'm still biting. However, there was an interval for about 2 months in which I was a non-nail biter. That was the summer between 7th grade and 8th grade where I sat around and NOTHING but I was able to use a balm on a constant basis that allowed me to do something with (and not bite) my fingers. Once I got to school, I used the balm for a few weeks, but that drifted away since it was really greasy and grew increasingly embarrassing when people would turn around and see me rubbing yellow stuff on my fingers. Due to its adhesiveness, writing with a pen became difficult. Threw out the case of balm I had bought.
Now, as I finally realize that this DECADE OLD HABIT needs to be kicked, I must find the root. Its not school, as I thought, because this year is rather easy. Its not a lack of exercise because I exercised most of the summer and these past 3 weeks Ive exercised like a motherfucker. Its not boredom because I know that I do it around people that could NEVER EVER bore me. Actually I tend to do it less around the people that bore the shit out of me or those that I dont like (hint: If I like you, I bite my nails around you). Now, what I'm seeing is that Im nervous around the people that I like. I'm certain this is true. Usually you can find me whittling away at my already deformed fingers.
Okay, I think there's an explanation for this one too. However, I cant go into detail with it too much. For those of you who knew me in middle school, you probably know I had no friends. Whatsoever. I was the loner guy that nobody liked, and there were times when even my best friend (Andy) probably hated me. In fact Im certain of it because I remember an argument between us that I didn't talk to him for like a weel (haha).
Around this time, I dont think I was biting my nails as much as I am now. Aside from that, I didnt own that pocketknife until the holidays of last year. I do however, remember, getting headaches EVER DAY OF THE YEAR and throwing up EVERY DAY due to the constantly high level of acitomenophin (English: Tylenol) in my bloodstream. At least, I think that what it was from. So, throwing up and headaches everyday and no friends VS. Biting my nails. Biting the nails won.
Anyway, I think making more than one acuaintance last year helped me out a bit, but I was still insecure about all of it, as I still am. So from what I gather, the root of this evil is my insecurity. How that can be fixed? I haven't a clue. But if it can be, I might find a way to kick this fucker. Unfortunately, I dont think anyone is truly secure with themselves, as insecurities arise at all times (example: on that last sentence, I dont think truly is spelled with an e, so Im insecure about its spelling). Im also insecure about whether people are going to read this entire entry, as Im pretty sure theyre not.
Thanks if you did.
1. Im nervous as hell (usually the case).
2. Im bored as hell (during class).
Usually when its the nervous one, I whip out the pocket knife. Today I was able to go all day without biting my nails. As soon as I got on the bus to go home, comes the biting. Usually, I would have associated it with the fact that there was nobody on the bus and I was bored off my ass (because I stayed after school to help Gracian), but I was far more bored listening to one of Beck's BORING ASS lectures in geography. Anyway, I still can't seem to pinpoint the problem. Last year, I had reason to be nervous, because I was in a new environment and I was indeed very nervous about my surroundings (hence why I had shingles the 4th week of school and was out for a week). However, I met plenty of great people and grew much more comfortable with myself. Still bit the shit out of my fingers.
Then comes this year, as of right now a slack year with not much change in sight, and I'm still biting. However, there was an interval for about 2 months in which I was a non-nail biter. That was the summer between 7th grade and 8th grade where I sat around and NOTHING but I was able to use a balm on a constant basis that allowed me to do something with (and not bite) my fingers. Once I got to school, I used the balm for a few weeks, but that drifted away since it was really greasy and grew increasingly embarrassing when people would turn around and see me rubbing yellow stuff on my fingers. Due to its adhesiveness, writing with a pen became difficult. Threw out the case of balm I had bought.
Now, as I finally realize that this DECADE OLD HABIT needs to be kicked, I must find the root. Its not school, as I thought, because this year is rather easy. Its not a lack of exercise because I exercised most of the summer and these past 3 weeks Ive exercised like a motherfucker. Its not boredom because I know that I do it around people that could NEVER EVER bore me. Actually I tend to do it less around the people that bore the shit out of me or those that I dont like (hint: If I like you, I bite my nails around you). Now, what I'm seeing is that Im nervous around the people that I like. I'm certain this is true. Usually you can find me whittling away at my already deformed fingers.
Okay, I think there's an explanation for this one too. However, I cant go into detail with it too much. For those of you who knew me in middle school, you probably know I had no friends. Whatsoever. I was the loner guy that nobody liked, and there were times when even my best friend (Andy) probably hated me. In fact Im certain of it because I remember an argument between us that I didn't talk to him for like a weel (haha).
Around this time, I dont think I was biting my nails as much as I am now. Aside from that, I didnt own that pocketknife until the holidays of last year. I do however, remember, getting headaches EVER DAY OF THE YEAR and throwing up EVERY DAY due to the constantly high level of acitomenophin (English: Tylenol) in my bloodstream. At least, I think that what it was from. So, throwing up and headaches everyday and no friends VS. Biting my nails. Biting the nails won.
Anyway, I think making more than one acuaintance last year helped me out a bit, but I was still insecure about all of it, as I still am. So from what I gather, the root of this evil is my insecurity. How that can be fixed? I haven't a clue. But if it can be, I might find a way to kick this fucker. Unfortunately, I dont think anyone is truly secure with themselves, as insecurities arise at all times (example: on that last sentence, I dont think truly is spelled with an e, so Im insecure about its spelling). Im also insecure about whether people are going to read this entire entry, as Im pretty sure theyre not.
Thanks if you did.