(no subject)
“Well if you didn’t have to go running away from every planet we land on four hours ahead of schedule you wouldn’t have had to wait on me!”
“Oh excuse me for interruptin’ your whorin’ ‘cause the Alliance still wants River dead!”
A finely sculpted eyebrow rose questioningly on the Companion’s face but thankfully Inara let it go without mention. She opened her mouth, but her words were lost in the background to Mal’s thoughts.
Oh gorramn it. Why did I say River? The whole blasted crew is wanted, ‘cept Miss Companion here, so why didn’t I just say crew? Damn girl stealin’ into my head all the time…gorram dreams…
“Mal, are you even listening to me?”
“What, darlin’?”
“Tah mah duh hwoon dahn!”
Right. Inara. The fight. ………River………
“I think it’s time you went back to the Training house.”
Silence.
*
Mal leaned his back against the cold door to Inara’s shuttle and felt Serenity’s pulse calm him.
No, it’s my shuttle again. If it ever weren’t.
The thought made him pause, waiting for the other shoe to drop. The last time Inara had left, Mal had fallen back into the coldness he had lived in for so long. This time though, he felt only a small flicker of sadness, like one feels when they are to part from an old friend.
“Huh.”
Of course the desperate longing he had felt had been before Miranda, before the Reavers.
‘fore these gorramn dreams started. ‘fore River started stealin’ into my head every time I close my eyes. ‘fore I started fallin’ for…
“Oh god.” He said aloud in shock.
Wait, calm down. Ain’t no way you can feel anything for that girl. She’s too young,
Eighteen! A cheerful voice chirped in the back of his head, and Mal was reminded of a smiling redhead proudly displaying an 18th birthday cake.
So what? Legal or not, I’m a mean old man, ain’t no need for my darkness in that girl’s life...
A gruff sounding voice in his head scoffed. Yeah, ‘cause killin’ them Reavers with her barehands is all sunshine and daises…
“I’m losing my mind.” He whispered.
Mal began to walk, head bowed in thought, letting his feet and Serenity guide him.
Now look here son, he told himself firmly, you ain’t got no business thinkin’ on that girl. Just cause the damned Alliance made her a weapon don’t mean they took her innocence, I don’t care what she’s been forced to do. No matter how good looking a woman she is, no matter how much her smile sets your pulse a’racin’, you can’t give in. That girl’s above you and you better know it.
With that thought strongly in his mind Mal came out of his reverie to focus on his surroundings. He was standing directly outside River Tam’s door.
“Son of a bitch,” He said softly. With more grace than even the Operative had, Mal made a quick retreat to the bridge.
Inside the room a young woman sighed deeply, smiled to herself, and finally found peace enough to sleep.
*
The next day Mal informed the crew of their destination: Sihnon and broke the news of Inara’s leaving.
Kaylee had instantly started crying, cussed at Mal, hugged Inara, and fled, with Simon trailing resignedly in her wake.
River had stood, kissed Inara lightly on the cheek, and gracefully walked from the room.
“Ruttin’ shame,” Jayne said.
Mal, Zoe, and Inara turned as one, surprised that Jayne would be sentimental.
“What? Ruttin’ shame, now what am I supposed to look at? Crazy? Little Kaylee all over Doc? Zoe, so she can hurt me? Ruttin’ shame is what it is.”
With that the Hero of Canton turned and left the galley.
“This your fault, sir?” Zoe asked turning back to Mal.
“No.”
Zoe stared.
“Well not all the way. She’s can’t do her work with us havin’ such an erratic schedule as of late and her bein’ with wanted criminals ain’t all that good for reputation, after all.”
The weak excuse was not going to be enough to deter his first mate, but Mal was thankfully saved by Inara.
“Come join me for a cup of tea, Zoe. There are some things I want to give you before I leave.”
Zoe and Inara left the galley, his 2nd cutting her eyes at Mal before exiting the door.
Mal sighed.
“Well, that went well.”
*
Two days later the crew of Serenity big goodbye to one of its own.
Kaylee had only stayed upset one full evening and by the next morning, no doubt thanks to the Doc and a talk from Inara, the chirpy redhead was all smiles.
Mal had heard from Kaylee about the exaggerated stories that had spread around the Training House about him and Inara, so the Captain saw fit to look the part. He wore a particularly shiny, long sleeved, collared black shirt made out of a material he couldn’t name. It had been a gift Inara had gotten him for Christmas the year before. He had thought it too prissy to be worn by any self-respecting Captain, but Mal did notice the Companion looking at his chest when he walked up, so he figured he was still all kinds of manfull.
Being the romantic space pirate he was Mal saw fit to take Inara’s luggage to the bottom of the cargo ramp for the training house servicemen. No need to kiss the dirt, after all.
Across the cargo hold River watched Mal walk Inara down the ramp with a small smirk on her face. While she loved the goosebumps that flashed across her body every time a draft blew the Captain’s very nice shirt tight across his chest and stomach, it was a gift from Inara, and River promised herself it would be coming off soon; one way or another.
At the bottom of the ramp, Mal and Inara said goodbye with a surprisingly warm hug and a sincere promise to keep in touch with a weekly wave. No need for a repeat of the Operative incident.
“You just don’t want to get beat up again.”
“I tell you woman, I was winning.”
“Goodbye, Mal.”
“Goodbye, ‘Nara.”
A wave from the crew and Serenity’s hold was closing.
A far cry from the last time Inara left, Mal thought as his crew went back to their business.
Zoe to check their hidden cargo and make sure the entrance and exit of atmo hadn’t jarred anything.
Jayne to do what Jayne did: look at naked pictures of women and cleans his guns. Not necessarily at different times.
Simon headed off to the infirmary, and Kaylee to the engine room, but Mal didn’t miss the wink from the redhead or the blush from the Doc; they’d be on each other inside of ten minutes.
Only one person remained and she was looking at Mal with a glint in her eyes he had never seen before.
No, that ain’t true, Mal thought. I’ve seen that look. But where? When?
A beat.
In my gorramn dreams. That’s where. Oh god.
“Well,” Mal cleared his throat, “I’ve got captainy things to do and such, so you get us off this rock and a course set Albatross. We don’t have to make the drop for three days, so see if you can find us somewhere out of the way for us to sit a spell and I’ll see you at dinner.”
“Where will we be making the drop in three days, Captain?” River asked softly to Mal’s retreating back. The odd tone of her voice sent a flash through Mal, making his steps quicken as he fled up the stairs.
“I ain’t got word yet, but you’re a right genius so I suspect you can figure something out for us.”
He turned along the catwalk and was gone toward his bunk.
“I’ve already figured it out.” River said quietly once he had gone.
*
Mal was drowning.
Drowning in a sea of black that exploded like fire under his skin.
A splash of dark hair whipped across Mal’s face, as hot, scorching lips burned his throat and small, warm hands curled themselves into his hair.
He had always wondered if he would even be whole again, after Serenity Valley.
Now he had his answer. Serenity was lying in his arms, burning his skin and welding his soul slowly back together.
“Captain?”
“What?!” Mal said as he sprung from his bunk, slamming his foot into his boot, and sending him sprawling to the floor.
“Sir? Are you ok?” The voice said again.
His war-time training finally kicked in and Mal recognized that he had been dreaming, he had been woken up, and was now on the floor in pain. And his first mate was talking to him.
“Fine, Zoe.”
“Just thought you’d want to be awake for dinner.”
Mal considered getting angry, but stopped himself. Zoe didn’t have Wash to worry over anymore, and that just increased her worry on Mal. At least, that’s what River had told him one night in the cockpit.
River…another damned dream!
“Sir?” Zoe’s worried voice echoed down again.
“Yeah, I’ll be up soon. Thanks.”
The entrance stayed open another beat, and Mal knew Zoe was thinking of saying something else, but with a small sigh the widow let the hatch fall shut.
Mal rolled to his back on the floor and rubbed a hand over his eyes, trying to think of a way to stop the dreams that had haunted his sleep for months.
He felt it best not to think about the fact that he didn’t want them to.
*
“Evenin’ all.” Mal said as he entered the kitchen a few minutes later.
“Hi, Cap’n.” Kaylee said from a perch half in Simon’s lap and half in her chair.
Simon blushed and nodded his greeting, which made Mal chuckle as he nodded back.
Jayne looked up from his plate for a moment, and with a grunt that Mal took as a greeting, went back to eating with gusto.
Zoe nodded to Mal and asked, “So we got a course set, Sir?”
“Don’t rightly know.” He glanced around the table, “Anyone seen River?”
“Here, Captain.” Said a voice from the door.
Mal turned, a question half-formed on his lips, and froze in shock.
River had traded her normal dress for a tight pair of black pants and a form fitting white tank top. Her dark hair fell around her like a curtain of velvet and a slight flush of makeup dotted her cheeks.
Mal trailed his eyes down her legs and found her feet bare, which made him smile. His eyes met hers and she smiled back. Mal’s jaw went lax as he became lost in River’s dark eyes. The kitchen and crew faded for a moment, till Mal’s world was only dark eyes and the hum of Serenity.
“River, you look beautiful!”
Kaylee’s bright voice brought Mal back to reality, and he quickly cleared his throat and retreated to fix his plate.
River smiled to Mal’s back and, murmuring a soft xie xie to Kaylee, took a seat between her brother and the Captain’s usual chair.
Zoe caught the younger woman’s eyes and smiled a real smile, one of a rare few since Miranda.
Mal turned from fixing his plate and paused when he saw River beside his chair. He thought about switching sides of the table, and inwardly cursed himself.
Still my boat, I’ll sit where I damn well want to. Ain’t no girl gonna send me runnin’ around my own gorramn ship.
Best not to think on the running away he had done earlier in the cargo hold. That was more of a strategic retreat after all.
Mal sat down and River smiled full at him, making half of him want another strategic retreat and half of him want to throw her on the table, special hell be damned.
Instead he did what he always had in a time of crisis; fell back into Captain Mode, for a few seconds at least.
“Cargo secure?” He asked Zoe.
“Yes, sir. Not an inch.”
“Good.” Mal said with a nod.
“Where are we going, Captain?” Simon asked.
“I don’t rightly know, where are we headed, little one?” Mal asked as he cut into his meal.
“A backwater moon, near the dropspot, called Blue Ridge.”
“Never heard of it.” Jayne grunted.
Mal thought for a moment, and then met River’s eyes. “Me either. Good job Albatross.” He let slip a rare full smile that warmed the young woman’s insides and made her pale skin flush.
She quickly looked down at her meal, but Zoe caught a glimpse of her flush face before a curtain of dark hair blocked the view. The widow smiled and cut her eyes to Mal.
Lord help that man.
Beside his sister, Simon watched the interaction with a rising feeling of trepidation. The Captain had never smiled at anyone like that, as far as Simon had ever seen, and River had never flushed like she just had. Like she was shy and embarrassed, like Simon himself usually did around Kaylee.
The doctor’s stomach twisted.
Son of a bitch.
Simon opened his mouth to say something, anything to change the mood around the table, but Kaylee slowly slide her hand down his inner thigh, and all the blood left his brain, taking his ability to think with it.
Simon missed the devious look that Kaylee and River quickly shared. River had known Simon would protest anything happening between her and the Captain, so once Inara, River’s last true obstacle, had left the ship for the final time, the psychic had enlisted the ship’s mechanic to run interference on the good doctor. Kaylee had smiled mischievously and promised Simon wouldn’t be a problem.
River knew Kaylee was half right, Simon wouldn’t be an immediate problem, but he would eventually argue his points and forbid River to do what she wanted, knowing full well he couldn’t really stop her. Even if Simon did that River would still love her big brother for his attempt to give her what he felt she deserved: better. River knew it would take time, but eventually Simon would see her happiness and be happy for her.
After all, that’s what big brothers are for, River thought.
And River Tam knew what would make her happy, and he was sitting right beside her.
With a belch and a forlorn look around the table for extras, Jayne threw away his trash and stomped from the kitchen.
“Evenin’ Jayne.” Mal said with a smile and wave to the mercenary’s back.
Mal reached for the pepper, or what passed for pepper in the black, without looking and found a small warm hand already there. Barely stopping himself from making a sound, Mal pulled his hand back; fingers on fire.
What in the ai-yah tyen-ah is wrong with me?
Zoe barely contained a laugh at the look on her Captain’s face.
Mal ate for a moment, pepper forgotten, just to take his mind off the way his fingers still tingled.
Deciding it was time to up the game, River slid her foot up Mal’s pant leg with fluid grace. Other than stabbing his plate with his fork with a little too much force, Mal restrained from jumping or yelling, instead he did something he hadn’t done in years, talked to God.
God, get this girl’s foot off my leg before I throw her on this table and sin worse than I ever have!
It was clear God wasn’t answering calls at that moment, so Mal decided to ignore the foot till it went away.
A few moments of River running her foot up and down his calf made it real obvious that he wasn’t going to be able to ignore anything to do with the damned girl.
Feeling his tension, River thought it best to make matters private. With a soft pinch of her toes to Mal’s ankle, River pulled her foot down and took the last bite of her meal.
Mal cleared his throat and tried to hide his now shaking hands.
Nee ta ma duh tyen-shia suo-yo huh run doh gaisi!
“If you’ll excuse me, I’m going up to the bridge I think I can decrease our arrival time and fuel consumption, were starting to run low on cells, Captain.”
Mal nodded and stood, thankful for something to do away from the table, and grabbed River’s plate before she could, taking both his and hers to the sink. River smiled and gracefully left the room.
Simon tired to follow, but a quick whisper from Kaylee changed his mind. The two left with Kaylee tossing a giggled “Goodnight” over her shoulder.
Zoe stood and slid her plate to Mal by the sink.
“You want me to go double-check our course, Sir?” She asked, giving Mal an out.
The Captain sighed and shook his head. “I’ll do it. Need to check the Cortex anyways, see how our warrants are doing.”
Zoe smiled again and nodded. “Goodnight, Captain.”
*
“So what’s our arrival time look like, little one?” Mal said as a greeting upon entering the bridge.
Without missing a beat River did some quick calculus and answered, “11.23 hours, Captain.”
“And our fuel?”
“We will have two cells, four hours at full burn, remaining after the delivery.”
Mal took a seat in the co-pilot’s chair.
“And where is that delivery taking place, you don’t mind my askin’?”
“Not sure exactly, the buyer may not have decided, but it’s in the same quadrant as Blue Ridge, that’s certain.”
Mal smiled and looked over River’s plotted course.
Flawless, of course.
Although Mal missed it, River blushed at the unspoken compliment.
They sat in silence for a moment, Mal reading over Cortex newswaves and River counting the stars. Mal read to keep from talking and letting his mouth get the better of him, and River counted to keep from both hitting and jumping the Captain in frustration.
After 2,348, incidentally the number of men Mal had really lost in Serenity Valley, River looked over to find her Captain asleep, face in his hands, propped over the Cortex.
A beat later and Mal was dreaming, but not the haunted dreams of the past that had ruled his subconscious for so long, this dream was of dark hair, burning kisses, pounding pulses; enough to make River’s head swim; her skin flush.
For a moment of dreadful panic, River thought Mal was dreaming of Inara, but soon she felt the vibration of his voice when he moaned “albatross,” and all was right with the ‘verse.
The dream reached its pinnacle, and Mal shot awake, flashing his eyes around the cockpit. They came to rest on River for a second, and Mal saw a look of knowing on River’s face.
Well that’s it. Nothin’ for it now. Out the airlock I go. How fast did she say blood would boil in a vacuum again?
River giggled.
Mal sighed; at least the games were over now.
“Look, little one,”
“Stop calling me that.”
Mal sat in silence for a moment. River had never spoken with tone of voice to Mal; had never sounded upset with him.
“What’s that?”
“Stop calling me little one. I’m not little, in case you’ve forgotten.”
“As you’re well aware, albatross, I don’t think you’re little. I wished to hell you were though.”
“Why?”
“You know good and damned well why. This can’t go on, River. Can’t happen at all. It’s all manner of wrong. You’re worth ten of me, darlin’. I ain’t got nothin’ but broken darkness inside of me. If I was to be with you, well, let’s just say you’d be getting the short end of the stick.”
River smiled. “Well I guess all that’s left for me to do is take that stick. And take it. And I guess that’s something.”
Despite himself, Mal let a laugh slip. Then another. A few moments later and both River and Mal were laughing deeply, tears streaming down their faces.
“You know I didn’t realize it till now, but you are all manner of perverted, albatross.”
River stopped laughing, and a devious smirk slid over her features.
“Serenity can be all manner of things, even a girl”
Mal didn’t pretend to misunderstand her. “You ain’t supposed to be rootin’ around in my head, you know.”
River stood and walked forward into the cockpit, staring up through the windows at the stars.
“I’m not. It’s just, sometimes things slip in through the cracks and I can’t help but feel it. Serenity can’t help but feel it.”
River put her hand to the cold metal outlining the window.
“It’s her pulse.” River whispered with her hand to the grate.
Mal would never remember how he got from the co-pilot’s chair to standing beside River, it was if magic had whirled him there, with no regard to what his brain was telling him. Mal watched his large hand raise his arm and place itself over her deceptively small one, feeling the rhythmic vibration of Serenity beneath.
“What’s that albatross?” he asked quietly. Though he knew perfectly what she meant, he wanted to hear her say it.
“It’s Serenity’s pulse, her heart, kept beating with love.” River whispered, turning her head till breaths were coming as gasps over Mal’s chin.
Between the rhythmic pulsing of Serenity and River under his hand, the small breaths tingling his chin, and the godforsaken heat pulsing through the two of them, Mal lost his last once of control. For once he wouldn’t fight going to the special hell, this time he would come in, guns blazing. It was after all, his personal school of thought.
With a strong grip and a low growl, Mal brought River flush against him and slammed his lips against hers.
There were no thoughts after their lips came together. Desire, need, heat all converged until there was no room for thought; no ability for contemplation. River ran her hands roughly over the Captain's chest and grabbed Mal’s very nice shirt by each side of the collar, a very expensive gift from Inara, and ripped it straight down the buttons, flinging it from her, across the room to land upon Wash’s dinosaurs.
“They don’t need to see this.” River said as she fell to her back, pulling Mal with her.