I just want to be mad for a while...
Just a few weeks ago I was bragging about how the relationship between my aunt, my uncle, and myself has actually become something that feels right. I learned a lesson though, that every time I open up and mention something that's going good for me, it turns to shit. I woke up this morning to my uncle yelling at me from the bottom of the stairs that I was so incredibly rude for only bringing in a case of root beer last night; it was inconsiderate of me to only bring in the drinks that I like. First off, that's all there was in the back of the car. It hurt my feelings more than anything in the world that he didn't even bother to ask if there were any diet cokes in the damn car, instead he just assumed that I intentionally left them there. It's good to know that he thinks so highly of me.
My sister and I were supposed to go to Monroe this weekend but I remembered that I have a soccer tournament and it's important that I be there. Well, I forgot that my sister changed her schedule so that I could go this weekend (I couldn't go last weekend because I had to go to the softball tournament) and it's really an inconvenience for her because she has a test Monday. Realizing I have a tournament this weekend I asked her if she would mind if I didn't go and she got upset because she had a hunch that I would tell her I couldn't go. Well, we're sitting on the couch just talking and my aunt asked us what time we plan on leaving this Friday and Rachel told her it would be only her leaving. My aunt asked me why I wasn't going and I told her about my soccer tournament and my uncle chimes in just saying that I don't want to go and that I have something better to do. Once again, thanks for the support, asshole. The thing is, my grandmother is pretty much on her death bed. She's not doing well at all having been in the hospital almost every weekend for the past two months. I know it's my priority to see her but what made me upset was that everyone expects me to drop what I'm doing all together with no interest in what's going on in my life. I come out looking cold-hearted because I can't figure out what to do in order to split time for all the things I'm committed to. My aunt and uncle will sit my sister down and ask her when a convenient time is for her to make a trip but for me, it doesn't matter. I'm sounding more and more selfish as I write this but no matter how I word it, it's only going to get worse because the situation I'm in can only be understood by being in it. Anywho, I am goin to Monroe this weekend.
I have 30 days left of my high school career and it dawned on me that my senior year, the year that's supposed to be the greatest year of high school, has absolutely sucked in just about every way. Let's start from the beginning. Marching season for band...ended as a disappointment because we busted our asses to accomplish something that had already been accomploshed. Pointless. After band, soccer season started...not much to say there. I don't think anyone on the team would disagree with me when I say it was a bunch of bullshit. What could have, no, what should have been an amazing season turned out to be something that was a waste of time and effort. We put so much into that team and to our futures and it all got ruined by a couple of coaches that were too worried about their egos. I guess that puts me here...even though soccer's been over for a while. I'm now a manager of the softball team and well, there's not a whole lot to say about that either. Prom is in two weeks and I'm not going because my aunt does not want me to. She said that it's not necessary for me to attend every school function. SINCE, I've never been to prom before...SINCE I've never cared about going to prom before, and SINCE I said I only wanted to go my senior year because that's the only time I'd probably ever remember anyway...
It's not that I need her permission to go, she wouldn't care if I went...but I do need her to pay for it. Every penny I have is going for my cruise and I'm almost not wanting to go on it any more because I have way too much stuff to pay for and I'm not totally sure that I'll have any money to take with me on the damn thing. It's really starting to suck that every thing I've worked for, doesn't even seem worth it anymore.
Everything just sucks and I don't really know why I'm trying so hard anymore. It doesn't seem to please anyone or no one notices, and it really hasn't even paid off for me.