(no subject)
Don't you think I've had enough of my friends go behind my back and talk shit about me? I expected it to happen again LAST from you two.
So that this does not turn into another Kayla and Erika situation, where your hate for me silently grows until you can't take it anymore and being my friend a second longer would simply cause you to self conbust, because you couldn't just come talk to me...I am going to attempt to explain my feeling on the situation and ask both of you to do the same.
I do NOT use either of you, for starters.
Mark
You obviously do not understand how greatful I am for the rides, despite my thanking you each time you pick me up and drop me off. So I am going to tell you now that I do greatly appreciate it and could not be more thankful if you walked me to school piggyback. I do NOT just hang out with you for your car, and i am NOT just your friend to bitch about your brother, and I apologize if it seems that way. I am your friend because I want to be, I enjoy your company and love spending time with you. If I didn't, I wouldn't. I don't use people.
The reason I was mad at you this weekend is because I found out not only did you have an lj journal, and were talking shit about me to one of my best friends as well as in your journal; but you didn't bother to tell me about it, which leads me to believe that you have been reading my journal entries, which i explicitly asked you not to do. Jackie is the only person who reads this thing more than once a month, and the other two or three people who skim through it I have known for years, so I feel comfortable with them reading it. This is not to say I'm uncomfortable around you, but what I write in here - obviously, a lot of the time involves your brother, but many of my other insecurites that I do not want you, specifically, to know about. Especially the poem, which I'm sure by now you have read. I posted it online for the sole purpose of getting feedback from people i DIDN'T know...if I wanted you to read it, I would have showed you, but I didn't want you to not only see how shitty I write, but some of my innermost feelings- the subject of which I'm sure you're well aware. I took this as back-stabbing, because had I wanted you to read my journal, I would have asked you to.
Secondly, now that you're and lj user, you didn't bother to tell me, but rather talked to my friends here instead. Which , honestly, hurts. A lot. I can understand if you didn't want me to read your journal - had you asked me not to, I wouldn't have - And I can't imagine you would have wanted me to, seeing as the first entry talks shit only about me and your brother - but the fact that you were here, talking to Jackie, just really hurt my feelings.
If I misinterpreted any of this, if you are not, in fact reading my journal, i apologize. not that you will ever know - if you're not reading it - because you won't find this anyway.
Jackie
Again, I do NOT use you for adderall, and it really hurt me to read that you thought that. When I buy it from you, I do just that - buy it - and usually not even for myself, four times out of five it's for someone else at my house. When i DO get it for free, it is because you offered it to me. I don't want you to ever think that I am using you because I'm not. I love you to death, and you were my friend long before you were my drug dealer.
To Both of You
I am sorry if it seems like I pay a lot of attention to Nick when you're here - I don't mean to and I apologize. If I'm a bitch, I apologize. If it even seems like I'm not as greatful of you as you both know you deserve to be, I apologize. I was hurt by what you did to me, and obviously you were hurt by things I did. I am not unwilling to admit that I was wrong, and i know that I am a lot of the time, but I just wanted to clear things up in an appropriate way, instead of just ignoring either of you or being secretly mad, since that will get us nowhere. I love both of you and don't want to you lose you over something stupid I did.
Please let me know what you're thinking, at least...talk to you soon enough...
So that this does not turn into another Kayla and Erika situation, where your hate for me silently grows until you can't take it anymore and being my friend a second longer would simply cause you to self conbust, because you couldn't just come talk to me...I am going to attempt to explain my feeling on the situation and ask both of you to do the same.
I do NOT use either of you, for starters.
Mark
You obviously do not understand how greatful I am for the rides, despite my thanking you each time you pick me up and drop me off. So I am going to tell you now that I do greatly appreciate it and could not be more thankful if you walked me to school piggyback. I do NOT just hang out with you for your car, and i am NOT just your friend to bitch about your brother, and I apologize if it seems that way. I am your friend because I want to be, I enjoy your company and love spending time with you. If I didn't, I wouldn't. I don't use people.
The reason I was mad at you this weekend is because I found out not only did you have an lj journal, and were talking shit about me to one of my best friends as well as in your journal; but you didn't bother to tell me about it, which leads me to believe that you have been reading my journal entries, which i explicitly asked you not to do. Jackie is the only person who reads this thing more than once a month, and the other two or three people who skim through it I have known for years, so I feel comfortable with them reading it. This is not to say I'm uncomfortable around you, but what I write in here - obviously, a lot of the time involves your brother, but many of my other insecurites that I do not want you, specifically, to know about. Especially the poem, which I'm sure by now you have read. I posted it online for the sole purpose of getting feedback from people i DIDN'T know...if I wanted you to read it, I would have showed you, but I didn't want you to not only see how shitty I write, but some of my innermost feelings- the subject of which I'm sure you're well aware. I took this as back-stabbing, because had I wanted you to read my journal, I would have asked you to.
Secondly, now that you're and lj user, you didn't bother to tell me, but rather talked to my friends here instead. Which , honestly, hurts. A lot. I can understand if you didn't want me to read your journal - had you asked me not to, I wouldn't have - And I can't imagine you would have wanted me to, seeing as the first entry talks shit only about me and your brother - but the fact that you were here, talking to Jackie, just really hurt my feelings.
If I misinterpreted any of this, if you are not, in fact reading my journal, i apologize. not that you will ever know - if you're not reading it - because you won't find this anyway.
Jackie
Again, I do NOT use you for adderall, and it really hurt me to read that you thought that. When I buy it from you, I do just that - buy it - and usually not even for myself, four times out of five it's for someone else at my house. When i DO get it for free, it is because you offered it to me. I don't want you to ever think that I am using you because I'm not. I love you to death, and you were my friend long before you were my drug dealer.
To Both of You
I am sorry if it seems like I pay a lot of attention to Nick when you're here - I don't mean to and I apologize. If I'm a bitch, I apologize. If it even seems like I'm not as greatful of you as you both know you deserve to be, I apologize. I was hurt by what you did to me, and obviously you were hurt by things I did. I am not unwilling to admit that I was wrong, and i know that I am a lot of the time, but I just wanted to clear things up in an appropriate way, instead of just ignoring either of you or being secretly mad, since that will get us nowhere. I love both of you and don't want to you lose you over something stupid I did.
Please let me know what you're thinking, at least...talk to you soon enough...