Don't let me fall
Traffic court was no fun today. Annoying more like it. I get there, had to wait in line for 10 minutes to go through the metal detector had to take off my shoes, and that was only the beginning. I should have just paid it in the beginning, but I didn’t so I went in, only to have them tell me that it won’t be reduced, and I go could to trial and if the officer was there he could potentially take off the construction zone, then it could potentially be reduced. Basically a big no. So I paid it, pleaded no contest (whatever that means, I need to watch Boston Legal more often), paid the $206 fine and made it to work only 10 minutes late. Irritating though. My fault yes, but irritating.
The weekend was amazing though.
Friday, I got to Ryan’s around 5pm, and we went out for dinner at my favourite Mexican place, then out for expensive beers ($25 for two beers, won’t be going there again but for special occasions), and home. Nice and quiet, but those are the types of nights we both really like, just another thing we have wonderfully in common.
Saturday, we woke up got some coffee, then he had work to do so while he was typing away I just sat at the couch and read, watched him for a bit, and we just had some nice time together. Then the kicker, I met his sister Saturday night. I was nervous. First family member really I’ve ever met. She had really only met one of his other gfs, before and didn’t like her (which he of course told me all of this before I met her), so needless to say I was a bit nervous. I think it went fine, he said that she liked me, I don’t know… I think it went well. I hope it went well!
Sunday, we went out for breakfast, I love that he’s a breakfast guy. Then to a Korean market to pick up some groceries (he used to work in Korea, and really enjoys some of their food), then we took a nap because he wasn’t feeling too well, then we went out to late lunch, early dinner, and parted ways so he could finish working, and I needed to get home (hadn’t been home since Thursday). We made plans for tonight, which will be nice. This weekend (Thurs-Sun) he has a friend visiting, so I won’t see him too much. I will miss him, I’ve gotten used to him, but I think time apart will be nice. Go home for a bit, and do things around the house. I’ll hang out with them once, but mainly it will be a guys weekend haha…
Things are just so different with him. It just feels so different. I can’t really explain it, the words are hard to find. Everything with him is just great, the conversations, his touch, and the bedroom activities, our taste in music and art and activities, just being around him. It seems as though he actually wants me to be around him. Crazy I know, but Eric never seemed to want me around all that often, never introducing me to anyone in his life. Zac introduced me to his parents, but never seemed to want me fully around. Whereas Ryan is completely different. It’s amazing and perfect. I know we’re still in the new honeymoon phase, but there is just something about the way we connect that makes me think this is really for the long run. He wants me to meet his parents in North Dakota, we’re planning a trip to Paris for the spring… I’m a whole person without him, and yet he makes me a better person just being around him, and I can’t wait always until I see him again. It’s nice to feel as though I’m wanted, and the way he looks at me, calls me beautiful and intelligent, and his disposition, like nothing I’ve ever experienced before, and it’s nice, and I don’t ever want it to go away. I can’t foresee the future, and I do still have my fears that had rubbed off of me from my past relationships. Like with Eric never calling me, never calling me his girlfriend. Ignoring me at points, not showing any affection towards me at all, cheating on me twice. With Zac, even though it seemed to be going well, he was just very messed up in the head, would call me, but never seemed as though he totally wanted me there other than sex sometimes, and then to call me his girlfriend, and then to break up with me two days later because it was too much of a relationship for him… I still have these underlying fears that it could happen all over again with Ryan, and I think certainly more than Zac, and soon to be more than Eric I care about him quite a bit more. It’s still new (a month today I believe), but it’s different. So I just have to take some time I think. I know I do want this, quite a bit. And I know he’s not either of them, he’s already proven that, so just time and breathing and small actions from us both that help me to realize that he won’t cheat on me, he wants me around and is a good caring guy. Just time, I suppose.
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