My Uncle Philip Fraser Andrews - A life worth celebrating
Sitting in the garden (in the sun!) at our pub style bench with table watching Maisy run around and around with sticks and pieces of firewood in her mouth, I realise just how lucky I am at the moment!
Yeah life isn't perfect, and there are things I would love to change NOW, like weight wise I need to lose another 2 stone and that takes time, but in terms of my life in general I feel blessed!
So many good people, so much love and so much happiness, I feel selfish sometimes when I get down or depressed, but I know that it's natural and we all want more from our lives than we have right now. It's human!
But in general there is so much to be grateful for and to thank for, and sometimes I think it takes tragedy like my Uncles death to realise that.
I was sat at work earlier today (I came off another long night shift and finished at 9am this morning) and I got a wave of real sadness about him passing, and as horrible as this sounds, I think I've not been very sad before about it. I was sad of course but, I didn't really cry, and I did feel that made me a bad person.
He wouldn't want me to think that way of course, but it's hard not to! It's just the way we are programmed to think and believe!
Someone we love dies - we cry. The world collapses and we have to fight to move on.
For me the world stopped and then re-started at a slower rate, but it didn't collapse. I felt that was wrong.
My uncle was a very dear man, he was loving, caring, funny, the life of EVERY party he went to and we spoke very regularly. Probably more than anyone else in my family spoke to him. Every other day perhaps, maybe every 3 days. We spoke and we facetime on the ipad/iphone and we emailed and skyped etc. Especially when Gran was over there with him.
He was just a unique person, he was special and he had endless life in him. He was just the sort of person you could always rely on, at any time! His advice, even though I sometimes didn't want to accept it, was always wise.
How can he be gone? It's so strange. One day he was there, I even facebook messaged him the day before he died. I read his emails and last messages to me, and it makes me feel....empty.......but there is parts that make me smile, and I'm lucky I have things to remember him by, like the necklace he got me with the diamonds in that spelled the letter R.
I will wear that with such fond memories. He always bought me lovely presents! I have lots to remember him by!
And at our wedding, which he thankfully made little less than a year before he died, he danced with me and danced with my Mum and my friends, and sang at the table, and chinked the glasses to make us kiss, and gave us laughs and love and SUCH amazing memories. I thank God that he allowed him to share that day with us. And that we saw him in March, 3 months or so before he died, and we had meals out together and a wonderful time, Carl me and him and Gran, with Leo. And made new memories. Ones that will no doubt last forever.
The best thing I can say right now is this -
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of
all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is
true.
That was on the bottom signature of every email I got from Philip, and it makes me smile very much that I have all of them stored and saved. And maybe one day I'll go through them all. For now, I'm gonna sit and live in the happy memories.
xoxoxoxo
Yeah life isn't perfect, and there are things I would love to change NOW, like weight wise I need to lose another 2 stone and that takes time, but in terms of my life in general I feel blessed!
So many good people, so much love and so much happiness, I feel selfish sometimes when I get down or depressed, but I know that it's natural and we all want more from our lives than we have right now. It's human!
But in general there is so much to be grateful for and to thank for, and sometimes I think it takes tragedy like my Uncles death to realise that.
I was sat at work earlier today (I came off another long night shift and finished at 9am this morning) and I got a wave of real sadness about him passing, and as horrible as this sounds, I think I've not been very sad before about it. I was sad of course but, I didn't really cry, and I did feel that made me a bad person.
He wouldn't want me to think that way of course, but it's hard not to! It's just the way we are programmed to think and believe!
Someone we love dies - we cry. The world collapses and we have to fight to move on.
For me the world stopped and then re-started at a slower rate, but it didn't collapse. I felt that was wrong.
My uncle was a very dear man, he was loving, caring, funny, the life of EVERY party he went to and we spoke very regularly. Probably more than anyone else in my family spoke to him. Every other day perhaps, maybe every 3 days. We spoke and we facetime on the ipad/iphone and we emailed and skyped etc. Especially when Gran was over there with him.
He was just a unique person, he was special and he had endless life in him. He was just the sort of person you could always rely on, at any time! His advice, even though I sometimes didn't want to accept it, was always wise.
How can he be gone? It's so strange. One day he was there, I even facebook messaged him the day before he died. I read his emails and last messages to me, and it makes me feel....empty.......but there is parts that make me smile, and I'm lucky I have things to remember him by, like the necklace he got me with the diamonds in that spelled the letter R.
I will wear that with such fond memories. He always bought me lovely presents! I have lots to remember him by!
And at our wedding, which he thankfully made little less than a year before he died, he danced with me and danced with my Mum and my friends, and sang at the table, and chinked the glasses to make us kiss, and gave us laughs and love and SUCH amazing memories. I thank God that he allowed him to share that day with us. And that we saw him in March, 3 months or so before he died, and we had meals out together and a wonderful time, Carl me and him and Gran, with Leo. And made new memories. Ones that will no doubt last forever.
The best thing I can say right now is this -
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of
all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is
true.
That was on the bottom signature of every email I got from Philip, and it makes me smile very much that I have all of them stored and saved. And maybe one day I'll go through them all. For now, I'm gonna sit and live in the happy memories.
xoxoxoxo