well, well, well..
eh .. just a few things on my mind.
well my birthday was swell. besides the point, but whatever.
i hung out with someone on friday. someone i haven't seen since march. i'll keep his name anonymous. but anyway, it was good to see him. 8 months is the longest i have gone without him since november of 2002! we had a really nice night. we went to oxford valley mall and did some shopping then we had dinner. i missed him. when i'm around him, i always feel like i'm where i should be. like i'm where i'm supposed to be. i'm not sure what's going to come of it, but i'm glad we're at least cool again. i'm seeing him again this coming friday, so i guess we'll see how that goes.
and then there's mike. i don't know what happened there. i was sooo into him. i feigned for him ahaha. i liked him since the freshman year. kissed him once in high school and then whatever went on with us over the last three months happened. i enjoyed the time i had with him. i liked him a lot. i'm using past tense only because i don't know where him and i stand anymore. i wanted more. i wouldn't say that. i guess i wanted to see if i wanted more. in time of course, i wanted to get to know him better, and then maybe see where things went. at one point, i thought it might actually go somewhere. lately though, i rarely see him. seems like it's only when he can't his dick wet elsewhere. i personally didn't care who he was fucking and what not. i guess i just wanted a little more of his time. my therapist says that i need to put some thought into this whole situation and actually be upset about it. i don't want to be, but i guess it's only right. i really did like him a lot. i am sad about it. i wanted to talk to him about it. tell him that i do have a lot of feelings for him. i guess i was scared. scared to push him away. he'll probably think i was trying to be his girl on the spot or something like that then get all freaked out. besides, i doubt he could handle me. haha i tend to get a little crazy and i don't know how he would handle it if i were to just slip into another unexpected mode of depression. he really meant a lot to me. i'm not sure that things are over between us, nor do i want them to be. i want to see him. i just really don't think he feels the same anymore.
besides, with this other kid coming around i'm just getting all confused. this other kid just knows how to get me. he always did since i was 14. i have no clue what's going to happen here. he still has a girlfriend, so i'm not sure i'm ready to do anything yet. i think we'll just stay friends for a little until we're both free of worrying about another guy // girl.
i'm not bragging or anything, but i've been getting asked out a lot lately. not as a girlfriend, but out on dates and what not. i have been taking the offers, playing the field, etc. and without kissing them too! haha it's wierd, but the two boys mentioned in this blog are the only two i could see myself being with anyway. who knowss. i don't know what to do about either of them.
boys just suck, they really do. if you have a dick you are a dick. end of story.
so yeah i failed a final tonight,, i still have to write a paper, and i'm pretty psyched about it. haha NOT. i am psyched for beer and geno's steaks once dan gets done work at 1am. BANGIN', SON!