Oh FUN!
To all,
My son is right, I didn’t mean to condemn anyone and it does get frustrating when I ask people to reply to a simple email and get only a few responses. I sincerely wish [Angry Parent]’s grandmother the best and hope for a quick recovery. However, you have to keep in mind that I am not a mind reader and when people don’t respond, I have to assume that I was, as my son so eloquently put, “ditched, stood up or forgotten”.
Keep in mind that this is the only fundraiser that we do for the troop. I have put aside other fundraisers because people do get sick of having to do something else every other month, especially when they are getting hit from every direction with fundraisers from school, sports and whatever. This fundraiser requires no money from you only your time and when we don’t get enough of it…well the “buck stops here”. That means that areas that didn’t get covered by others, I will have to do myself. No one wants this fundraiser to succeed more than me. The success of this fundraiser means better equipment for the troop and when it comes time for summer camp, it helps to keep the costs down for those attending.
So, if a have offended anyone, I offer my most sincere apologizes.
Yours in Scouting,
Joe
Email 5 (Angry Parent to my father + Troop and Parents)
I applaud Jon for arguing for his father. Understanding that he would be the 1%, and be the only Scout to receive e-mails I would ask that he would let this matter be kept with the adults and not let it have any influence on his relation to the other Scouts as I know they would not be told of this matter otherwise.
To address the other 99%. I have no doubt that Joe has done well in the corporate end of Scouts and to that I say, good for you. As far as being the Scout Master I would like to give a couple of suggestion which you may take or leave, it is up to you. Also, I did not find any wording in my original e-mail which would so easily be considered an "attacked so publicly", "makes you sick", "outraged" or "INCREDIBLY uncalled for".
Please understand that these thought are after dealing with the organization of many activities, discussions with families that have left, from witnessing experiences ... and not just this past one instance.
My suggestions would be....
1. Get a final head count for activities at the Monday meeting prior to the activity. Count the Scouts that say they can make it as a definate. Those that say no, or just don't respond should be considered no.... and leave it at that. They should not be expected to attend, thus not considered disappointing their team (or coworkers). I do not understand how someone could be ditched or stood up if they were never told someone was going to be there to begin with.
2. If you choose instead to have the Scouts call for a head count, then leave it up to the Scouts and ....... accept the response they get. Sending an e-mail after the Scouts have already made calls and got responses is sending a negative impression on the Scouts and to the parents.
3. If you decide instead to get a head count by e-mail, do it a week before the activity Not the day before. And give more time and courtesy to the Scouts and their family. Sending out an e-mail, then within 24hrs sending another with comments like, "Also, in my previous email (being the day before), I asked you to respond to my email. Only 3 people responded. Now I would like to blame this on the scouts, however, 99% of those emails went to parents...." is not a good way to work with families. It is also a bit unrealistic especially during Christmas vacation week, and, given the fact that you have not been sending any info to parents about any current or upcoming activities there is no reason why parents would be checking for any e-mails.
4. As it has been stated "Now, as Joe obviously didn’t know that an emergency was occurring, he had no choice but to assume he had been ditched, stood up, or even forgotten…any of which lead to confusion and sometimes even anger." I understand that, other than yourself and the other Troop leaders, you have maybe 10 parents to contact, this is not a large number. Of those who signed up, subtract the parents of those who attended and there would be only one or two that may have said they would attend and not have shown. My suggestion would be to contact them individually and directly, and not 'attack so publicly'. I disagree that there was no other choice and believe, being in his position, he needs to find out what the problem was and not jump right into anger. The first response should be concern, or simply curiosity. This advice should also be used during your meetings as well. I have been witness to and been told of several occasions which 'anger' has been directed towards the Scouts in the manner of excessively loud, lengthy and harsh lectures. Again, giving the whole troop a lecture for what should be a discussion to a few. **note: These have never been apologized for.
5. Let others help. If organization is to difficult or not your area of expertise ask for help in advance. There is nothing wrong with this. Send out an e-mail stating what is coming and list the tasks to get it complete. Let parents help out, when it comes to helping in activities for their children, parents always want to help - especially if it is broken down and done in a team. This would work with other activities as well and prevent situation like the kayaks they were suppose to make last year.
Lastly, I am not asking to take anything away from the boys who helped over the weekend. If you give them extra credit then that is fine. What I do not agree with is the manner in which it was given. The wording of the credit is to punish those who did not attend, not to say thanks for helping to the boys who attended. I believe you will get more positive actions and responses, from positive behavior.
Could you give me the info of the other Troops in Methuen, their location, and their Scout Master name and numbers. Thanks
Email 6 (Me to Angry Parent and TROOP LEADERS only)
Ms [Angry Parent],
I’ve taken the liberty of restricting this email to yourself and the adult leaders in the group. I hope you don’t mind.
Please spare me your “let the adults do the talking.” I am 22, about to turn 23; I understand I may not be considered an “adult” in your eyes. However, the law seems to think I’m old enough. I am about to graduate (cum laude) from college. I haven’t been a “scout” officially since 2004. I am an adult. Even if I wasn’t, though, the email YOU sent came to me directly from you (since you hit “reply all”)…in turn, it also went to some of the scouts on the mailing list. The scouts would have known otherwise, and YOU are the one responsible for that, but feel free to dodge responsibility on that one too.
I am terribly sorry that you didn’t understand the nature of my previous email. With the exception of the single paragraph defending my father, the purpose of that email was conflict resolution. Whether you agree with that, or not, I could care less at this point. You seem very keen to point out that this is an adult matter. However, I see very little behavior here that suggests anything adult or mature is being conducted. Do not be confused though, the last email was to resolve conflict. This one is to point out how irresponsible, and rather childish you are being.
Your 1st email stated that the only fair thing to do was consider my father’s leadership abilities. That IS insulting. It is always insulting when you need to doubt the capability of a person. It’s even worse when you propose that idea to others. Even if you don’t see it though, the fact that anyone told you it was insulting should have been enough for an apology.
Your second email was a horrible excuse for an apology. You’ve probably never had to apologize before….it must be a horrible burden always being right.
Conflict resolution is a two-way street. My father, stubborn as he is, apologized. You seem to feel the need to keep picking at open wounds.
If you want to remove your sons from the troop, and feel that they will prosper under the tutelage of another leader, that is your choice, and I’m happy that you have your sons’ best interests in mind (or maybe you just want to feel like you were right-who knows!?!).
I am sorry that you are evading any responsibility for this situation. I am even sorrier that your sons are learning how “adults” deal with conflict.
This is the last email you will receive from me. Rejoice that the truth won’t be hitting you in the face anymore, or be sad that you won’t have the benefit of my well-crafted statements in your inbox anymore.
Gosh, I hope you can survive without an axe to grind.
All the best,
Jon [Last Name Omitted]
And that's that. I thought I was done with crazy bitches. I was soooooo wrong.
My son is right, I didn’t mean to condemn anyone and it does get frustrating when I ask people to reply to a simple email and get only a few responses. I sincerely wish [Angry Parent]’s grandmother the best and hope for a quick recovery. However, you have to keep in mind that I am not a mind reader and when people don’t respond, I have to assume that I was, as my son so eloquently put, “ditched, stood up or forgotten”.
Keep in mind that this is the only fundraiser that we do for the troop. I have put aside other fundraisers because people do get sick of having to do something else every other month, especially when they are getting hit from every direction with fundraisers from school, sports and whatever. This fundraiser requires no money from you only your time and when we don’t get enough of it…well the “buck stops here”. That means that areas that didn’t get covered by others, I will have to do myself. No one wants this fundraiser to succeed more than me. The success of this fundraiser means better equipment for the troop and when it comes time for summer camp, it helps to keep the costs down for those attending.
So, if a have offended anyone, I offer my most sincere apologizes.
Yours in Scouting,
Joe
Email 5 (Angry Parent to my father + Troop and Parents)
I applaud Jon for arguing for his father. Understanding that he would be the 1%, and be the only Scout to receive e-mails I would ask that he would let this matter be kept with the adults and not let it have any influence on his relation to the other Scouts as I know they would not be told of this matter otherwise.
To address the other 99%. I have no doubt that Joe has done well in the corporate end of Scouts and to that I say, good for you. As far as being the Scout Master I would like to give a couple of suggestion which you may take or leave, it is up to you. Also, I did not find any wording in my original e-mail which would so easily be considered an "attacked so publicly", "makes you sick", "outraged" or "INCREDIBLY uncalled for".
Please understand that these thought are after dealing with the organization of many activities, discussions with families that have left, from witnessing experiences ... and not just this past one instance.
My suggestions would be....
1. Get a final head count for activities at the Monday meeting prior to the activity. Count the Scouts that say they can make it as a definate. Those that say no, or just don't respond should be considered no.... and leave it at that. They should not be expected to attend, thus not considered disappointing their team (or coworkers). I do not understand how someone could be ditched or stood up if they were never told someone was going to be there to begin with.
2. If you choose instead to have the Scouts call for a head count, then leave it up to the Scouts and ....... accept the response they get. Sending an e-mail after the Scouts have already made calls and got responses is sending a negative impression on the Scouts and to the parents.
3. If you decide instead to get a head count by e-mail, do it a week before the activity Not the day before. And give more time and courtesy to the Scouts and their family. Sending out an e-mail, then within 24hrs sending another with comments like, "Also, in my previous email (being the day before), I asked you to respond to my email. Only 3 people responded. Now I would like to blame this on the scouts, however, 99% of those emails went to parents...." is not a good way to work with families. It is also a bit unrealistic especially during Christmas vacation week, and, given the fact that you have not been sending any info to parents about any current or upcoming activities there is no reason why parents would be checking for any e-mails.
4. As it has been stated "Now, as Joe obviously didn’t know that an emergency was occurring, he had no choice but to assume he had been ditched, stood up, or even forgotten…any of which lead to confusion and sometimes even anger." I understand that, other than yourself and the other Troop leaders, you have maybe 10 parents to contact, this is not a large number. Of those who signed up, subtract the parents of those who attended and there would be only one or two that may have said they would attend and not have shown. My suggestion would be to contact them individually and directly, and not 'attack so publicly'. I disagree that there was no other choice and believe, being in his position, he needs to find out what the problem was and not jump right into anger. The first response should be concern, or simply curiosity. This advice should also be used during your meetings as well. I have been witness to and been told of several occasions which 'anger' has been directed towards the Scouts in the manner of excessively loud, lengthy and harsh lectures. Again, giving the whole troop a lecture for what should be a discussion to a few. **note: These have never been apologized for.
5. Let others help. If organization is to difficult or not your area of expertise ask for help in advance. There is nothing wrong with this. Send out an e-mail stating what is coming and list the tasks to get it complete. Let parents help out, when it comes to helping in activities for their children, parents always want to help - especially if it is broken down and done in a team. This would work with other activities as well and prevent situation like the kayaks they were suppose to make last year.
Lastly, I am not asking to take anything away from the boys who helped over the weekend. If you give them extra credit then that is fine. What I do not agree with is the manner in which it was given. The wording of the credit is to punish those who did not attend, not to say thanks for helping to the boys who attended. I believe you will get more positive actions and responses, from positive behavior.
Could you give me the info of the other Troops in Methuen, their location, and their Scout Master name and numbers. Thanks
Email 6 (Me to Angry Parent and TROOP LEADERS only)
Ms [Angry Parent],
I’ve taken the liberty of restricting this email to yourself and the adult leaders in the group. I hope you don’t mind.
Please spare me your “let the adults do the talking.” I am 22, about to turn 23; I understand I may not be considered an “adult” in your eyes. However, the law seems to think I’m old enough. I am about to graduate (cum laude) from college. I haven’t been a “scout” officially since 2004. I am an adult. Even if I wasn’t, though, the email YOU sent came to me directly from you (since you hit “reply all”)…in turn, it also went to some of the scouts on the mailing list. The scouts would have known otherwise, and YOU are the one responsible for that, but feel free to dodge responsibility on that one too.
I am terribly sorry that you didn’t understand the nature of my previous email. With the exception of the single paragraph defending my father, the purpose of that email was conflict resolution. Whether you agree with that, or not, I could care less at this point. You seem very keen to point out that this is an adult matter. However, I see very little behavior here that suggests anything adult or mature is being conducted. Do not be confused though, the last email was to resolve conflict. This one is to point out how irresponsible, and rather childish you are being.
Your 1st email stated that the only fair thing to do was consider my father’s leadership abilities. That IS insulting. It is always insulting when you need to doubt the capability of a person. It’s even worse when you propose that idea to others. Even if you don’t see it though, the fact that anyone told you it was insulting should have been enough for an apology.
Your second email was a horrible excuse for an apology. You’ve probably never had to apologize before….it must be a horrible burden always being right.
Conflict resolution is a two-way street. My father, stubborn as he is, apologized. You seem to feel the need to keep picking at open wounds.
If you want to remove your sons from the troop, and feel that they will prosper under the tutelage of another leader, that is your choice, and I’m happy that you have your sons’ best interests in mind (or maybe you just want to feel like you were right-who knows!?!).
I am sorry that you are evading any responsibility for this situation. I am even sorrier that your sons are learning how “adults” deal with conflict.
This is the last email you will receive from me. Rejoice that the truth won’t be hitting you in the face anymore, or be sad that you won’t have the benefit of my well-crafted statements in your inbox anymore.
Gosh, I hope you can survive without an axe to grind.
All the best,
Jon [Last Name Omitted]
And that's that. I thought I was done with crazy bitches. I was soooooo wrong.