Fic: Always There Alone
Pairings: Faberry, Brittana (plus Quinntana, Quick, Pucktana, Quitt, and Pezberry friendships)
Word Count: 3100
It’s been a year since Quinn-and Puck-gave up Beth.
“Quinn? Why is Shelby Corcoran calling you?” Rachel asks, unable to ignore the phone ringing beside her head.
But Quinn has her hand up her girlfriend’s skirt and her lips attached to the other girl’s neck, so she barely registers the question. “Hmm?” she murmurs, continuing her work.
Rachel pushes her head away, and Quinn frowns and looks up. “What’s wrong?”
“Why is Shelby Corcoran calling you?” Rachel asks again, holding Quinn’s phone out to her.
Quinn’s eyes go wide, as she fights not to panic. “I just-hang on, Rachel.” She grabs the phone and jumps off the bed. “Shelby?” she answers.
“Hi, Quinn,” the woman says pleasantly. “Bad time?”
“No, no, it’s fine,” Quinn says hurriedly, anxiously running her fingers through her hair. “Is everything-I mean-is Beth-?”
“Beth is fine,” Shelby assures her quickly. “I’m sorry I made you worry. I called because, as you know, her birthday is coming up, and I thought maybe you-and Noah-would like to see her.”
“Oh.” Quinn’s heart drops to her feet. Behind her, Rachel is watching her with worried eyes, but she can’t take that in right now.
“It’s fine if you’re not ready, Quinn,” Shelby says gently. “I just wanted to extend the invitation.”
“Okay. Thank you,” Quinn says, nodding slowly. “I, um… Can I get back to you?” she asks, her voice catching.
“Of course. Take care, Quinn.”
“Goodbye, Shelby,” she practically whispers, and she lets the phone fall out of her hand.
“Quinn!” Rachel exclaims, but Quinn hardly hears her.
Her mind is reeling, and she can’t believe she’s actually managed to forget, not only that Beth’s birthday is next week, but also about the child’s existence almost entirely. These past few months with Rachel have been something like a dream, and she’s felt like she’s finally, finally a normal teenager again. “Quinn, please say something,” Rachel begs, reaching for her.
“I’m sorry, Rachel,” she makes herself say. “There are some things I haven’t told you.”
“Like why Shelby Corcoran has your phone number?” Rachel asks, and Quinn hates the hurt she finds in her eyes.
“Like that, yes,” Quinn says, fidgeting with her uniform top. “I… Puck and I… She adopted Beth,” she confesses, all in a rush.
She waits for Rachel’s rage or sadness, but all she gets is a few blinks. “I see,” Rachel says evenly, and Quinn winces.
Rachel Berry reacting to something without a trace of emotion is quite possibly the worst thing she’s experienced. “Well, I expect you’ll want to discuss whatever it is she told you with Noah, so I’ll say goodnight,” Rachel decides, straightening her clothes.
“No, Rache, wait,” Quinn says weakly, but in a moment Rachel is gone, her perfume still lingering.
Sighing, Quinn picks up her phone. She stares at it for nearly a minute before she finally picks a number to call.
***
“Babe. Phone,” Brittany says, as Santana’s phone nearly falls on her head.
“Ignore it,” Santana insists, sliding her hand under Brittany’s shirt. “It’s just Quinn.”
“Oh, but…” Brittany sits up and grabs the phone.
Santana groans and rocks back on her heels. “Hi, Quinn!” Brittany says cheerfully into the phone. “Yes, she’s right here, but we were busy, so she didn’t want to answer, and-No! You don’t have to call back. You sound upset. Talk to San.” Brittany thrusts the phone at her girlfriend, and Santana rolls her eyes but accepts it.
“This better be good, Q,” she says briskly.
“Shelby Corcoran just called me,” Quinn tells her, and Santana sighs heavily.
“You okay?” she asks.
“Yes. No. I… Rachel was here, and she-I hadn’t told her-I think she hates me.”
“She doesn’t hate you,” Santana says automatically. “Listen, don’t worry about Rachel right now, okay? Are you okay?”
“She asked if Puck and I want to see Beth on her birthday. I didn’t know… I didn’t know… I’d finally been able to feel like I was normal again, like none of this had happened!”
“It did happen,” Santana insists gently. “And it doesn’t make you any less normal.”
“You know what I mean,” Quinn snaps.
“All right, all right. Well, I mean, you had a kid, Quinn, and just because you gave her away doesn’t mean she’s not still yours. And Puck’s.”
“Right,” Quinn says dully, and Santana glances at Brittany, who’s wearing her listening closely face.
It’s a very familiar face, and it makes Santana smile and lean forward to kiss her girlfriend’s forehead. Brittany beams at her and smooths her messy hair back from her face.
“Do you want to see her?” Santana asks directly, and Quinn’s breath catches.
“Yes,” she admits, and Santana can hear the tears in her voice.
“Come over,” she invites. “Watch a movie with me and Britt. You can worry about this more later. Okay?”
“Okay,” Quinn agrees, and they say goodbye.
“What’s wrong?” Brittany worries, and Santana kisses her softly.
“Shelby called.”
“Oh! Is Beth okay?”
“Yeah, Shelby just wanted to see if Quinn wanted to see her, I guess. For her birthday.”
“Ohhh, that’s right; it’s Beth’s birthday next week!” Brittany remembers. “What did Quinn say?”
“She hasn’t decided yet,” Santana says. “Britt, don’t tell her I told you all this, okay?”
“Okay,” Brittany says slowly. “Why?”
“I don’t know. Quinn is touchy about this shit.”
“Okay,” Brittany says again and leans forward to kiss Santana.
And then her phone rings again.
***
He doesn’t know why he’s calling her, now. He probably should be calling Quinn. But hearing from Shelby Corcoran really rocked him, and he and Quinn still aren’t even exactly speaking, and so he calls her. “What’s up?” she asks, and there’s a tenderness in her voice that he’s only ever heard when she’s talking to Brittany.
“Um, wait. What’s up with you?” he asks, and she sighs.
“Quinn just called,” she admits.
“Oh,” he says, falling onto his bed.
“You okay?” she asks.
“Yeah. I guess.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. It just…surprised me, you know? And I think Quinn still hates me, and I just…”
“She doesn’t hate you.”
“Oh yeah? She tell you that?”
“She doesn’t have to, you idiot.”
“Whatever.”
“Listen, sorry, but I invited Quinn over. I can call you later, if you want?”
“Nah, nah, it’s fine. It’s cool. Um, I’ll be fine.”
“Okay,” she says, and he knows she doesn’t believe him, but he doesn’t care. “Call me later if you want, though.”
“Sure. Later.”
“Later,” she replies, and he hangs up, falling against his pillow.
He’s never really been sure that giving up his daughter was what he really wanted to do, but he does know he never could have taken care of her on his own. Probably, he and Quinn never could have taken care of her themselves either. Well. Almost definitely. He knows this. But sometimes, late at night, he can’t keep himself from wondering what if.
***
When Quinn shows up at the Lopezes’, she’s ushered inside by Santana’s mother, who seems to know why she’s there, and for a second Quinn hates Santana for blabbing, but then feeling motherly arms around her is too much, and for a few brief moments, she clings to this woman she’s known since she was six.
Mrs. Lopez affectionately strokes Quinn’s hair, then sends her down to Brittany and Santana in the basement. The girls receive her normally, like nothing weird’s happened. They let her pick the movie, and they all three settle on the ancient couch. Brittany ends up falling asleep, her head heavy on Santana’s shoulder, so Santana asks if Quinn is okay.
“Yeah, I just… I should talk to Puck, right? But I can’t stop thinking about Rachel. I mean, I gave my daughter to her mother. Her mother who decided she didn’t want her after all.”
“That was way harsh,” Santana agrees placidly.
“I think she hates me,” Quinn insists again, but Santana shakes her head.
“She’s just hurt. No way she hates you.”
Quinn just sighs and lets her head fall to Santana’s other shoulder. Before the movie ends, Santana is completely pinned to the couch. By two hot blondes.
She decides she doesn’t mind too much.
***
The last thing Puck’s dad did before he left for good was help him-and Santana-build a fort in the giant oak tree in the Puckermans’ backyard. Later, when Quinn is safely asleep on her couch-and Brittany is safely asleep in her bed-she sneaks over there and climbs the tree.
He’s sitting on one of the old milk crates they used as chairs, a comic book in his hands, but she knows the electric lantern at his feet isn’t really giving him enough light to read by. “Hey,” she calls softly, and he isn’t even surprised to see her.
“Beer?” he offers, holding one out as she pulls herself up into the fort. “It’s probably warm, but…”
“Thanks,” she says, taking it. She sits at his feet and pops it open, waiting for him to put down the comic book.
“She say anything about me?” he asks, popping open his own beer so he doesn’t have to look at her.
“No. But I didn’t ask. Prying’s not my thing.”
“Right.” He smirks. She rolls her eyes. “I called Shelby back.”
“Yeah?” Santana says, taking a sip of her beer to hide her surprise.
“Yeah. I told her I’d go see Beth. On her birthday.”
“Good. That’s good. Quinn wants to, too, you know.”
He nods. “I thought… But I wasn’t sure, you know? She’s been trying to pretend none of this ever happened.”
“I know,” Santana says, unable not to recall just how far Quinn had gone to try to pretend none of this had ever happened.
Puck notices her withdrawing into herself, and he puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. “I know she hurt you too.”
She shrugs. “We’re over it.”
“Are you, really?”
“I guess. I mean, we’re friends. It got too hard to hold a grudge. And she’s been so damn lonely.”
“Yeah,” he says wistfully, and Santana watches him closely. He still thinks he’s in love with her, she realizes, and she moves so she can rest her head against his knee.
For a while, they drink their beer in silence. Then Santana’s phone buzzes, and she pulls it out of her jacket pocket. “Babe, where did you go?” Brittany wants to know.
“Just to Puck’s. Be back soon,” she types quickly.
“You should go, huh?” he says.
“If you want me to,” she replies. He shrugs.
She stays.
***
Quinn wakes up on Santana’s couch, and her first thought is of fixing things with Rachel, but Mr. Lopez makes her stay for breakfast-pancakes and bacon, so she can’t say no-and being around this loud, cheerful family helps her feel less hopeless. When she leaves, Brittany suddenly goes with her, and they walk the block to the Fabrays’ together.
“San says you think Rachel hates you,” Brittany says presently, and Quinn silently curses Santana’s inability to keep anything to herself.
“I spent years tormenting her, and just when we were starting to understand each other, Shelby and Jesse St. James came in, and Rachel… I don’t know. Rachel got pulled away. And then they both turned on her.”
“But that’s not your fault,” Brittany says gently.
“I didn’t tell her about Beth. We were too… And then I… I keep making the same mistakes over and over again,” Quinn realizes, furious with herself.
Brittany stops her and pulls her into a hug. “Santana forgave you. Even Finn forgave you. Rachel will too,” she says calmly, and Quinn doesn’t even know why, but she suddenly believes her.
For a few minutes, she clings to Brittany, there on the sidewalk, and then Brittany takes her hand and leads her home.
***
Rachel studiously ignores the first twenty phone calls she receives from Quinn, but eventually, it’s her curiosity more than anything that gets the better of her, and she answers. “Hello, Quinn.”
“Rachel! I’ve been calling for hours,” Quinn says, nearly frantic.
“I know,” Rachel returns. “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t ready to speak to you until now.”
“Okay,” Quinn says. “I’m sorry, Rache. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about this earlier. I just… I didn’t want… It’s hard for me.”
“I can imagine that it is, Quinn,” Rachel says, not unsympathetically. “I apologize for making this all about me. Shelby really hurt me-and she… She helped Jesse really hurt me, even if she didn’t intend to, and to know that you still have contact with her, that you…gave her your daughter! Why?”
“She was there,” Quinn says simply. “Puck and I were watching Beth, in the nursery with the other babies, and she was there, and she just… She felt like someone who could take care of a baby. Better than he and I could.”
“She wanted a baby. Not a daughter,” Rachel says dully, and Quinn’s heart aches.
“She was foolish, Rachel, so foolish. You’re better than anyone, than any other daughter she could have hoped for.”
Rachel laughs a little to hear Quinn so earnest, and Quinn lets her breath out in relief. “Are you all right?” she asks.
“I’m a little messed up,” Quinn admits. “I tried talking to Santana, but I couldn’t figure out what to say.”
“Come over,” Rachel invites, and in ten minutes Quinn is there, held tightly by the arms she loves best.
***
Beth’s birthday is that Sunday, and Shelby tells them to come over around eleven, so they do, both arriving at practically the exact same time. “Um. What is she doing here?” Puck demands, when Rachel steps out of Quinn’s car.
Quinn almost says, “I didn’t want to do this alone,” but she realizes how insensitive that would sound, so she says, “Well. Shelby’s her mother.”
Puck scowls but nods, and then Quinn notices Santana at his side. “And what are you doing here?” she asks, baffled.
“I’m great with kids,” Santana breezes, and Rachel snorts. “Hey. Shut your face, Berry.”
“I’m sorry, Santana, but you? And children? That just seems like a recipe for disaster,” Rachel smirks.
“I have three younger brothers,” Santana says flatly. “I am perfect with children.”
“All right, no bickering,” Quinn says, rolling her eyes. “Come on.”
She leads the way to the front door, but when faced with the doorbell, she falters, so Puck steps up and rings it for her. She looks up at him, and he smiles a little, and suddenly Rachel and Santana have fallen behind them, so that they’re standing together when Shelby answers the door, a beautiful baby girl in her arms.
Tears immediately sting Quinn’s eyes, but Puck’s suddenly all smiles, and Shelby quickly gives him the baby. He follows her inside, Quinn trailing, and Santana and Rachel behind her. In the foyer, Quinn introduces Santana, and then Shelby and Rachel are face to face again. Shelby smiles at her sadly, but Rachel is stoic and insists she’s just here to support Quinn.
“Let’s give Quinn and Puck some time alone with the baby,” Santana says suddenly, pushing Quinn toward Puck, who is now engaged in pulling funny faces for his daughter.
Rachel yelps in protest, but Santana pushes her toward the kitchen, and Shelby, who certainly couldn’t have known what, exactly, she’d gotten herself into when she’d invited Quinn and Puck over, follows.
Quinn watches Puck and Beth for a little while, and then he turns and grins at her, so wide that she can see all of his endearingly crooked teeth. “Here,” he says softly, and for the first time since she gave birth to her, Quinn has her daughter in her arms.
“She looks like you,” he says, but her hair and eyes are dark, and she knows she looks like him. “The mouth-look. She’s got your smile.” He pulls a face, and the baby giggles in delight, and Quinn’s heart leaps.
“She’s beautiful,” she says before she can stop herself, and Puck nods.
***
“Can I get you girls something to drink?” Shelby offers, quickly regaining control of herself. “Coffee? Tea?”
“I’d love some coffee,” Santana says with a smile, making herself right at home.
Rachel just stares at her, appalled. “I’m sorry we’ve intruded on your hospitality,” she says, watching Shelby get mugs from the cabinets.
“Not at all, Rachel,” Shelby says fondly, and Rachel scowls. Santana pulls her onto a chair beside her at the kitchen table.
“Lighten up, dwarf,” she advises, and Rachel almost wants to hit her, but she remembers where she is and sits on her hands instead.
“Santana, I had no idea you were so meddlesome,” she accuses, and Santana just laughs.
“Puck didn’t want to come over alone. I knew as soon as he saw the kid he wouldn’t need me. Anyway, Quinn’s still convinced you hate her for giving up her kid to your mother, so maybe you and Miss Corcoran need to talk,” she suggests, all fake innocence.
Shelby sets two mugs of coffee on the table and looks hopefully at Rachel. “I have soy milk,” she offers, and Rachel just nods.
“Rachel,” she starts, once everyone’s coffee is fixed, but Rachel shakes her head.
Santana glances quizzically at her, and then sees that Rachel doesn’t think she’s strong enough to go through this again. So, without stopping to think whether this means she might actually like the dwarf, she takes Rachel’s hand under the table. “Go on,” Santana says to Shelby, and even though Rachel is startled by Santana’s out of the blue gesture of affection, she clings to her hand as she turns back to face her mother.
***
Quinn and Puck sit on the stairs, Beth safely in Puck’s lap and curiously gnawing on his fingers. “I don’t hate you, you know,” Quinn murmurs, but Puck keeps his eyes trained on the baby’s head. “I did, for a while. You were a jerk when I needed you.”
“I know,” he says, hanging his head. “I was… Yeah. I’m an idiot. Can’t really blame you for wanting to pretend none of this happened.”
“You’d have been a good dad,” she says, and his heart starts to beat faster.
“Not yet,” he admits finally. “It was way too early. And I am way too dumb.”
“I don’t think you’ll always be so dumb,” Quinn says, finally catching his eyes. She smiles at him, and he blinks but soon smiles back.
They sit together quietly for a while, enjoying sunny baby smiles-and each other-and not worrying about what they’ll have to deal with when they give Beth back to her mother. None of that matters just yet. And at least they know now they’re not alone.
They’ve never been alone.
Word Count: 3100
It’s been a year since Quinn-and Puck-gave up Beth.
“Quinn? Why is Shelby Corcoran calling you?” Rachel asks, unable to ignore the phone ringing beside her head.
But Quinn has her hand up her girlfriend’s skirt and her lips attached to the other girl’s neck, so she barely registers the question. “Hmm?” she murmurs, continuing her work.
Rachel pushes her head away, and Quinn frowns and looks up. “What’s wrong?”
“Why is Shelby Corcoran calling you?” Rachel asks again, holding Quinn’s phone out to her.
Quinn’s eyes go wide, as she fights not to panic. “I just-hang on, Rachel.” She grabs the phone and jumps off the bed. “Shelby?” she answers.
“Hi, Quinn,” the woman says pleasantly. “Bad time?”
“No, no, it’s fine,” Quinn says hurriedly, anxiously running her fingers through her hair. “Is everything-I mean-is Beth-?”
“Beth is fine,” Shelby assures her quickly. “I’m sorry I made you worry. I called because, as you know, her birthday is coming up, and I thought maybe you-and Noah-would like to see her.”
“Oh.” Quinn’s heart drops to her feet. Behind her, Rachel is watching her with worried eyes, but she can’t take that in right now.
“It’s fine if you’re not ready, Quinn,” Shelby says gently. “I just wanted to extend the invitation.”
“Okay. Thank you,” Quinn says, nodding slowly. “I, um… Can I get back to you?” she asks, her voice catching.
“Of course. Take care, Quinn.”
“Goodbye, Shelby,” she practically whispers, and she lets the phone fall out of her hand.
“Quinn!” Rachel exclaims, but Quinn hardly hears her.
Her mind is reeling, and she can’t believe she’s actually managed to forget, not only that Beth’s birthday is next week, but also about the child’s existence almost entirely. These past few months with Rachel have been something like a dream, and she’s felt like she’s finally, finally a normal teenager again. “Quinn, please say something,” Rachel begs, reaching for her.
“I’m sorry, Rachel,” she makes herself say. “There are some things I haven’t told you.”
“Like why Shelby Corcoran has your phone number?” Rachel asks, and Quinn hates the hurt she finds in her eyes.
“Like that, yes,” Quinn says, fidgeting with her uniform top. “I… Puck and I… She adopted Beth,” she confesses, all in a rush.
She waits for Rachel’s rage or sadness, but all she gets is a few blinks. “I see,” Rachel says evenly, and Quinn winces.
Rachel Berry reacting to something without a trace of emotion is quite possibly the worst thing she’s experienced. “Well, I expect you’ll want to discuss whatever it is she told you with Noah, so I’ll say goodnight,” Rachel decides, straightening her clothes.
“No, Rache, wait,” Quinn says weakly, but in a moment Rachel is gone, her perfume still lingering.
Sighing, Quinn picks up her phone. She stares at it for nearly a minute before she finally picks a number to call.
***
“Babe. Phone,” Brittany says, as Santana’s phone nearly falls on her head.
“Ignore it,” Santana insists, sliding her hand under Brittany’s shirt. “It’s just Quinn.”
“Oh, but…” Brittany sits up and grabs the phone.
Santana groans and rocks back on her heels. “Hi, Quinn!” Brittany says cheerfully into the phone. “Yes, she’s right here, but we were busy, so she didn’t want to answer, and-No! You don’t have to call back. You sound upset. Talk to San.” Brittany thrusts the phone at her girlfriend, and Santana rolls her eyes but accepts it.
“This better be good, Q,” she says briskly.
“Shelby Corcoran just called me,” Quinn tells her, and Santana sighs heavily.
“You okay?” she asks.
“Yes. No. I… Rachel was here, and she-I hadn’t told her-I think she hates me.”
“She doesn’t hate you,” Santana says automatically. “Listen, don’t worry about Rachel right now, okay? Are you okay?”
“She asked if Puck and I want to see Beth on her birthday. I didn’t know… I didn’t know… I’d finally been able to feel like I was normal again, like none of this had happened!”
“It did happen,” Santana insists gently. “And it doesn’t make you any less normal.”
“You know what I mean,” Quinn snaps.
“All right, all right. Well, I mean, you had a kid, Quinn, and just because you gave her away doesn’t mean she’s not still yours. And Puck’s.”
“Right,” Quinn says dully, and Santana glances at Brittany, who’s wearing her listening closely face.
It’s a very familiar face, and it makes Santana smile and lean forward to kiss her girlfriend’s forehead. Brittany beams at her and smooths her messy hair back from her face.
“Do you want to see her?” Santana asks directly, and Quinn’s breath catches.
“Yes,” she admits, and Santana can hear the tears in her voice.
“Come over,” she invites. “Watch a movie with me and Britt. You can worry about this more later. Okay?”
“Okay,” Quinn agrees, and they say goodbye.
“What’s wrong?” Brittany worries, and Santana kisses her softly.
“Shelby called.”
“Oh! Is Beth okay?”
“Yeah, Shelby just wanted to see if Quinn wanted to see her, I guess. For her birthday.”
“Ohhh, that’s right; it’s Beth’s birthday next week!” Brittany remembers. “What did Quinn say?”
“She hasn’t decided yet,” Santana says. “Britt, don’t tell her I told you all this, okay?”
“Okay,” Brittany says slowly. “Why?”
“I don’t know. Quinn is touchy about this shit.”
“Okay,” Brittany says again and leans forward to kiss Santana.
And then her phone rings again.
***
He doesn’t know why he’s calling her, now. He probably should be calling Quinn. But hearing from Shelby Corcoran really rocked him, and he and Quinn still aren’t even exactly speaking, and so he calls her. “What’s up?” she asks, and there’s a tenderness in her voice that he’s only ever heard when she’s talking to Brittany.
“Um, wait. What’s up with you?” he asks, and she sighs.
“Quinn just called,” she admits.
“Oh,” he says, falling onto his bed.
“You okay?” she asks.
“Yeah. I guess.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. It just…surprised me, you know? And I think Quinn still hates me, and I just…”
“She doesn’t hate you.”
“Oh yeah? She tell you that?”
“She doesn’t have to, you idiot.”
“Whatever.”
“Listen, sorry, but I invited Quinn over. I can call you later, if you want?”
“Nah, nah, it’s fine. It’s cool. Um, I’ll be fine.”
“Okay,” she says, and he knows she doesn’t believe him, but he doesn’t care. “Call me later if you want, though.”
“Sure. Later.”
“Later,” she replies, and he hangs up, falling against his pillow.
He’s never really been sure that giving up his daughter was what he really wanted to do, but he does know he never could have taken care of her on his own. Probably, he and Quinn never could have taken care of her themselves either. Well. Almost definitely. He knows this. But sometimes, late at night, he can’t keep himself from wondering what if.
***
When Quinn shows up at the Lopezes’, she’s ushered inside by Santana’s mother, who seems to know why she’s there, and for a second Quinn hates Santana for blabbing, but then feeling motherly arms around her is too much, and for a few brief moments, she clings to this woman she’s known since she was six.
Mrs. Lopez affectionately strokes Quinn’s hair, then sends her down to Brittany and Santana in the basement. The girls receive her normally, like nothing weird’s happened. They let her pick the movie, and they all three settle on the ancient couch. Brittany ends up falling asleep, her head heavy on Santana’s shoulder, so Santana asks if Quinn is okay.
“Yeah, I just… I should talk to Puck, right? But I can’t stop thinking about Rachel. I mean, I gave my daughter to her mother. Her mother who decided she didn’t want her after all.”
“That was way harsh,” Santana agrees placidly.
“I think she hates me,” Quinn insists again, but Santana shakes her head.
“She’s just hurt. No way she hates you.”
Quinn just sighs and lets her head fall to Santana’s other shoulder. Before the movie ends, Santana is completely pinned to the couch. By two hot blondes.
She decides she doesn’t mind too much.
***
The last thing Puck’s dad did before he left for good was help him-and Santana-build a fort in the giant oak tree in the Puckermans’ backyard. Later, when Quinn is safely asleep on her couch-and Brittany is safely asleep in her bed-she sneaks over there and climbs the tree.
He’s sitting on one of the old milk crates they used as chairs, a comic book in his hands, but she knows the electric lantern at his feet isn’t really giving him enough light to read by. “Hey,” she calls softly, and he isn’t even surprised to see her.
“Beer?” he offers, holding one out as she pulls herself up into the fort. “It’s probably warm, but…”
“Thanks,” she says, taking it. She sits at his feet and pops it open, waiting for him to put down the comic book.
“She say anything about me?” he asks, popping open his own beer so he doesn’t have to look at her.
“No. But I didn’t ask. Prying’s not my thing.”
“Right.” He smirks. She rolls her eyes. “I called Shelby back.”
“Yeah?” Santana says, taking a sip of her beer to hide her surprise.
“Yeah. I told her I’d go see Beth. On her birthday.”
“Good. That’s good. Quinn wants to, too, you know.”
He nods. “I thought… But I wasn’t sure, you know? She’s been trying to pretend none of this ever happened.”
“I know,” Santana says, unable not to recall just how far Quinn had gone to try to pretend none of this had ever happened.
Puck notices her withdrawing into herself, and he puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. “I know she hurt you too.”
She shrugs. “We’re over it.”
“Are you, really?”
“I guess. I mean, we’re friends. It got too hard to hold a grudge. And she’s been so damn lonely.”
“Yeah,” he says wistfully, and Santana watches him closely. He still thinks he’s in love with her, she realizes, and she moves so she can rest her head against his knee.
For a while, they drink their beer in silence. Then Santana’s phone buzzes, and she pulls it out of her jacket pocket. “Babe, where did you go?” Brittany wants to know.
“Just to Puck’s. Be back soon,” she types quickly.
“You should go, huh?” he says.
“If you want me to,” she replies. He shrugs.
She stays.
***
Quinn wakes up on Santana’s couch, and her first thought is of fixing things with Rachel, but Mr. Lopez makes her stay for breakfast-pancakes and bacon, so she can’t say no-and being around this loud, cheerful family helps her feel less hopeless. When she leaves, Brittany suddenly goes with her, and they walk the block to the Fabrays’ together.
“San says you think Rachel hates you,” Brittany says presently, and Quinn silently curses Santana’s inability to keep anything to herself.
“I spent years tormenting her, and just when we were starting to understand each other, Shelby and Jesse St. James came in, and Rachel… I don’t know. Rachel got pulled away. And then they both turned on her.”
“But that’s not your fault,” Brittany says gently.
“I didn’t tell her about Beth. We were too… And then I… I keep making the same mistakes over and over again,” Quinn realizes, furious with herself.
Brittany stops her and pulls her into a hug. “Santana forgave you. Even Finn forgave you. Rachel will too,” she says calmly, and Quinn doesn’t even know why, but she suddenly believes her.
For a few minutes, she clings to Brittany, there on the sidewalk, and then Brittany takes her hand and leads her home.
***
Rachel studiously ignores the first twenty phone calls she receives from Quinn, but eventually, it’s her curiosity more than anything that gets the better of her, and she answers. “Hello, Quinn.”
“Rachel! I’ve been calling for hours,” Quinn says, nearly frantic.
“I know,” Rachel returns. “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t ready to speak to you until now.”
“Okay,” Quinn says. “I’m sorry, Rache. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about this earlier. I just… I didn’t want… It’s hard for me.”
“I can imagine that it is, Quinn,” Rachel says, not unsympathetically. “I apologize for making this all about me. Shelby really hurt me-and she… She helped Jesse really hurt me, even if she didn’t intend to, and to know that you still have contact with her, that you…gave her your daughter! Why?”
“She was there,” Quinn says simply. “Puck and I were watching Beth, in the nursery with the other babies, and she was there, and she just… She felt like someone who could take care of a baby. Better than he and I could.”
“She wanted a baby. Not a daughter,” Rachel says dully, and Quinn’s heart aches.
“She was foolish, Rachel, so foolish. You’re better than anyone, than any other daughter she could have hoped for.”
Rachel laughs a little to hear Quinn so earnest, and Quinn lets her breath out in relief. “Are you all right?” she asks.
“I’m a little messed up,” Quinn admits. “I tried talking to Santana, but I couldn’t figure out what to say.”
“Come over,” Rachel invites, and in ten minutes Quinn is there, held tightly by the arms she loves best.
***
Beth’s birthday is that Sunday, and Shelby tells them to come over around eleven, so they do, both arriving at practically the exact same time. “Um. What is she doing here?” Puck demands, when Rachel steps out of Quinn’s car.
Quinn almost says, “I didn’t want to do this alone,” but she realizes how insensitive that would sound, so she says, “Well. Shelby’s her mother.”
Puck scowls but nods, and then Quinn notices Santana at his side. “And what are you doing here?” she asks, baffled.
“I’m great with kids,” Santana breezes, and Rachel snorts. “Hey. Shut your face, Berry.”
“I’m sorry, Santana, but you? And children? That just seems like a recipe for disaster,” Rachel smirks.
“I have three younger brothers,” Santana says flatly. “I am perfect with children.”
“All right, no bickering,” Quinn says, rolling her eyes. “Come on.”
She leads the way to the front door, but when faced with the doorbell, she falters, so Puck steps up and rings it for her. She looks up at him, and he smiles a little, and suddenly Rachel and Santana have fallen behind them, so that they’re standing together when Shelby answers the door, a beautiful baby girl in her arms.
Tears immediately sting Quinn’s eyes, but Puck’s suddenly all smiles, and Shelby quickly gives him the baby. He follows her inside, Quinn trailing, and Santana and Rachel behind her. In the foyer, Quinn introduces Santana, and then Shelby and Rachel are face to face again. Shelby smiles at her sadly, but Rachel is stoic and insists she’s just here to support Quinn.
“Let’s give Quinn and Puck some time alone with the baby,” Santana says suddenly, pushing Quinn toward Puck, who is now engaged in pulling funny faces for his daughter.
Rachel yelps in protest, but Santana pushes her toward the kitchen, and Shelby, who certainly couldn’t have known what, exactly, she’d gotten herself into when she’d invited Quinn and Puck over, follows.
Quinn watches Puck and Beth for a little while, and then he turns and grins at her, so wide that she can see all of his endearingly crooked teeth. “Here,” he says softly, and for the first time since she gave birth to her, Quinn has her daughter in her arms.
“She looks like you,” he says, but her hair and eyes are dark, and she knows she looks like him. “The mouth-look. She’s got your smile.” He pulls a face, and the baby giggles in delight, and Quinn’s heart leaps.
“She’s beautiful,” she says before she can stop herself, and Puck nods.
***
“Can I get you girls something to drink?” Shelby offers, quickly regaining control of herself. “Coffee? Tea?”
“I’d love some coffee,” Santana says with a smile, making herself right at home.
Rachel just stares at her, appalled. “I’m sorry we’ve intruded on your hospitality,” she says, watching Shelby get mugs from the cabinets.
“Not at all, Rachel,” Shelby says fondly, and Rachel scowls. Santana pulls her onto a chair beside her at the kitchen table.
“Lighten up, dwarf,” she advises, and Rachel almost wants to hit her, but she remembers where she is and sits on her hands instead.
“Santana, I had no idea you were so meddlesome,” she accuses, and Santana just laughs.
“Puck didn’t want to come over alone. I knew as soon as he saw the kid he wouldn’t need me. Anyway, Quinn’s still convinced you hate her for giving up her kid to your mother, so maybe you and Miss Corcoran need to talk,” she suggests, all fake innocence.
Shelby sets two mugs of coffee on the table and looks hopefully at Rachel. “I have soy milk,” she offers, and Rachel just nods.
“Rachel,” she starts, once everyone’s coffee is fixed, but Rachel shakes her head.
Santana glances quizzically at her, and then sees that Rachel doesn’t think she’s strong enough to go through this again. So, without stopping to think whether this means she might actually like the dwarf, she takes Rachel’s hand under the table. “Go on,” Santana says to Shelby, and even though Rachel is startled by Santana’s out of the blue gesture of affection, she clings to her hand as she turns back to face her mother.
***
Quinn and Puck sit on the stairs, Beth safely in Puck’s lap and curiously gnawing on his fingers. “I don’t hate you, you know,” Quinn murmurs, but Puck keeps his eyes trained on the baby’s head. “I did, for a while. You were a jerk when I needed you.”
“I know,” he says, hanging his head. “I was… Yeah. I’m an idiot. Can’t really blame you for wanting to pretend none of this happened.”
“You’d have been a good dad,” she says, and his heart starts to beat faster.
“Not yet,” he admits finally. “It was way too early. And I am way too dumb.”
“I don’t think you’ll always be so dumb,” Quinn says, finally catching his eyes. She smiles at him, and he blinks but soon smiles back.
They sit together quietly for a while, enjoying sunny baby smiles-and each other-and not worrying about what they’ll have to deal with when they give Beth back to her mother. None of that matters just yet. And at least they know now they’re not alone.
They’ve never been alone.