Bored with Life
Well the week is half over and boy do I already feel tired. Once again I had a night that I did not sleep really all that well. It was not the problem of falling asleep, I mean no more then usual, but it was just the dreams I had. They were not nightmares, but they were very
discomforting. That though is par for the course I guess. I suspect that it is just the general malaise I have for what is going on in my life right now.
At work today I got a message from someone I had not talk too since high school. I have not gotten a chance to respond but she asked me if I was still the genius I was in high school. The truth is that this actually bothered me for her to ask that. It is funny how the world is so open when you were in High School and I am not exaggerating that I was
intelligence wise probably in the top one or two percent of my class. It is not that I am not intelligent now, I am still very intelligent, I just have squandered it and not gotten a lot with it.
I think that it bothers me even more because it is something I have been thinking about the last couple of months in the back of my head. The problem partially is that I have always loved to learn, but focus on one thing has always been hard on me. All through high school I pondered what to do. The fields I looked at were pretty diverse. I thought about Oceanography, Marine Biology, Nuclear Engineering, Journalism, Officer in the Navy (thank god that never happened!), History Teacher, Astronomer, Geneticsists, Lawyer, and there were a lot of others...notice a large fascination with sciences is. Through high school I basically took all the history, sciences, and maths I could
(the exception being Calculus, there was not enough time for it). Finally in desperations of making a choice I chose history teacher...which was a horrible choice. It was the safe choice, and while I had a love for history, teaching kids we not something I had a love
for and I felt very self conscience of my speech impediment.
Even now I do want to finish my college with at least a degree in history and political science but of course the finances does not just work. There is a part of it that I just want to finish what I started and then there is another that having a bachelor degree does open up doors for other jobs. I think though it is mostly for me though. It is that I don't like to not complete things. It is why I tried Russian twice, and still even now I want to learn the damn language! I keep saying I will try to self study on my own, but there always seems to be other things to do or focus on.
To show my impedious to just complete tasks, I go in case point of something I started on the laptop. A couple of weeks ago I decided that it would be neat to let my AIM show what I was listening to in the status line. I knew other people did it and it was seemingly easy. Well I downloaded the software and it did not work. I tried to redownload it and still it did not work. Now the truth of the matter is that I really did not care about it all that much, and being that it was only something I randomly thought would be cool, most people would have dropped it. Still I kept going back to it. I downloaded different players and started to do research. Then finally after working on it for at least a couple hours of my time over the course of a few nights, I managed to get it working. It took several files from different parts of the internet, a new media player, and a lot of instructions. Now I just feel obligated to use it even though I really could care less now. It was just the fact that it became a challenge.
Now wrap around back to my state in life, at work I don't feel that challenge anymore. It is more monotonous and while that is part of a job, I just don't feel the satisfaction of a challenge. There is nothing to really learn, or what there is, is relatively insignificant. I still do the job efficiently but the more unchallenged I am, the more worn out I get by the end of the day.
Don't get me wrong, I am not depressed or anything, just bored. Add on top of work, I do not even get the chance to have that much intellectually interesting conversations as of late. I sort of miss the sharing of ideas that interest me. Most people I am around right now just don't have those same interests or if they do they are so opposite to my beliefs that conversation really does not work out well at all. It just drives me nuts sometimes. I am used to just talking more.
Well things are ultimately good. I am proud that I have another thing planned that will be great. I look forward to it. So I have something to look forward too:)
discomforting. That though is par for the course I guess. I suspect that it is just the general malaise I have for what is going on in my life right now.
At work today I got a message from someone I had not talk too since high school. I have not gotten a chance to respond but she asked me if I was still the genius I was in high school. The truth is that this actually bothered me for her to ask that. It is funny how the world is so open when you were in High School and I am not exaggerating that I was
intelligence wise probably in the top one or two percent of my class. It is not that I am not intelligent now, I am still very intelligent, I just have squandered it and not gotten a lot with it.
I think that it bothers me even more because it is something I have been thinking about the last couple of months in the back of my head. The problem partially is that I have always loved to learn, but focus on one thing has always been hard on me. All through high school I pondered what to do. The fields I looked at were pretty diverse. I thought about Oceanography, Marine Biology, Nuclear Engineering, Journalism, Officer in the Navy (thank god that never happened!), History Teacher, Astronomer, Geneticsists, Lawyer, and there were a lot of others...notice a large fascination with sciences is. Through high school I basically took all the history, sciences, and maths I could
(the exception being Calculus, there was not enough time for it). Finally in desperations of making a choice I chose history teacher...which was a horrible choice. It was the safe choice, and while I had a love for history, teaching kids we not something I had a love
for and I felt very self conscience of my speech impediment.
Even now I do want to finish my college with at least a degree in history and political science but of course the finances does not just work. There is a part of it that I just want to finish what I started and then there is another that having a bachelor degree does open up doors for other jobs. I think though it is mostly for me though. It is that I don't like to not complete things. It is why I tried Russian twice, and still even now I want to learn the damn language! I keep saying I will try to self study on my own, but there always seems to be other things to do or focus on.
To show my impedious to just complete tasks, I go in case point of something I started on the laptop. A couple of weeks ago I decided that it would be neat to let my AIM show what I was listening to in the status line. I knew other people did it and it was seemingly easy. Well I downloaded the software and it did not work. I tried to redownload it and still it did not work. Now the truth of the matter is that I really did not care about it all that much, and being that it was only something I randomly thought would be cool, most people would have dropped it. Still I kept going back to it. I downloaded different players and started to do research. Then finally after working on it for at least a couple hours of my time over the course of a few nights, I managed to get it working. It took several files from different parts of the internet, a new media player, and a lot of instructions. Now I just feel obligated to use it even though I really could care less now. It was just the fact that it became a challenge.
Now wrap around back to my state in life, at work I don't feel that challenge anymore. It is more monotonous and while that is part of a job, I just don't feel the satisfaction of a challenge. There is nothing to really learn, or what there is, is relatively insignificant. I still do the job efficiently but the more unchallenged I am, the more worn out I get by the end of the day.
Don't get me wrong, I am not depressed or anything, just bored. Add on top of work, I do not even get the chance to have that much intellectually interesting conversations as of late. I sort of miss the sharing of ideas that interest me. Most people I am around right now just don't have those same interests or if they do they are so opposite to my beliefs that conversation really does not work out well at all. It just drives me nuts sometimes. I am used to just talking more.
Well things are ultimately good. I am proud that I have another thing planned that will be great. I look forward to it. So I have something to look forward too:)