Birthday Thoughts and Happiness
Well today is my Birthday and I am now one year older and perhaps a little wiser. This morning and yesterday I have been pondering what this last year has meant. I have come to realize that it has meant a great deal on a whole multitude of fronts. This has been a year that which I have changed more then I can truly remember in such a short time as three hundred and sixty five days is. While there were bumps in the road, for the most part it was a road that has lead me to a better life and being a better person.
I think the most important thing I have come to realize is that this last year I have drawn a line in the sand of no more retreats. All my life when bad things happened or parts or aspects of my life collapsed, I would retreat from it. Some of the most obvious is leaving DeMolay and the Masons when I was outed, I retreated when my grandmother was dying when everytime I visited her my Mom would continuously critize me, I retreated when there were splits in my group of friends, and those are just the ones I can remember off the top of my head. Now though, this last year firmed up my resolve to no longer retreat. Life is too short. There will be no running into a hole and hiding again.
It all wraps together in my philosophy of not worrying about stuff you cannot control. There are aspects of life that I can't control, but as I have said before, screw that stuff. Sometimes they will be good, sometimes bad, but never does it have to make your life bad. Life is as good or as bad as you want it to be, and well I will live it the best I can.
One thing that has made me proud this year is that I have managed to get out of my shell so much more then I have in the past. The best example is the ever increasing size of my circle of friends. I feel lucky to have added such people as Adam, Jeff, Brad, Mike, and Caleb to name a few to my circle of friends. At least two of those people I consider part of my inner circle of friends. Then I have renewed contacts with old friends such as Erica, Tony, Rob, and David, once again to name a few. It has reminded me that distance does not really affect a friendship. Then of course there are the old standby friends I have known forever. I will not go through naming them because well the list has grown too long. All of this has renewed my feelings that while I may not have a close blood related family, but I do have a close family of people non-blood related that I can trust.
Add to it my job. Yeah it is not glamerous, but it is a good job. The pay is decent and I have achieved some success here. This year I moved over to contracting and got the pleasure of learning a whole new angle of the business here. More then that I am lucky to have had two great supervisors, first in Jessie and now in Mark. I have had the pleasure of working with some great people. I never wake up and think it is horrible to go to work...ok sometimes out of bed, but that would be with ANY job:)
This last year was not a pinnacle in traveling for me, but it was not without its adventures. While I ended up canceling a trip to Seattle and down to Texas, I did make it to Vegas. I owe a lot of that to one of the best friends I have ever had, Wanke. It was in February and a great place to celebrate the Super Bowl, even if it was one of the coldest weeks Vegas had had in awhile. There I won the first and only poker tournament I ever entered.
Not once but twice I made it up to Chicago and had a good time hanging out with Vince and Dickie. Hopefully this next year there will be more trips, but each one was fun. On one of those trips I got to see the Red Elvis's again and prove that I was not kidding when I said they put on a hell of a show:) I also got to attend my first High School Reunion...ok I guess it was not my High School, but there was free booze and they did not seem to care that we kept crashing it for free liquer:)
I have been relatively healthy and in better shape then I can remember in a long time. This year I decided that my asthma was not going to defeat me and that I would "bitch slap" it down. The summer proved I could do that as I got up to running almost three miles in thirty minutes. For some that is not a huge acheivement, but for me and my crappy lungs it was a hell of an impressive feat. Then add that I was walking a further two miles home when I left the gym. Even now I am beginning to work on my lungs in cold weather.
This year I have had the ability to truly help some people and that means a lot to me. One friend I helped get some furniture moved and made sure they had enough money for food when they ran out of money this summer. I kept Noland's from getting cited on his yard while he was in Europe. I made sure some cats and flowers did not die while other friends were in Missouri...of their own free accord too! I lent an ear to many others. These are just a few things off the top of my mind.
Let us not forget one of the greatest nights of my life in the election of President Elect Barack Obama. I cannot remember a more exciting and happier election night. I will forever keep the memory of cheering and hugging Dan, Sara, and Adam when Obama was declared the winner. It was a truly special moment. It made me feel like a long dark period had come to an end and we were feeling the first breath of freedom in a very long time. Hopefully he will live up to it. Hope won over fear. That is the America I am proud of.
Going beyond all of this, I have discovered the one thing this last year that makes me proud. I am not a wealthy person. I am not the best person. I am not the go to person. What I am though is a success. I am become proud of myself and proud of who I am. I truly believe that I try to be the best person I can and in life that is all we can hope for. I make errors and have some failures, but I work through them and I try to correct them. I am who I am and honestly I would not want to be any different...ok maybe have a love life with that, but hey everything can't be perfect! Seriously, I am a happy person and with the people I have around me, I truly feel like the luckest bastard in the world. Thank you all for everything!!!!
Oh and I have the coolest and sexist phone now in the world with the Instinct!:) Yeah I am a bloody geek!