Musing
It is simply strange how the simplest of things can make you start to wonder... An ex of mine found out about the babies. How, I'm not quite sure, although I have some suspicions. The point was less that he left a message on my myspace (that quite frankly I only have so that I can read my brother's myspace) to say congratulations (??) but that it reminded me of what could easily be termed the most turbulent period in my life. Why is that? Well...
To begin with, it was while I was discovering faith and religion and the vast moat that runs between them sometimes. I was finding out where my faith was and what my religion is. My belief structure is part of me now, but at one time it was quite tenuous. In fact, I can easily recall a time when I felt I had no faith or belief in anything. In lots of ways I felt alone even though there were lots of people in my life. I'm thankful for that time of thought and discovery but it wasn't easy.
Then there were the people themselves. Don't get me wrong, not a single one of them was a bad person. In fact, in a lot of ways I very much miss some of them. There are moments in my life when I think back on the places and the times. I still have a few things stashed in my memory box that will always remind me of those people and places. In fact, there's a picture in the picture cube of me with some of the people who meant the most to me. I guess what hurts is that they didn't seem to need me the same way. Once I moved out of Rhode Island those same people, who I thought would always be there for me, were gone. It was as though I had never been a part of their lives or their world. I wonder sometimes if they ever wonder about me. That pain I felt at realizing that people I thought considered me a great friend seemed to go on perfectly fine without me hung for quite some time. To some extent it still stings. It made me less willing to let people in as readily. In some ways I think it makes me even more considerate of the people who have hung by even though we're seperated by hundreds of miles. I know that there are in fact bonds of friendship that will hold up over the miles.
Maybe that's what part of getting older is. Looking back at the people and places that make you who you are. Some day I wish they'd get in touch with me. But maybe that's the way the god and goddess design the world. Some people and places you never get back.
To begin with, it was while I was discovering faith and religion and the vast moat that runs between them sometimes. I was finding out where my faith was and what my religion is. My belief structure is part of me now, but at one time it was quite tenuous. In fact, I can easily recall a time when I felt I had no faith or belief in anything. In lots of ways I felt alone even though there were lots of people in my life. I'm thankful for that time of thought and discovery but it wasn't easy.
Then there were the people themselves. Don't get me wrong, not a single one of them was a bad person. In fact, in a lot of ways I very much miss some of them. There are moments in my life when I think back on the places and the times. I still have a few things stashed in my memory box that will always remind me of those people and places. In fact, there's a picture in the picture cube of me with some of the people who meant the most to me. I guess what hurts is that they didn't seem to need me the same way. Once I moved out of Rhode Island those same people, who I thought would always be there for me, were gone. It was as though I had never been a part of their lives or their world. I wonder sometimes if they ever wonder about me. That pain I felt at realizing that people I thought considered me a great friend seemed to go on perfectly fine without me hung for quite some time. To some extent it still stings. It made me less willing to let people in as readily. In some ways I think it makes me even more considerate of the people who have hung by even though we're seperated by hundreds of miles. I know that there are in fact bonds of friendship that will hold up over the miles.
Maybe that's what part of getting older is. Looking back at the people and places that make you who you are. Some day I wish they'd get in touch with me. But maybe that's the way the god and goddess design the world. Some people and places you never get back.