Closed Mouth Creates a Traffic Jam on the Information Highway, Details at 11
I lost some really important things this month. I do not feel the need to talk about *what* i've lost this month, as i already know, and either i'm keeping it to myself to be stubborn, out of respect for other things i still care about, or just because i'm fucking nuts.
I will recover somehow. I always do. If nothing else, my life has been a monument to how much a person can lose and recover, every breath i've taken is proof that no matter how many times you get the wind knocked out of you, you can still *try* to stand up again.
That's a lot more arrogant sounding than it was intended. It's not like my life is some kind of horrible superflous rendition of the deepest layers of hell. I may sleep on a floor for months at a time, but i've never been without a warm place to sleep for more than a day or two. I've lived on ramen and sammiches for months at a time, but i've never *had* to go without food. I do enjoy smoking pot, But i've never sold my body or belongings for drug money, and i've never shot up, I rarely drink, and i hate pills. My life *could* be a hell of a lot worse, i know this. But it could be a hell of a lot better too, and yes there are a lot of pieces that i can hold myself accountable for in each different situation, but if i were to accept responsibility for ALL of the really fucked up shit that has happened in my life, my head would A SPLODE in self-hate at the knowledge that a person could be capable of such redundant failure.
(look in the uncyclopedia for "a splode". it's more accurate here than "explode")
seriously though. more than once, i've had to start with almost nothing. and more than once, i've succeeded in standing on my own two feet again. and more than once i fell down yet again. If past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior, then i have to accept the very real possibility that standing up again means i am going to fall again.
the amusing rhetorical question here is, at what point is it acceptable to stop trying to stand up? The optimist in me and the person who cares in you would normally answer with "it's never ok to give up on life."
and yet "the definition of insanity is performing the same action over and over and expecting a different result".
If i combine these thoughts, my idea for the day would seem to be something along the lines of "every day you wake up is a day you accept being permeated with insanity."
i'll write more later. i completely rabbit-trailed and now i dont feel like finishing the old thoughts or the new ones. plus i think i should make alternate resumes for the different jobs i've been applying for, instead of the same one with a different introduction.
I will recover somehow. I always do. If nothing else, my life has been a monument to how much a person can lose and recover, every breath i've taken is proof that no matter how many times you get the wind knocked out of you, you can still *try* to stand up again.
That's a lot more arrogant sounding than it was intended. It's not like my life is some kind of horrible superflous rendition of the deepest layers of hell. I may sleep on a floor for months at a time, but i've never been without a warm place to sleep for more than a day or two. I've lived on ramen and sammiches for months at a time, but i've never *had* to go without food. I do enjoy smoking pot, But i've never sold my body or belongings for drug money, and i've never shot up, I rarely drink, and i hate pills. My life *could* be a hell of a lot worse, i know this. But it could be a hell of a lot better too, and yes there are a lot of pieces that i can hold myself accountable for in each different situation, but if i were to accept responsibility for ALL of the really fucked up shit that has happened in my life, my head would A SPLODE in self-hate at the knowledge that a person could be capable of such redundant failure.
(look in the uncyclopedia for "a splode". it's more accurate here than "explode")
seriously though. more than once, i've had to start with almost nothing. and more than once, i've succeeded in standing on my own two feet again. and more than once i fell down yet again. If past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior, then i have to accept the very real possibility that standing up again means i am going to fall again.
the amusing rhetorical question here is, at what point is it acceptable to stop trying to stand up? The optimist in me and the person who cares in you would normally answer with "it's never ok to give up on life."
and yet "the definition of insanity is performing the same action over and over and expecting a different result".
If i combine these thoughts, my idea for the day would seem to be something along the lines of "every day you wake up is a day you accept being permeated with insanity."
i'll write more later. i completely rabbit-trailed and now i dont feel like finishing the old thoughts or the new ones. plus i think i should make alternate resumes for the different jobs i've been applying for, instead of the same one with a different introduction.