After the crash
i got in a accident on sunday night. my car might be total'd. the insurance company hasnt checked it out yet thou. it scared the hell outa me. it snowed for the first time and i was tryin to be responsible and go home from philly instead of going to nj to chill with steve. wrong. i hit some ice on a on ramp and skid the fuck out. threw me around a lil and crunched the nose of my lil ninja all up. besides some soreness and brush burn scar on my neck from the seatbelt im okay. it was after being thrown around and seeing my car afterwords and looking over the edge of that bridge that i realize how fucked up it woulda been if i had died then. life wise i suppose im straight but not with my love.
i know my thought on fuzzy are a bit strewn. but i love him. always will. dispite whats running through my head. and at that time...i was thinking about replacing him. at least momentarily. possibly perminantly. and it was with someone i thought woulda been choice. but i was wrong, to tell the truth i hada strong feeling it was wrong from the jump. i wanted to go polar opposite of fuzzy in ways...but it was a bit too much. after the accident everyone and their mom made sure i was fine and okay and safe....except him. his reasons were he didnt want to intrude. but it still bugged me. the call i wanted the most was his, i wanted to hear him tell me its gonna be okay and all that goodness, i knew it would be, but i wanted to hear him say it, for re-assurance.you know....hear my baby say "its okay hun". but i never got that call...or a responce after i told him my condition. and i thought about how thats fuggin wrong. if my baby hada accident and her car got totaled id need to talk to her. even if she texted me a "im okay...my neck is a lil hurt" i'd still need to console her. maybe thats just me...but thats what i need. someone who'd have my back regardless and fight to stay by me. which is what you gotta do if you wanna be with me. like...really.
but...fuzzy was the only thing i could think about. and it was kinda painful. love. its horrible. i wouldnt wish it on my enemies. and when i think of the rest of my life...i feel so unfulfilled. pissed at how it doesnt fill me with meaning like it was said to be in younger years. but i have it so good. much better than lots of other people. i dont feel justified in these feelings. its not right i feel like this. and i think...its because im still beat. still having issues living healthily and reaching my goals. which include sleep and vitamins. and alot less impulsive actions.
don bieu....please give me the strength to control myself....and the clairity to find my way on the path to fulfilment.
i know my thought on fuzzy are a bit strewn. but i love him. always will. dispite whats running through my head. and at that time...i was thinking about replacing him. at least momentarily. possibly perminantly. and it was with someone i thought woulda been choice. but i was wrong, to tell the truth i hada strong feeling it was wrong from the jump. i wanted to go polar opposite of fuzzy in ways...but it was a bit too much. after the accident everyone and their mom made sure i was fine and okay and safe....except him. his reasons were he didnt want to intrude. but it still bugged me. the call i wanted the most was his, i wanted to hear him tell me its gonna be okay and all that goodness, i knew it would be, but i wanted to hear him say it, for re-assurance.you know....hear my baby say "its okay hun". but i never got that call...or a responce after i told him my condition. and i thought about how thats fuggin wrong. if my baby hada accident and her car got totaled id need to talk to her. even if she texted me a "im okay...my neck is a lil hurt" i'd still need to console her. maybe thats just me...but thats what i need. someone who'd have my back regardless and fight to stay by me. which is what you gotta do if you wanna be with me. like...really.
but...fuzzy was the only thing i could think about. and it was kinda painful. love. its horrible. i wouldnt wish it on my enemies. and when i think of the rest of my life...i feel so unfulfilled. pissed at how it doesnt fill me with meaning like it was said to be in younger years. but i have it so good. much better than lots of other people. i dont feel justified in these feelings. its not right i feel like this. and i think...its because im still beat. still having issues living healthily and reaching my goals. which include sleep and vitamins. and alot less impulsive actions.
don bieu....please give me the strength to control myself....and the clairity to find my way on the path to fulfilment.