All for One - None for All
i really want to feel comfortable. i want to be able to feel free and not anxious inside. i want to be HEATHER again. i guess i should just go home. my fear of being completely alone is getting to me, and what is even more scary is it is starting o feellike the biggest reality yet. i am nervous all the time and scared all the time. one minute i will know what i want. the next i will feel the opposite.
i am upset because i need my friends. i need people to talk to everyday. and not just about "problems" but about life. i dont like feeling this alone. I know at least 4 reasons why i feel this way. but i dont really feel like putting them out there (on here). i can make things better in my life - and as stupid and rearded as this may sound, i just need someone besides me to talk me thru all of this. i do not have a lot of self confidence when it comes to my smarts. and having an extra hand around would really help lift my spirits.
so i reached out to Jared and told him i was sad. and that i wanted someone to talk to that knows me. and he replies with something about how he is in a happy relationship nowand how he tried this last year and wont do it to himself again.
well E X C U S E M E! i was only asking for someone to talk to that i can trust. not a fucking boy friend. i didn't mean to imply i wanted something WITH him. i simply wanted my friend back. and he took it the wrong way. and i guess that me being there for him as much as ic ould last winter, doesnt mean anything. and i clearly shouldnt have been there for him. seeing as how he can't even extend the same love for me. i even bought him a book to help ease his mind about how he wasn't compeltely insane. i had to step away once i realized it was getting to be too much of an emotional connection or even burden on him in his state of mind. and now that i need someone to lean on and to lsiten to me and be there for me, the way i was there for him. to listen to me for hours talk about nothing but everything all at the same time. the way i did for him. all those nights we told eachother that no matter what we could tun to eachother, i guess only one of us truly meant that. and obviously it was me.
what would life be if i wasn't pushed aside for something or someone better.
bull fucking shit.
i can't trust anyone these days.
i am upset because i need my friends. i need people to talk to everyday. and not just about "problems" but about life. i dont like feeling this alone. I know at least 4 reasons why i feel this way. but i dont really feel like putting them out there (on here). i can make things better in my life - and as stupid and rearded as this may sound, i just need someone besides me to talk me thru all of this. i do not have a lot of self confidence when it comes to my smarts. and having an extra hand around would really help lift my spirits.
so i reached out to Jared and told him i was sad. and that i wanted someone to talk to that knows me. and he replies with something about how he is in a happy relationship nowand how he tried this last year and wont do it to himself again.
well E X C U S E M E! i was only asking for someone to talk to that i can trust. not a fucking boy friend. i didn't mean to imply i wanted something WITH him. i simply wanted my friend back. and he took it the wrong way. and i guess that me being there for him as much as ic ould last winter, doesnt mean anything. and i clearly shouldnt have been there for him. seeing as how he can't even extend the same love for me. i even bought him a book to help ease his mind about how he wasn't compeltely insane. i had to step away once i realized it was getting to be too much of an emotional connection or even burden on him in his state of mind. and now that i need someone to lean on and to lsiten to me and be there for me, the way i was there for him. to listen to me for hours talk about nothing but everything all at the same time. the way i did for him. all those nights we told eachother that no matter what we could tun to eachother, i guess only one of us truly meant that. and obviously it was me.
what would life be if i wasn't pushed aside for something or someone better.
bull fucking shit.
i can't trust anyone these days.