this is life. i'm tired of life.
he said that it hurts him. to see me with someone who is just as good as him. he said he has felt the same way for over a year now, and it kills him that someone else gets to be with me. happily. he said he made the wrong choice and he wishes he could take it all back. but he knows he can't. he feels alone and uncared for. which is so far from the truth. i told him who cares the most about him, and we are always here for him. i know he hates his girl friend. and would do close to anything to not be there with her. but he has no real choice. he doesn't have a job, only drugs. and that isn't enough to uphold a place on his own. he needs her. which is the sad part because he doesn't want her. but he has to stay with her. because if he doesn't, she will go balistic. i don't want him to be unhappy anymore. i don't know what he thinks we could have, but i don't think we ever could be the way we once were together. he has betrayed my trust not once, but twice about the SAME thing. he fooled me two times. i'm a fucking sucker. i could not be with him, i could never trust him. He is the reason i changed. He is the reason i try not to care about relationship shit anymore. because with him, i cared sooooo much. and all that got me was alone. beacuse She was better. She would have sex with him. and i wouldn't. She had a place for him to sleep at, and i didn't. i had no idea that sex and a place to live was what determined relationships. i want him to be happy. i care. and i shouldn't. he made it so hard for me to trust.
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i wish i had gotten more sleep last night.
i wish i weren't at home.
i wish zach cared more about how i felt.
i wish i had a cigarette.
i wish i had a car.
i wish i were at the beach.
i wish i were high.
i wish i understood everything.
i wish i knew the truth.
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everyone thinks they know me. everyone thinks they know who i'm talking about. well i'm more than sure you don't have a clue. it isn't like we even act like eachother are alive anymore. we don't look at eachother. everyone thinks they got everything all figured out. well here is a suggestion, leave me the fuck alone. leave me out of this drama shit. if i don't talk to you about things, it is safe to assume i don't really want you to know. if you have to question who i am talking about, then don't bother asking me. because i wont tell you. if you really knew me, you would already know.
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she will always be apart of his life. always. there is nothing i can do about it. she is never going to be gone. i will always have to deal with hearing about her. how am i suppose to feel confident .... no how am i suppose to feel secure in this relationship knowing she is always going to be there?