chapter 5
title: none yet
author: malicevampire90
rating:r
notes and warnings: none
disclaimer: don't know, don't own, never happened, no disrespect meant
You don't really know what emotion you feel at that moment. It's a strange mix of anger and disbelief but there is something else you can't quite place, so you keep standing there in a damn daze just staring at her. Princess...the same girl you've been meeting on a nightly basis for damn near two months...Bailey fucking McGrath. You don't hear much of what gets said next...you assume introductions are being made but the only thing you can focus on is her damn face and just how surprised and even scared she looks with you standing in her house right now. You feel anger well up in you again though you don't know why...did you really expect her to tell you her name considering the type of relationship you two had...no, you didn't. But did she know who you were? Who you were with? You found yourself pissed off that she'd not bothered to mention the small fact that she was fucking indeed a mob princess...but not just any princess. Oh no, you could deal with it being anyone else because they wore it on their sleeve like some sort of accomplishment. But not her, you'd never once thought for a fraction of a second that you'd had your hands and mouth on the head of the Irish fucking mob's daughter.
"Dude..." You hear Simon's voice close to you and it shakes you out of your haze long enough to give a slight nod, you really don't trust yourself to talk at this moment anyway.
You've never seen this girl look terrified before but you were sure the look you were getting now was somewhere close to it though, you were honestly surprised that no one had said anything about the fact that the both of you had been staring at each other since you came into the kitchen.
It's so painfully awkward that for the first time in your life, you wish that you could actually disappear into the damn ground and get away from this whole situation as quickly as you possibly can. You know that you can't though, not without a shit ton of questions that you aren't willing to answer. Thankfully though, you don't need a distraction to leave, everyone seems to ignore the awkwardness and while the family seems to go back to the conversation of where Bailey had been, you get pulled out of your daze by Simon elbowing you in the arm with a look between amusement and curiosity. thankfully he waits until you both are clear of the kitchen and any wondering ears before he stops short in front of you and turns to give you the same look as earler, you already know he's going to give you shit for the lack of response.
"Ok...what was that all about?"
"What was what all about?"
"You know damn well what..."
You roll your eyes and push past him ignoring any questions he may have, you don't really want to answer any anyways, you weren't even sure you could.
"I mean I get it...she's pretty, but seriously man get your shit together."
"She is and thats not what this is about anyway. can we just move on please?"
"Sure...sure."
The rest of your day is spent literally avoiding Bailey like plague and catching endless shit from Simon about your lack of response earlier...and if you thought your day was going to get better after going home you would have been sorely mistaken. You honestly thought in your rational brain that knowing who your mystery girl was suddenly would cool off your temper and your libido but it did the opposite. You found yourself still feeling agitated that you hadn't known and even more pissed off that while you knew that knowing who she was now should have repelled you from wanting to see her again...it just made you want to be around her more. Knowing who she was should have made you want to end it, should have shut off any kind of feeling you had for her but it didn't...despite the fact that her father would have your balls ripped off if he only knew what you and his daughter had been up to...you wanted to keep it. Hell you wanted to make it more than what it was but from the look on her face you doubted she was thinking the same. She'd looked shocked and that was putting it generously...terrified would have been a better assessment of it really, and as hard as you'd tried to avoid her, she'd gone to just as much trouble to avoid you. Once you were in the calm of your own home you couldn't help but stand there with your back against the door for a few minutes getting your thoughts together...what the fuck was wrong with you that you wanted to pursue this even though getting found out would fucking literally kill you? All your thoughts were of the negative though...a small part of you wondered if there even was a positive to this situation. What if-when the shock wore off-she actually wanted to keep doing this...would you tell her no? Hell no you wouldn't...you couldn't bring yourself to do it as pathetic as that sounded even to you. How had you gone from just months ago being to yourself and mostly not caring about this kind of thing...to some lost puppy taken in by a pretty face. It wasn't just a pretty face though. Even if it had been sparingly detailed you two did spend time together where you weren't naked, and even if that time had been few and far between you'd loved the way she was...she wasn't like a lot of other girls you knew, she didn't need someone to save her which was the typical type that sought out people like you.
The next few days are like torturing yourself if you were being honest. Simon seemed to loose interest in teasing you about the other day and while you didn't go out of your way to be around Bailey she tried her hardest to remain as scarce as she could. You'd have been lying if you'd said it didn't piss you off a little that suddenly she acted like you didn't exist. When she had to interact with you it was cold...more so than it needed to be, almost like she was trying to prove a point that she didn't care for you anymore. The whole thing just served to annoy you more than it would have any other time...it was only a matter of time before you two would have to end up doing something or having to be in the same room together and you didn't know what would happen when it did, there was no way you could keep yourself in line if you were left alone and you knew that. The thought makes you sigh heavily while you pretty much hide in the back yard with a couple of the kids...just the way you were thinking made you want to slap yourself. What the hell had become of you to be thinking shit like that? You were a grown ass adult and you could control yourself, even if it would be hard, but dammit maybe you didn't want to. Either way it was a bad decision, then again what else had you done that had been a good decision in life so far right? Deciding to keep to yourself after prison had been the best decision you'd made so far. There are a few times that she has had to reluctantly ask for help and Simon hasn't been around, there are also some times that she seemed to even favor the older man and honestly it struck a possessive chord in you. And you didn't even want to get started on her choice of clothing while she was home...it was like she was trying to literally kill you. You'd never seen her in anything that was particularly revealing and quite honestly it didn't seem to be something she did normally from the looks she got from her own family...and it only fed that feeling that she was trying to make a point. So you did what you could and tried to act like you'd never seen her before...and she did the same, but there was no denying that the pull was between you two even if you both were fighting it. It had been days since you'd messaged her or even so much as looked at her with any interest...but it was a fucking lie and a person could only be pushed so far before they broke and you were quickly reaching that point.
It had been brewing for days...days filled with sneaky sidelong glances, awkwardness you were suprised that no one else noticed still, and tons of tension that made even being in the same room with her unbearable. All of that combined with the fact she walked around in barely anything and was catching more than just your eye made it a perfect storm of frustrated jealousy. You'd never thought of yourself as jealous before honestly, you were pretty laid back but there was something about her that struck a nerve in you about her. You knew deep down that Simon might look but he'd not risk what he had at home for this girl...but it didn't make you any less willing to rip his eyes out if he kept looking at her like he had been. Today had been particularly trying to you because it had been so fucking hot even you gave in...shorts and a light shirt had been calling your name since you woke up and damn if you weren't going to wear them. You'd made the walk to her house in almost record time despite not trying to be in a hurry but you found your thoughts were a swirling mess of sexual frustration and a readiness to be done with this assignment. Everyone had been home and apparently it had been a bad day because everyone seemed to be pissed at everyone else aside from Conner who didn't seem to care about it at all. The kids were energetic, Cameron was being a massive prick and Kennedy was fighting with Bailey over god knew what. All in all, an escape to the backyard was welcome and you would have rather dealt with the heat than dealt with the bullshit inside. Fate didn't want to be so kind to you though, because Bailey had also thought the same thing and just when you thought you would get some relief from being in the same house as a girl you'd seen completely naked...and walking around almost just as naked...she came out the back door with a scowl on her face. You stared...you knew that you were and a big part of you didn't rightfully care at that time if you were either, it had been such a long time-or at least it felt like it-and it was hard to not stare with your thoughts going the way they were.
You'd not really seen her in the sunlight before and you had to be honest with yourself when you took her in this time during the day. The natural light definitely brought out the red that was in her hair-which she had piled on top of her head to keep it off her neck, her skin looked a lot whiter but that wasn't a huge surprise considering she'd been pale to begin with. Of course you took her in entirely...you were still amazed at how short she was but it hadn't done anything to diminish any curves she had. It wasn't until you became aware of the fact she wasn't moving anymore that you realized she was just standing there with that same look on her face...like she was uncertain of wether she should stay here or move on.
"I didn't know anyone was out here..."
Maybe you did have it bad for her, even hearing her talk felt like an accomplishment. You had been laying on the ground for the longest time with your eyes closed, but when she came out the door you sat up slightly so you could see whoever it was. Even with the sun blinding both of you, you caught the once over she gave you, the same kind that you had given her. "Afraid not."
"I...should go..."
Something...something in you just can't keep it together anymore so you don't try to. "You should stay."
"No, I need to go."
"So you're just going to keep avoiding this?"
She'd been turning to go back inside but when you speak she stops and turns around with an annoyed look on her face. "Avoiding what? We had a thing...and now it's over...what is there to talk about?"
"Bullshit."
"It's not bullshit..."
"If it's not bullshit then why did you walk out here and look at me like that?"
She's not standing by the door anymore, as a matter of fact she's walked over to where you're still sitting and standing over you with her hands on her hips. "You must be seeing things then...you were the one looking at me."
"How couldn't I? How couldn't anyone when you're walking around almost fucking naked."
"It's my house and I'll wear what I want, if you don't like it you can leave."
"Actually princess, I can't."
"And why not?"
"Because THIS is what I was doing before you'd meet me."
She looks like she's angry and wants so badly to punch you but she's not made a move. Maybe it was the reminder of what had been happening the last couple of months...but you didn't know. She doesn't answer you but she turns around and walks back to the door without so much as a glance or word.
"So we're just going to pretend that we don't know each other then?"
She still doesn't answer you and something about it makes a small bit of anger well up in your chest, no fucking way was she just going to walk away from you without at least an answer...her family be damned, you were getting her to acknowledge this.
_____
Feelings were dangerous, they made you do stupid things and think stupid thoughts...like being able to change a situation or a man for the better. Your mom had thought that she could change your dad...and now she was a shell of who she'd been before, she'd once been a pretty feisty woman but now she was what everyone always called the perfect obedient wife. In more than one way, everyone in your family expected you to be like her but it had never appealed to you. You were far to opinionated and unwilling to let someone control your life to be like her...when one of your brothers made a dumb decision you were the first to say so and usually the first to get criticized for it. Ever since you'd been born-at your home actually because your dad hadn't even wanted a girl and refused to even let your mom go to a hospital until it was already too late-your dad had had your life pretty much planned out, he wasn't concerned about your education or how happy you were, it was all about your attitude and your ability to keep your legs together. That was as far as he cared. You'd had a boyfriend at one point but things hadn't worked out and it was a pretty messy breakup that turned you off relationships and guys in general to be honest, at least until one random Sunday in church that you'd taken notice of a guy that always sat at the back. For quite a few Sundays and even sometimes during the week, you watched him, he always was quiet, always to himself and always sat away from everyone else...almost like he didn't belong. Usually you'd stay away from people like him...you knew just from the way he carried himself he was involved with at least one of the families in the area and that should have made you weary of even making eye contact with him. As bold as you were, you were still cautious with guys in general so after about a month of just watching him every week you had somehow worked up the nerve to invade his space...and that had turned out rather well.
You'd told him a relationship wasn't what you were looking for and while he agreed that it wasn't what he was looking for either, it was a small bit of a lie. You weren't about to just sleep with someone random...but you were more than willing to do some other things which you hinted at that second meeting. It surprised even you that you'd done it and quite honestly when you'd gone home that night you had a hard time convincing yourself that you weren't a whore because of it...but there was something about him that made you feel like it wasn't a bad thing. He'd certainly repaid the favor in kind and then some from the way you'd had to keep quiet when he caught up with you afterwords. For that first month things went well...you had actually been surprised how easy things slipped when you were with him, as a result you had felt closer to him than you'd meant to. Then that night had happened and it made you face the reality that this was more than just two people wanting to get off...it had jarred you enough that you started making the meetings awkward and eventually you'd made up the lie that you couldn't meet him. You'd thought that would be the end and it hurt but then to come home finally, after weeks of skipping out on your dad and his drama...and who is standing in the doorway to your kitchen but the same guy you thought you wouldn't see again...the same guy that you had been seeing every night for almost two months. You couldn't even read him when he was standing there either which made you feel like you wanted to disappear, at first you felt terrified that someone would notice that fucking familiar look you were giving him...but when no one did the fear turned into disbelief. You don't know what it was that made you turn the 180 on him like you did...but it was like it was easier to make him not like you anymore than it was to face the fact that you still wanted to see him...you avoided him and spoke rudely to him to try and prove to yourself that there wasn't anything there. A part of you also didn't feel like admitting it...a part of you wanted to push him and that part of you clashed with the part of you that was pushing him away. You knew damn well that walking around in such small clothes was a bad idea...you could see it on his face every time you two made eye contact and it was worse when his friend was in the room because the anger and jealousy in his eyes was ten times worse. You weren't going to admit to yourself though that you weren't through with this though.
You'd given him a hard time in particular today...if sexual tension was a was a physical thing it would have hit everyone in the house like a damn brick wall but even with that truth you still weren't about to admit anything to yourself. Not only did you have that on your plate, your brother Kennedy was being particularly difficult and you were about ready to punch him in the face for making comments like he was. You and Kennedy had never gotten along...plenty of times you'd told him where he could shove his opinions...a few times things got physical but you weren't a push over and you could hold your own against him most of the time. Some other times Conner stepped in and put an end to it. Forget it when your dad got involved too...once that happened you left the house usually you left for a few days or even weeks...this time you settled for storming out the back door into the back yard muttering to yourself. It wasn't until you'd stomped down the stairs and were standing in the grass that you noticed the object of your frustration half sitting up in the grass and looking at you. You weren't even sure if you cared anymore that he knew you were looking...it was hard not to. You'd told him when you first met that you thought he was cute, and you still thought that...you'd never asked his age or his name but something about slightly unkept dark hair and light eyes made you want to just look. Even in the heat he was still mostly covered but you'd seen every inch of him and knew that he didn't look very strong because he was slight and tall...but it was there. It made you remember all those nights and even though you wouldn't allow yourself to think on it too much, the feeling it gave you really made you want to walk over to him and hug him...or punch him...you weren't sure. For every second you were looking over him he was doing just the same to you and if you weren't already red from how damn hot it was you were sure you would have been from the look he was giving you now.
"I didn't know anyone was out here."
You can see him shift a little but otherwise he doesn't say anything immediately. You see his face change ever so slightly when you talk and you aren't sure if it makes you angry or not. "Afraid not."
"I should go."
And there it was...just as fast as you'd seen it, it was gone again. He was just as frustrated as you were but neither of you were willing to give into it since you were so far into it now. "You should stay."
"No, I need to go." You say it firmly though the tone is more to yourself than to him. You can't stay out here with him or you'll do something you'll regret, you turn around and start to head back to the door but his voice cuts through the silence and it makes you livid.
"So you're just going to keep avoiding this?"
"Avoiding what? We had a thing and now it's over...what is there to talk about?"
"Bullshit."
"It's not bullshit." You want to cringe at the way it comes out, it sounds like a child arguing with their parent.
"If it's not bullshit then why did you walk out here and look at me like that?"
You can't stop yourself before you're stomping across the yard to where he's still half laying down and before you know it you're looking down at him with your hands on your hips. "You must be seeing things then, you were looking at me."
There's a spark of something in his eyes but otherwise he stays neutral looking and calm. "How couldn't I? How couldn't anyone when you're walking around almost fucking naked?"
"It's my house and I'll wear what I want...if you don't like it you can fucking leave."
"Actually Princess..." You can feel yourself cringe a little at the name. "I can't."
"And why not?"
"Because THIS was what I was doing all those time before you'd meet me..."
You remember him saying he had to stay at someone's house for a time...but no details were ever passed between you about his job...all this time he'd been sitting at your house all day with your family and then coming to meet up with you for a good time afterwards. It was a reminder of what had been before all of this...and it hurt. You were back to wanting to hug and punch him again and instead of saying anything...instead of being adult about this, you turn away from him and walk back across the yard and up to the door when he talks again.
"So we're just going to pretend we don't know each other then?"
You don't answer him but you can hear the restrained annoyance in his voice from where you are. You still don't answer him though, maybe you were willing to bet he'd get tired of the bullshit and do something about it...maybe he wouldn't but either way you weren't going to be able to face him and answer at the same time so you open the door and slam it behind you.
You don't even make it past the small utility room before you can hear heavy steps come up the stairs and the door get thrown open in anger.You were used to things being thrown around in anger at your house so the noise in general didn't phase you much...it was suddenly being pushed up against the wall net to the door that had you surprised. Despite the initial aggression involved with getting you pinned against where you were, it seemed more reluctant and once Linton realized you had no intention on fighting back against him you could feel some of the anger disappear. It almost feels like in that instant you both stand there, so fucking close that you can literally feel his heartbeat, the last few days mean nothing...all the rude words, the looks and the anger you'd been feeling towards each other was gone and the only thing left was the feeling of when you two had been together those nights before. Even now you want nothing more than to bring your arms up so that you can try to pull him close to you but you're too stubborn to move. He looks agitated but with him being so close to you, it makes you smirk despite not being in a position to do so.
"Never struck me as a rough kind of guy..."
"Don't."
"Why? I'm not the one who has a girl pinned up against a wall now am I."
"Don't because I'm pissed off..."
"Obviously."
You can feel his grip on you tighten just slightly. "You never once thought it would be relevant to tell me who you were?"
"You didn't tell me who you were either, that was the deal and also you didn't seem to concerned with it when your cock was in my mouth now did you?"
"I'm no one important..but you? Jesus, you're Cameron's fucking daughter...if he found out about any of that do you know how dead I'd be?"
You don't have to answer because you both know...not only would your dad probably kill him, he'd probably cut him up so badly that no one would ever find him again.
"And then on top of that...instead of fucking just talking this out with me you act like there was never anything between us? Bullshit Bailey...you know as well as I do that there was and is still something there. Isn't there."
"Even if there is, it can't happen. We both know that."
It's painful to even say it considering that it admits that you knew there was more to this than what you'd wanted originally, but it's true, if anyone found out it could be both of you dead and you didn't want to make that a possibility.
He doesn't answer you but he doesn't let you down either, in fact he just stands there keeping you pressed up to the wall in relative silence. All you can hear is the sound of the tv in the middle room where you assume everyone else is.
"Was it ever more to you than just some fun?"
The tone takes you by surprise so badly that you just look at him confused, most of the men in your life weren't very emotional to be honest, lots of them saw it as being a bit of a weakness. Your dad liked to give Conner all sorts of shit because he said that he'd gone soft when he'd gotten married and had kids...but honestly you'd always seen Linton as being more emotional and that was fine....but this threw you off. What did you have to loose by telling him the truth...nothing could come of it anyway now. "Yes..."
"Then why did you try so fucking hard to deny it."
"You know why."
"So that's it then. Just like it never happened right?"
"I guess..."
He lets you down and takes a step back from you before he walks past you and opens the door without another word, leaving you standing there. It hurts a lot more than you thought it would to admit to yourself that it was over...even if it was only supposed to be a physical thing, you felt like a small part of you got ripped out and you didn't know what to do. The regret is instant though, you wish that you'd have said something different or hell even done what you really wanted to do and just pulled him close to you so you could simply hug him, but you hadn't. It was over. Before it was really anything at all. Hell was it even possible to feel this way so badly after such a short amount of time, he certainly thought so and now you were believing it too.
You're almost embarrassed by how much time you spend just standing there like you were lost, you hadn't felt this in a long time and it was difficult to bring yourself out of it the first time. This time it was happening to so quickly you didn't have time to even feel grief over it, it went directly to disbelief and then an intense anger at yourself. It's not too long after this sets in that you hear the door open again and you fully expect it to be one of your brothers or even your mother coming outside for something, though you don't know why because it's oppressively hot and no one in their right mind...except for Linton apparently, would want to be outside. You keep looking at the floor in front of you and take a breath to try and calm yourself to speak but before you get a chance to you're pinned back up against the wall. It's so sudden that you let out what you can only think of as a squeak before you realize who it is and it's like you cant stop what happens next, you grab a hold of his shirt and pull him tightly against you. You feel him grab your hips and lift you up until your at eye level before he kisses you, it's much harder than any of the times before and it takes you by surprise but you don't even try to resist it this time. He leans into you hard and without another thought you bring your legs around his waist which makes him pull back from you long enough to catch a breath.
"Fuck your family...I'm not close to calling this over and it doesn't seem like you are either."
"You know something?" There is still such a small amount of anger there...so you reach up and dig your fingers into his hair tightly. "I agree...but you fucking talk too much."
He chuckles before you tug at his hair and pull him back again, keeping him quiet.
author: malicevampire90
rating:r
notes and warnings: none
disclaimer: don't know, don't own, never happened, no disrespect meant
You don't really know what emotion you feel at that moment. It's a strange mix of anger and disbelief but there is something else you can't quite place, so you keep standing there in a damn daze just staring at her. Princess...the same girl you've been meeting on a nightly basis for damn near two months...Bailey fucking McGrath. You don't hear much of what gets said next...you assume introductions are being made but the only thing you can focus on is her damn face and just how surprised and even scared she looks with you standing in her house right now. You feel anger well up in you again though you don't know why...did you really expect her to tell you her name considering the type of relationship you two had...no, you didn't. But did she know who you were? Who you were with? You found yourself pissed off that she'd not bothered to mention the small fact that she was fucking indeed a mob princess...but not just any princess. Oh no, you could deal with it being anyone else because they wore it on their sleeve like some sort of accomplishment. But not her, you'd never once thought for a fraction of a second that you'd had your hands and mouth on the head of the Irish fucking mob's daughter.
"Dude..." You hear Simon's voice close to you and it shakes you out of your haze long enough to give a slight nod, you really don't trust yourself to talk at this moment anyway.
You've never seen this girl look terrified before but you were sure the look you were getting now was somewhere close to it though, you were honestly surprised that no one had said anything about the fact that the both of you had been staring at each other since you came into the kitchen.
It's so painfully awkward that for the first time in your life, you wish that you could actually disappear into the damn ground and get away from this whole situation as quickly as you possibly can. You know that you can't though, not without a shit ton of questions that you aren't willing to answer. Thankfully though, you don't need a distraction to leave, everyone seems to ignore the awkwardness and while the family seems to go back to the conversation of where Bailey had been, you get pulled out of your daze by Simon elbowing you in the arm with a look between amusement and curiosity. thankfully he waits until you both are clear of the kitchen and any wondering ears before he stops short in front of you and turns to give you the same look as earler, you already know he's going to give you shit for the lack of response.
"Ok...what was that all about?"
"What was what all about?"
"You know damn well what..."
You roll your eyes and push past him ignoring any questions he may have, you don't really want to answer any anyways, you weren't even sure you could.
"I mean I get it...she's pretty, but seriously man get your shit together."
"She is and thats not what this is about anyway. can we just move on please?"
"Sure...sure."
The rest of your day is spent literally avoiding Bailey like plague and catching endless shit from Simon about your lack of response earlier...and if you thought your day was going to get better after going home you would have been sorely mistaken. You honestly thought in your rational brain that knowing who your mystery girl was suddenly would cool off your temper and your libido but it did the opposite. You found yourself still feeling agitated that you hadn't known and even more pissed off that while you knew that knowing who she was now should have repelled you from wanting to see her again...it just made you want to be around her more. Knowing who she was should have made you want to end it, should have shut off any kind of feeling you had for her but it didn't...despite the fact that her father would have your balls ripped off if he only knew what you and his daughter had been up to...you wanted to keep it. Hell you wanted to make it more than what it was but from the look on her face you doubted she was thinking the same. She'd looked shocked and that was putting it generously...terrified would have been a better assessment of it really, and as hard as you'd tried to avoid her, she'd gone to just as much trouble to avoid you. Once you were in the calm of your own home you couldn't help but stand there with your back against the door for a few minutes getting your thoughts together...what the fuck was wrong with you that you wanted to pursue this even though getting found out would fucking literally kill you? All your thoughts were of the negative though...a small part of you wondered if there even was a positive to this situation. What if-when the shock wore off-she actually wanted to keep doing this...would you tell her no? Hell no you wouldn't...you couldn't bring yourself to do it as pathetic as that sounded even to you. How had you gone from just months ago being to yourself and mostly not caring about this kind of thing...to some lost puppy taken in by a pretty face. It wasn't just a pretty face though. Even if it had been sparingly detailed you two did spend time together where you weren't naked, and even if that time had been few and far between you'd loved the way she was...she wasn't like a lot of other girls you knew, she didn't need someone to save her which was the typical type that sought out people like you.
The next few days are like torturing yourself if you were being honest. Simon seemed to loose interest in teasing you about the other day and while you didn't go out of your way to be around Bailey she tried her hardest to remain as scarce as she could. You'd have been lying if you'd said it didn't piss you off a little that suddenly she acted like you didn't exist. When she had to interact with you it was cold...more so than it needed to be, almost like she was trying to prove a point that she didn't care for you anymore. The whole thing just served to annoy you more than it would have any other time...it was only a matter of time before you two would have to end up doing something or having to be in the same room together and you didn't know what would happen when it did, there was no way you could keep yourself in line if you were left alone and you knew that. The thought makes you sigh heavily while you pretty much hide in the back yard with a couple of the kids...just the way you were thinking made you want to slap yourself. What the hell had become of you to be thinking shit like that? You were a grown ass adult and you could control yourself, even if it would be hard, but dammit maybe you didn't want to. Either way it was a bad decision, then again what else had you done that had been a good decision in life so far right? Deciding to keep to yourself after prison had been the best decision you'd made so far. There are a few times that she has had to reluctantly ask for help and Simon hasn't been around, there are also some times that she seemed to even favor the older man and honestly it struck a possessive chord in you. And you didn't even want to get started on her choice of clothing while she was home...it was like she was trying to literally kill you. You'd never seen her in anything that was particularly revealing and quite honestly it didn't seem to be something she did normally from the looks she got from her own family...and it only fed that feeling that she was trying to make a point. So you did what you could and tried to act like you'd never seen her before...and she did the same, but there was no denying that the pull was between you two even if you both were fighting it. It had been days since you'd messaged her or even so much as looked at her with any interest...but it was a fucking lie and a person could only be pushed so far before they broke and you were quickly reaching that point.
It had been brewing for days...days filled with sneaky sidelong glances, awkwardness you were suprised that no one else noticed still, and tons of tension that made even being in the same room with her unbearable. All of that combined with the fact she walked around in barely anything and was catching more than just your eye made it a perfect storm of frustrated jealousy. You'd never thought of yourself as jealous before honestly, you were pretty laid back but there was something about her that struck a nerve in you about her. You knew deep down that Simon might look but he'd not risk what he had at home for this girl...but it didn't make you any less willing to rip his eyes out if he kept looking at her like he had been. Today had been particularly trying to you because it had been so fucking hot even you gave in...shorts and a light shirt had been calling your name since you woke up and damn if you weren't going to wear them. You'd made the walk to her house in almost record time despite not trying to be in a hurry but you found your thoughts were a swirling mess of sexual frustration and a readiness to be done with this assignment. Everyone had been home and apparently it had been a bad day because everyone seemed to be pissed at everyone else aside from Conner who didn't seem to care about it at all. The kids were energetic, Cameron was being a massive prick and Kennedy was fighting with Bailey over god knew what. All in all, an escape to the backyard was welcome and you would have rather dealt with the heat than dealt with the bullshit inside. Fate didn't want to be so kind to you though, because Bailey had also thought the same thing and just when you thought you would get some relief from being in the same house as a girl you'd seen completely naked...and walking around almost just as naked...she came out the back door with a scowl on her face. You stared...you knew that you were and a big part of you didn't rightfully care at that time if you were either, it had been such a long time-or at least it felt like it-and it was hard to not stare with your thoughts going the way they were.
You'd not really seen her in the sunlight before and you had to be honest with yourself when you took her in this time during the day. The natural light definitely brought out the red that was in her hair-which she had piled on top of her head to keep it off her neck, her skin looked a lot whiter but that wasn't a huge surprise considering she'd been pale to begin with. Of course you took her in entirely...you were still amazed at how short she was but it hadn't done anything to diminish any curves she had. It wasn't until you became aware of the fact she wasn't moving anymore that you realized she was just standing there with that same look on her face...like she was uncertain of wether she should stay here or move on.
"I didn't know anyone was out here..."
Maybe you did have it bad for her, even hearing her talk felt like an accomplishment. You had been laying on the ground for the longest time with your eyes closed, but when she came out the door you sat up slightly so you could see whoever it was. Even with the sun blinding both of you, you caught the once over she gave you, the same kind that you had given her. "Afraid not."
"I...should go..."
Something...something in you just can't keep it together anymore so you don't try to. "You should stay."
"No, I need to go."
"So you're just going to keep avoiding this?"
She'd been turning to go back inside but when you speak she stops and turns around with an annoyed look on her face. "Avoiding what? We had a thing...and now it's over...what is there to talk about?"
"Bullshit."
"It's not bullshit..."
"If it's not bullshit then why did you walk out here and look at me like that?"
She's not standing by the door anymore, as a matter of fact she's walked over to where you're still sitting and standing over you with her hands on her hips. "You must be seeing things then...you were the one looking at me."
"How couldn't I? How couldn't anyone when you're walking around almost fucking naked."
"It's my house and I'll wear what I want, if you don't like it you can leave."
"Actually princess, I can't."
"And why not?"
"Because THIS is what I was doing before you'd meet me."
She looks like she's angry and wants so badly to punch you but she's not made a move. Maybe it was the reminder of what had been happening the last couple of months...but you didn't know. She doesn't answer you but she turns around and walks back to the door without so much as a glance or word.
"So we're just going to pretend that we don't know each other then?"
She still doesn't answer you and something about it makes a small bit of anger well up in your chest, no fucking way was she just going to walk away from you without at least an answer...her family be damned, you were getting her to acknowledge this.
_____
Feelings were dangerous, they made you do stupid things and think stupid thoughts...like being able to change a situation or a man for the better. Your mom had thought that she could change your dad...and now she was a shell of who she'd been before, she'd once been a pretty feisty woman but now she was what everyone always called the perfect obedient wife. In more than one way, everyone in your family expected you to be like her but it had never appealed to you. You were far to opinionated and unwilling to let someone control your life to be like her...when one of your brothers made a dumb decision you were the first to say so and usually the first to get criticized for it. Ever since you'd been born-at your home actually because your dad hadn't even wanted a girl and refused to even let your mom go to a hospital until it was already too late-your dad had had your life pretty much planned out, he wasn't concerned about your education or how happy you were, it was all about your attitude and your ability to keep your legs together. That was as far as he cared. You'd had a boyfriend at one point but things hadn't worked out and it was a pretty messy breakup that turned you off relationships and guys in general to be honest, at least until one random Sunday in church that you'd taken notice of a guy that always sat at the back. For quite a few Sundays and even sometimes during the week, you watched him, he always was quiet, always to himself and always sat away from everyone else...almost like he didn't belong. Usually you'd stay away from people like him...you knew just from the way he carried himself he was involved with at least one of the families in the area and that should have made you weary of even making eye contact with him. As bold as you were, you were still cautious with guys in general so after about a month of just watching him every week you had somehow worked up the nerve to invade his space...and that had turned out rather well.
You'd told him a relationship wasn't what you were looking for and while he agreed that it wasn't what he was looking for either, it was a small bit of a lie. You weren't about to just sleep with someone random...but you were more than willing to do some other things which you hinted at that second meeting. It surprised even you that you'd done it and quite honestly when you'd gone home that night you had a hard time convincing yourself that you weren't a whore because of it...but there was something about him that made you feel like it wasn't a bad thing. He'd certainly repaid the favor in kind and then some from the way you'd had to keep quiet when he caught up with you afterwords. For that first month things went well...you had actually been surprised how easy things slipped when you were with him, as a result you had felt closer to him than you'd meant to. Then that night had happened and it made you face the reality that this was more than just two people wanting to get off...it had jarred you enough that you started making the meetings awkward and eventually you'd made up the lie that you couldn't meet him. You'd thought that would be the end and it hurt but then to come home finally, after weeks of skipping out on your dad and his drama...and who is standing in the doorway to your kitchen but the same guy you thought you wouldn't see again...the same guy that you had been seeing every night for almost two months. You couldn't even read him when he was standing there either which made you feel like you wanted to disappear, at first you felt terrified that someone would notice that fucking familiar look you were giving him...but when no one did the fear turned into disbelief. You don't know what it was that made you turn the 180 on him like you did...but it was like it was easier to make him not like you anymore than it was to face the fact that you still wanted to see him...you avoided him and spoke rudely to him to try and prove to yourself that there wasn't anything there. A part of you also didn't feel like admitting it...a part of you wanted to push him and that part of you clashed with the part of you that was pushing him away. You knew damn well that walking around in such small clothes was a bad idea...you could see it on his face every time you two made eye contact and it was worse when his friend was in the room because the anger and jealousy in his eyes was ten times worse. You weren't going to admit to yourself though that you weren't through with this though.
You'd given him a hard time in particular today...if sexual tension was a was a physical thing it would have hit everyone in the house like a damn brick wall but even with that truth you still weren't about to admit anything to yourself. Not only did you have that on your plate, your brother Kennedy was being particularly difficult and you were about ready to punch him in the face for making comments like he was. You and Kennedy had never gotten along...plenty of times you'd told him where he could shove his opinions...a few times things got physical but you weren't a push over and you could hold your own against him most of the time. Some other times Conner stepped in and put an end to it. Forget it when your dad got involved too...once that happened you left the house usually you left for a few days or even weeks...this time you settled for storming out the back door into the back yard muttering to yourself. It wasn't until you'd stomped down the stairs and were standing in the grass that you noticed the object of your frustration half sitting up in the grass and looking at you. You weren't even sure if you cared anymore that he knew you were looking...it was hard not to. You'd told him when you first met that you thought he was cute, and you still thought that...you'd never asked his age or his name but something about slightly unkept dark hair and light eyes made you want to just look. Even in the heat he was still mostly covered but you'd seen every inch of him and knew that he didn't look very strong because he was slight and tall...but it was there. It made you remember all those nights and even though you wouldn't allow yourself to think on it too much, the feeling it gave you really made you want to walk over to him and hug him...or punch him...you weren't sure. For every second you were looking over him he was doing just the same to you and if you weren't already red from how damn hot it was you were sure you would have been from the look he was giving you now.
"I didn't know anyone was out here."
You can see him shift a little but otherwise he doesn't say anything immediately. You see his face change ever so slightly when you talk and you aren't sure if it makes you angry or not. "Afraid not."
"I should go."
And there it was...just as fast as you'd seen it, it was gone again. He was just as frustrated as you were but neither of you were willing to give into it since you were so far into it now. "You should stay."
"No, I need to go." You say it firmly though the tone is more to yourself than to him. You can't stay out here with him or you'll do something you'll regret, you turn around and start to head back to the door but his voice cuts through the silence and it makes you livid.
"So you're just going to keep avoiding this?"
"Avoiding what? We had a thing and now it's over...what is there to talk about?"
"Bullshit."
"It's not bullshit." You want to cringe at the way it comes out, it sounds like a child arguing with their parent.
"If it's not bullshit then why did you walk out here and look at me like that?"
You can't stop yourself before you're stomping across the yard to where he's still half laying down and before you know it you're looking down at him with your hands on your hips. "You must be seeing things then, you were looking at me."
There's a spark of something in his eyes but otherwise he stays neutral looking and calm. "How couldn't I? How couldn't anyone when you're walking around almost fucking naked?"
"It's my house and I'll wear what I want...if you don't like it you can fucking leave."
"Actually Princess..." You can feel yourself cringe a little at the name. "I can't."
"And why not?"
"Because THIS was what I was doing all those time before you'd meet me..."
You remember him saying he had to stay at someone's house for a time...but no details were ever passed between you about his job...all this time he'd been sitting at your house all day with your family and then coming to meet up with you for a good time afterwards. It was a reminder of what had been before all of this...and it hurt. You were back to wanting to hug and punch him again and instead of saying anything...instead of being adult about this, you turn away from him and walk back across the yard and up to the door when he talks again.
"So we're just going to pretend we don't know each other then?"
You don't answer him but you can hear the restrained annoyance in his voice from where you are. You still don't answer him though, maybe you were willing to bet he'd get tired of the bullshit and do something about it...maybe he wouldn't but either way you weren't going to be able to face him and answer at the same time so you open the door and slam it behind you.
You don't even make it past the small utility room before you can hear heavy steps come up the stairs and the door get thrown open in anger.You were used to things being thrown around in anger at your house so the noise in general didn't phase you much...it was suddenly being pushed up against the wall net to the door that had you surprised. Despite the initial aggression involved with getting you pinned against where you were, it seemed more reluctant and once Linton realized you had no intention on fighting back against him you could feel some of the anger disappear. It almost feels like in that instant you both stand there, so fucking close that you can literally feel his heartbeat, the last few days mean nothing...all the rude words, the looks and the anger you'd been feeling towards each other was gone and the only thing left was the feeling of when you two had been together those nights before. Even now you want nothing more than to bring your arms up so that you can try to pull him close to you but you're too stubborn to move. He looks agitated but with him being so close to you, it makes you smirk despite not being in a position to do so.
"Never struck me as a rough kind of guy..."
"Don't."
"Why? I'm not the one who has a girl pinned up against a wall now am I."
"Don't because I'm pissed off..."
"Obviously."
You can feel his grip on you tighten just slightly. "You never once thought it would be relevant to tell me who you were?"
"You didn't tell me who you were either, that was the deal and also you didn't seem to concerned with it when your cock was in my mouth now did you?"
"I'm no one important..but you? Jesus, you're Cameron's fucking daughter...if he found out about any of that do you know how dead I'd be?"
You don't have to answer because you both know...not only would your dad probably kill him, he'd probably cut him up so badly that no one would ever find him again.
"And then on top of that...instead of fucking just talking this out with me you act like there was never anything between us? Bullshit Bailey...you know as well as I do that there was and is still something there. Isn't there."
"Even if there is, it can't happen. We both know that."
It's painful to even say it considering that it admits that you knew there was more to this than what you'd wanted originally, but it's true, if anyone found out it could be both of you dead and you didn't want to make that a possibility.
He doesn't answer you but he doesn't let you down either, in fact he just stands there keeping you pressed up to the wall in relative silence. All you can hear is the sound of the tv in the middle room where you assume everyone else is.
"Was it ever more to you than just some fun?"
The tone takes you by surprise so badly that you just look at him confused, most of the men in your life weren't very emotional to be honest, lots of them saw it as being a bit of a weakness. Your dad liked to give Conner all sorts of shit because he said that he'd gone soft when he'd gotten married and had kids...but honestly you'd always seen Linton as being more emotional and that was fine....but this threw you off. What did you have to loose by telling him the truth...nothing could come of it anyway now. "Yes..."
"Then why did you try so fucking hard to deny it."
"You know why."
"So that's it then. Just like it never happened right?"
"I guess..."
He lets you down and takes a step back from you before he walks past you and opens the door without another word, leaving you standing there. It hurts a lot more than you thought it would to admit to yourself that it was over...even if it was only supposed to be a physical thing, you felt like a small part of you got ripped out and you didn't know what to do. The regret is instant though, you wish that you'd have said something different or hell even done what you really wanted to do and just pulled him close to you so you could simply hug him, but you hadn't. It was over. Before it was really anything at all. Hell was it even possible to feel this way so badly after such a short amount of time, he certainly thought so and now you were believing it too.
You're almost embarrassed by how much time you spend just standing there like you were lost, you hadn't felt this in a long time and it was difficult to bring yourself out of it the first time. This time it was happening to so quickly you didn't have time to even feel grief over it, it went directly to disbelief and then an intense anger at yourself. It's not too long after this sets in that you hear the door open again and you fully expect it to be one of your brothers or even your mother coming outside for something, though you don't know why because it's oppressively hot and no one in their right mind...except for Linton apparently, would want to be outside. You keep looking at the floor in front of you and take a breath to try and calm yourself to speak but before you get a chance to you're pinned back up against the wall. It's so sudden that you let out what you can only think of as a squeak before you realize who it is and it's like you cant stop what happens next, you grab a hold of his shirt and pull him tightly against you. You feel him grab your hips and lift you up until your at eye level before he kisses you, it's much harder than any of the times before and it takes you by surprise but you don't even try to resist it this time. He leans into you hard and without another thought you bring your legs around his waist which makes him pull back from you long enough to catch a breath.
"Fuck your family...I'm not close to calling this over and it doesn't seem like you are either."
"You know something?" There is still such a small amount of anger there...so you reach up and dig your fingers into his hair tightly. "I agree...but you fucking talk too much."
He chuckles before you tug at his hair and pull him back again, keeping him quiet.