don't have a title
disclaimer: don't know, don't own, never happened, no disrespect
rating:r
author: malicevampire90
It was hard to remember a time when you weren't involved in one matter of illegal activity or another. Honestly after you'd hit sixteen, you'd not even looked back with an semblance or care in the world. You'd been naive to think you were invincible in your young age and soon enough your own carelessness bit you in the ass hard. Five years in fucking prison for being a minor part in a drug deal, simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time and with the entirely wrong people...and the fact that you were involved no matter how small of a role. Of course at the time you'd been more than willing to do the time because you were showing your own loyalty at that point...and to the teenaged you, that was a good enough reason. Now that you were well into your thirties, you perspective had changed drastically. You weren't as blinded by devotion anymore, Dad did things that you didn't agree with...morally and otherwise, which was ironic considering the amount of fucked up things you'd done in your life. The difference was that now you saw things for what they were, and you found yourself more and more having to keep your disgust and disdain to yourself, because the alternative was a bullet in the head.
You'd started squirreling away money as soon as you'd gotten out and if you were being honest, you probably had enough by now to skip town if things ever went south...but a part of you grudgingly knew that you'd stay until the last possible minute you could. Now that you were older, you never considered keeping yourself alive a fault, and you had been done with it for a while. All in all it was an end game for you, no matter how much loyalty you felt or thought you'd felt...you had no intention of dying for some bullshit cause or sticking around for too much longer than you had too. A decision made so much easier by this new interest from the Irish. You didn't know Cameron McGrath personally...but there were plenty of stories out there about him that made you weary of any business with him or his family. The Irish had always had a pretty strong hold on firearms, for some reason that had always been the case and if anyone ever needed guns they were your go-to people. Some would say it was their number one money maker...that and the McGrath family had a nasty reputation for being particularly brutal to anyone that so much as looked at them wrong. Dan, meanwhile, had his fingers in quite a few business ventures...none of which were very savory business aside from the repair shop. Drugs (which had always been frowned on officially, but who really cared anymore) and a steady market for pussy kept all of you in business and paid...and while you didn't like the association you kept it to yourself and went about business. You couldn't imagine a reason why Cameron would want into drugs or girls...he didn't need it, so what exactly had them so eager to partner up now. It was those thoughts that you kept going over in your head all week after that meeting at their home...and along with the guilt you felt over a lot of dirty shit you'd had to do that week you looked forward to the weekly visit to church with your family.
It could be considered laughable that you'd feel the need to come here, you weren't in the least religious...some absent father figure was not going to listen to your problems and magically help or give a shit about any of it. Yet every week you found yourself sitting in the farthest pew from the front, lost in your own head and trying to justify yourself in anyway you could. Usually it was because you really didn't feel like dying. You'd seen people close to the boss who'd been in for their whole lives get killed for something as small as disagreeing with the direction the family was going in...certainly a low ranking peice of shit like yourself would be killed for even thinking differently. So here you were, zoning out during the mass because you couldn't care less about what was being said, you took comfort in the darkness at the back though because no one would see you or notice the distress you were sure was on your face. Not 48 hours ago you and Simon had had to break into the house of a former member's girlfriend and turn the fucking house upside down in search of drugs that she'd stolen...sure enough they'd been there, hidden the head of a stuffed animal that belonged to their kid. Thankfully the kid had been at school but the mom had been high and you both knew how dangerous a pissed off druggie was when you were taking back something they'd kill over...she'd charged the both of you and ended up dead. Not something that was unusual for either of you really...just one faceless and meaningless death in a string of them. That poor kid was going to be traumatized for life though and even though you weren't there to see it, it was still something heavy on your shoulders. You let your head fall back and closed your eyes letting the sounds of everyone repeating the priest turn into a pleasant white noise...just trying to let your mind go blank for a short time before everything would come crashing back violently.
"Looks like you're really getting into it."
"You have no idea."
You don't bother opening your eyes even though its a strong temptation to do so. You're not ready to come back to reality even if there is a woman now keeping you company in your secluded area of the sanctuary. You feel the sad excuse of a cushion depress a bit when she sits down but she doesn't say anything else for a while, you both just sit in silence.
"You always sit back here but I can't figure out why."
"Why do you care why I sit here."
"Call me curious."
"Being curious is dangerous around here you know Princess."
"Oh I know. And if you call me princess agin i'll punch you in the balls so hard they'll crawl back up inside you."
You aren't entirely sure what about her words makes you open your eyes...it very well could have been the words themselves...after all when someone threatens to punch you in the balls it's not something you just let happen. The way she said it though was really what made you open your eyes and look over at her. She was certainly pretty enough to have gotten your attention...and the attention of every other person that happened to have a dick attached to them. You could tell just from the closeness of her that she was full of fucking fire despite how soft her voice had been, reddish brown hair that fell just past her shoulders and light green eyes that seemed to sparkle with amusement. It hit you so suddenly though that it was hard to stifle a loud chuckle...she had very attractive features...she was pale and looked like she had some very slender limbs...but it was her height-or rather her lack of it that hit you. She was tiny. You had legitimately never seen a grown woman this short before and in your amusement you're eyes were definitely wondering other places.
"Eyes are up here casanova."
"How old are you?"
"That's hardly something to ask a lady is it."
"You decided to sit down next to me...you can get up and leave too." You really kind of hoped she wouldn't though.
She doesn't answer you at first, but her eyes still look amused so you keep your gaze leveled on her eyes. "Something tells me you'd rather I not leave though..."
"I'm not going to stop you either way."
"I'm twenty eight by the way."
"What are you then...a hobbit?"
"Ha Ha...very funny. Asshole."
"I'm hilarious princess you just don't appreciate good humor."
"Are all good looking guys in this town assholes like you?"
"Hey now...you calling me good looking?"
She turns and punches your arm, hard enough it makes you sit up but certainly not anywhere near pain. "I didn't stutter did I? I mean I don't know about any other girls you've been with but I'd take you home for a night."
Being unable to really put your finger on what you felt towards this woman that had suddenly put herself in your space, you didn't know how to really react. Sure, you'd have taken her home for a night...hell she looked like she could be a couple of nights but it was hard telling if it was because it had been a while since the last time or if it was because you felt genuinely attracted to her-physically at least. Fucking flirting with a pretty good looking girl in the back of a church while mass was happening...why not just put on the asshole charm and go for it right?
"And what exactly would be off limits for you then?"
"Moving kind of fast there aren't you casanova?"
"It's just a question."
"Well...maybe we'll have to talk more then won't we."
"Look Princess I'm not looking for anything-"
"Neither am I. Nothing wrong with getting to know a potential fuck buddy though is there."
She had you there.
"Well...I guess till next time we'll just have to wait won't we."
The closing prayers were being said and while everyone else was standing you two were well hidden so no one even threw you a passing glance. "I guess."
You let out a surprised hiss when you feel her reach over and give your cock a hard squeeze before she stands up and leaves without another word.
Another week, another round of trips to the shit side of town to visit Cameron and sit in his living room with Simon and waste how ever many hours you had to be there making small talk. Only this time you supposed it wasn't small talk, you'd made the mistake of bringing up your one of a kind encounter at church and now Simon was not leaving it alone.
"So she comes out of nowhere, makes small talk and grabs you before she leaves?"
"Basically."
"And you didn't get up and go after her?"
"Hell no..."
"Why the fuck not?"
"Because you know what kind of girls are forward like that around here."
"It's stopped you before?"
He had a point though, it hadn't stopped you before. As a matter of fact the last serious-or rather semi serious relationship you had had came about by giving some chick who'd been very aggressive about what she wanted from you a chance. You weren't one to shy away from a dominant woman or anything...but damn was she a train wreck. She'd pushed you to the point that after a rather messy fight things had ended on a sour note. You really didn't regret anything except hooking up with her in the first place.
"Maybe this time I'm not so keen on potentially replaying the past."
"I'm not saying date her. But seriously, if she wants it and you definitely want it what's the harm in some mutual fun."
"Guess I'll see if I see her again."
"Maybe she'll do more than grab you next time."
"Oh fuck off."
The rest of your time in the house is spent wondering what is going on in the room Dan and Cameron are holed up in, there isn't much in the way of yelling and after a few hours the door opens and they both come back out. Dan looks annoyed which can only mean that things aren't going his way, but you don't ponder much on it because it's none of your business. You don't think too deeply into anything aside from getting home after wasting a majority of your day to be honest, and despite the fact that you had a lot on your mind it was hard to forget the happenings on Sunday. Maybe it really had been that long since you'd done anything...hell it'd been forever since you'd even had the energy to take care of yourself let alone go out and look for a one nighter. A little pathetic but you certainly weren't out to prove anything to anyone. Whoever she was, she had you confused and a little annoyed that she was still on your mind despite not having talked about anything of substance. You had no illusion that this was anything other than the want to get in her pants for a night or two but still there was something else that you still couldn't put your finger on.
When you do manage to get home you go about your nightly rituals, and for a small moment of time it's simple to forget about her and about anything else occupying your mind...but as soon as you lay down in bed it all comes back quickly and you find yourself staring at the ceiling blankly. The longer you let your mind wonder around the more you started wondering if you really would see this girl again...it was a big town-techinically a city-and there were a lot of people that went to that church. The odds were slim you'd see her again realistically but it didn't do anything to stop the slightly depraved part of your mind from conjuring up all sorts of scenarios about what could happen. If your parents knew how you'd been in your sexual history you were sure they'd be terribly disappointed by your lack of interest in anything more than a fuck...but you hardly saw the point. The only people you'd ever connected with on a level even close to being friendship had been a few of the guys you worked with and you weren't about to go gay for them anytime soon. Trying to salvage any type of relationship with the kind of girls that liked the kind of guy you were was laughable at best, they only wanted any of three things: drugs, protection or money. Aside from smoking pot you didn't do much else, you weren't about to tell some one night stand about your stash of money and you weren't going to risk your life to protect someone you felt nothing for. The last two years had been very boring as far as your dick was involved.
It was also nights like this that you wondered how you'd gotten to where you were now. You were a nice guy. You were shy, you were prone to staying to yourself, you didn't care for violence all that much and to be honest everything that you did on a daily basis including how you acted was a complete disconnect with who you were. Or at least you you used to be. If you'd had just gotten your shit together and stayed clear of all of this where would you have been now? Sure it would have been hard considering you grew up with all of this...but the what if's were painful. What if you'd never gone to prison...what if you'd never dated the people that you dated...what if you'd taken the out the one time it had been offered. What if you'd not killed the Linton that you used to be to make sure that this barely recognizable imposter of yourself was what everyone knew and saw. You let out a sigh and put your hands against your eyes. You'd be dead. It was simple but so complicated at the same time. You'd let someone see how fucking vulnerable you really were as a person and they'd use it to kill you. Which was why you didn't bother with love, why you didn't bother with actual repentance...it was why you always came off as an asshole even though you weren't. The only thing the real you and the fake you had in common was a temper when someone pushed you too hard...your dad had it too though he wasn't likely to use it often. Then again, maybe all of this over thinking was simply a result of not being laid in a year and half...it was hard telling really anymore what was frustration and what was actual musings in your mind...who knew. What did you really have to loose though? The worst case scenario with church girl was that you'd come on too strong and she'd turn you down...but from the way she was acting earlier that week you had a feeling she wasn't going to. You close your eyes and try to will yourself to sleep, the last thing on your mind being that you were going to pursue this girl...maybe you needed a fuck buddy after all.
rating:r
author: malicevampire90
It was hard to remember a time when you weren't involved in one matter of illegal activity or another. Honestly after you'd hit sixteen, you'd not even looked back with an semblance or care in the world. You'd been naive to think you were invincible in your young age and soon enough your own carelessness bit you in the ass hard. Five years in fucking prison for being a minor part in a drug deal, simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time and with the entirely wrong people...and the fact that you were involved no matter how small of a role. Of course at the time you'd been more than willing to do the time because you were showing your own loyalty at that point...and to the teenaged you, that was a good enough reason. Now that you were well into your thirties, you perspective had changed drastically. You weren't as blinded by devotion anymore, Dad did things that you didn't agree with...morally and otherwise, which was ironic considering the amount of fucked up things you'd done in your life. The difference was that now you saw things for what they were, and you found yourself more and more having to keep your disgust and disdain to yourself, because the alternative was a bullet in the head.
You'd started squirreling away money as soon as you'd gotten out and if you were being honest, you probably had enough by now to skip town if things ever went south...but a part of you grudgingly knew that you'd stay until the last possible minute you could. Now that you were older, you never considered keeping yourself alive a fault, and you had been done with it for a while. All in all it was an end game for you, no matter how much loyalty you felt or thought you'd felt...you had no intention of dying for some bullshit cause or sticking around for too much longer than you had too. A decision made so much easier by this new interest from the Irish. You didn't know Cameron McGrath personally...but there were plenty of stories out there about him that made you weary of any business with him or his family. The Irish had always had a pretty strong hold on firearms, for some reason that had always been the case and if anyone ever needed guns they were your go-to people. Some would say it was their number one money maker...that and the McGrath family had a nasty reputation for being particularly brutal to anyone that so much as looked at them wrong. Dan, meanwhile, had his fingers in quite a few business ventures...none of which were very savory business aside from the repair shop. Drugs (which had always been frowned on officially, but who really cared anymore) and a steady market for pussy kept all of you in business and paid...and while you didn't like the association you kept it to yourself and went about business. You couldn't imagine a reason why Cameron would want into drugs or girls...he didn't need it, so what exactly had them so eager to partner up now. It was those thoughts that you kept going over in your head all week after that meeting at their home...and along with the guilt you felt over a lot of dirty shit you'd had to do that week you looked forward to the weekly visit to church with your family.
It could be considered laughable that you'd feel the need to come here, you weren't in the least religious...some absent father figure was not going to listen to your problems and magically help or give a shit about any of it. Yet every week you found yourself sitting in the farthest pew from the front, lost in your own head and trying to justify yourself in anyway you could. Usually it was because you really didn't feel like dying. You'd seen people close to the boss who'd been in for their whole lives get killed for something as small as disagreeing with the direction the family was going in...certainly a low ranking peice of shit like yourself would be killed for even thinking differently. So here you were, zoning out during the mass because you couldn't care less about what was being said, you took comfort in the darkness at the back though because no one would see you or notice the distress you were sure was on your face. Not 48 hours ago you and Simon had had to break into the house of a former member's girlfriend and turn the fucking house upside down in search of drugs that she'd stolen...sure enough they'd been there, hidden the head of a stuffed animal that belonged to their kid. Thankfully the kid had been at school but the mom had been high and you both knew how dangerous a pissed off druggie was when you were taking back something they'd kill over...she'd charged the both of you and ended up dead. Not something that was unusual for either of you really...just one faceless and meaningless death in a string of them. That poor kid was going to be traumatized for life though and even though you weren't there to see it, it was still something heavy on your shoulders. You let your head fall back and closed your eyes letting the sounds of everyone repeating the priest turn into a pleasant white noise...just trying to let your mind go blank for a short time before everything would come crashing back violently.
"Looks like you're really getting into it."
"You have no idea."
You don't bother opening your eyes even though its a strong temptation to do so. You're not ready to come back to reality even if there is a woman now keeping you company in your secluded area of the sanctuary. You feel the sad excuse of a cushion depress a bit when she sits down but she doesn't say anything else for a while, you both just sit in silence.
"You always sit back here but I can't figure out why."
"Why do you care why I sit here."
"Call me curious."
"Being curious is dangerous around here you know Princess."
"Oh I know. And if you call me princess agin i'll punch you in the balls so hard they'll crawl back up inside you."
You aren't entirely sure what about her words makes you open your eyes...it very well could have been the words themselves...after all when someone threatens to punch you in the balls it's not something you just let happen. The way she said it though was really what made you open your eyes and look over at her. She was certainly pretty enough to have gotten your attention...and the attention of every other person that happened to have a dick attached to them. You could tell just from the closeness of her that she was full of fucking fire despite how soft her voice had been, reddish brown hair that fell just past her shoulders and light green eyes that seemed to sparkle with amusement. It hit you so suddenly though that it was hard to stifle a loud chuckle...she had very attractive features...she was pale and looked like she had some very slender limbs...but it was her height-or rather her lack of it that hit you. She was tiny. You had legitimately never seen a grown woman this short before and in your amusement you're eyes were definitely wondering other places.
"Eyes are up here casanova."
"How old are you?"
"That's hardly something to ask a lady is it."
"You decided to sit down next to me...you can get up and leave too." You really kind of hoped she wouldn't though.
She doesn't answer you at first, but her eyes still look amused so you keep your gaze leveled on her eyes. "Something tells me you'd rather I not leave though..."
"I'm not going to stop you either way."
"I'm twenty eight by the way."
"What are you then...a hobbit?"
"Ha Ha...very funny. Asshole."
"I'm hilarious princess you just don't appreciate good humor."
"Are all good looking guys in this town assholes like you?"
"Hey now...you calling me good looking?"
She turns and punches your arm, hard enough it makes you sit up but certainly not anywhere near pain. "I didn't stutter did I? I mean I don't know about any other girls you've been with but I'd take you home for a night."
Being unable to really put your finger on what you felt towards this woman that had suddenly put herself in your space, you didn't know how to really react. Sure, you'd have taken her home for a night...hell she looked like she could be a couple of nights but it was hard telling if it was because it had been a while since the last time or if it was because you felt genuinely attracted to her-physically at least. Fucking flirting with a pretty good looking girl in the back of a church while mass was happening...why not just put on the asshole charm and go for it right?
"And what exactly would be off limits for you then?"
"Moving kind of fast there aren't you casanova?"
"It's just a question."
"Well...maybe we'll have to talk more then won't we."
"Look Princess I'm not looking for anything-"
"Neither am I. Nothing wrong with getting to know a potential fuck buddy though is there."
She had you there.
"Well...I guess till next time we'll just have to wait won't we."
The closing prayers were being said and while everyone else was standing you two were well hidden so no one even threw you a passing glance. "I guess."
You let out a surprised hiss when you feel her reach over and give your cock a hard squeeze before she stands up and leaves without another word.
Another week, another round of trips to the shit side of town to visit Cameron and sit in his living room with Simon and waste how ever many hours you had to be there making small talk. Only this time you supposed it wasn't small talk, you'd made the mistake of bringing up your one of a kind encounter at church and now Simon was not leaving it alone.
"So she comes out of nowhere, makes small talk and grabs you before she leaves?"
"Basically."
"And you didn't get up and go after her?"
"Hell no..."
"Why the fuck not?"
"Because you know what kind of girls are forward like that around here."
"It's stopped you before?"
He had a point though, it hadn't stopped you before. As a matter of fact the last serious-or rather semi serious relationship you had had came about by giving some chick who'd been very aggressive about what she wanted from you a chance. You weren't one to shy away from a dominant woman or anything...but damn was she a train wreck. She'd pushed you to the point that after a rather messy fight things had ended on a sour note. You really didn't regret anything except hooking up with her in the first place.
"Maybe this time I'm not so keen on potentially replaying the past."
"I'm not saying date her. But seriously, if she wants it and you definitely want it what's the harm in some mutual fun."
"Guess I'll see if I see her again."
"Maybe she'll do more than grab you next time."
"Oh fuck off."
The rest of your time in the house is spent wondering what is going on in the room Dan and Cameron are holed up in, there isn't much in the way of yelling and after a few hours the door opens and they both come back out. Dan looks annoyed which can only mean that things aren't going his way, but you don't ponder much on it because it's none of your business. You don't think too deeply into anything aside from getting home after wasting a majority of your day to be honest, and despite the fact that you had a lot on your mind it was hard to forget the happenings on Sunday. Maybe it really had been that long since you'd done anything...hell it'd been forever since you'd even had the energy to take care of yourself let alone go out and look for a one nighter. A little pathetic but you certainly weren't out to prove anything to anyone. Whoever she was, she had you confused and a little annoyed that she was still on your mind despite not having talked about anything of substance. You had no illusion that this was anything other than the want to get in her pants for a night or two but still there was something else that you still couldn't put your finger on.
When you do manage to get home you go about your nightly rituals, and for a small moment of time it's simple to forget about her and about anything else occupying your mind...but as soon as you lay down in bed it all comes back quickly and you find yourself staring at the ceiling blankly. The longer you let your mind wonder around the more you started wondering if you really would see this girl again...it was a big town-techinically a city-and there were a lot of people that went to that church. The odds were slim you'd see her again realistically but it didn't do anything to stop the slightly depraved part of your mind from conjuring up all sorts of scenarios about what could happen. If your parents knew how you'd been in your sexual history you were sure they'd be terribly disappointed by your lack of interest in anything more than a fuck...but you hardly saw the point. The only people you'd ever connected with on a level even close to being friendship had been a few of the guys you worked with and you weren't about to go gay for them anytime soon. Trying to salvage any type of relationship with the kind of girls that liked the kind of guy you were was laughable at best, they only wanted any of three things: drugs, protection or money. Aside from smoking pot you didn't do much else, you weren't about to tell some one night stand about your stash of money and you weren't going to risk your life to protect someone you felt nothing for. The last two years had been very boring as far as your dick was involved.
It was also nights like this that you wondered how you'd gotten to where you were now. You were a nice guy. You were shy, you were prone to staying to yourself, you didn't care for violence all that much and to be honest everything that you did on a daily basis including how you acted was a complete disconnect with who you were. Or at least you you used to be. If you'd had just gotten your shit together and stayed clear of all of this where would you have been now? Sure it would have been hard considering you grew up with all of this...but the what if's were painful. What if you'd never gone to prison...what if you'd never dated the people that you dated...what if you'd taken the out the one time it had been offered. What if you'd not killed the Linton that you used to be to make sure that this barely recognizable imposter of yourself was what everyone knew and saw. You let out a sigh and put your hands against your eyes. You'd be dead. It was simple but so complicated at the same time. You'd let someone see how fucking vulnerable you really were as a person and they'd use it to kill you. Which was why you didn't bother with love, why you didn't bother with actual repentance...it was why you always came off as an asshole even though you weren't. The only thing the real you and the fake you had in common was a temper when someone pushed you too hard...your dad had it too though he wasn't likely to use it often. Then again, maybe all of this over thinking was simply a result of not being laid in a year and half...it was hard telling really anymore what was frustration and what was actual musings in your mind...who knew. What did you really have to loose though? The worst case scenario with church girl was that you'd come on too strong and she'd turn you down...but from the way she was acting earlier that week you had a feeling she wasn't going to. You close your eyes and try to will yourself to sleep, the last thing on your mind being that you were going to pursue this girl...maybe you needed a fuck buddy after all.