BETTER OFF DEAD...
I think I might be better off dead... the only man that ever loved me, not because he had to but because he wanted to, now refuses to talk to me. It’s all my fault I know. I try to do things right, I try to be a good person (sometimes) and I end up disappointing everyone. He came over Monday to take my phone and give me my bike, that didn’t go well at all... I still have the phone but it’s broken into a ton of different pieces. Another man I have developed feelings for, has an immense fear of commitment and relationship issues... springs shit on me last second like... I dunno... had a nervous breakdown the other day... slowly losing grip on reality... I have no one to hold me and tell me it’s all alright... no one... The only thing picking my ass up off the floor right now is the fact that Ashlee is coming back this weekend! Only for a month but still, she is coming home! I need her right now (as lesbian as that sounds) she is alot like me and in that I can confide. She doesn’t have anyone either. I know the way I say that sounds so cold and unemotional, but it’s true. That’s why I can relate to her. Alyssa has Zak, I cant relater to her right now... but ash, she can understand for this moment, where my life is and why I hurt. And if she can’t, fuckin no one can. I know what its like to be truly alone. It’s so cold here.