Why don't I ever stop?
Sighing currently.
Current mood: worried
Fuck.
I've done it again.
Here I go again.
I can't stop thinking.
The same exact thing. It's going to happen I know it.
Even in my dreams, it happened, I know it's going to happen. Falicia thought it was going to happen, I know it's going to happen.
It may just be my paranoia, but I'm almost sure I'm right.
This sucks.
Whatever.
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Ok, there was my blog, I promised to talk more about it so well I will now.
Alright, so, I had a dream last night. We can say it wasn't the greatest dream of all, I ended up waking in the morning in tears, joy right? I suppose I should tell you all about my dream. I feel pathetic for even talking about it. But ok, here it goes.
Well we had a school mass that we all had to go to, so I go in with Guas. Me and Guas are hanging out at the top of the bleachers just talking you know waiting for things to start, we somehow started talking about how red buttons are attractive, whatever, I was clearly delerious. Yeah so then we just look over at the door just to see whos coming in. Keep in mind the gym doesn't look like a gym, for some reason it has balconys. But yeah, then enters Chris, with Rebecca, the girl I know he like loves [secretly of course, thanks to my paranoia] so yes, they sit together they're talking it up/flirting it up, because naturallly thats what he's going to do if he likes her. But yes, anyways, so then like in the middle of the thing they decide to go outside on to the balcony and like hold eachother and such and I'm like umm yeah feeling all full of chills and cold and numb and scared. So yeah then he kisses her and I sink even lower, feeling like yeah basically worthless, then I wake up when they look over at me and laugh. Then I wake up, I'm crying, hysterical of course. End of irony part one.
Let me get to the creepy part, so Falicia and I are talking and she goes "I wonder if he'll leave you for someone else" isn't that funny? My dream was about that, I've been thinking about that, and yeah. What the fucking hell. Is "God" out to get me or something? Do you just want to ruin my life? Is that your motive? Because if it is, you're doing a damn good job at it, thanks for caring. End of irony part two.
Ok, part three, we are discussing people that we uh "like" ironically... He mentions, her. Yeah I am going off on paranoia again. I wish I didn't have these episodes, I wish I were more trustworthy, I hate myself for that. No, I just hate myself. I mean yeah I named some guys, but I don't actually hang out with them as much as he does with the other, so they can grow close then like yeah "Bye Christine, she broke up with her boyfriend, and umm we aren't working out" or something to the effect of that. Just like I don't know, I keep thinking about him and telling his ex that he had been developing feelings for me. Then what if he goes off doing that to her?
I've discussed this before, I've had this problem before, ignore me please. Pretend I just didn't write that, I don't want to burden any of you with my petty problems. Let me deal with them, even though I can't even deal with them. Why? Because, I'm not positive enough. I always think the worst and it's like good job, self. Whatever. Ignore this, as if it didn't even get posted, it doesn't deserve attention.
Current mood: worried
Fuck.
I've done it again.
Here I go again.
I can't stop thinking.
The same exact thing. It's going to happen I know it.
Even in my dreams, it happened, I know it's going to happen. Falicia thought it was going to happen, I know it's going to happen.
It may just be my paranoia, but I'm almost sure I'm right.
This sucks.
Whatever.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Ok, there was my blog, I promised to talk more about it so well I will now.
Alright, so, I had a dream last night. We can say it wasn't the greatest dream of all, I ended up waking in the morning in tears, joy right? I suppose I should tell you all about my dream. I feel pathetic for even talking about it. But ok, here it goes.
Well we had a school mass that we all had to go to, so I go in with Guas. Me and Guas are hanging out at the top of the bleachers just talking you know waiting for things to start, we somehow started talking about how red buttons are attractive, whatever, I was clearly delerious. Yeah so then we just look over at the door just to see whos coming in. Keep in mind the gym doesn't look like a gym, for some reason it has balconys. But yeah, then enters Chris, with Rebecca, the girl I know he like loves [secretly of course, thanks to my paranoia] so yes, they sit together they're talking it up/flirting it up, because naturallly thats what he's going to do if he likes her. But yes, anyways, so then like in the middle of the thing they decide to go outside on to the balcony and like hold eachother and such and I'm like umm yeah feeling all full of chills and cold and numb and scared. So yeah then he kisses her and I sink even lower, feeling like yeah basically worthless, then I wake up when they look over at me and laugh. Then I wake up, I'm crying, hysterical of course. End of irony part one.
Let me get to the creepy part, so Falicia and I are talking and she goes "I wonder if he'll leave you for someone else" isn't that funny? My dream was about that, I've been thinking about that, and yeah. What the fucking hell. Is "God" out to get me or something? Do you just want to ruin my life? Is that your motive? Because if it is, you're doing a damn good job at it, thanks for caring. End of irony part two.
Ok, part three, we are discussing people that we uh "like" ironically... He mentions, her. Yeah I am going off on paranoia again. I wish I didn't have these episodes, I wish I were more trustworthy, I hate myself for that. No, I just hate myself. I mean yeah I named some guys, but I don't actually hang out with them as much as he does with the other, so they can grow close then like yeah "Bye Christine, she broke up with her boyfriend, and umm we aren't working out" or something to the effect of that. Just like I don't know, I keep thinking about him and telling his ex that he had been developing feelings for me. Then what if he goes off doing that to her?
I've discussed this before, I've had this problem before, ignore me please. Pretend I just didn't write that, I don't want to burden any of you with my petty problems. Let me deal with them, even though I can't even deal with them. Why? Because, I'm not positive enough. I always think the worst and it's like good job, self. Whatever. Ignore this, as if it didn't even get posted, it doesn't deserve attention.