Can we say depression?
Talk about gothy. I swear last night must have been my all time low I've gotten in. I think I was so confused/depressed I couldn't even cry. Yet all I could think about the whole day was the same thing, lies.
All it ever was, was a lie, the whole thing was a lie, it was an obvious hurtful lie, but I unlike my friends, didn't see it. So here I am up all night, randomly having the chills, feeling like I have a fever, feeling dizzy, can't eat. All over one thing.
DEPRESSION
Wow I never thought it'd hit me so hard, but once you think about it, I was asking for it. Not taking everyones advice, living the moment if you will. That is one thing I regret doing. I'm always the one to just live the moment. And then this happens and reality sets in, "It was too good to be true" and it was, yet I thought it was possible. Ha. So the song I had playing for a while would have to be "Comfortable Liar" by Chevelle. It really kind of fit the mood. Funny thing is, he seemed fine with hurting me. It's like it was a part of his plan. I guess what Joey said last night about him was right, he is a jerk. Well actually.. a lot of people said that. I feel so used right now. Its like I had it written on my forehead. USE ME. I know exactly why he did it too. I'm easy to manipulate, thats the truth. I mean I took about 4198742314684 good looks in the mirror yesterday and realized, "Woah who could like this?" I mean I'm not appealing. I'm not the stereotypical blonde hair, blue eye'd girl. I have too many flaws for someone to actually like me.
Well moving on to my day. Yes so no sleep+depression=One horrible day. Never stay up all night, its bad. Trust me. It was all online and such. Then since you know I don't IM anyone, serial killer IMs me. And its all I'm in a bad mood so I already know the conversation will go bad. And so anyways, just as predicted it went bad. And then he decides to help me out with my non-existant love life, which didn't go down too well because like hes only doing it so I can tell him I already know? So I am all *Says something witty* And hes all trying to cover up for his lie "Oh like I really did like you its just uh.. this happened" or some bullshit lie like that. So anyways I just was all whatever I don't want my hopes to be brought up as such a lie is brought up once again. So I lay down in my room and get chills all over it was horrible. Fucking depression. I was in bed most of the day, "moping" my mom is all "whats wrong?" and I'm just all burying my face in my pillow, crying. Yet he doesn't realize what hes done. Hurt. Thats what. Just hurt.
All it ever was, was a lie, the whole thing was a lie, it was an obvious hurtful lie, but I unlike my friends, didn't see it. So here I am up all night, randomly having the chills, feeling like I have a fever, feeling dizzy, can't eat. All over one thing.
DEPRESSION
Wow I never thought it'd hit me so hard, but once you think about it, I was asking for it. Not taking everyones advice, living the moment if you will. That is one thing I regret doing. I'm always the one to just live the moment. And then this happens and reality sets in, "It was too good to be true" and it was, yet I thought it was possible. Ha. So the song I had playing for a while would have to be "Comfortable Liar" by Chevelle. It really kind of fit the mood. Funny thing is, he seemed fine with hurting me. It's like it was a part of his plan. I guess what Joey said last night about him was right, he is a jerk. Well actually.. a lot of people said that. I feel so used right now. Its like I had it written on my forehead. USE ME. I know exactly why he did it too. I'm easy to manipulate, thats the truth. I mean I took about 4198742314684 good looks in the mirror yesterday and realized, "Woah who could like this?" I mean I'm not appealing. I'm not the stereotypical blonde hair, blue eye'd girl. I have too many flaws for someone to actually like me.
Well moving on to my day. Yes so no sleep+depression=One horrible day. Never stay up all night, its bad. Trust me. It was all online and such. Then since you know I don't IM anyone, serial killer IMs me. And its all I'm in a bad mood so I already know the conversation will go bad. And so anyways, just as predicted it went bad. And then he decides to help me out with my non-existant love life, which didn't go down too well because like hes only doing it so I can tell him I already know? So I am all *Says something witty* And hes all trying to cover up for his lie "Oh like I really did like you its just uh.. this happened" or some bullshit lie like that. So anyways I just was all whatever I don't want my hopes to be brought up as such a lie is brought up once again. So I lay down in my room and get chills all over it was horrible. Fucking depression. I was in bed most of the day, "moping" my mom is all "whats wrong?" and I'm just all burying my face in my pillow, crying. Yet he doesn't realize what hes done. Hurt. Thats what. Just hurt.