Final Days
Not here to apologize, just to let everyone know how my doctor's visit went. My liver is so bad it can no longer handle any chemotherapy. They are going to have a nurse come check on me like once a week. I'm not bed-ridden yet, but close, and once I am, it won't be long before it's all over.
Yep! Barring some kind of miracle, I'm going to die. I sat there and took it straight-faced when my doctor told me, my nurse even cried a little when she gave me a hug before I left. I went past my parents saying 'Don't make a big deal out of this, okay?' and when I got to my room, I cried like a baby. I whispered my pleads for a miracle. I broke down because I was so weak. Not just physically, because I am that too. I can't eat more than a meal a day and lost 30 pounds in like a week and a half. I wanted to live so badly. So much I didn't get to see, or do. I can barely go out now. Like I said, I'm close to being bed-ridden, so all I have is this computer as a companion.
These nurses will be around when I am so weak they'll be wiping my own mouth for me. It sickens me. I want to shout out there for someone to help me.. but I won't. I will hide in my room and cry and not let anyone see how pathetic I have become. Does a real man cry into a pillow and beg for more time to live? What have I become? I have become less than a man I think.
Yep! Barring some kind of miracle, I'm going to die. I sat there and took it straight-faced when my doctor told me, my nurse even cried a little when she gave me a hug before I left. I went past my parents saying 'Don't make a big deal out of this, okay?' and when I got to my room, I cried like a baby. I whispered my pleads for a miracle. I broke down because I was so weak. Not just physically, because I am that too. I can't eat more than a meal a day and lost 30 pounds in like a week and a half. I wanted to live so badly. So much I didn't get to see, or do. I can barely go out now. Like I said, I'm close to being bed-ridden, so all I have is this computer as a companion.
These nurses will be around when I am so weak they'll be wiping my own mouth for me. It sickens me. I want to shout out there for someone to help me.. but I won't. I will hide in my room and cry and not let anyone see how pathetic I have become. Does a real man cry into a pillow and beg for more time to live? What have I become? I have become less than a man I think.