(no subject)
So, I avoid physical confrontations at all cost. I've realized that this does not win me respect, because it makes me come across as a coward and a pussy.
And then, when I finally decide to NOT avoid a fistfight... I lose all control, and try to kill people. (this is, of course the reason why I avoided fighting in the first place; I learned at a young age that I'm pretty fucking savage when threatened) ...and of course, being seen as a psychopath wins me even LESS respect.
Wtf, if I have the self-control to put up with ENDLESS shit from people, and only actually get physical when it's for a righteous cause (like sticking up for friends or people I love, or god forbid a significant other), and in those rare cased I go too far to ensure that the threat is neutralized - HOW IS THAT NOT AWESOME? Why do people think I'm a goddamned sociopath? I have clear rules on what I will and will not stand for, and when I won't stand for something, I have had a lifetime's worth of strife to dig me a well down into the universal subconscious and tap the aquifer of boundless rage that ties together the hearts of all mortal men - the primal rage instinct to protect, defend, and above all SURVIVE.
So what if I lose control on bad people. WHY IS THAT SCARY? So what if I have to bite my tongue until it bleeds to hold myself back from throttling a guy, burying my thumbs into his eyesockets, jerking my hands back and forth until his spinal cord snaps, because he dared threaten someone who I give a shit about? WHY IS THAT BAD?
I can't fucking win. I'm a pussy in all the superficial ways that girls care about, and a savage warrior in all the important ways that just HAPPEN to scare them. So to every female who has entered my life, I am seen either as a teddy bear, a doormat, or a dangerous psychopath.
What the fuck, seriously. I'll be the first to admit that having a hero complex is not healthy. But I'm not a goddamned villain. :/
Bitches and whores, man. Bitches and whores.
Also, fuck everything I'm gonna go get drunk and fat like i was last year.
And then, when I finally decide to NOT avoid a fistfight... I lose all control, and try to kill people. (this is, of course the reason why I avoided fighting in the first place; I learned at a young age that I'm pretty fucking savage when threatened) ...and of course, being seen as a psychopath wins me even LESS respect.
Wtf, if I have the self-control to put up with ENDLESS shit from people, and only actually get physical when it's for a righteous cause (like sticking up for friends or people I love, or god forbid a significant other), and in those rare cased I go too far to ensure that the threat is neutralized - HOW IS THAT NOT AWESOME? Why do people think I'm a goddamned sociopath? I have clear rules on what I will and will not stand for, and when I won't stand for something, I have had a lifetime's worth of strife to dig me a well down into the universal subconscious and tap the aquifer of boundless rage that ties together the hearts of all mortal men - the primal rage instinct to protect, defend, and above all SURVIVE.
So what if I lose control on bad people. WHY IS THAT SCARY? So what if I have to bite my tongue until it bleeds to hold myself back from throttling a guy, burying my thumbs into his eyesockets, jerking my hands back and forth until his spinal cord snaps, because he dared threaten someone who I give a shit about? WHY IS THAT BAD?
I can't fucking win. I'm a pussy in all the superficial ways that girls care about, and a savage warrior in all the important ways that just HAPPEN to scare them. So to every female who has entered my life, I am seen either as a teddy bear, a doormat, or a dangerous psychopath.
What the fuck, seriously. I'll be the first to admit that having a hero complex is not healthy. But I'm not a goddamned villain. :/
Bitches and whores, man. Bitches and whores.
Also, fuck everything I'm gonna go get drunk and fat like i was last year.