The stars
I realized that its the little things that I miss the most about the Columbubble. I love my family, I love home-cooked meals, but they're not what I miss.
I miss looking up and seeing all the stars.
I miss the familiar laughter of everyone gathered at someone's house for the evening.
The familiarity I think is what really gets me. At home everyone has a history, everyone fits into their place like an intricate puzzle-web of people, and its incredibly comfortable there. Here everyone's forming new relationships, forming new selves, and I miss the way things were.
I saw 2 shooting stars on Saturday night, and 1 on Sunday night. This is more than I saw during the entire meteor shower. I can't decide if this is a major success currently, or a major fail in the past. I've decided it's a success because I love seeing shooting stars because I usually miss them when people try to point them out.
I wish that I had written down what I was thinking about on my way to chem this morning. It was a really good thought.
P.S. My umbrella broke before Thanksgiving break and I forgot to get a new one. It rained today. Hard. I was unhappy. I need to find a new umbrella, soon. It was really remarkable how it broke too, the handle somehow entirely pulled out of the top part. I'm not sure how, because it wouldn't go back in - it's wider than the slot it fits into...don't ask me how it came out in the first place, I opened it and pop! there it went.
It seems like here at College Park you can find girls that fit into a Venn Diagram of 3 categories. We'll label these three categories as desirable traits: Smart, Pretty, and Fun. I like to think that I have relatively high standards, although not unrealistic, and I think its realistic that I should be able to find a girl that fits into all three of these nicely. Hmmmm... well let's go through this categorically. We'll say for the sake of argument that most girls here fit into at least two of these categories, give them the benefit of the doubt. Pretty and fun is nice, but I'd like to be able to hold an intelligent conversation with you. Smart and fun is also nice, but call me shallow, go ahead, how you look also counts in just about every guy's book. Finally, we'll go with smart and pretty. Likewise, nice, but staying in all the time just isn't an option, sorry. "Well Ben, what about if she's all three?" Ah, there's the thing. Maybe I just haven't looked hard enough, maybe I'm putting my standards too high, but they're taken. All of them. It's remarkably discouraging after a while.
Its confusing, really, and I wish it weren't. I still haven't made up my mind whether I want a relationship or not. I simply don't know if I'm ready. In some respects I definitely want one, but in some ways I'm just not ready. Everyone has their issues if you dig deep enough (or sometimes even if you don't do any digging at all), and I'm just not sure if I'm ready to deal with that. Suddenly you're worrying about making someone else happy too, not to say that I don't usually worry about others, but that it suddenly means a lot more. Honestly if you're thinking about a relationship you should already care/worry to that extent already, which is precisely what's telling me that I haven't found someone yet. There are girls I care about, but just as good friends, not as girlfriends. If they suddenly disappeared I'd be sad, not heartbroken. And every time I do think that I've found someone, she's not interested.
It's still the small things that make life worth living.
I miss looking up and seeing all the stars.
I miss the familiar laughter of everyone gathered at someone's house for the evening.
The familiarity I think is what really gets me. At home everyone has a history, everyone fits into their place like an intricate puzzle-web of people, and its incredibly comfortable there. Here everyone's forming new relationships, forming new selves, and I miss the way things were.
I saw 2 shooting stars on Saturday night, and 1 on Sunday night. This is more than I saw during the entire meteor shower. I can't decide if this is a major success currently, or a major fail in the past. I've decided it's a success because I love seeing shooting stars because I usually miss them when people try to point them out.
I wish that I had written down what I was thinking about on my way to chem this morning. It was a really good thought.
P.S. My umbrella broke before Thanksgiving break and I forgot to get a new one. It rained today. Hard. I was unhappy. I need to find a new umbrella, soon. It was really remarkable how it broke too, the handle somehow entirely pulled out of the top part. I'm not sure how, because it wouldn't go back in - it's wider than the slot it fits into...don't ask me how it came out in the first place, I opened it and pop! there it went.
It seems like here at College Park you can find girls that fit into a Venn Diagram of 3 categories. We'll label these three categories as desirable traits: Smart, Pretty, and Fun. I like to think that I have relatively high standards, although not unrealistic, and I think its realistic that I should be able to find a girl that fits into all three of these nicely. Hmmmm... well let's go through this categorically. We'll say for the sake of argument that most girls here fit into at least two of these categories, give them the benefit of the doubt. Pretty and fun is nice, but I'd like to be able to hold an intelligent conversation with you. Smart and fun is also nice, but call me shallow, go ahead, how you look also counts in just about every guy's book. Finally, we'll go with smart and pretty. Likewise, nice, but staying in all the time just isn't an option, sorry. "Well Ben, what about if she's all three?" Ah, there's the thing. Maybe I just haven't looked hard enough, maybe I'm putting my standards too high, but they're taken. All of them. It's remarkably discouraging after a while.
Its confusing, really, and I wish it weren't. I still haven't made up my mind whether I want a relationship or not. I simply don't know if I'm ready. In some respects I definitely want one, but in some ways I'm just not ready. Everyone has their issues if you dig deep enough (or sometimes even if you don't do any digging at all), and I'm just not sure if I'm ready to deal with that. Suddenly you're worrying about making someone else happy too, not to say that I don't usually worry about others, but that it suddenly means a lot more. Honestly if you're thinking about a relationship you should already care/worry to that extent already, which is precisely what's telling me that I haven't found someone yet. There are girls I care about, but just as good friends, not as girlfriends. If they suddenly disappeared I'd be sad, not heartbroken. And every time I do think that I've found someone, she's not interested.
It's still the small things that make life worth living.