No Rachel I'm not tryin to copy you
Soooo here i go. I've been thinking and even though it usually gets me in trouble or winds up with me sounding stupid, I do it anyways. And this is totally my weekend so far in review, and why it's made me think.
this weekend started off fabulously fantastical. Laura's party was fun except i got some weird tension headache and i had to go home. Which kinda sucked, but was kinda ok because I was tired. But it was fun and the food was delish and julia was hilarious and i still haven't seen scream all the way through so I think i kinda need to do that eventually. Taking a kind of time warp, I submitted my Stanford app on thursday so I decided to take the entire weekend off. Doin my hw for wednesday tomorrow. I <3 4-day weekends.
Then Saturday was absolutely ridiculous in the most positive sense of the word ridiculous because it was so crazy but so much fun and I think that this spring once it starts warming up, or maybe this summer before we all leave, we should do it again, because it was fun. But I think we need better rules and fewer ppl not actually playing. Observing + not playing = bad. The adrenaline rush was awesome/hilarious whenever we saw flashlights and it turned out not to be anybody. But I think that's exactly what made it fun, is that we knew we were doing something that we shouldn't/weren't allowed to but we did it anyways. (How sad is that commentary. Sad but true, and it explains a lot of a lot of people's actions.)
Anyhow.
Sunday was pretty chill as well, although my dad randomly sticking his head out of the door was a little...awkward. But it's ok b/c he didn't see anything. I found the juxtaposition of what we were doing interesting. Disney movies + topless hot-tubbing. Basically the two opposite ends of the spectrum. I think its interesting how as we grow older we learn to appreciate the things from our youth while also finding new things that interest us. Life is entirely cyclical, and it kinda (ok, really) creeps me out sometimes.
Monday aka today I spent being lazy except for when I played violin at oakland mills to get ready for the benefit concert and then coming home almost got killed by a car making a turn from a straight-only lane.
Then tomorrow i get to fucking VOTE and that is fucking awesome. And then i have to do my homework.
But what made me think was saturday/sunday. And since I don't know how to say this I'm going to start spewing words and maybe someone (ok rachel/quint cuz you're the only 2 ppl who read this crappy blogging that i do) will tell me what I'm actually trying to say and then I will thank them. What made me think was how having a significant other changes everything. I'm not saying in an entirely bad way, but I'm not saying in an entirely good way either. Por ejemplo, saturday. I think if I didn't have a girlfriend that I definitely would have gone streaking. Definitely. I mean really, why not? I think that I wouldn't have been trying to avoid naked people. I think i wouldnt' have stuck to the (usually very strict) rule I have of "eyes stay shoulders up". I'm not saying I would have changed anything I did, I'm saying that if i were single i think i would have acted differently. I consider myself somewhat of a flirt by nature (I'm sure you disagree but w/e it's my opinion feel free to voice your own of me) but it's really kinda awkward when oh gee you've already got a girlfriend. so it kinda feels like i'm going against my own nature? I dont' regret being with kimi for a second, not at all, I love being with her, but it does put limits on what you can do. I dont 'want to be single but I don't want to be part of a couple, or at least I wish the boundaries were more malleable, but I don't. grr.
Same goes for other people to. I think single people, especially groups of single people (oh gee idk like our group/flash mob perhaps?) treat couples, and the individual parts of those couples, differently than they do each other. Ejemplo dos: Sunday. in hot tubs, singles shy away from the taken, not necessarily towards other singles, but they make sure not to encroach on someone else's "territory". Make sense? yes. Agree with? not entirely. I dont' know why, but why shouldn't a single person and a (taken? coupled? need a word) person sit together just because they are of different relationship status? segregation much? I know exactly how I feel it just goes against how I feel. I want to be me around people, yet at the same time I know I can't and I understand that because it's wrong and I mean honestly what the hell is wrong with me. I feel like my head is conducting a civil war and the rest of me is caught in the crossfire. I mean hell, I love being with kimi but at the same time I want to interact with my friends like I used to/want to. I mean, i've made my choice, i'm staying with kimi, don't get me wrong, but that doesn't make my head hate me any less.
I think deep down I'm just a twisted, horrible person. maybe. maybe when i'm a serial killer you can say "aha! i knew it!". Why is fun so unfun but so much fun at the same time? Errrrr just rambling ok I need to go to sleep because more rehearsal tomorrow!
this weekend started off fabulously fantastical. Laura's party was fun except i got some weird tension headache and i had to go home. Which kinda sucked, but was kinda ok because I was tired. But it was fun and the food was delish and julia was hilarious and i still haven't seen scream all the way through so I think i kinda need to do that eventually. Taking a kind of time warp, I submitted my Stanford app on thursday so I decided to take the entire weekend off. Doin my hw for wednesday tomorrow. I <3 4-day weekends.
Then Saturday was absolutely ridiculous in the most positive sense of the word ridiculous because it was so crazy but so much fun and I think that this spring once it starts warming up, or maybe this summer before we all leave, we should do it again, because it was fun. But I think we need better rules and fewer ppl not actually playing. Observing + not playing = bad. The adrenaline rush was awesome/hilarious whenever we saw flashlights and it turned out not to be anybody. But I think that's exactly what made it fun, is that we knew we were doing something that we shouldn't/weren't allowed to but we did it anyways. (How sad is that commentary. Sad but true, and it explains a lot of a lot of people's actions.)
Anyhow.
Sunday was pretty chill as well, although my dad randomly sticking his head out of the door was a little...awkward. But it's ok b/c he didn't see anything. I found the juxtaposition of what we were doing interesting. Disney movies + topless hot-tubbing. Basically the two opposite ends of the spectrum. I think its interesting how as we grow older we learn to appreciate the things from our youth while also finding new things that interest us. Life is entirely cyclical, and it kinda (ok, really) creeps me out sometimes.
Monday aka today I spent being lazy except for when I played violin at oakland mills to get ready for the benefit concert and then coming home almost got killed by a car making a turn from a straight-only lane.
Then tomorrow i get to fucking VOTE and that is fucking awesome. And then i have to do my homework.
But what made me think was saturday/sunday. And since I don't know how to say this I'm going to start spewing words and maybe someone (ok rachel/quint cuz you're the only 2 ppl who read this crappy blogging that i do) will tell me what I'm actually trying to say and then I will thank them. What made me think was how having a significant other changes everything. I'm not saying in an entirely bad way, but I'm not saying in an entirely good way either. Por ejemplo, saturday. I think if I didn't have a girlfriend that I definitely would have gone streaking. Definitely. I mean really, why not? I think that I wouldn't have been trying to avoid naked people. I think i wouldnt' have stuck to the (usually very strict) rule I have of "eyes stay shoulders up". I'm not saying I would have changed anything I did, I'm saying that if i were single i think i would have acted differently. I consider myself somewhat of a flirt by nature (I'm sure you disagree but w/e it's my opinion feel free to voice your own of me) but it's really kinda awkward when oh gee you've already got a girlfriend. so it kinda feels like i'm going against my own nature? I dont' regret being with kimi for a second, not at all, I love being with her, but it does put limits on what you can do. I dont 'want to be single but I don't want to be part of a couple, or at least I wish the boundaries were more malleable, but I don't. grr.
Same goes for other people to. I think single people, especially groups of single people (oh gee idk like our group/flash mob perhaps?) treat couples, and the individual parts of those couples, differently than they do each other. Ejemplo dos: Sunday. in hot tubs, singles shy away from the taken, not necessarily towards other singles, but they make sure not to encroach on someone else's "territory". Make sense? yes. Agree with? not entirely. I dont' know why, but why shouldn't a single person and a (taken? coupled? need a word) person sit together just because they are of different relationship status? segregation much? I know exactly how I feel it just goes against how I feel. I want to be me around people, yet at the same time I know I can't and I understand that because it's wrong and I mean honestly what the hell is wrong with me. I feel like my head is conducting a civil war and the rest of me is caught in the crossfire. I mean hell, I love being with kimi but at the same time I want to interact with my friends like I used to/want to. I mean, i've made my choice, i'm staying with kimi, don't get me wrong, but that doesn't make my head hate me any less.
I think deep down I'm just a twisted, horrible person. maybe. maybe when i'm a serial killer you can say "aha! i knew it!". Why is fun so unfun but so much fun at the same time? Errrrr just rambling ok I need to go to sleep because more rehearsal tomorrow!