I made the mistake of not living here
So yesterday was Thursday which meant that after my 930-1045 class I should have the rest of the day to do as I please, right? Ha, no. First, I missed my appointment with my student adviser because after my quiz in the aforementioned class my mind was fluttered and I simply forgot. No biggie, I rescheduled for next week. I should probably sign up for some classes just for the hell of it but I really have no clue as to what I should take (more sociology and criminology classes, duh). So I go to my apartment after my quiz and I make myself a cheeseburger because Im starving and decide that its a great time to do laundry [this is when I realized I missed my appointment and trek all the way back to campus to reschedule]. I get back to my apartment but now Im so sleepy that I take a nap, about two hours, I think. I got up when Rei called me. We talked about this and that, nothing too important really and Im doing laundry at the same time so I dont mind the entertainment. After I hang up with Rei, Keryn calls and we plan to chill that night because we havent seen each other in months. Hours pass, Im done with laundry, fucking around on the internet, and cleaning up a bit and I finally take a shower. How nice was it? Oh so good! Got out, called Keryn. She picks me up some time later and we ride out. Hours pass (chit-chat, and riding around). We end up at Blair and Therese's because Keryn havent seen them in a long while and I havent seen them in a week. I could've gone longer - in fact, I wouldve preferred to do so. At any rate, we sit, chill, smoke so cryp. Blair gets bitchy and tells me that I have to buy her a pack of cigarettes because I took one of her last four. I laugh in her face and tell her no. That there's no way Im going to buy her a whole pack of cigs just because I took one. She gets bitchy and starts whispering to Therese, at this point I get pissy because I dont know why the fuck she's whispering about me if Im standing right there. I also remember that she and Therese still owe me sixty bucks - not that I was demanding it but the fact that she got so bitchy over one cig. I walk away and start chatting more with Keryn, suddenly her presence is a much more valued thing. After a while everyone is sitting down again, just chillin. Therese and Fox decide to go see a movie, Premonition. The one with Sandra Bullock, it looks decent but it was so random. Therese apologizes for having to leave and they jet. Blair stays but informs me that she plans on going to the club (Floyds) later. Hmm... I start to wonder -how come everytime I want to hang out or do something, they flee but when they want to do something, they expect me to be there?- The thought enrages me so I plan to leave very quickly but not soon enough. Christina comes over to pick up Blair and as they are preparing to go Christina tries to lock to dog in her cage. Because Christina is a failure she ...fails at locking the cage and in realizing her error she looks at me, points at the cage and says "Julius, lock the cage. Lock the cage, Julius" - I just stare at her, and from the corner of my eye I see Keryn staring at her also. I wondered if we were both thinking the same thing -"This bitch is whack if she's talking to me like that". Indeed, she was talking to me...Blair, who I mus give some credit, notices my IM-ABOUT-TO-CUSS-THIS-BITCH-OUT face and exclaims, "I'll do it, dont worry about it." Christina grimaces at me. Why? Is she challenging me? Im thinking she's PMSing or something, but I still to break a vase over her cranium. We leave. Keryn and I end up at my place. My very humble abode. We get in and she notices I have no furniture, kinda embarrassing but oh well. It takes us forever to order pizza and we also cooked some boneless chicken thighs. It was the attack of the munchies and we had it bad! All the while Keryn tells me how it breaks her heart to see that I have no food in my fridge, no cable cord for my T.V., no bed...and Im realizing for the first time what a mistake I've made. So I tell her, "I made the mistake of not living here as much as I should've. I spent so much time at Blair and Therese's place, or just out of my apartment in general that I neglected to buy things for myself." I started to feel bad for a while then I got happy. I started to think 'at least I know why I dont have anything. At least I know how to fix it...at least Im doing better now'. We watch "Rules of Attraction" because I love that movie and she leaves at about 1am. I fall asleep during the last 30 minutes of the movie and I woke up today at about 815.
So what I've realized yesterday was that...I dont want to be friends (or that close of friends) with Blair/Therese anymore. Therese I can handle, but not so much Blair...or Christina (but I was never truly fond of her anyway). My reasoning is simple. They dont give me the appreciation I need. I dont think Im selfish, or egocentric, but I cannot be around people who do not show me a certain level of respect, appreciation, and true companionship. Im happy to discover that. So how will go about dropping my contact levels with them? Simple. Just stop. Im not going with them today to the movies like I told them I would last week, instead Im putting more hours in at work. I plan on either spending my weekend alone or hanging out with someone else. Today I have lunch with Katie. Today Im seriously going to try to patch things up with her. Get her to talk to me again, get her to understand that Im here for her, that Im worried about her, that I want to spend more time with her because I cant bear to see her being lured and trapped like I was by Therese and Blair. There was something so cool that attracted me to them. I dont know what it was, but it was something I admired. Im over it now. Im not getting any satisfaction when Im with them so whats the point, right? Katie, thats my friend. The only one in Tallahassee that knows me intimately. Thats what I want. My old best friend, someone I could actually confide in, someone to help keep me afloat....Today is a beautiful day.
So what I've realized yesterday was that...I dont want to be friends (or that close of friends) with Blair/Therese anymore. Therese I can handle, but not so much Blair...or Christina (but I was never truly fond of her anyway). My reasoning is simple. They dont give me the appreciation I need. I dont think Im selfish, or egocentric, but I cannot be around people who do not show me a certain level of respect, appreciation, and true companionship. Im happy to discover that. So how will go about dropping my contact levels with them? Simple. Just stop. Im not going with them today to the movies like I told them I would last week, instead Im putting more hours in at work. I plan on either spending my weekend alone or hanging out with someone else. Today I have lunch with Katie. Today Im seriously going to try to patch things up with her. Get her to talk to me again, get her to understand that Im here for her, that Im worried about her, that I want to spend more time with her because I cant bear to see her being lured and trapped like I was by Therese and Blair. There was something so cool that attracted me to them. I dont know what it was, but it was something I admired. Im over it now. Im not getting any satisfaction when Im with them so whats the point, right? Katie, thats my friend. The only one in Tallahassee that knows me intimately. Thats what I want. My old best friend, someone I could actually confide in, someone to help keep me afloat....Today is a beautiful day.