(no subject)
It's strange to see that as things change, evolve and disappear, they stay familiar and simple at their roots. I realize now what I should have done long ago.. I should have moved on. I should have left. I should have started over, because all this town has done is cage me, eat me alive and hand me grief.
I raise my sister because there is no other choice. It is a selfish thing to know that I can't live without her in my life and therefore I take care of her. She's the last part of my family I can stand and need and still love.
I miss lonliness in its truest form. I miss the feeling of freedom when there is no one else to impress, watch over, or exist with. I miss a sparse apartment filled with books and my guitar hero. I miss the east side with its walking distances.
But the parts I love about my life? Reconnecting to people that were once lost to me. Being forgiven by that same person for choosing someone else, and moving on from that in a positive direction. I love my job and what I get to do being qualified as "work". I love that I can cook now and it's good. I love that I work hard and make no excuses and after whining for a minute, I make a plan.
I raise my sister because there is no other choice. It is a selfish thing to know that I can't live without her in my life and therefore I take care of her. She's the last part of my family I can stand and need and still love.
I miss lonliness in its truest form. I miss the feeling of freedom when there is no one else to impress, watch over, or exist with. I miss a sparse apartment filled with books and my guitar hero. I miss the east side with its walking distances.
But the parts I love about my life? Reconnecting to people that were once lost to me. Being forgiven by that same person for choosing someone else, and moving on from that in a positive direction. I love my job and what I get to do being qualified as "work". I love that I can cook now and it's good. I love that I work hard and make no excuses and after whining for a minute, I make a plan.