In reference to the widows...
Dearest Anne Coulter,
While I am certainly a big fan of skinny blondes and overzealous bitches, I feel that mayhaps you have gone to far. You aren't Courtney Love after all, and therefore you have no coke bunge to blame your behavior on.
Since you are a conservative (I would not blasphemy the name "republican" with your image), I understand that you feel it is your duty to go overboard with what you are saying in order to garner as much attention as a drag queen in heels. And frankly, nothing excites me more than a good old fashioned cat fight. However, I have a few suggestions for you in the future.
The first is, of course, to work on your vocabulary. It is hard enough for a woman, let alone a blonde, get any respect as an intelligent human being, and you are not doing yourself any favors by using words like "broad". While it is a word recognized in the dictionary, it is also slang. As someone who, I am sure, hates minorities and the under-educated, let us not give in to using slang. Other words that you may find particualry useful when bashing another female, without sounding like a 15 year old girl in the lunch room, might be: "those witless women!" or "they are truly obtuse personages!" or "women of such imbecilic stature!"
If you wish to make a personal dig on them, I would suggest taking one step back and remembering "Personal digs make none look so badly as the one saying them." I know that you want to feel superior to these women since you yourself are not married ("Let's say I go out every night, I meet a guy and have sex with him. Good for me. I'm not married."
-- Ann Coulter, Rivera Live, June 7, 2000) and as a conseravtive, to not be married cannot be a good thing. However, using poor vocabulary and grammar is not the way to go about it.
Second, try not to come off as a nazi. No one really likes nazis, except other nazis. And the nazi demographic, while good sized, is not enough to make you popular. Advocating genocide and religion conversion as a solution to genocide and religion conversion seems strange. (On Islamic extremists: "We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."
-- Ann Coulter, National Review Online, 2004). I would humbly suggest that you try to sugar coat this by offering everyone a free ipod or smething with every conversion.
Third, while I applaud your efforts to stop women from voting or from being part of the regular world, I feel that this may stop you from doing several things, like writing books or being on television. I don't know if you have fully thought that through. So might I suggest you read Margret Atwood's book, "The Handmaid's Tale" and get back to me on the subject.
I value having you out there, being snippy and over dramatic, with just that tinge of fascism to your voice, and wonder what on earth I would do without it on the news everyday? I am sure of course, that being blonde, and rather a feeble sex, that a man could simply take over for you, but then how would we sell your message? Maybe we could get an attractive male to do it for you? This presents a problem, as there are so few attractive conservatives out there, mainly because ordinarily (you as the exception of course!)attractive people are too busy being happy to want to kill mass amounts of people.
I would also suggest that when you get on T.V., taht you stop arguing with the male news anchors. They are male and therefore smarter than you. It's not your fault, God made you this way and you really should not argue with your superiors. Matt Lauer was simply trying to talk with you and your own innate insecurities, from being part of the weaker, inferior sex, overwhelmed you, causing you to argue with him. Shhhh, now.
Finally, the best thing you can do to help spread your message is to just go home. No, really. Find yourself a husband, hopefully an attractive one, and stay at home to have three babies. Learn how to bake things, go to church daily, and say nothing except "Of course honey, right away." Make sure to smile a lot and have promotional pictures taken of you and your family. Write a really amazing book on the joys of raising a family, but have your husband sign his name as the author (don't give other mothers the delusion they can write AND raise a family at the same time!)
You really need to be a role model to all the other women in America. You really need to show them, no matter how loud mouthed of a women you are, you can learn to be submissive and take orders from everyone. You need to turn yourself over to a husband and stop having political, or any any other kind, of ideas rambling about in your pretty little head.
If the problem is that you are unable to have babies or are secretly gay, might I suggest either killing yourself or trying a full frontal lobotomy? I really just want you to be a good woman (or at least as good as a woman can get, since we are all just made of sin) and in order to do that I really do hope that you take my advice.
Sincerely,
Danielle
While I am certainly a big fan of skinny blondes and overzealous bitches, I feel that mayhaps you have gone to far. You aren't Courtney Love after all, and therefore you have no coke bunge to blame your behavior on.
Since you are a conservative (I would not blasphemy the name "republican" with your image), I understand that you feel it is your duty to go overboard with what you are saying in order to garner as much attention as a drag queen in heels. And frankly, nothing excites me more than a good old fashioned cat fight. However, I have a few suggestions for you in the future.
The first is, of course, to work on your vocabulary. It is hard enough for a woman, let alone a blonde, get any respect as an intelligent human being, and you are not doing yourself any favors by using words like "broad". While it is a word recognized in the dictionary, it is also slang. As someone who, I am sure, hates minorities and the under-educated, let us not give in to using slang. Other words that you may find particualry useful when bashing another female, without sounding like a 15 year old girl in the lunch room, might be: "those witless women!" or "they are truly obtuse personages!" or "women of such imbecilic stature!"
If you wish to make a personal dig on them, I would suggest taking one step back and remembering "Personal digs make none look so badly as the one saying them." I know that you want to feel superior to these women since you yourself are not married ("Let's say I go out every night, I meet a guy and have sex with him. Good for me. I'm not married."
-- Ann Coulter, Rivera Live, June 7, 2000) and as a conseravtive, to not be married cannot be a good thing. However, using poor vocabulary and grammar is not the way to go about it.
Second, try not to come off as a nazi. No one really likes nazis, except other nazis. And the nazi demographic, while good sized, is not enough to make you popular. Advocating genocide and religion conversion as a solution to genocide and religion conversion seems strange. (On Islamic extremists: "We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."
-- Ann Coulter, National Review Online, 2004). I would humbly suggest that you try to sugar coat this by offering everyone a free ipod or smething with every conversion.
Third, while I applaud your efforts to stop women from voting or from being part of the regular world, I feel that this may stop you from doing several things, like writing books or being on television. I don't know if you have fully thought that through. So might I suggest you read Margret Atwood's book, "The Handmaid's Tale" and get back to me on the subject.
I value having you out there, being snippy and over dramatic, with just that tinge of fascism to your voice, and wonder what on earth I would do without it on the news everyday? I am sure of course, that being blonde, and rather a feeble sex, that a man could simply take over for you, but then how would we sell your message? Maybe we could get an attractive male to do it for you? This presents a problem, as there are so few attractive conservatives out there, mainly because ordinarily (you as the exception of course!)attractive people are too busy being happy to want to kill mass amounts of people.
I would also suggest that when you get on T.V., taht you stop arguing with the male news anchors. They are male and therefore smarter than you. It's not your fault, God made you this way and you really should not argue with your superiors. Matt Lauer was simply trying to talk with you and your own innate insecurities, from being part of the weaker, inferior sex, overwhelmed you, causing you to argue with him. Shhhh, now.
Finally, the best thing you can do to help spread your message is to just go home. No, really. Find yourself a husband, hopefully an attractive one, and stay at home to have three babies. Learn how to bake things, go to church daily, and say nothing except "Of course honey, right away." Make sure to smile a lot and have promotional pictures taken of you and your family. Write a really amazing book on the joys of raising a family, but have your husband sign his name as the author (don't give other mothers the delusion they can write AND raise a family at the same time!)
You really need to be a role model to all the other women in America. You really need to show them, no matter how loud mouthed of a women you are, you can learn to be submissive and take orders from everyone. You need to turn yourself over to a husband and stop having political, or any any other kind, of ideas rambling about in your pretty little head.
If the problem is that you are unable to have babies or are secretly gay, might I suggest either killing yourself or trying a full frontal lobotomy? I really just want you to be a good woman (or at least as good as a woman can get, since we are all just made of sin) and in order to do that I really do hope that you take my advice.
Sincerely,
Danielle