shit from world...world from shit
and so...i went to true.com met a girl who said she was 19, she's 17. i said fine we went on 3 dates she moved on. she told me she did things that involve weed and stealing alcohol from her dad and sneaking people in and out of her mom's house. did i mention she was ...is bipolar. i find her a little disturbing and she ripped my heart out. one of these days i'm going to stop entering new relationships with "new hope"...anyway dangerous stuff starting down the wrong path. i see why though, most of the people she knows does the same. so i have called her dad and wrote her mom a letter which becca mailed from virginia yesterday. i'm going to miss her dog, Emma. i just got used to her huge size and scruffy is ready to make friends with her...however i'm pretty sure that by telling her parents the stupid shit she's doing i'm never going to see her dog again much less speak to her. i'm waiting to be dismissed. kinda caring as i don't like loosing friends (or their dogs), and kinda not b/c i'm still in pain. she was so sweet, i just didn't see it comming. i could blame it on the bipolar, but seeing as most of her friends are the same way she is by her discription i can't give the bipolar all the credit. her name was julia and she now declares herself, not bi as she was when i met her, but straight. this is the third bisexual to decide or whatever that they are straight in my presence. i'm sick and tired of this shit. i'm not dating anymore bi persons (friends are fine). i don't like holding that against people, but 3 times is 3 times too many and i don't give a shit anymore.
last i read of my lj my car's name was Torque. it's not any more. we have played the name game. i've lost count of how many we ended up going through not that it matters. his name is Lucifer. and life is good. since the name has become permanent we have been driving rather smoothly. i guess we're getting used to each other and possibly doing more than just tolerating each other. might have something to do wth me letting go a april a little more. i still refer to her as my car, though it has finally dawned on my that it has been months sice i have sold her to big sis. maybe i'll stop refering to april as my car in another 6 months. at least i've stopped my initial boo-hooing.
paige appears to be moving out. this sucks. i think i just got used to the idea of her being around. and now she'll be gone. then i'll get to get used to her not being around. oh joy. my mom insists i find another roomate. i don't see that happening. now if someone else has the idea of moving in (like paige did), i won't stop them. however, i'm not going to actively look for a roomate. i'll just find a way to make half of everything myself and mom can pay the other half. i think if someone else were to move in it would take 2-3 months for me to get used to it or whatever. remember i've been living alone for the last year...my pack is established: toliver, sabriela, kisses, firebell, ruit. i'm not that easy to crack into. i'm weird...yay me. it's like the Scruffy Complex.
i think i'm falling in love with teila again. i don't know what to make of that. just like i don't know what to make of similar feelings i haver for certain other people who shall remain nameless. mmm feelings. at least the thoughts keep me happy. the thoughts alone may keep me satisfied for a while. maybe i'll dress like i would in my thoughts and then maybe my thoughts will become part of reality...that's a nice thought, haha.
toliver has a backpack with 3 lb weights in it. he also has a raincoat and boot things. he's all set and ready to go potty in the rain and burn off more energy.
i've gven up on sabriela for the moment. i appear to need to build something around the area of the toilet for she is pear shaped and will not shit in the toilet anymore. she's not exactly fat she's just shaped like a fucking pear which apparently messes with her balancing. anyway she now uses a newspaper lined litterless litter pan. yes i still refuse to buy more kitty litter. i'd have to retrain her to use it as she no longer recognizes it. she hasn't hardly seen the stuff since she was 7 months old and she's a year and 2 months now. she knows what newspaper is though. i'd let her be indoor/outdoor and poop and stuff outside except i'm terrified that she'd get hit by a car (nash street is busy) or bailey from across the street will eat her...that and she doesn't really like going outside anyway. she would think i've abandonded her or kicked her out or something....course maybe she'd use the damn toilet then...hmmm...nah, way too much stress for her. so i'll try to move her back to the toilet in the span of the next 2 months or less....i'm hoping for less. we shall see. she will use the toilet. read my determination/obsession.
Bijan is down for the week...or is that 2 weeks...i think 2 weeks. yeah. martin and company are in MD at bijan's place..well mom's place...it'skinda hard to tell who the alpha is. the youngest of martin's kids will be there. Bijan is baby proof but the baby is not small dog proof only big dog proof. bijan is already mentally damaged enough (thank you scruffy you aggressive bastard) he doesn't need more damaging junk from an 18month old terror especially when his mother doesn't watch him like she should. he goes back roughly the 22nd of july, katie will come with us. very full car. me, katie, toliver, kisses, bijan, sabriela, firebell, and ruit. i hope we can get the fish to fit in the back or else we'll have problems. everyone will have to pack lightly as Lucifer diens't exactly have a very spacious trunk....because of emergency items. i may need to clean out the trunk. i should get a van. my aunt is getting rid of her van. mom says i can't have it b/c it's $75 for half a tank. i see the problem. accepting the problem is another matter. must obtain van. probably won't happen for a few more years...like 4...unless something wonderous happens.
i've been doing my internship at imagination station. mostly i'm working wth Grim. not very friendly. apparently i'm the only one that can handle him. he's gotten used to me. we'll see how that goes. i havn't been near him in almost 2 weeks. we had kind of a sparing match over a cricket that i wouldn't let him get and then my energy has been off sice then due to emotional roller coaster-ness with the julia girl from previous paragraphs. she used to be my calming thought...she's not calming anymore. the few memories i have of her seem to be useless now...kinda sad. i think i'm going to try to use caden as my calming thought now, he does have an unsualy calming effect on me, especially scruffy. he's been acting out lately...maybe the moon's full. it probably is or has been in teh span of the last week or so. yeah i keep track of the moon like i keep track of my period; i don't. but yeah can't work with Grim if i'm not calm. just calm, confidence isn't very important, just calm, comfortable, peace, stillness, meditation-like. just you and the snake no one else feel his energy, feel your own energy. bathe in the energy. relax. let your calm energy wash over the snake. he's a very nervous snake and isn't sure about alot of things...he was thought to just be viscious. he's not, he's just scared...and cranky when he doesn't get his way (like with the cricket) or when he's shedding. mostly he's got the small snake complex: i'm small i must live attack everything so it will leave me alone b/c it might try to eat me and i'm NOT an easy meal i refuse to be i must live oh god you're so huge very threatning i can be big too just you watch. Grim in a nutshell. he's quite harmless, you just have to have your energy right, don't force anything, be one with the snake and read his energy he doesn't want to be removed from his tank every single day there are good days and bad days so do both of you a favor and pay the fuck attention and then everyone will be happy.
i work at 50/50 lounge and grill. i wash dishes. i hope i don't have to worry about getting fired. then i would have to find another job and have to actively find a roomate...i don't want to do either. but yeah i've just gotten used to the 50/50 family. i've been working there for about 2 months...pretty much as long as paige has been living here...maybe a week longer. i was actually social with my coworkers on thrusday. first time ever. amazing. glover is great. if i was straight i'd date him...however i'm not so i won't...now the idea sickens me...no offense to him, he's really just a big teddy bear...yeah...i'm a lesbian and the only boy i've ever fallen in love with is an FTM. so there. a very hot FTM--anyway...um yeah washing dishes. one day i'll master the hose. i still spray myself with the damn thing. stupid bastard piece of crap. i think i get on Will's nerves. couse when you call me and tell me that i'm not really needed to come into work to do the late shift then i'm NOT going to come in. that's like a fuckin' given. i'm attempting to work on a layer of fat so i can keep the AC on long enough to cool off the rest of the pack that is clearly hot...hotter than myself. i'm tired of rolling myself up in blankets. its' not going to work, but you can't say i didn't try. going to work burns stuff staying home burns less stuff.
i've discovered a new manga My Cat Loki. it's so CUTE! and i'm pissed b/c the local bookstore doesn't have the second book...or any of them for that matter. i must find the next volume. maybe i'll look for it on ebay or half.com
i have patio furnature.
toliver keeps peeing on himself, not as often, but still often.
my hair is growing i look very ...fluffy.
ohoh! i finaly turned my provisional into a driver's license! now i can drive whenever the hell i want to leagally! yay! then means i'm nolonger driving illegally home from work when i have the bar shift...which i seem to keep working. i do get to do lunch next week though! i'm only down for 2 days...i find that odd. but that's okay i get the bar tip out all the time. my last tip out was $20 (1%)
i'm going to stop updating now. i think i got everything....i'm running late on my 4th assignment for child lit. i think i'm going to write a story about ...something to do with julia. it's recent and i've used her bipolar disorder for a psych paper so i might as well use her for another assignment and make it a nice even number. if she can use me i thnk i can use her...my using of her is just less emotionally damaging though so it's still kinda "not fair"...i don't really care. the point has been made and i'm sticking to it. now i'm going to eat something.
i hate this stupid hamster! YAY! :-D
last i read of my lj my car's name was Torque. it's not any more. we have played the name game. i've lost count of how many we ended up going through not that it matters. his name is Lucifer. and life is good. since the name has become permanent we have been driving rather smoothly. i guess we're getting used to each other and possibly doing more than just tolerating each other. might have something to do wth me letting go a april a little more. i still refer to her as my car, though it has finally dawned on my that it has been months sice i have sold her to big sis. maybe i'll stop refering to april as my car in another 6 months. at least i've stopped my initial boo-hooing.
paige appears to be moving out. this sucks. i think i just got used to the idea of her being around. and now she'll be gone. then i'll get to get used to her not being around. oh joy. my mom insists i find another roomate. i don't see that happening. now if someone else has the idea of moving in (like paige did), i won't stop them. however, i'm not going to actively look for a roomate. i'll just find a way to make half of everything myself and mom can pay the other half. i think if someone else were to move in it would take 2-3 months for me to get used to it or whatever. remember i've been living alone for the last year...my pack is established: toliver, sabriela, kisses, firebell, ruit. i'm not that easy to crack into. i'm weird...yay me. it's like the Scruffy Complex.
i think i'm falling in love with teila again. i don't know what to make of that. just like i don't know what to make of similar feelings i haver for certain other people who shall remain nameless. mmm feelings. at least the thoughts keep me happy. the thoughts alone may keep me satisfied for a while. maybe i'll dress like i would in my thoughts and then maybe my thoughts will become part of reality...that's a nice thought, haha.
toliver has a backpack with 3 lb weights in it. he also has a raincoat and boot things. he's all set and ready to go potty in the rain and burn off more energy.
i've gven up on sabriela for the moment. i appear to need to build something around the area of the toilet for she is pear shaped and will not shit in the toilet anymore. she's not exactly fat she's just shaped like a fucking pear which apparently messes with her balancing. anyway she now uses a newspaper lined litterless litter pan. yes i still refuse to buy more kitty litter. i'd have to retrain her to use it as she no longer recognizes it. she hasn't hardly seen the stuff since she was 7 months old and she's a year and 2 months now. she knows what newspaper is though. i'd let her be indoor/outdoor and poop and stuff outside except i'm terrified that she'd get hit by a car (nash street is busy) or bailey from across the street will eat her...that and she doesn't really like going outside anyway. she would think i've abandonded her or kicked her out or something....course maybe she'd use the damn toilet then...hmmm...nah, way too much stress for her. so i'll try to move her back to the toilet in the span of the next 2 months or less....i'm hoping for less. we shall see. she will use the toilet. read my determination/obsession.
Bijan is down for the week...or is that 2 weeks...i think 2 weeks. yeah. martin and company are in MD at bijan's place..well mom's place...it'skinda hard to tell who the alpha is. the youngest of martin's kids will be there. Bijan is baby proof but the baby is not small dog proof only big dog proof. bijan is already mentally damaged enough (thank you scruffy you aggressive bastard) he doesn't need more damaging junk from an 18month old terror especially when his mother doesn't watch him like she should. he goes back roughly the 22nd of july, katie will come with us. very full car. me, katie, toliver, kisses, bijan, sabriela, firebell, and ruit. i hope we can get the fish to fit in the back or else we'll have problems. everyone will have to pack lightly as Lucifer diens't exactly have a very spacious trunk....because of emergency items. i may need to clean out the trunk. i should get a van. my aunt is getting rid of her van. mom says i can't have it b/c it's $75 for half a tank. i see the problem. accepting the problem is another matter. must obtain van. probably won't happen for a few more years...like 4...unless something wonderous happens.
i've been doing my internship at imagination station. mostly i'm working wth Grim. not very friendly. apparently i'm the only one that can handle him. he's gotten used to me. we'll see how that goes. i havn't been near him in almost 2 weeks. we had kind of a sparing match over a cricket that i wouldn't let him get and then my energy has been off sice then due to emotional roller coaster-ness with the julia girl from previous paragraphs. she used to be my calming thought...she's not calming anymore. the few memories i have of her seem to be useless now...kinda sad. i think i'm going to try to use caden as my calming thought now, he does have an unsualy calming effect on me, especially scruffy. he's been acting out lately...maybe the moon's full. it probably is or has been in teh span of the last week or so. yeah i keep track of the moon like i keep track of my period; i don't. but yeah can't work with Grim if i'm not calm. just calm, confidence isn't very important, just calm, comfortable, peace, stillness, meditation-like. just you and the snake no one else feel his energy, feel your own energy. bathe in the energy. relax. let your calm energy wash over the snake. he's a very nervous snake and isn't sure about alot of things...he was thought to just be viscious. he's not, he's just scared...and cranky when he doesn't get his way (like with the cricket) or when he's shedding. mostly he's got the small snake complex: i'm small i must live attack everything so it will leave me alone b/c it might try to eat me and i'm NOT an easy meal i refuse to be i must live oh god you're so huge very threatning i can be big too just you watch. Grim in a nutshell. he's quite harmless, you just have to have your energy right, don't force anything, be one with the snake and read his energy he doesn't want to be removed from his tank every single day there are good days and bad days so do both of you a favor and pay the fuck attention and then everyone will be happy.
i work at 50/50 lounge and grill. i wash dishes. i hope i don't have to worry about getting fired. then i would have to find another job and have to actively find a roomate...i don't want to do either. but yeah i've just gotten used to the 50/50 family. i've been working there for about 2 months...pretty much as long as paige has been living here...maybe a week longer. i was actually social with my coworkers on thrusday. first time ever. amazing. glover is great. if i was straight i'd date him...however i'm not so i won't...now the idea sickens me...no offense to him, he's really just a big teddy bear...yeah...i'm a lesbian and the only boy i've ever fallen in love with is an FTM. so there. a very hot FTM--anyway...um yeah washing dishes. one day i'll master the hose. i still spray myself with the damn thing. stupid bastard piece of crap. i think i get on Will's nerves. couse when you call me and tell me that i'm not really needed to come into work to do the late shift then i'm NOT going to come in. that's like a fuckin' given. i'm attempting to work on a layer of fat so i can keep the AC on long enough to cool off the rest of the pack that is clearly hot...hotter than myself. i'm tired of rolling myself up in blankets. its' not going to work, but you can't say i didn't try. going to work burns stuff staying home burns less stuff.
i've discovered a new manga My Cat Loki. it's so CUTE! and i'm pissed b/c the local bookstore doesn't have the second book...or any of them for that matter. i must find the next volume. maybe i'll look for it on ebay or half.com
i have patio furnature.
toliver keeps peeing on himself, not as often, but still often.
my hair is growing i look very ...fluffy.
ohoh! i finaly turned my provisional into a driver's license! now i can drive whenever the hell i want to leagally! yay! then means i'm nolonger driving illegally home from work when i have the bar shift...which i seem to keep working. i do get to do lunch next week though! i'm only down for 2 days...i find that odd. but that's okay i get the bar tip out all the time. my last tip out was $20 (1%)
i'm going to stop updating now. i think i got everything....i'm running late on my 4th assignment for child lit. i think i'm going to write a story about ...something to do with julia. it's recent and i've used her bipolar disorder for a psych paper so i might as well use her for another assignment and make it a nice even number. if she can use me i thnk i can use her...my using of her is just less emotionally damaging though so it's still kinda "not fair"...i don't really care. the point has been made and i'm sticking to it. now i'm going to eat something.
i hate this stupid hamster! YAY! :-D