The One That Got Away
My ex-boyfriend has "friended" me on Facebook.
Not John. No, this one goes WAY back. Marc. Marc and I met while we were in college and dated for about four years. I was trying to find my place and my way in the world, and he had his all planned. He actually had it planned with me as a part of it, but I wasn't too keen on someone else planning my future for me.
I was starting to figure out that if I wanted to try my hand at acting, theatre, anything art-related, I was going to have to Get Away. I needed to Get Away from my parents, who were not at ALL supportive of my artistic efforts. I needed to Get Away from certain friends and acquaintances who just did not think I was talented enough to make a go of it. And I needed to Get Away from Marc. Marc who wanted to get married and have kids, and watch football and ride snowmobiles and have cookouts. And didn't think I should be thinking about theatre.
And so I Got Away. I ended up in CT. I love kids, I love football, and I love cookouts. If I had a snowmobile I would ride it any chance I got. And I do theatre. I act, I direct, I build, I paint, I usher. Overall, my life is not the excitement and glamour and riches that I had envisioned. I have to laugh at that, actually. I'm currently unemployed and living in a tiny studio apartment. But my friends and even my family, now, are supportive. I don't think any of that would have happened if hadn't Gotten Away.
Even Marc has commented that he thinks it's "great" that I'm doing what I wanted to do. I looked at his photos of his two daughters, and they look amazingly like kids I would have had with him. There were no photos of his wife, who I have never met, and I correctly guessed that he is divorced (divorcing, actually). I'm actually surprised it didn't happen sooner (unless this is a second wife or something). I'm not saying that to be mean or catty. But I feel like that's what happens when you marry someone in order to be-married-because-that's-what-you-do. If I had felt that Marc had wanted to marry me because of ME, I might have been more inclined towards it. But I felt like for him, it was just the next step: go to college; get girlfriend; graduate; get job; buy house; get married.
Come to think of it. Even my more recent ex, John, who thought I was a complete "geek" for being into theatre and almost never came to a show or anything, once told me he was jealous that I had something like that in my life that I really loved doing. He made money, he came from a more-or-less well-to-do background, had a good job and a nice apartment with a big-screen TV. And he was envious of me.
The flip side is that I have not done the house-married-kids thing, and pretty much everyone else has at this point. I don't even feel like it's necessary or anything. It just seems like it might be kinda nice.
So now I'm "friends" with Marc again. Interesting.
Not John. No, this one goes WAY back. Marc. Marc and I met while we were in college and dated for about four years. I was trying to find my place and my way in the world, and he had his all planned. He actually had it planned with me as a part of it, but I wasn't too keen on someone else planning my future for me.
I was starting to figure out that if I wanted to try my hand at acting, theatre, anything art-related, I was going to have to Get Away. I needed to Get Away from my parents, who were not at ALL supportive of my artistic efforts. I needed to Get Away from certain friends and acquaintances who just did not think I was talented enough to make a go of it. And I needed to Get Away from Marc. Marc who wanted to get married and have kids, and watch football and ride snowmobiles and have cookouts. And didn't think I should be thinking about theatre.
And so I Got Away. I ended up in CT. I love kids, I love football, and I love cookouts. If I had a snowmobile I would ride it any chance I got. And I do theatre. I act, I direct, I build, I paint, I usher. Overall, my life is not the excitement and glamour and riches that I had envisioned. I have to laugh at that, actually. I'm currently unemployed and living in a tiny studio apartment. But my friends and even my family, now, are supportive. I don't think any of that would have happened if hadn't Gotten Away.
Even Marc has commented that he thinks it's "great" that I'm doing what I wanted to do. I looked at his photos of his two daughters, and they look amazingly like kids I would have had with him. There were no photos of his wife, who I have never met, and I correctly guessed that he is divorced (divorcing, actually). I'm actually surprised it didn't happen sooner (unless this is a second wife or something). I'm not saying that to be mean or catty. But I feel like that's what happens when you marry someone in order to be-married-because-that's-what-you-do. If I had felt that Marc had wanted to marry me because of ME, I might have been more inclined towards it. But I felt like for him, it was just the next step: go to college; get girlfriend; graduate; get job; buy house; get married.
Come to think of it. Even my more recent ex, John, who thought I was a complete "geek" for being into theatre and almost never came to a show or anything, once told me he was jealous that I had something like that in my life that I really loved doing. He made money, he came from a more-or-less well-to-do background, had a good job and a nice apartment with a big-screen TV. And he was envious of me.
The flip side is that I have not done the house-married-kids thing, and pretty much everyone else has at this point. I don't even feel like it's necessary or anything. It just seems like it might be kinda nice.
So now I'm "friends" with Marc again. Interesting.