(no subject)
you know, i resolved when i restarted this that i was not, under any circumstances, going to be cryptic.
i was going to revel in the vague anonymity of the internet and write everything exactly as it happened and Spill My Guts and Cry My Heart Out and Keep An Accurate Record and other such (ig)noble things. maybe i'd change a name here or there, but that was it.
i stopped writing here because i had a suspicion that certain people from college had found it, and i wanted to play my cards closer. obviously, i'm no good at that, but hey, it worked for longer than i expected so it was worth a shot, and you can always deny (even if not exactly plausibly) what you don't actually say outright, non?
i came back partly because i once more needed a place to shelve random thoughts for later consideration, but more because i know the first time i tried to actually describe this dramatic mess, i flaked out and gave a totally watered-down version that really just retrospectively pisses me off because i could have done it right and all this stress and drama certainly aren't worth the time of anyone involved for anything less than the full story. so i decided i'd write stuff down as it happened and write the past as it should have been, and if anyone who hasn't known about this lj since high school found it, then fine, maybe they'd understand. or maybe not. but it would be there, the way it should be, and without any pretense for the recurring characters as well as the others.
as this entry may be the crown jewel in my collection of cryptic writings, that obviously hasn't happened. for one, it's too long a story to actually write (In The Beginning, there was Georgetown, and there was the New South freshman dorm, and upon the 3rd floor I lived....blah blah blah. you get it.), with too many details inconsequential to anyone but myself, that as often as not reveals me to be An Idiot. and the part of me that wants to see it through the lens of a camera, artfully filmed and with an excellent soundtrack added, is probably very narcissistic and certainly doesn't translate well from my head to a page with words.
but i guess, even if i was going to write tens of thousands of words, and comb my email and facebook and aim and text message archives to put everything actually together, it still wouldn't be right. because it would still be avoidance. and i guess i don't know what people would think, and some part of me doesn't want to know.
whatever. things will come out bit by bit, i suppose, as they always do.
song lyrics time!
got a secret, can you keep it
swear this one you'll save
better lock it in your pocket
taking this one to the grave.
if i show you, then i know you
won't tell what i said
'cuz two can keep a secret
if one of them is dead.
i got that song from gossip girl. surprise surprise!
i was going to revel in the vague anonymity of the internet and write everything exactly as it happened and Spill My Guts and Cry My Heart Out and Keep An Accurate Record and other such (ig)noble things. maybe i'd change a name here or there, but that was it.
i stopped writing here because i had a suspicion that certain people from college had found it, and i wanted to play my cards closer. obviously, i'm no good at that, but hey, it worked for longer than i expected so it was worth a shot, and you can always deny (even if not exactly plausibly) what you don't actually say outright, non?
i came back partly because i once more needed a place to shelve random thoughts for later consideration, but more because i know the first time i tried to actually describe this dramatic mess, i flaked out and gave a totally watered-down version that really just retrospectively pisses me off because i could have done it right and all this stress and drama certainly aren't worth the time of anyone involved for anything less than the full story. so i decided i'd write stuff down as it happened and write the past as it should have been, and if anyone who hasn't known about this lj since high school found it, then fine, maybe they'd understand. or maybe not. but it would be there, the way it should be, and without any pretense for the recurring characters as well as the others.
as this entry may be the crown jewel in my collection of cryptic writings, that obviously hasn't happened. for one, it's too long a story to actually write (In The Beginning, there was Georgetown, and there was the New South freshman dorm, and upon the 3rd floor I lived....blah blah blah. you get it.), with too many details inconsequential to anyone but myself, that as often as not reveals me to be An Idiot. and the part of me that wants to see it through the lens of a camera, artfully filmed and with an excellent soundtrack added, is probably very narcissistic and certainly doesn't translate well from my head to a page with words.
but i guess, even if i was going to write tens of thousands of words, and comb my email and facebook and aim and text message archives to put everything actually together, it still wouldn't be right. because it would still be avoidance. and i guess i don't know what people would think, and some part of me doesn't want to know.
whatever. things will come out bit by bit, i suppose, as they always do.
song lyrics time!
got a secret, can you keep it
swear this one you'll save
better lock it in your pocket
taking this one to the grave.
if i show you, then i know you
won't tell what i said
'cuz two can keep a secret
if one of them is dead.
i got that song from gossip girl. surprise surprise!