I'm reminded of a bit in The Screwtape Letters where Screwtape is advising his nephew on how to mess with people's prayers, and he says that a devil knows he's really in trouble when a person says to God in prayer, "not what I think Thou art but what Thy knowest Thyself to be." Not that I believe we all have *actual* little devils following us around, but the ideas of God we construct in our heads ("God hates homosexuals," "God likes turtledoves," whatever) are "bedeviling" in the sense that they hold us back from experiencing just how huge God's Love really is.
If I'm understanding you correctly, it sounds like you've come to the point where you know what you're looking for is that love that is bigger than any idea of love we can cook up. Which is awesome. If I could give everyone in the world one thing, it'd be just one moment of that realization - so many people never have it. They say they do, but they don't...it shows in their everyday actions.
(Which is why the His House people were so annoying: "I'm acting out of the Love of God(TM)!" No, you're acting out of your own ego and silly origami-Jesus notion of who and what God is. You're so full of things you've told yourself about God that there's no room for God to ACTUALLY TELL YOU who He is even if you WERE listening, which you're NOT. /rant)
Remember when we got such a kick out of that pastor or commentator or whoever he was saying that if you search, you'll find it, because we knew damn well you can't find what you're looking for if you don't know what it is? But the knowing what you're looking for is scary too, because it means there's no more excuses for hanging on to your paper version of God...and a lot of people can't let go of what they've always held onto.
It's like Renee Alston says at the end of Stumbling Toward Faith, she is coming to realize that god is bigger than any person, than any definition from any person, bigger than any person's cruelty or kindness.
I remember that conversation! It was about that stupid praise and worship song where they stop it in the middle to have that guy give that long ramble asbout how god is not afraid of who or how you're seeking because he knows eventually if you seek long enough you'll find him. How stupid is that? You can't seek popcorn and find god! Christians think that no matter what you believe eventually if you seek truth you'll HAVE to become a Christian because thwey think Christianity is the only truth. I know all the religions think that in one way or another but it seems worse in Christianity to me. I don't know. Probably because Christianity is the one I've had the most experience with.
I'm reminded of a bit in The Screwtape Letters where Screwtape is advising his nephew on how to mess with people's prayers, and he says that a devil knows he's really in trouble when a person says to God in prayer, "not what I think Thou art but what Thy knowest Thyself to be." Not that I believe we all have *actual* little devils following us around, but the ideas of God we construct in our heads ("God hates homosexuals," "God likes turtledoves," whatever) are "bedeviling" in the sense that they hold us back from experiencing just how huge God's Love really is.
If I'm understanding you correctly, it sounds like you've come to the point where you know what you're looking for is that love that is bigger than any idea of love we can cook up. Which is awesome. If I could give everyone in the world one thing, it'd be just one moment of that realization - so many people never have it. They say they do, but they don't...it shows in their everyday actions.
(Which is why the His House people were so annoying: "I'm acting out of the Love of God(TM)!" No, you're acting out of your own ego and silly origami-Jesus notion of who and what God is. You're so full of things you've told yourself about God that there's no room for God to ACTUALLY TELL YOU who He is even if you WERE listening, which you're NOT. /rant)
Remember when we got such a kick out of that pastor or commentator or whoever he was saying that if you search, you'll find it, because we knew damn well you can't find what you're looking for if you don't know what it is? But the knowing what you're looking for is scary too, because it means there's no more excuses for hanging on to your paper version of God...and a lot of people can't let go of what they've always held onto.
(I am rambling and now require lunchfoods.)
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I remember that conversation! It was about that stupid praise and worship song where they stop it in the middle to have that guy give that long ramble asbout how god is not afraid of who or how you're seeking because he knows eventually if you seek long enough you'll find him. How stupid is that? You can't seek popcorn and find god! Christians think that no matter what you believe eventually if you seek truth you'll HAVE to become a Christian because thwey think Christianity is the only truth. I know all the religions think that in one way or another but it seems worse in Christianity to me. I don't know. Probably because Christianity is the one I've had the most experience with.
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I want that on a T-shirt.
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