Complete

[sawanai]

Title: Life goes on as it never ends
Characters: Hisoka, open to visitors
Location: ICU
Rating: PG-13 tops
Summary: Hisoka expects lectures and slaps for what he tried to do.
Day/Time: 71, throughout the day

Comments

[hitsuzenwoman]

Yuuko was carrying the stuffed animals that Hisoka owned. Except for the teddy bear. It had been gone by the time she arrived. She could only assume Zack had it, since he had given it to Hisoka.

Yuuko...was upset. So upset that no one could read her expression or body language. It was cold and guarded against any 'intruders.' She was only like this when she was in a serious state and this was serious.

Still, she was still allowed to enter Hisoka's room. She walked over, setting down the tiger and the Mokona beside him before taking a seat beside his bed, still silent.

[sawanai]

He didn't smile when he saw Yuuko. Of all the people mad at him right now, he knew she had to be at the top of the list. Hisoka looked down and swallowed loudly, nervously. After taking a few deep breaths, he hugged the Mokona against his chest.

"You're mad at me."

[hitsuzenwoman]

"...yes." Yuuko said, her voice indifferent. "I'm very angry. And upset." She said in that same tone. She looked at Hisoka and quickly stood up and wrapped her arms around him. "...and scared."

[sawanai]

He whimpered slightly when she touched him and pulled away. It hadn't hurt him physically, but his eyes still watered. "I didn't want to hurt you. Figured it would be easier for you without me around anymore," Hisoka whispered, voice shaky.

[hitsuzenwoman]

Yuuko had her head bowed, hiding her face from Hisoka. "Please...Hisoka...I need to reassure myself you're here..." She said quietly.

[sawanai]

He nodded and held Yuuko's hand. If she touched him again, he wouldn't flinch. "I'm here. Not sure how or why right now, but I'm breathing and people are going to keep a close eye on me so I stay that way."

With his other hand, he held the Mokona tighter.

[hitsuzenwoman]

Yuuko moved to hug him again. "Hisoka...why?" She asked quietly after a few moments.

[sawanai]

He rested his head on her chest as Yuuko held him. Hisoka took a slow breath as he heard the question. She probably wouldn't agree with his reasoning.

"Cox is gone, Zack doesn't want more than a few people near him, I'll never be able to work for you enough to pay you, and the nightmares aren't going away anymore. I don't think they'll let you become my guardian, so there's still a chance I'll have to go back with my parents once the court hears about things. I feel completely useless, like some scared little bump on a log that doesn't do anything other than irritate the person unlucky eough to sit on it." He tried to keep his voice flat, but pain crept in anyway.

[hitsuzenwoman]

"...the only reason...why I wouldn't be a good guardian is because...of my 'insanity.' But...I could change that." Yuuko said quietly.

[sawanai]

"How can you change it?" he wondered as he dug his fingers into her back lightly and tried not to cry. Hisoka wanted to believe that she could be the one to take care of him if they ever got out of here, but right now, that seemed incredibly far away. "I'm sorry I scared you, Yuuko."

[hitsuzenwoman]

"The only reason I'm in this house...is because I never tried to leave." Yuuko said quietly. "At any point, I could act sane and leave. And then there would be no reason to say I'd be a bad guardian." She said, her hold tightening a bit on Hisoka. "I don't want you to die, Hisoka..."

[sawanai]

"They could say you'd be bad just because you used to be here." He closed his eyes tightly and felt tears run over his cheeks as Yuuko held him tighter. "I want to stop feeling like a big waste of everything. I don't know what else will make me feel more useful."

[hitsuzenwoman]

"I know how to handle those situations. If I want something...I find a way to get it or do it." Yuuko said gently. "You're not a waste, Hisoka. Not even the most horrible of people are a complete waste, as much as people wish they were. You're the farthest thing there is from a waste."

[sawanai]

"I hope so. Maybe I can find Tatsumi-san's phone number and you can speak to him about what's going on." He trembled, still not sure if he wanted to believe Yuuko when she said he wasn't a waste. Hisoka certainly didn't feel useful right now.

[hitsuzenwoman]

"That'd be very helpful." Yuuko said. "I'm sure I can convince him."

[sawanai]

"It's in my room somewhere. But I won't be back there for a few days to find it." Hisoka didn't notice that he'd grabbed onto some of Yuuko's hair.