is this a hazing?
OH LORD
Unfailingly, it makes me laugh every time
Even when I'm sitting there in class, exuding perfection -- saintly, doe-eyed, attentive -- I will, like a child of five, be forced to slap a hand to my mouth to keep from laughing inappropriately in the middle of a lecture on death or reflexive verbs.
How could I NOT, when Joshua Malina's voice keeps popping into my head:
"It's not a hazing. They don't do that. Except...YES, you put olives in my jacket again!"
HAHAHAHA
MEANWHILE
This scene clearly resulted from being bored in class (so, that would be doe-eyed MINUS the attentive part--bah, minor distinction).
In any case, I often make desperate attempts at amusing myself with ridiculous West Wing scenarios, which then turn into massive time-sucks because I clearly have to find ways to validate the scenario, even though the point of them is to be ridiculous. And so, more often than not, I end up putting substantially more effort into creating back story for a scene than on the actual scene itself.
I had way too much fun writing this.
Scene: 4th of July party hosted by the Bartletts
Location: I have no idea. Somewhere fancy.
(On the second floor balcony. Early evening.)
DANNY: Hey.
WILL: Hey.
DANNY: What’s up?
WILL: Really, just another typical evening of Josh and CJ making asses out of themselves.
DANNY: And don’t we love them for it?
WILL: Questionably. When you consider who 'we' includes. But, yes. I think that is the general consensus.
DANNY: General consensus. Of course, throw a podium and some cameras into that mix and it's a whole new ball game.
WILL: Ah, yes.
DANNY: Hm. Well. Not that you aren’t always an engaging conversationalist, Mr. Bailey-And you know I’ve got questions for you about the VP's cobb salad dinner date fiasco-But would you mind pointing me in the direction of your fellow lunatic staff members?
WILL: I’m sorry, how exactly did you get into this party, again? I don’t mean to-you know-I just thought…I was told that this was…a private…function.
DANNY: You were told correctly.
WILL: Has the term private been recently modified to include scrutiny by the press, or…?
DANNY: Nope. No press allowed.
WILL: Then, if you don’t mind me repeating a blunt and potentially awkward question-how did you get in here?
DANNY: I’m charming and adorable, and the woman at the door has a major thing for guys with beards.
WILL: Seriously?
DANNY: No. I talked to Leo-he said I was invited as long as I kept the notebook at home.
WILL: So, all of this is off the record?
DANNY: Are you kidding? And tempt the wrath of the high thing on top of the…okay, I don’t know the phrase, but the answer is yes. Off the record. So-what is it that CJ and Josh have going?
WILL: A bet.
DANNY: A bet? What kind of a bet?
WILL: An idiotic one.
DANNY: No doubt.
WILL: More like a competition, actually, that involves a bet.
DANNY: What?
WILL: They’re trying to prove who's best at staying ‘cool’ and ‘under the radar’ at work-related functions.
DANNY: I don’t follow.
WILL: They want to prove who is the most articulate under the influence.
DANNY: Under the influence? You mean like…a drinking game?
WILL: Drinking challenge.
DANNY: Yes, because that makes more sense.
WILL: Their words, not mine.
DANNY: Explain this to me…
WILL: Okay, well, basically, Josh and CJ-actually, Margaret and Donna too, as self-designated judges, from what I gather-are sitting at a back table in the main dining room, guzzling mass quantities of mimosa and reciting the Preamble at each other over and over again until one of them slurs. I think they were on round five when I left, both still going strong.
DANNY: You’re kidding me.
WILL: You’d think. But I’m actually very poor at successfully executing elaborate jokes.
DANNY: They’re really doing this? At a Fourth of July dinner party hosted by the Bartletts?
WILL: Surprised CJ would do something that stupid?
DANNY: Surprised JOSH would do something that stupid. CJ’s gonna to kick his ass.
WILL: That’s what I said. But I think Donna put him up to it. Also, I’m pretty sure CJ offered to call him Chickenboy for the rest of the month if he backed out. Poor slob didn’t have a chance.
DANNY: That’s fantastic. Thanks for the heads up, man-I hope you don’t mind, but I feel morally obligated to check this out.
WILL: I don’t blame you. That direction. Through those doors, follow the hallway until you get to a large room with lots of tables, then listen for an unending stream of pithy insults and smack talk and you’ll find them pretty quick.
DANNY: Thanks!
KATE: Was that Danny Concannon? Where’s he going?
WILL: Dining room.
KATE: Oh, good! Are they serving food already?
WILL: No.
KATE: Then why is Danny going to the dining room?
WILL: He wants to watch CJ and Josh get drunk out of their minds and spend the evening verbally slapping each other with their wits.
KATE: Whoa, wait-where? I LOVE drunk CJ.
WILL: I’m pretty sure you’re not alone in that.
KATE: Yes-yes, I heard some things-only a few and insignificant things-but some things nonetheless-about CJ and, um…Hey. Are you drunk?
WILL: Decidedly not. Are you?
KATE: I would prefer not to answer that question. Except, yes. Yes, I am. Decidedly so.
WILL: Okay.
KATE: Can I get you a glass of something?
WILL: Only if you don’t mind me not so much drinking it as swishing it around a lot and trying to look suave in the manner of a much shorter, less attractive, and considerably less robust Tom Selleck.
KATE: That's an interesting visual.
WILL: You're welcome.
KATE: And all of that is supposed to mean...what? You’re not drinking?
WILL: I drove myself tonight. Though I’m wondering now at which point my brain decided to stop functioning and allowed myself to think that was a good idea.
KATE: Hm.
WILL: Indeed.
KATE: So, what if I promise by the end of the night to find us a nice cab? You know, the kind with a surly driver and a spacious back seat in which all manner of questionable deeds might be accomplished between the time it takes the surly driver to drive us from this place to my place-Then would it be okay if I got you a drink?
WILL: It is almost impossible to articulate how extremely okay that would be.
KATE: Groovy.
WILL: Groovy?
KATE: And then some.
WILL: I think I’m going out on a limb here by saying this, but I should probably expect some very interesting conversations with you tonight, shouldn’t I?
KATE: I think that would be a safe bet.
WILL: Just checking.
KATE: Also, probably some sex, probably.
WILL: Wow. You’re blunt when you’re inebriated.
KATE: Yeah.
WILL: Groovy.
KATE: …
WILL: I didn’t say it right, did I?
KATE: Decidedly not.
WILL: Okay.
KATE: I’m going to go get that drink now.
WILL: Okay.
LOOOL I have several more disconnected snippets of dialogue written regarding the CJ/Josh drunken eloquence showdown, but none of them are quite cohesive yet.
I need to find better things to do with my nonexistent time xD
Unfailingly, it makes me laugh every time
Even when I'm sitting there in class, exuding perfection -- saintly, doe-eyed, attentive -- I will, like a child of five, be forced to slap a hand to my mouth to keep from laughing inappropriately in the middle of a lecture on death or reflexive verbs.
How could I NOT, when Joshua Malina's voice keeps popping into my head:
"It's not a hazing. They don't do that. Except...YES, you put olives in my jacket again!"
HAHAHAHA
Click to viewMEANWHILE
This scene clearly resulted from being bored in class (so, that would be doe-eyed MINUS the attentive part--bah, minor distinction).
In any case, I often make desperate attempts at amusing myself with ridiculous West Wing scenarios, which then turn into massive time-sucks because I clearly have to find ways to validate the scenario, even though the point of them is to be ridiculous. And so, more often than not, I end up putting substantially more effort into creating back story for a scene than on the actual scene itself.
I had way too much fun writing this.
Scene: 4th of July party hosted by the Bartletts
Location: I have no idea. Somewhere fancy.
(On the second floor balcony. Early evening.)
DANNY: Hey.
WILL: Hey.
DANNY: What’s up?
WILL: Really, just another typical evening of Josh and CJ making asses out of themselves.
DANNY: And don’t we love them for it?
WILL: Questionably. When you consider who 'we' includes. But, yes. I think that is the general consensus.
DANNY: General consensus. Of course, throw a podium and some cameras into that mix and it's a whole new ball game.
WILL: Ah, yes.
DANNY: Hm. Well. Not that you aren’t always an engaging conversationalist, Mr. Bailey-And you know I’ve got questions for you about the VP's cobb salad dinner date fiasco-But would you mind pointing me in the direction of your fellow lunatic staff members?
WILL: I’m sorry, how exactly did you get into this party, again? I don’t mean to-you know-I just thought…I was told that this was…a private…function.
DANNY: You were told correctly.
WILL: Has the term private been recently modified to include scrutiny by the press, or…?
DANNY: Nope. No press allowed.
WILL: Then, if you don’t mind me repeating a blunt and potentially awkward question-how did you get in here?
DANNY: I’m charming and adorable, and the woman at the door has a major thing for guys with beards.
WILL: Seriously?
DANNY: No. I talked to Leo-he said I was invited as long as I kept the notebook at home.
WILL: So, all of this is off the record?
DANNY: Are you kidding? And tempt the wrath of the high thing on top of the…okay, I don’t know the phrase, but the answer is yes. Off the record. So-what is it that CJ and Josh have going?
WILL: A bet.
DANNY: A bet? What kind of a bet?
WILL: An idiotic one.
DANNY: No doubt.
WILL: More like a competition, actually, that involves a bet.
DANNY: What?
WILL: They’re trying to prove who's best at staying ‘cool’ and ‘under the radar’ at work-related functions.
DANNY: I don’t follow.
WILL: They want to prove who is the most articulate under the influence.
DANNY: Under the influence? You mean like…a drinking game?
WILL: Drinking challenge.
DANNY: Yes, because that makes more sense.
WILL: Their words, not mine.
DANNY: Explain this to me…
WILL: Okay, well, basically, Josh and CJ-actually, Margaret and Donna too, as self-designated judges, from what I gather-are sitting at a back table in the main dining room, guzzling mass quantities of mimosa and reciting the Preamble at each other over and over again until one of them slurs. I think they were on round five when I left, both still going strong.
DANNY: You’re kidding me.
WILL: You’d think. But I’m actually very poor at successfully executing elaborate jokes.
DANNY: They’re really doing this? At a Fourth of July dinner party hosted by the Bartletts?
WILL: Surprised CJ would do something that stupid?
DANNY: Surprised JOSH would do something that stupid. CJ’s gonna to kick his ass.
WILL: That’s what I said. But I think Donna put him up to it. Also, I’m pretty sure CJ offered to call him Chickenboy for the rest of the month if he backed out. Poor slob didn’t have a chance.
DANNY: That’s fantastic. Thanks for the heads up, man-I hope you don’t mind, but I feel morally obligated to check this out.
WILL: I don’t blame you. That direction. Through those doors, follow the hallway until you get to a large room with lots of tables, then listen for an unending stream of pithy insults and smack talk and you’ll find them pretty quick.
DANNY: Thanks!
KATE: Was that Danny Concannon? Where’s he going?
WILL: Dining room.
KATE: Oh, good! Are they serving food already?
WILL: No.
KATE: Then why is Danny going to the dining room?
WILL: He wants to watch CJ and Josh get drunk out of their minds and spend the evening verbally slapping each other with their wits.
KATE: Whoa, wait-where? I LOVE drunk CJ.
WILL: I’m pretty sure you’re not alone in that.
KATE: Yes-yes, I heard some things-only a few and insignificant things-but some things nonetheless-about CJ and, um…Hey. Are you drunk?
WILL: Decidedly not. Are you?
KATE: I would prefer not to answer that question. Except, yes. Yes, I am. Decidedly so.
WILL: Okay.
KATE: Can I get you a glass of something?
WILL: Only if you don’t mind me not so much drinking it as swishing it around a lot and trying to look suave in the manner of a much shorter, less attractive, and considerably less robust Tom Selleck.
KATE: That's an interesting visual.
WILL: You're welcome.
KATE: And all of that is supposed to mean...what? You’re not drinking?
WILL: I drove myself tonight. Though I’m wondering now at which point my brain decided to stop functioning and allowed myself to think that was a good idea.
KATE: Hm.
WILL: Indeed.
KATE: So, what if I promise by the end of the night to find us a nice cab? You know, the kind with a surly driver and a spacious back seat in which all manner of questionable deeds might be accomplished between the time it takes the surly driver to drive us from this place to my place-Then would it be okay if I got you a drink?
WILL: It is almost impossible to articulate how extremely okay that would be.
KATE: Groovy.
WILL: Groovy?
KATE: And then some.
WILL: I think I’m going out on a limb here by saying this, but I should probably expect some very interesting conversations with you tonight, shouldn’t I?
KATE: I think that would be a safe bet.
WILL: Just checking.
KATE: Also, probably some sex, probably.
WILL: Wow. You’re blunt when you’re inebriated.
KATE: Yeah.
WILL: Groovy.
KATE: …
WILL: I didn’t say it right, did I?
KATE: Decidedly not.
WILL: Okay.
KATE: I’m going to go get that drink now.
WILL: Okay.
LOOOL I have several more disconnected snippets of dialogue written regarding the CJ/Josh drunken eloquence showdown, but none of them are quite cohesive yet.
I need to find better things to do with my nonexistent time xD