V DAY
Baaah, Valentine's day lol
For the first time in a long time I am really just feeling -- pleasant, I think, is the right word. I am utterly content in my work and happy to go to dinner with about twenty-two girlfriends in downtown Austin later tonight. Times are good, man. Stressful, but good. Actually, I think I thrive best at this pace -- otherwise I would feel idle and worthless. If I have too much time to think, I start to realize how big the world is.
This way, I can just concentrate on more isolated pockets of terror. (i.e. the paper due next week in Lit Crit/Lit Theory I'M SO SCARED -- FREUD/LACAN/WHAAAAT? seriously, direct readings from Lacan...I want to cry. And he does it on purpose, the jerk. I'm on to you, man! YOU LOVE TO MAKE LITTLE GIRLS CRY WITH YOUR FUCKED UP RHETORIC!).
So yay for Montessori upbringing kicking into overdrive five years AFTER leaving it behind. LOL. Ah well, better late than never.
But LORD I wish I had had this kind of enthusiasm for my studies when I was in high school. Maybe then I would have made the effort to set my bar...a little higher. Not that SU isn't awesome -- it is. It's beautiful and prestigious, there are opportunities around every corner, we are held to a high academic standard (Dean's List = 3.6, instead of LIKE EVERY OTHER SCHOOL which is usually 3.5, because we are just that cool) and the classes are relatively difficult (some more than others). But...it's hard to explain. I think I just have a restless spirit by nature, and I feel so worthless here, in this pokey little town, plotting my escape to graduate school and a chance at grander aesthetics. A better nametag/reputation.
DO YOU SEE HOW SHALLOW I HAVE BECOME?
I really wish I could just lie, and say that I want to go somewhere in the north east for some, you know, REASON, but really I'm just a hopeless romantic, with a thirst for the strange and unfamiliar, the snow and the classic grandeur -- in other words, I WANT OUT OF THE SOUTH. I WANT OUT OF TEXAS. PLEASE GOD PLEASE GET ME TO NEW YORK!!!
I want to go to a school that evokes a glowing sense of pride every time you wear its letters. Again, SU, neat -- but no one really knows about it. Not like Berkely or Harvard or Brown or Yale. Not that I have my sight set on any of those -- I'm not entirely delusional -- but, you know...
UGH, whatever.
Haha, I definitely did not mean to blabber on this much, or at all, beyond the initial observation that I wasn't feeling like total shit on Valentine's Day.
You know you love me, LJ, you know you do.
For the first time in a long time I am really just feeling -- pleasant, I think, is the right word. I am utterly content in my work and happy to go to dinner with about twenty-two girlfriends in downtown Austin later tonight. Times are good, man. Stressful, but good. Actually, I think I thrive best at this pace -- otherwise I would feel idle and worthless. If I have too much time to think, I start to realize how big the world is.
This way, I can just concentrate on more isolated pockets of terror. (i.e. the paper due next week in Lit Crit/Lit Theory I'M SO SCARED -- FREUD/LACAN/WHAAAAT? seriously, direct readings from Lacan...I want to cry. And he does it on purpose, the jerk. I'm on to you, man! YOU LOVE TO MAKE LITTLE GIRLS CRY WITH YOUR FUCKED UP RHETORIC!).
So yay for Montessori upbringing kicking into overdrive five years AFTER leaving it behind. LOL. Ah well, better late than never.
But LORD I wish I had had this kind of enthusiasm for my studies when I was in high school. Maybe then I would have made the effort to set my bar...a little higher. Not that SU isn't awesome -- it is. It's beautiful and prestigious, there are opportunities around every corner, we are held to a high academic standard (Dean's List = 3.6, instead of LIKE EVERY OTHER SCHOOL which is usually 3.5, because we are just that cool) and the classes are relatively difficult (some more than others). But...it's hard to explain. I think I just have a restless spirit by nature, and I feel so worthless here, in this pokey little town, plotting my escape to graduate school and a chance at grander aesthetics. A better nametag/reputation.
DO YOU SEE HOW SHALLOW I HAVE BECOME?
I really wish I could just lie, and say that I want to go somewhere in the north east for some, you know, REASON, but really I'm just a hopeless romantic, with a thirst for the strange and unfamiliar, the snow and the classic grandeur -- in other words, I WANT OUT OF THE SOUTH. I WANT OUT OF TEXAS. PLEASE GOD PLEASE GET ME TO NEW YORK!!!
I want to go to a school that evokes a glowing sense of pride every time you wear its letters. Again, SU, neat -- but no one really knows about it. Not like Berkely or Harvard or Brown or Yale. Not that I have my sight set on any of those -- I'm not entirely delusional -- but, you know...
UGH, whatever.
Haha, I definitely did not mean to blabber on this much, or at all, beyond the initial observation that I wasn't feeling like total shit on Valentine's Day.
You know you love me, LJ, you know you do.