(no subject)
I gots lots of new and shiny icons (you will see them all eventually I imagine).
The master/owner/awesomeperson from whichest they cameth = iconseeyou <3
In other news, just because all of a sudden it's "express your long withheld pent-up horrors/feelings of revulsion and anger about THAT book (i.e. Twilight) day" I guess I'll just jump on the bandwagon and throw in my two cents:
Because I'm distraught and wrathful and feel like venting my blunt, unfiltered opinion.
Oh, Twilight, how to even begin expressing my thoughts on this tragic disaster? Perhaps it would first be prudent to establish the fact that I have recently come to the conclusion that the entire series was written, edited, and produced by a crew of drunkards. It’s the only explanation.
This may sound harsh -- and I hear you (rabid Twilight fans), that the books do exhibit, on a few brief occasions, a snatch or two of an idea that, with the proper development and editing, could have potentially evolved into something worth the honor of trees dying in its name. But I suppose as an English major, I have simply become accustomed to QUALITY in the books I read, and therefore find it hard to swallow anything that does not meet what is (at least) an 8th grader’s standard of “good writing.”
Putting aside for a moment all of the glaring grammatical mistakes, spelling typos, gaping plot holes, and the fact that Meyer has the vocabulary capacity of my dog, I would like to consider for a moment the message that these books (and let it be known that I only call them "books" with the greatest possible reluctance) put forth. The morals and actions of Bella Swan (oh, Lord, spare me, her name literally means “beautiful swan”) are absurd and unhealthy for young women - preaching that a girl is worth nothing without her man; that being HUMAN, and being WITH YOUR FAMILY, and LOVING YOURSELF, are not, in fact, important things to accomplish in life. But that instead a girl should actually devote herself to BECOMING LIKE HER MAN - quite literally, in Bella's case, as she wants nothing more than to cease being human and have Edward transform her into a vampire for more or less no other reason than so she can slobber all over his "marble lips" for the rest of eternity (please tell me how cold lips are in any way a turn-on; because while I know I certainly enjoy making out with a limp fish, I just wonder about the rest of the world. No, really. Really. What the hell.). I despise how often and how fervently Meyer seems to stress the frailty of humanity, more specifically, the frailty of the human girl. That is not necessarily a comment on the validity of the frailty idea as material for a story (I guess), but simply an expression of my own personal preference. I like strong heroines, dammit, and I’m sorry if reading about a WHINY (not lying, I nearly threw the book across the room several times just to make her for the love of God stop whining), pathetic, gooey mess of worthless girl on the floor makes me want to shove a pencil in my eye, but that's how I feel.
Furthermore, what kind of moral guidelines do these books establish in the eyes of young, impressionable teenage girls? What may be gleened from the Bella/Edward epic teen-angst will-they-won't-they-actually-eat-each-other someone-please-kill-the-Mary-Sue battle of love and hormones? That having a possessive, violent, creepy as shit stalker boyfriend is not only okay, but cute. Desirable. Adorable even. Adorable. Even.
I just want that point to sit there and simmer in all its gooey, sleazy, disgruntling, disgusting glory for a few moments.
Okay.
First of all. Having a boyfriend who is violently possessive is both unhealthy and potentially dangerous. Not cute. Not desirable. Not adorable even.
Second. Having a boyfriend who SAT OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOW AND WATCHED YOU SLEEP FOR LIKE A MONTH BEFORE HE EVEN FUCKING KNEW YOU is so beyond not okay I can't even begin to force my brain to attempt to handle it. Stalking is illegal in all fifty states. For a good reason. I'm not kidding. I don't think government was just fucking around with us when they said, HEY! CUT THAT SHIT OUT! And thus produced the restraining order.
But the ways in which Meyer writes Edward seemingly attempts to justify all of these creeper characteristics by making him beautiful and "devoted" to (more like freakishly obsessed with) Bella (despite himself WTF?? I don't even know. There's some internal battle there that I don't remember. GAG ME.) I don't think I am able to overcome my revulsion long enough to fully articulate this point that I'm trying to make here, but the basic gist of it is: the relationship which Edward and Bella enact is not healthy -- it is fictional, it is fantasy, and in real life, the hyper masculine possessiveness and voyeuristic tendencies which Edward display, would not, in any way, be appropriate. Particularly not for teenage girls -- who really are at one of the most vulnerable stages in their lives.
Now, setting all of THAT aside for a moment, another deep issue I have with this series has to do with the profession of writing itself, and what Meyer has done to drive a flaming, twelve-inch steak knife straight through its heart. Yes the book is awful. Yes the characters reek of poor construction and the rabidly stunted imagination of someone who is entirely unfamiliar with the words “horrifying cliché” and *“mary sue.” But my real qualm is not simply that it's bad, and not simply that it's bad AND raking in a ton of money - but the fact that it is, in itself, a mockery of the one and true love of my life. I have wanted to become a published author for as long as I can remember, and have therefore worked very hard every day of my life in order to acquire the appropriate skills so that I might eventually be WORTHY of actual publication. But Stephanie Meyer stands over that mighty effort of mine and, guffawing heartily, takes a great, big, steaming dump all over it.
Through her fame, she is (intentionally or not) creating the ridiculous notion in the heads of her fans that because this book is LAIK SO GOOD OH MAI GAH, the writing is something to be admired, therefore something to be learned from and (Heaven forbid) copied - REPLICATED THROUGH THE HANDS OF THE NEXT GENERATION, DEAR LORD SAVE US ALL. People see “Best-selling Author” plastered all over her books and immediately put her on par with many of the other great writers of this world.
This is morbidly unfair.
There is actual GENIUS in the world. Genius which deserves recognition, praise, respect - and it is GENIUS that should be shaping the young minds of today. Not this crock pot piece of crap that should not even be allowed within five thousand feet of a literary award. I do not fault Meyer for her success. I do not even think she is necessarily undeserving of it. She stumbled across a goldmine of teenage-girl-vampire-fantasy-gone-fucking-crazy and is happily reaping the rewards. But I will say again: it is the STANDARDS which suffer from her success. Keep the money, I don't care. What I care about is everything else I previously said. She mocks literature. She mocks the subtle, thrilling, devious art of story-telling itself - the carefully constructed sentence, proper grammar, everything about writing that MAKES it an art! It would honestly be okay, it would all be fine, if Twilight could simply remain a terrible book, out of the public eye, festering away on a lonesome shelf somewhere, growing mold and adjective-filled boils until it eventually imploded on itself in a seething, gaseous ball of darkness and decay - but it's not! People keep freaking buying it! Every time I see someone holding a copy, I want to rip the book from their hands and hit them over the head with a rolled up newspaper. NO! Bad teenage girl! Please, everyone, just stop. Stop encouraging her. Meyer will never learn how to write properly with all this positive reinforcement. Take away her dollies, send her to time-out, and only let her come down from her room once she's carved every Mary Sue out of her brain with the blunt end of a spork.
I simply don’t get this book - I don’t get why it’s so popular. Every time I try to talk to someone about why they think Twilight is in any way remotely good, it turns into one of the most worthless/sadly amusing conversations I’ve ever had. No one can give me a solid argument. Their answers range from a) Edward Cullen is SO hot! (no dur, Meyer only writes that he is like ten thousand gazillion times) b) Jake is SO hot! c) Edward Cullen is SO HOT! or d) Edward Cullen is SO FUCKING HOT! I just...can't understand how that justifies such an utter, unprovoked slaughtering of, well, pretty much every respectable aspect of authorship. I would laugh, but only to keep from crying. She is such a joke. Seriously, TRY IT. Try to say this out loud while keeping a straight face: the vampires in Twilight cannot go into the sunlight because their skin sparkles. No other reason. That is why.
Because their skin. freaking. sparkles. I…I read that, and my brain does not know what to do with that information - except to fall all over itself with intermittent fits of giggles and indignant rage; rage because such a classic, literary figure has been so utterly raped of all its dignity. What was once interesting and sublime has been streamlined into a near-vomit-inducing (my initial reaction) Pretty Boy by a woman with the brain of a twelve year-old girl - and not a very literate one. The vampire used to be so COOL! He was wily and cunning and manipulative; his power was in the disturbing, persuasive grace he possessed, and his dark, gothic, brooding persona; a creature of the night who SLEPT IN A COFFIN, who BURNED IN THE SUN, who HAD BETTER THINGS TO DO WITH HIS TIME THAN GO TO HIGH SCHOOL.
Dear Stephanie,
Remove head from sphincter, THEN write.
Love,
Lindsey
The Twilight series is a waste of paper, a poorly timed joke, and a wooden stake through the heart of respectable literature (if literature were a vampire...which it's not, but SHUSH, you know what I mean).
And that’s what I think, by golly.
Feel free to contradict me...if you can.
**Just FYI for anyone who is unaware of this term: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_sue
EDIT: Holy...just...hell. ACTUAL line from the most recent book (courtesy of EW magazine):
“He had the most beautiful soul, more beautiful than his brilliant mind or his incomparable face or his glorious body.”
Do you need more proof? I feel like that fucked me up a little inside. Thank you Stephanie.
I also find it hilarious that Bella is supposed to be so well versed in all things English (because she is so BORED in class, and she is Just So Dang Smart, and everyone her age MUST have already read all of Bronte, Shakespeare, Chaucer and Faulkner like she has, and how dare they be reading things on a high school reading list) and yet the actual author can't even be bothered to learn the basic mechanics of the English language.
If Stephanie Meyer thinks she has any sort of real grasp on ANY of the previously mentioned authors, I will seriously cry. I think that's all we would need to write on her patient application to the insane asylum. Bella Swan is clearly a self-insertion (there is no denying), so I get the feeling that we are supposed to assume that these authors (Chaucer, Shakespeare, Bronte, etc.) are among what Meyer considers to be "basic reading." As though she has actually studied them/knows anything about Why They Are Masters of the Written Word.
And cue seizure.
DOUBLE EDIT:
Okay, THIS is hilarious: http://buttfacemakani.livejournal.com/280913.html?
And THIS is hilarious: http://otahyoni.livejournal.com/130432.html
TRIPLE EDIT:
AASDLFKJAHSLDKFJHALSKDFH this is hysterical. I wasn't even searching for stupid things she's said, but NO, OMG, someone just told me that this is an ACTUAL QUOTE from an interview with Stephanie Meyer:
"When I write the story, it's not like I'm thinking about what I'm doing..."
O______________________________O
Please.
OH, please.
Tell us something we don't already know.