Mar 03, 2006 23:04
i have nothing to lose
nothing to gain
i have nothing to live for
nothing to die for
i really dont have anything to show for everything i've been through
some crumpled up pieces of paper
two rings seen as metal and stone
a couple of tattoos that tell an unfinished story
i want to be happy
and i try
the world still engages my attention
although i lie a lot of the time and say that it doesn't
but i lack substance
i'm just a fragments of forgotten people that none of you knew
i've never been myself, since the day i was born
i don't have a real name, just aliases
and each one has it's own face
granted, sometimes i'll let my real self show through
but no one likes him, so i put him away
he likes to see other people happy
it makes him happy
he's stupid
he's cold and indifferent like a child to most things
which is the worse way
he just enjoys seeing people smile
as much as someone enjoys seeing a sunset
or the smell of the earth after a summer storm
all i can do is lie and say that things are going to be fine
offer this boundless pathetic insight to how things will work out
you would be better off if i simply recorded my voice
and you could play it when you felt blue
i could make millions
and fill my life with more garbage
that would make me happy
more junk, more status symbols, more things to show how well i'm doing
"i'm doing great everyone- i bought a small country and crushed the people under my iron fisted rule"
i could buy the moon and the stars i've always promised people and hand it out
wouldn't that be great?
i could pay someone to find out what's wrong with me and give me a heart
one that's cold and sleek, ever pumping, ever working
i wouldn't have to worry about feeling empty
i could just buy this idea of happiness and not worry about anything anymore
wouldn't that be swell?
wouldn't that be fucking great?
why wax philosophic, when someone can just tell me what it all means
why pine away for people, staring at the stars when i could just own them
why think for myself when i can just pay someone to do it for me
would that fucking do it for me?
i should just start saving now, buy everything i ever fucking desired and just burn it all
because it wouldn't do me any fucking good
i don't know why i'm unhappy
i don't know why i'm like this or why i do or say the things i do
i'm fucked up and broken and not worth a goddamn thing
i just have this aesthetic appeal about me that people find appealing
like i'm something fucking special or that i mean something to them
half the time, i mean nothing to myself, so how could i be worth anything to anyone else?
i look at people kiss and it makes me hurt
i look at how people touch each other and i get nauseous
i pass the time in people's lives until they move onto something better
i'm a sidenote, an unmentioned note in the margins of life
all i have are my stupid misunderstood and often wrong feelings
what's the point of having feelings if almost as soon as you have them
someone points out that you're wrong?
words mean shit to me
i don't believe most of what people say because they can be used against you
words that mean so much are thrown around like confetti, decorating the floor
so it might as well be feelings too
they do nothing but make me hurt
and make me turn myself inside out
and not want to say anything but the most trite
and feel nothing
i'm a fucking liar and a hypocrite
nothing is going to change
i'm still going to hurt
i'm still going to throw everything that matters to me away on someone else
and they'll simply use it for whatever purpose
and throw it back at me
or keep it a while to get a good laugh at how simple i am
at that idiot who gave them everything without question
hahahahaha
the joke is always on me
always was, always will
too bad i stopped fucking laughing