FIC: Eyes and Hands
TITLE: Eyes and Hands
RATING: PG-13
PAIRING: Mal/River
SUMMARY: A certain change in Mal's treatment of her causes River to neglect to care for herself.
WARNING/NOTES: Written for miss_strawberry because her collages rock my world. Serenity spoilers.
She had never known how heavy her head was until she felt his hand, cradling it.
*****
He was a bad, bad man. She was lying there, face ashen and lax, ill from who-knew-what, and all he could think of was the warm weight of her in his arms and how damned good it had felt, and how he'd wanted to carry her off to his bunk and hold her until she woke up and then...
"I think she just fainted," Simon said, sounding concerned. "Has anything...happened?" Everyone knew that things that made River faint generally meant a lot of unpleasantness for the rest of them.
Mal shook his head. "Nothing. We're miles away from everything, and everyone's shiny." He stroked one of her fragile wrists surreptitiously. "She been lookin' after herself? Ain't seen her at meals much. Just figured she didn't feel much like company."
"I...don't know." Simon flushed. "I haven't..."
Mal nodded, not chastising him as he wanted to. Simon and Kaylee had been absorbing each other completely for weeks now. "Understood. You got other things on your mind just now." But Mal didn't, and he should have noticed.
If it had happened two weeks before, Mal would have noticed, because two weeks before, he was still trying to convince himself that he thought of River as a daughter and had been allowing himself to pay a lot more attention to her. Teasing her at meals, making sure she ate right, buying her little presents planetside, giving her occasional hugs and kisses as he did Kaylee... It was his inability to control certain wayward parts of his anatomy while embracing River that had led to him letting go of that plan real quick. He figured, with her being a reader and all, sooner or later, she'd figure out that the thoughts in his brain were far from fatherly. Since then, he'd just been doing his best to ignore her.
River's eyes opened slowly, and she looked up at the two men bent over her. Her eyes flickered over Simon for a moment, then settled on Mal. "I fell."
"That you did, little one. How you feelin' now?"
"You caught me."
Mal flushed. "Yeah, well, someone had to." He made his expression stern again. "You been makin' yourself sick or somethin'?"
"You wouldn't see," she whispered softly. "Don't look anymore."
"River..." Simon's face was extremely concerned. He looked up at Mal. "Maybe you could leave us alone?" he said pointedly.
"And maybe you could let us have a conversation," Mal said curtly.
River tensed, uncomfortable with their arguing. "I'm fine," she whispered.
"No, you're not," Simon said firmly. "And I'm not letting you out of here until I find out why you fell."
She rolled her eyes. "Forgot to eat."
"Didn't used to be a problem," Mal said, puzzled. "Came to dinner every night like the rest of us."
"You used to notice. Couldn't sit there with you not noticing." Her gaze was fixed on Mal's face.
Simon looked between the two of them, pressing his lips together. "This is between the two of you, then." He took off his stethoscope. "All right. River, I'm going to go find you something to eat. You stay here, dong ma?"
She nodded listlessly, and when he was gone, she sat up, swinging her legs back and forth slowly.
Mal crossed his arms over her chest. "Now we're gonna get this settled for good and all. What ain't I been noticing?"
"Me," she said flatly. "You used to hug and joke and save the good bits for me. Now you don't look at me."
Ai ya. "So I don't pay attention to you, you gotta starve yourself? That don't make any sense..."
"Told you, I forgot. Perfect sense."
He sighed. "River, I'm just tryin' to do what's right," he pleaded. "You're just a girl, and you don't need..."
"I do," she said, with startling vehemence. "I do need, Mal..."
Her eyes were enormous brown pools, and he found himself drawn in by them; he was bending over her supine form. "What do you need?" he said, his voice rough with emotion.
"Your eyes. On me, watching me, holding me in their gaze..." Her feet flexed lightly as she spoke, and Mal was distracted from her words by that, by the perfect integration she seemed to possess between mind and body.
His fingers ran over her wrist again, and he marveled at the bird-like feel of her bones. "You want me lookin' at you?"
"To begin," she whispered, her hand opening and catching his as surely as any fly-trap.
Simon picked that very annoying moment to come back in, holding a cup of soy milk and a plate with a few dried hodgeberries and the last of some very tough, very expensive chicken. "Here, mei mei, eat this."
River pushed herself up on her elbow almost languidly. She began eating hungrily, her gaze coming up to rest shyly on both brother and captain from time to time.
Mal sat down on a stool beside her, and Simon lifted his eyebrows. "Are you going to just...stay here?"
Mal chewed the hodgeberry River had put into his mouth. "Yup. Gonna stay here and watch her." His blue eyes were fixed on River as she gnawed at a drumstick, secure in his gaze, content.
Simon shook his head and left them alone, then, even though his expression made it clear that that was the last thing he wanted to do.
River finished up her meal by draining her cup, and Mal took the dishes wordlessly from her and sat them on the counter, then rose to bend over her as she stretched out on her back again. "Seems like we got some things to discuss," he said quietly.
She smiled up at him. "No...here." She caught at one of his hands and drew it so that it was beneath her head. "Like this..."
"You havin' some trouble holdin' your own head up?" he said, a little confused, but he supported it steadily.
"Yes." Her toes curled lightly with the pleasure of his touch. "It's too heavy sometimes-need you to hold it. Can you do that? Can you hold it for me?"
Oh, that innocent request did all kinds of bad things to him, but he nodded as the sweetness of her face took his breath away, and he didn't mean to, he couldn't, but he was leaning closer to those pretty lips, and he needed them...
She was smooth and warm under his rough, dry lips, and she let her mouth open for him easily, one arm coming up to encircle his neck, holding him securely. He had a brief flash of fantasy that she would snap his neck in a moment because that couldn't be much more unexpected than this, but he knew it for a stray thought. River would never hurt him.
"Don't want you to be Daddy," she whispered, when the kiss broke.
"That's...that's good," he breathed, a little sheepishly, because it was embarrassing for her to know that was what he'd been trying to be. "This is still...all manner of wrong, River." He made no move to release her head or pull away from her, though. "I'm an evil, lecherous hump."
She shook her head a little, laughter escaping her, and Mal thought if he closed his eyes, he could see them, her laughs bouncing about all shiny like soap bubbles or champagne fizz. "Not bad. Just strange...so far."
"I won't disagree with that last point," he muttered, and kissed her again, harder this time, and something was plainly wrong with him that all this guilt and wrongness he felt only made him want her even more, want to eat her up like she was some special treat just left there for him.
When they both could breathe again, she whispered, "Glass walls," and it took his befuddled brain a moment to realize that she wasn't talking crazy, she was commenting on their current vulnerability.
"Oh...yeah." He glanced guiltily over his shoulder, as though expecting to see Shepherd Book's ghost and Simon both out there, watching him with judgment on their faces.
"None in your bunk, though." She sat up, swinging her legs off the table and alighting on the floor in a single unbroken movement.
"You...you feelin' better then?" he said, thinking he was probably supposed to say no to that and yet suddenly couldn't think of a single reason for it.
She gave him a smile to make the whole gorram ship light up like a Chinese lantern. "I will be. Just need you to hold me. Eyes and hands."
Carefully, his fingers twisted with hers, eyes trained on her slim, graceful form, he began leading her to his bunk.
It might be the wrongest thing he'd ever done, but with her in his hand, in his gaze, it couldn't feel anything but right.
RATING: PG-13
PAIRING: Mal/River
SUMMARY: A certain change in Mal's treatment of her causes River to neglect to care for herself.
WARNING/NOTES: Written for miss_strawberry because her collages rock my world. Serenity spoilers.
She had never known how heavy her head was until she felt his hand, cradling it.
*****
He was a bad, bad man. She was lying there, face ashen and lax, ill from who-knew-what, and all he could think of was the warm weight of her in his arms and how damned good it had felt, and how he'd wanted to carry her off to his bunk and hold her until she woke up and then...
"I think she just fainted," Simon said, sounding concerned. "Has anything...happened?" Everyone knew that things that made River faint generally meant a lot of unpleasantness for the rest of them.
Mal shook his head. "Nothing. We're miles away from everything, and everyone's shiny." He stroked one of her fragile wrists surreptitiously. "She been lookin' after herself? Ain't seen her at meals much. Just figured she didn't feel much like company."
"I...don't know." Simon flushed. "I haven't..."
Mal nodded, not chastising him as he wanted to. Simon and Kaylee had been absorbing each other completely for weeks now. "Understood. You got other things on your mind just now." But Mal didn't, and he should have noticed.
If it had happened two weeks before, Mal would have noticed, because two weeks before, he was still trying to convince himself that he thought of River as a daughter and had been allowing himself to pay a lot more attention to her. Teasing her at meals, making sure she ate right, buying her little presents planetside, giving her occasional hugs and kisses as he did Kaylee... It was his inability to control certain wayward parts of his anatomy while embracing River that had led to him letting go of that plan real quick. He figured, with her being a reader and all, sooner or later, she'd figure out that the thoughts in his brain were far from fatherly. Since then, he'd just been doing his best to ignore her.
River's eyes opened slowly, and she looked up at the two men bent over her. Her eyes flickered over Simon for a moment, then settled on Mal. "I fell."
"That you did, little one. How you feelin' now?"
"You caught me."
Mal flushed. "Yeah, well, someone had to." He made his expression stern again. "You been makin' yourself sick or somethin'?"
"You wouldn't see," she whispered softly. "Don't look anymore."
"River..." Simon's face was extremely concerned. He looked up at Mal. "Maybe you could leave us alone?" he said pointedly.
"And maybe you could let us have a conversation," Mal said curtly.
River tensed, uncomfortable with their arguing. "I'm fine," she whispered.
"No, you're not," Simon said firmly. "And I'm not letting you out of here until I find out why you fell."
She rolled her eyes. "Forgot to eat."
"Didn't used to be a problem," Mal said, puzzled. "Came to dinner every night like the rest of us."
"You used to notice. Couldn't sit there with you not noticing." Her gaze was fixed on Mal's face.
Simon looked between the two of them, pressing his lips together. "This is between the two of you, then." He took off his stethoscope. "All right. River, I'm going to go find you something to eat. You stay here, dong ma?"
She nodded listlessly, and when he was gone, she sat up, swinging her legs back and forth slowly.
Mal crossed his arms over her chest. "Now we're gonna get this settled for good and all. What ain't I been noticing?"
"Me," she said flatly. "You used to hug and joke and save the good bits for me. Now you don't look at me."
Ai ya. "So I don't pay attention to you, you gotta starve yourself? That don't make any sense..."
"Told you, I forgot. Perfect sense."
He sighed. "River, I'm just tryin' to do what's right," he pleaded. "You're just a girl, and you don't need..."
"I do," she said, with startling vehemence. "I do need, Mal..."
Her eyes were enormous brown pools, and he found himself drawn in by them; he was bending over her supine form. "What do you need?" he said, his voice rough with emotion.
"Your eyes. On me, watching me, holding me in their gaze..." Her feet flexed lightly as she spoke, and Mal was distracted from her words by that, by the perfect integration she seemed to possess between mind and body.
His fingers ran over her wrist again, and he marveled at the bird-like feel of her bones. "You want me lookin' at you?"
"To begin," she whispered, her hand opening and catching his as surely as any fly-trap.
Simon picked that very annoying moment to come back in, holding a cup of soy milk and a plate with a few dried hodgeberries and the last of some very tough, very expensive chicken. "Here, mei mei, eat this."
River pushed herself up on her elbow almost languidly. She began eating hungrily, her gaze coming up to rest shyly on both brother and captain from time to time.
Mal sat down on a stool beside her, and Simon lifted his eyebrows. "Are you going to just...stay here?"
Mal chewed the hodgeberry River had put into his mouth. "Yup. Gonna stay here and watch her." His blue eyes were fixed on River as she gnawed at a drumstick, secure in his gaze, content.
Simon shook his head and left them alone, then, even though his expression made it clear that that was the last thing he wanted to do.
River finished up her meal by draining her cup, and Mal took the dishes wordlessly from her and sat them on the counter, then rose to bend over her as she stretched out on her back again. "Seems like we got some things to discuss," he said quietly.
She smiled up at him. "No...here." She caught at one of his hands and drew it so that it was beneath her head. "Like this..."
"You havin' some trouble holdin' your own head up?" he said, a little confused, but he supported it steadily.
"Yes." Her toes curled lightly with the pleasure of his touch. "It's too heavy sometimes-need you to hold it. Can you do that? Can you hold it for me?"
Oh, that innocent request did all kinds of bad things to him, but he nodded as the sweetness of her face took his breath away, and he didn't mean to, he couldn't, but he was leaning closer to those pretty lips, and he needed them...
She was smooth and warm under his rough, dry lips, and she let her mouth open for him easily, one arm coming up to encircle his neck, holding him securely. He had a brief flash of fantasy that she would snap his neck in a moment because that couldn't be much more unexpected than this, but he knew it for a stray thought. River would never hurt him.
"Don't want you to be Daddy," she whispered, when the kiss broke.
"That's...that's good," he breathed, a little sheepishly, because it was embarrassing for her to know that was what he'd been trying to be. "This is still...all manner of wrong, River." He made no move to release her head or pull away from her, though. "I'm an evil, lecherous hump."
She shook her head a little, laughter escaping her, and Mal thought if he closed his eyes, he could see them, her laughs bouncing about all shiny like soap bubbles or champagne fizz. "Not bad. Just strange...so far."
"I won't disagree with that last point," he muttered, and kissed her again, harder this time, and something was plainly wrong with him that all this guilt and wrongness he felt only made him want her even more, want to eat her up like she was some special treat just left there for him.
When they both could breathe again, she whispered, "Glass walls," and it took his befuddled brain a moment to realize that she wasn't talking crazy, she was commenting on their current vulnerability.
"Oh...yeah." He glanced guiltily over his shoulder, as though expecting to see Shepherd Book's ghost and Simon both out there, watching him with judgment on their faces.
"None in your bunk, though." She sat up, swinging her legs off the table and alighting on the floor in a single unbroken movement.
"You...you feelin' better then?" he said, thinking he was probably supposed to say no to that and yet suddenly couldn't think of a single reason for it.
She gave him a smile to make the whole gorram ship light up like a Chinese lantern. "I will be. Just need you to hold me. Eyes and hands."
Carefully, his fingers twisted with hers, eyes trained on her slim, graceful form, he began leading her to his bunk.
It might be the wrongest thing he'd ever done, but with her in his hand, in his gaze, it couldn't feel anything but right.