That would depend entirely on who got hold of his records... I know some who would insist that the charges disappear.... plenty others who would take them further.
::turns briefly to Phlox::
I was angry. At first I was, I couldn't understand why he's do this to me, not after everything. But being here and going through things, and reading them on a PADD.. just the facts, cold, unfeeling... they can be quite some read.
Besides, in some cases I hardly disagree with him myself. But I am still angry. Part of me insists he did this out of a personal spite. That he did it to hurt me more. Which I can't understand when he's been getting so close to my family.
I won't run from anything, I'd simply prefer that nothing be made public. My issues are my own I have no wish to drag everything out again.
I wouldn't be able to cope if I had to open up old wounds.
You do realize he may not have been completely aware of his actions. The tumor, it had to afect his decisons. I've gathered some information as to his unusual behavior shortly before his collapse. He was described to me as being out of character.
::sighs::
I haven't been able to get Captain Archer to discuss anything with me. He won't come down here, and rebuffs all of my questions. I figured there were deeper issues involved.
::places hand on Malcolm's shoulder::
Your protective nature is showing Commander. The children do not need undue stressors that is true. But don't sell them or yourself short. Humans are capable of coping with almost anything, I have learned in all my time dealing with them, you are not an exception to that rule.
I know.. I've dealt with some tough demons in my time but.. again.. to pull them back up, I wouldn't manage it this time. It's just.. I know it. I can't do it again.
The Captain and I haven't spoken much on the subject. Only slightly in the aftermath, when everything was up in the air. It's a subject we've been avoiding though. I haven't told him as much as I just have you. He also is unaware that my resignation is written and just awaits sending when appropriate to do so.
...
..
::wonders if should say..::
He threatened the Admiral. Said if I was to be charged he should be too. I'm not sure what his response will be if I resign. He has his own protecive nature.
Dealing with old demons that you have put aside.....but have you really dealt with them yourself? Bottling them away is not a way to deal with things. Inevitably they always rear their heads...and most often at inopportune times....
::removes hand and motions for Mal to sit back down as goes back to own seat, will deal with own anger at Forrest....later::
His threat to the admiral.....how does that make you feel?
Angry. Weakened. He didn't need to be so stupid. I told him that, I can deal with this by myself. I know I'm not going to have to, but I don't need any grandiose gestures from him like that. Makes me feel like he thinks I need him to take over for me, to fight my fight for me and I don't need that. All I need is support when I need it...
Angry at both of them for that. Practically fighting over me and I was right there. Like I couldn't speak for myself most of the time. I think I was the most rational person in the room.
I cleared you as long as we continue to have these sessions. Don't forget that.
::steeples fingers::
I am beginning to think that perhaps this altercation between Forrest and Archer may not have been about you...not totally.
But, I can see where Captain Archer's natural protectiveness can be overwhelming sometimes. He has more than a fair share of it. I'm sure that's art of what makes him an excellent Captain.
His natural protectiveness is about as annoying as my stubborn streak. It's a wonder we survive each other sometimes. ::smiles a little::
I know how it's really meant, I do, but sometimes he goes about things the wrong way. And if I'm some small pawn in their own personal problems... well, there's fun. It wouldn't surprise me if the children end up inadvertantly involved as well. They've come to really enjoy spending time with the Admiral. Henry is particular is upset that we've told him he can't come to sickbay to visit yet.
Everyone has there own demons Commander. Perhaps you and the captain need to set boundaries in the relationship, some that allow for limits to your "natural" gifts, yet let you be true to yourselves.
::leans forward::
I'm very aware of how close the children had become to the Admiral, he and they spoke to me many times about each other. I wouldn't want to see anyone hurt by his actions....especially not them.
::purses lips, making a decision::
Why haven't you allowed him to come? It's been several weeks.
Don't want to upset him. Seeing Forrest like that.
It's also been partly Jon's decision though and I think for those reasons it's more personal again. This whole thing has affect Jon more than it has me, I think you're right about the two of them somehow.. facing off against each other.
There have been issues Jon mentioned. It's not my place to say anything about them but I know the factos involved.
It's not a huge leap from there to... wherever we are.
I appreciate the sentiment behind your decision not to upset Henry or Charlotte, but sheltering them from the facts of life, sickness and death is not fair to them.
Perhaps you should reconsider, I would be close by to answer all questions they might have, and you can prepare them in advance for what they will see.
::looks off toward the curtained area again::
As I said, we all have demons..they grow larger when we don't confront them. But acceptance, compassion and forgiveness are the weapons we use to fight against those demons....don't deny your children the chance to learn.
::looks back at Malcolm::
As I said before the captain has not been down here since the admiral's collapse, I've sent him daily updates, but there have been no visitors. He has been alone.
::shakes head::
But to return to the subject you came here for. Do you feel that staying at home with the children is becoming more than you can handle? Is there anything I can do to help speed your return to your duties?
I don't think there is anything you can do, Doctor. But yes, staying home with those two.. it can be very trying at times. Luckily they've started schooling now though, so I do have free time, some peace...
They still seem to be in a stage where daddy needs to be around for everything so he doesn't miss out. And so he can catch up. It's exhausting. I don't know how they do it.
::turns head to look at him as speaks::
You sound like you aren't angry at him for his actions or his motivations.
::speaks softly::
I wonder Commander...what would happen to the investigation, and the charges if he didn't survive?
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::turns briefly to Phlox::
I was angry. At first I was, I couldn't understand why he's do this to me, not after everything. But being here and going through things, and reading them on a PADD.. just the facts, cold, unfeeling... they can be quite some read.
Besides, in some cases I hardly disagree with him myself. But I am still angry. Part of me insists he did this out of a personal spite. That he did it to hurt me more. Which I can't understand when he's been getting so close to my family.
I won't run from anything, I'd simply prefer that nothing be made public. My issues are my own I have no wish to drag everything out again.
I wouldn't be able to cope if I had to open up old wounds.
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You do realize he may not have been completely aware of his actions. The tumor, it had to afect his decisons. I've gathered some information as to his unusual behavior shortly before his collapse. He was described to me as being out of character.
::sighs::
I haven't been able to get Captain Archer to discuss anything with me. He won't come down here, and rebuffs all of my questions.
I figured there were deeper issues involved.
::places hand on Malcolm's shoulder::
Your protective nature is showing Commander. The children do not need undue stressors that is true. But don't sell them or yourself short.
Humans are capable of coping with almost anything, I have learned in all my time dealing with them, you are not an exception to that rule.
Reply
The Captain and I haven't spoken much on the subject. Only slightly in the aftermath, when everything was up in the air. It's a subject we've been avoiding though. I haven't told him as much as I just have you. He also is unaware that my resignation is written and just awaits sending when appropriate to do so.
...
..
::wonders if should say..::
He threatened the Admiral. Said if I was to be charged he should be too. I'm not sure what his response will be if I resign. He has his own protecive nature.
Reply
::removes hand and motions for Mal to sit back down as goes back to own seat, will deal with own anger at Forrest....later::
His threat to the admiral.....how does that make you feel?
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::sits::
::sighs::
How do I feel...
Angry. Weakened. He didn't need to be so stupid. I told him that, I can deal with this by myself. I know I'm not going to have to, but I don't need any grandiose gestures from him like that. Makes me feel like he thinks I need him to take over for me, to fight my fight for me and I don't need that. All I need is support when I need it...
Angry at both of them for that. Practically fighting over me and I was right there. Like I couldn't speak for myself most of the time. I think I was the most rational person in the room.
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I cleared you as long as we continue to have these sessions. Don't forget that.
::steeples fingers::
I am beginning to think that perhaps this altercation between Forrest and Archer may not have been about you...not totally.
But, I can see where Captain Archer's natural protectiveness can be overwhelming sometimes. He has more than a fair share of it. I'm sure that's art of what makes him an excellent Captain.
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I know how it's really meant, I do, but sometimes he goes about things the wrong way. And if I'm some small pawn in their own personal problems... well, there's fun. It wouldn't surprise me if the children end up inadvertantly involved as well. They've come to really enjoy spending time with the Admiral. Henry is particular is upset that we've told him he can't come to sickbay to visit yet.
Reply
Perhaps you and the captain need to set boundaries in the relationship, some that allow for limits to your "natural" gifts, yet let you be true to yourselves.
::leans forward::
I'm very aware of how close the children had become to the Admiral, he and they spoke to me many times about each other.
I wouldn't want to see anyone hurt by his actions....especially not them.
::purses lips, making a decision::
Why haven't you allowed him to come? It's been several weeks.
Reply
It's also been partly Jon's decision though and I think for those reasons it's more personal again. This whole thing has affect Jon more than it has me, I think you're right about the two of them somehow.. facing off against each other.
There have been issues Jon mentioned. It's not my place to say anything about them but I know the factos involved.
It's not a huge leap from there to... wherever we are.
Reply
Perhaps you should reconsider, I would be close by to answer all questions they might have, and you can prepare them in advance for what they will see.
::looks off toward the curtained area again::
As I said, we all have demons..they grow larger when we don't confront them. But acceptance, compassion and forgiveness are the weapons we use to fight against those demons....don't deny your children the chance to learn.
::looks back at Malcolm::
As I said before the captain has not been down here since the admiral's collapse, I've sent him daily updates, but there have been no visitors. He has been alone.
::shakes head::
But to return to the subject you came here for.
Do you feel that staying at home with the children is becoming more than you can handle? Is there anything I can do to help speed your return to your duties?
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They still seem to be in a stage where daddy needs to be around for everything so he doesn't miss out. And so he can catch up. It's exhausting. I don't know how they do it.
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You should do fine.
::leans back in chair::
And may I say Malcolm. I'm impressed.
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Impressed? How?
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Personally and professionally I think it's making a difference.
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Now I'm finding things calmer. The worst is behind me, hence why I have no desire to go back into it.
I know what I did. I know how I feel about what I did. And I know how I feel about different people on both ships and I'm fine with that.
::shrugs::
Hell, only took a year. I think I'm finally putting the torture behind me.
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