#3 All About The Stars {2/2}
The next day is a Saturday and the first day of their stay in Seoul. The students get on the bus with their luggage already save and sound inside. They won't stay long, only 2 days and 1 night but Mrs. Lee still makes a big deal out of it. Jongin takes a nap on the outward bound only waking up when there are already in their capital city, the loud honking of bypassing cars disturbing his sleep. Next to him sits Baekhyun who fell asleep as well, snoring quietly. It's not Jongin's first time in Seoul but this city always fascinates him over and over again. The bus halts in front of the hotel they are staying at, nothing special but it's alright. Mrs Lee steps out of the bus in a dynamic manner. “Kids, come out!” she cries, still that annoying happy smile on her face. Everyone's slowly coming out of the bus, still tired from the drive, feeling kind of dizzy. “We still need to divide you in pairs for the hotel rooms.” She says enthusiastically, ignoring the look her students give her. Immediately, Baekhyun is winding his arms around Jongin's waist. “Sorry to disappoint you but I will assign you to the rooms.” Mrs Lee interrupts the student's chatter, not sounding sorry at all. And that's how Jongin and Oh Sehun end up in the same room. Great.
The rest of the day, Mrs Lee guides them through the whole sightseeing scene of Seoul. At the end of the day, everyone is dead tired. It's around six and the sun is still up when they arrive at the hotel. Jongin gulps before he walks inside the room where Sehun is already lying on one of the two beds. He's on his phone, barely acknowledging Jongin. Said boy suppresses the urge to scoff, instead unpacking his stuff before he sits down on the other bed, legs crossed while he skims over his notifications. The moment Sehun ends the call, he get's up from the bed already reaching out for his jacket. Jongin looks up from his mobile. “Where are you going?” he asks. Sehun seems to be surprised by the sudden interest, it's almost comical how his expression changes from surprise to acknowledgment in a matter of seconds. “I have an appointment.” “Here in Seoul?” Jongin questions before he realizes that it makes actually sense that Sehun would meet someone here in Seoul because well, he's from Seoul. “Yeah,” comes the muttered reply and Jongin would feel sort of hurt by the indifference Sehun offers him before the other adds hesitantly, “Do you want to come with me?” Maybe that's the reason why Jongin nods.
The sun is slowly going down, coloring the buildings in a light orange. They aren't in the main streets anymore and it's refreshing to see a different side of Seoul. Jongin loves it, he really does. “What kind of appointment could you have here?” Jongin voices out, looking at his surroundings. "I'm meeting someone in this area." "Who?" Jongin asks before he can stop himself, eyeing Sehun curiously from the side. He knows that the other could just tell him that it's not his business or ignore his question. And at first, it seems like he does just that because he's silent for a short while, apparently lost in his thought. Sehun shoves his hands deep inside his hoodie pockets, giving Jongin beside him a small grin. "Let's just say i'm meeting an old acquaintance of mine."
Jongin wants to say something but just in the moment, something passes him and heads towards Sehun, who is as surprised as Jongin. Turning flabbergasted to his side, Jongin realizes that it was rather a someone than a something and said someone is right now literally jumping in Sehun's arms, hanging like a little monkey around the other's neck. While Sehun didn't seem to have expected the sudden attack, he gets quickly used to the situation and reciprocates the action, grabbing the stranger's waist for better stability. And that's how it goes for a while, two people hugging each other on the street right next to Jongin who isn't exactly sure how to deal with the scene in front of him. They are finally breaking apart with a loud giggle coming from the stranger and even Sehun grins, the corner of his lips turning up, ignoring the questioning look coming from the side. He turns around to face the other, Jongin's eyes drifting unconsciously to his now sparkling eyes, raising a brow. But Sehun brushes it aside, keeping his grin upright while the stranger, a boy who's currently wearing a big smile on his lips stands besides him. “Well, this is Luhan.” it's only now that the stranger directs his gaze from the man beside him to Jongin. Now that Jongin can see him from the front, he notices how unbelievably and undeniably pretty the boy in front of him is. He's shorter than him, probably around 175cm - what a dwarf - he thinks, or at least that's what he's trying to tell himself. The slope of Luhan's nose is fine and couldn't be described as something less than perfect. That's it, he's perfect. With his small face, sparkling deer eyes and button nose. His hair is dyed blonde but it's so different to the shade Sehun's strands are colored in. Similar to the color of honey, maybe. Not so utterly outstanding like Sehun's who sticks out like a white dot in the dark. No, rather than that, he's a black dot in a gigantic spectrum of white. Jongin's eyes leave Luhan's face and drift further down the other boy. He's wearing a long sleeved tee with red stripes extending over the white and a pale pair of jeans. Also, there's a marine blue handkerchief winded around his neck, giving him something chic but child-like at the same time. He wets his lips. Then there's a grin spreading on Jongin's face, all too familiar and all too false, as he falls back into his routine. “I'm Jongin, pleasure to meet you.” He feels Sehun's hot gaze at him but he brushes it off. “Jongin eh? The pleasure is all mine.” It's not that he wants to impress Deer Boy but he doesn't know what to do so now, he's doing what he does the best. At the same time, he thinks that Sehun has no right to punish him with those intense eyes and accusing stares despite not intending to explain things to him. Before one of them can say anything else, Sehun steps between them, arm now casually dropped on Luhan's shoulder. “He's the acquaintance I told you about. A good friend of mine and also a dancer.” He explains and Jongin's tries to ignore the bad feeling in his gut. “A dancer? Great.” He replies weakly, regretting his decision to come with Sehun. Luhan, who has been observing him meanwhile, takes his hand and shakes it furiously. “I'm assuming you're also a dancer?” He has a slight accent, Jongin notices, but he's definitely fluent. “Yeah.” “You'll love it then.” Luhan states, too big smile on his too pretty face. Jongin is confused. “Love what?”
As it seems, Jongin is a part of Seoul's underground dance groups. Just as Sehun was, in the past. And once again Jongin realized that he knows close to nothing about Sehun. Their base is amazing, they go through some dark alleys until they arrive at an old run down building. In the building, there's a small stage, wood benches and colorful bulbs decorating and illuminating the whole place. It's beautiful and Jongin wishes he wouldn't have to leave because that's everything he ever wanted, a place like this. They are not alone, the place seems to be some insider scene-kid place. Therer are always small groups of people sitting in a corner on the floor or in self made hammocks. Jongin doesn't even realize that his mouth is wide open in astonishment until Sehun closes it for him, a genuine smile on his face. “Sehun, this is amazing.” he marvels, and it's so pure and honest that Sehun has a hard time not kissing Jongin. But Jongin doesn't know that and just then, someone calls for Sehun, leaving Jongin and Luhan alone.
They sit down on one of the benches, hidden in the shadows in the small stage, a beer being pressed in Jongin's hand. The stage is being lit by dazzlingly white spotlights, merely parts of the dancer that's currently performing illuminated as the music fades into the background, only the strong bass leading limps, floating on the rhythm. Luhan next to him takes a gulp from his own beer, eyes on the stage in front of them. “So, how do you know our almighty Oh Sehun?” he asks all of sudden, tone louder and more prominent, cutting sharply in the present serenity. “School,” Jongin answers courtly. “What about you, though? Same school?” He continues, noticing that he might seem rude. Luhan laughs. “We weren't in the same school. I'm done with school, currently, I'm in my third year in University.” Now, that's surprising. This Luhan is either really smart or far more older than he looks. Luhan notices his expression and his laugh gets louder. “And how did you two meet?” “Here of course,” Luhan singsongs. “And then we dated.” Oh.
“I didn't know that.” Jongin mutters after a few seconds of silence, forcefully smiling. "He's certainly fun to be with," Luhan trails off, there's an exaggerated dreamy look on his face, ought to tell him that he's currently deep in thoughts, imagining all the fun things they did together. Awesome. "Always so spontaneous and impulsive, our dear Sehun." Luhan adds in a sugar sweet tone, purposely emphasizing the "our", his eyes having a certain glint in them as he inspects Jongin who has averted his to the stage. Among the figures on the small stage is Sehun, who is currently laughing at something one of the dancers said to him. It seems like he felt the two pair of eyes on him because in the next second, he's looking over to Jongin and Sehun and blows an exaggerated kiss in their reaction before turning back to the person he was talking to. Luhan laughs and Jongin feels a dumb smile appearing on his face.
Not much later, Sehun returns with his own beer and downs half of it in one go. “What have you two been talking about?” he asks as he sits down next between them. “You,” Jongin mutters under his breath, eyes on the stage. This causes Sehun to look at him, grinning smugly. “Only good things I hope?” “Of course.” Jongin snaps, regretting it immediately therefor covers it with a small smile. After three more beers, they are leading a much more louder discussion with broken laughers, a few other people joining them as well. Jongin yawns, the action not getting unnoticed by Sehun who stands up. “Lads, we have to go now.” He takes Jongin's hand and said boy doesn't complain when the other pulls him away, arm around his shoulder. But he hears Luhan getting up as well and muttering something about accompanying them. Just before they are out of the building, Sehun stops and tells Jongin he's going to say goodbye to Luhan. Jongin nods and announces that he's going to wait in front of the building. After a few minutes, Jongin gets impatient. He's freezing, tired and wants to leave now so without further ado, he walks back inside, lost in the dark until he hears quiet voices whisper, the noise coming from another corridor. He looks around the corner to see where the sound came from and his eyes widen when he can make out the two people leaning against the brick wall, lips locked and totally immersed in their make out session. He should have known it. Without sparing them another glance, he turns around and returns to the place outside the building. It feels weird, waiting for Sehun to finish up his whatever with Luhan and being so aware of what they are doing. Jongin isn't sure if he's overacting but he can't get rid of the feeling that Sehun is being cruel to him right now. But he doesn't have to wait long, Sehun is back shortly after Jongin returned to his prior position. “Sorry, we had to discuss something.” He explains with a smile and Jongin is impressed that there's someone who's even better at lying than he is. Indeed an accomplishment. The walk back is relatively quiet, Jongin not being in the mood to talk and dodging every try to lead a conversation coming from Sehun. When they are back in their hotel room, it's already late and after making himself ready to sleep, he's already sleeping inside his bed. Sehun doesn't really know how to handle Jongin in this state, when he's pushing him away like this. So he stays uncharacteristically quiet, letting Jongin do his thing until both of them are in their own beds, Jongin turning his back in Sehun's direction. “Good night.” Sehun states, not letting himself getting irritated. “Night.” Comes the muffled reply before he turns the lights out.
-
The next day proceeds in a similar way to the start of the day before, sightseeing and more sightseeing. Jongin is still rigorously avoiding Sehun making sure to be at the front of the line when the whole group walks, instead of staying at the back where Sehun and his friends are. Even Baekhyun is there instead of joining him at the front. So he's sticking to Soojung and her friends instead, being especially charming today. At the back, Sehun keeps glancing at Jongin from time to time. “Did you two fight?” asks someone from his left all of sudden. It's Baekhyun and he looks kind of worried, unusual calm today. Sehun's eyes wander to Jongin once again. “I don't know. He avoids me.” He shrugs, eyes not hinting any emotion. "Well, we've been friends since middle school and after spending so much time together you get to know a person. Even if that person is Jongin who locks himself up behind a wall of confidence and delusional perfection, unintentionally or not." Baekhyun says, small smile on his lips as he talks before he looks directly at Sehun. “Talk to him. Find out why he avoids you instead of giving him lovesick glances all the time.” Alright, Sehun has to admit that Baekhyun is indeed sharp. He pats the smaller one's shoulder before nodding. “Yeah, I guess you're right.”
They are back at the hotel where the bus is ready to take off to drive them home when Sehun takes Jongin's wrist and pulls him away from the crowd even though the other is complaining loudly. “Can't you be quiet for a second?” Sehun snaps and that shuts Jongin up, who is about to throw a tantrum when Sehun starts to talk again. “Whatever I've done to you, I'm sorry, so could you please stop avoiding me?” He sounds annoyed but there's also a hint of desperation. Silence. “I saw you.” Sehun looks confused. “You and Luhan, that night.” he continues, stubbornly staring at the ground. The latter closes his eyes for a second and mumbles a silent “Fuck,” under his breath before his mouth forms a mischievous lopsided smile. “Jongin, it wasn't like that. Like, it was a spontaneous idea, a final goodbye, you could say. No big deal, really.” While he's talking, Sehun's hand wanders slowly from the soothing position on his back much more downwards to the small of Jongin's back. Said boy rolls his eyes, bluntly grabbing the other's arm to take it away from his back. “I don't even know why I should care, I'm not even...” “Not even what?” The question lingers in the quiet between them, Jongin visibly gulping but he's not saying anything else. “Not gay?” he hears Sehun's loud and suddenly agitated sounding voice. Afraid that anyone could overhear what they are saying, Jongin is quickly taking a look to the group of people, gathering at the other side of the bus. “I swear, how can you still deny it under this circumstances. Jongin, you fucking enjoyed the kiss!” he roars, getting even louder now but Jongin doesn't really notice that, too busy gaping at the other's outburst. Sehun runs a hand through his blonde wisps in pure frustration as Jongin speaks up. “You're right.” It's nothing more than a whisper, the boy fidgeting with his fingers but Sehun catches it and he stops in his tracks. The truth caught up with Jongin without any warning and he doesn't know how to stop the wave of emotions threatening to break over him. So he turns around, away from Sehun, his breath getting heavy. There are two arms snaking around his waist and Sehun rests his chin on Jongin's shoulder, it's comforting, really. Like this, he forgets everything. The kiss, Luhan, the dance competition, the future - everything. Sehun isn't that person that's out of reach but other things don't matter for a short while and he doesn't even want to think about tomorrow right now. Jongin feels a hot breath against his neck, the other leaving a kisses down his throat while he himself is closing his eyes, letting Sehun do what he wants.
“Jongin! Sehun!” Oh shit. Quickly, they part from each other as the loud voice of Mrs Lee rings out from the other side of the bus. With a roll of his eyes, Sehun lets him go but not without grabbing his arm once more, staring directly at him with a “Let's continue this later on.”, smug smile appearing on his features. “Shut up.” Jongin states bluntly, leaving first with a hidden smile.
-
Baekhyun isn't even surprised when Jongin and Sehun sit together in the bus, immersed in a quiet conversation filled with small laughers. The bus ride takes on like this, sky getting darker with the time.
"When I graduate from high school, I want to get out of here," Jongin blurts out, eyes trained on the dark landscape outside the window. "Just leaving everything behind and moving to Seoul." There's no response coming from Sehun but he meets his eyes in the reflection in the window glass. It's when the digital clock on the front of the bus shows that it's 12pm that the bus driver turns out the lights, a mere blue led barely lightening up the passage in the middle. The most students are already asleep or speak quietly with their seat neighbors. Baekhyun, one row behind them, is already fast asleep, head leaning backwards and his mouth open. Kris Wu next to him has wrapped a thin blanket around himself while the sleeping Baekhyun unconsciously reaches out for the cover, hands tugging at the material. The not all too loud chatters and the faint but regular droning creates a peaceful atmosphere. Buildings turn into wild nature and widely expanded fields, city lights being replaced with the shining light of the full moon and Jongin feels his eyes getting heavier, closing them being as tempting as ever. The window glass is cold when he leans his head against it and it's slightly vibrating but it's not entirely uncomfortable. He barely notices the track that's playing in the background, the music only bring a faint sound. Sehun has closed his eyes by now, head sagging down until it almost touches Jongin's shoulder. But before it actually makes contact with him, Sehun seems to regain consciousness and lifts his head off, trying to sit straight in his seat. The large digits on the clock show 01:21 when Jongin feels something on his shoulder. He's been in a state of placidity until now, eyes still focusing on the events outside and listening to Sehun's playlist while occasionally letting his eyelids drop. He turns his head around, eyes slightly squinted together before his breath hitches as a sift tuft of blonde greets him. Sehun's head leans onto his shoulder, said boy obviously being in deep slumber. A few seconds pass while Jongin examines Sehun's sleeping face. His eyebrows are forming a light frown, as always, but he's still looking quite peaceful, lips slightly opened and breath regular. He looks around, making sure that no one is noticing how long he stared at Sehun's calm. almost everyone's sleeping, only a few faces illuminated by the light of their smartphones. He sighs quietly, pressing deeper into his seat. Without contemplating much more, Jongin turns to his right once again and closes his eyes, thoughts and questions for once vanishing to make space for sweet dreams and peaceful calmness.
-
It's nice to make out with Sehun in school while trying not to get caught. It's not so nice when Jongin leaves without answering any of Sehun's questions. When they are doing this, hiding behind the bleachers and Sehun pressing eagerly agains him while sucking on his lower lip until the school bell rings, summoning them to part their ways, Jongin seems to open up completely. There's some kind of thrill he gets from this sessions and he doesn't even feel guilty because Sehun does also profit from this in one way or another. Jongin picks his bag, which fell down in the whole act, up from the ground and has a solid almost too friendly expression on his face when he tells Sehun "See you later," before he leaves. He's quite satisfied with the way things turned out because in his point of view, he gained some control back and built up a new facade when he's not in the act of having Sehun's tongue shoved down his throat. He can't let himself be distracted right now, not when there are only 2 weeks left to the final exams. He has already started studying a few weeks ago, head stuck in a huge pile of books and if he's not busy with school, there's dance practice he can't miss out on since the competition takes place the week after the finals. So yes, no time to worry about anything else or anyone else.
Later on in the dance studio, it happens. Jongin collapses, his body starting to feel heavy all of sudden until he sees black. And he should have foreseen this. The first thing that comes to his mind when he wakes up, is the fact that he needs to study to make up for the time he slept. Balancing himself on his elbows, he tries to get up but fails to do so when he feels his arms getting weak. Jongin grimaces, sinking back in his cushions with a huff. He spends the rest of the day in bed, sleeping, staring into space and ignoring all of his incoming messages. Just for one day, he wants to switch off.
The next day, he's back in school as if nothing happened. He ignores the looks thrown in his direction and walks down the school's corridors with his chin raised in the air. Instead of returning to class, he ditches literature and goes up to the rooftop. It's gotten even colder but right now, Jongin has other things in mind, sitting cross-legged on the raised surface on the school's rooftop with the wind blowing lightly in his face. Taking his smartphone out of his pocket, he furrows his brows while he's typing.
To: Sehun
i'm on the rooftop, can you come?
He only has to wait for a few minutes until a familiar soft tuft of blonde hair appears, the boy it belongs to climbing up to join Jongin with a grunt. “Hey,” Sehun says, sitting down in front Jongin in the same position, taking the one earbud he had in his ear out before he crams in his pocket for a pack of cigarettes. “I heard of your break down yesterday, are you alright?” he asks while looking for a lighter. When he doesn't find one, he puts the pack back in his pocket with a long sigh. “I'm alright, but I don't know how i'm supposed to write the literature exam in a few days when i'm not even done with calculus yet.” Jongin says suspiciously emotionless as he's playing around with his fingers. Sehun looks up and eyes Jongin with a scrutinizing look. “Why is this whole school thing so important to you?” That does it for Jongin. “I'm just doing what I have to do in order to get what I want. Is that so hard so understand?” his voice breaks at the end. Right now, Jongin looks just so incredibly innocent and that's everything Sehun can think about right now, irritation draining from him in a matter of a second even though he can't ignore the fact that Jongin's sudden mood swings got worse with the time. “I do.” Sehun answers calmly. “I mean is it really so reprehensible to work hard for something that you really really want?” With horror, Sehun spots tears flowing down Jongin cheeks in fine lines. Meeting his eyes, Jongin lifts one of his hands up to his eyes, looking genuinely surprised when he feels the wetness on his fingertips. “Fuck, you're crying.” Sehun states, doubtfully even though it's not a question. “I'm not,” Jongin cuts in with irritation. “Are you being serious right now? Jongin, I swear, no one expects you to be perfect-” “I'm not!” Jongin snaps, this time louder. Sehun reaches out for his hand but he flinches away, angrily wiping the corner of his eyes. “Fuck off, Sehun.” The wariness is noticeable on Jongin's face and his words lack the usual bite. “Why do you always have to make things so complicated.” Sehun mutters, taking Jongin's hand gently in his before he's winding his arms loosely around the other boy's frame. He can hear Jongin's breath getting more uneven with the time that passes before it evens out. After a while, Jongin speaks up again. “This is my chance to get a scholarship for Seoul, probably the only way i'll ever get out of here. And if I'm not the best, someone like Joonmyun will get it, meaning everything I ever wanted.” Jongin states in reply. Sehun seems to be deep in thoughts. “What if you had the task sheet to look at it before the exam?” Sehun questions out all of sudden in a contemplating tone. Jongin stops in his tracks, looking at Sehun in a flabbergasted manner. “And how am I supposed to get that sheet?” “Well, I heard that Mrs Lee piles them up in her private drawer in the literature classroom. So yes, theoretically, it's not impossible.” The newfound information awakens some kind of hope in Jongin, even if it's just a tiny spark and his mood changes abruptly from resigned to something similar to determination.
"no one expects you to be flawless."
"Do it. For me." He blurts out with an innocent smile, fingers wandering over the other boy's pale skin, caressing his cheek with great interest.
“I know what you're doing.” Sehun says slwoly. “And it doesn't bother me.” he adds as he covers Jongin's hand with his own, fondling it before he removes Jongin's hand almost harshly with the swiftness of his action. “Is that a yes?” Jongin challenges, smiling sickeningly sweet at the other boy. Sehun rolls his eyes at that and gets up but not without pulling Jongin up with him. “Yeah, and now come back to class. This whole ditching school thing doesn't really suit you.”
Jongin knew that what Sehun said when he was saying that he'd do it weren't just empty words but he didn't expect Sehun to act so quickly. Two days later when both of them are heading to the school's gate after dance practice, he turns on his heels and walks in the direction of the stairs, gesturing for Jongin to follow him. Jongin has no idea where they are going until they are on the first floor, Sehun walking straight to the literature classroom, slipping inside.
“What are you doing?” Jongin hisses, looking around to check if someone's passing the corridor. Sehun is already at the teacher's desk, going through the drawers, ignoring the looks thrown at him from the door. There's one drawer left, locked. The rummaging comes to a halt. Jongin throws one last look over his shoulder before he hurries into the classroom, kneeling down beside him. “The fuck are you d-” “Do you still have the keys?” Sehun asks in a calm voice, interrupting him. Jongin's brows furrow before he glances at the desk and understands all of sudden. Without further discussion, he fishes the keys out of his pants' pocket and drops them into the other guy's open hand. With a clack, the drawer is open. Jongin glances over to the door, still nothing or rather no one. Meanwhile, Sehun has taken papers out and holds a relatively big folder triumphantly in the air. Sehun gives him an envelope that turns out to be a copy of the task sheet. When Jongin opens the folders, his eyes widen for a second before he looks up in order to send Sehun, who looks very satisfied with himself, a questioning look. “You actually did it,” Jongin murmurs in astonishment, flipping through the pages. “Told you so.” Sehun answers courtly, looking over his shoulder. "Are those already the copies?" he asks, carefully masking his excitement. “"Yes to that. Now, take a photo of it or something,” He adds quickly, ending his instruction with a small grin. “I can't keep it?” In reply to that, Sehun's grin turns more smug. “I have other things in mind for the copy.” Sehun who reaches his arm out for the folder has a lazy grin on his face. He takes the folder and Jongin thinks he's going to put it onto his backpack so they can finally leave the crime scene when Sehun heads for one of the desks instead of the door while adding "I came up with an even better plan." before he takes a few papers out of the folder in order to place them in the drawer under one of the chairs. Or moreover, Joonmyun's chair. Jongin's lips tremble and he's about to say something when they hear footsteps getting louder and coming closer to their direction. The next moment, Sehun stand beside him at the door, fingers wrapped around his wrist before he pulls the other boy with him down the corridor. They keep walking until they arrive at the first year's floor department. One door is slightly open and without thinking much, they go inside. The moment the door closes, Jongin turns rapidly around to directly face Sehun, pining him with his eyes.
“Why'd you do that?” he splutters, voice getting louder. And he hates how obvious it is, how easily Sehun can tear down all of his well built facades. The other boy doesn't let himself get irritated, how it seems, looking at him with crossed arms and an almost soft look in his eyes. “Truthfully, I just wanted to see how you'd react.” Jongin furrows his brows. “What?” “You don't like him. I like you. Easy as that.” He nods slowly as if he can comprehend his own train of thoughts. “I wanted to see what you'd do if something happens that you didn't calculate beforehand.” He continues, eyes meeting Jongin's and there's that look again. A look of complete attentiveness, as if Jongin is the only thing he sees in his eyes full of galaxies. And Jongin likes it. God, he feels great. There's a shudder of excitement shooting like electricity through his body, shooting to his fingertips and he feels the tension in the air. “You didn't have to go that far.” His voice is quiet but a soft smile is creeping at the the corner of his lips. And really, he shouldn't feel this way and for sure, this isn't supposed to make Sehun even more attractive.
“I know that it is what he needs. And I want him to need me.”
Sehun leaves the room first, saying he still has something to do plus both of them agree between a few wet and sloppy kisses that they shouldn't leave the class together, especially not Jongin who looks remarkably disheveled. So like that, Jongin is left alone, wandering through the corridors after having practiced some more, something he has been doing less in the last weeks. Since it's already early evening, he decides that he should probably go home to study some more. He passes the teachers' lounge when he hears something that makes him stop in his tracks, that something being his name. Without thinking, he hides behind the door, carefully eavesdropping. “-ar and there are currently three students who are candidates for the scholarship.” “Three? I know about Kim Jongin and Kim Joonmyun but the rest isn't exactly on the niveau for the scholarship.” Another female voice says. “You didn't know? The new student from Seoul, Oh Sehun. Looks like a troublemaker but his grades are more than passable.” Jongin palms his face. Every time he thinks he came a step further, something throws him back to the beginning. So what is he supposed to do now? He already came this far, wouldn't it be a waste to do nothing now? He has honestly no idea but he certainly knows that he can't ignore the new information he got.
The final exams are over as fast as they came and Jongin is glad that he's through this but then again there's something in him that keeps him jittery as if he already knows deep down what he's going to do. He doesn't know what Joonmyun did with the copy or if he got rid of it before the teacher saw it but the Mrs Lee has been kind of suspicious of them since it became public that someone copied the task sheet.
After Jongin found out about Sehun being a potential rival, he thought he'd avoid the said boy but to his own surprise, nothing happened. That means, they are still doing this thing where they do buddy stuff but then they do also make out and Jongin recently found out that he's not so bad at giving blowjobs. They don't really want to put a label on but it kind of works, most of the time. Fact is that Jongin didn't avoid him and that would be a huge step for him, improvement at its finest, if he wouldn't be about to do something really really bad right now. As bad as leaving an anonymous letter at the teachers' lounge for example that explains how Sehun was the one that stole the task sheet and copied it. Well, that's exactly what Jongin does and he can't deny that he feels weird after he has gone so low. Even the people around him noticed that something is wrong with him. He has always been known as ambitious and hard working but for a while now, he has been overdoing it. And it really did affect his psyche because no matter how overly ambitious he was in the past, he wouldn't have done something like this. He doesn't have to wait long until Sehun gets called out in Mrs Lee's literature class. He leaves with a calm expression, following the school's principal to her office. That day, Sehun doesn't return to class. There's another thing that happens that day, Jongin gets a letter which says that he got the scholarship. When he opens the envelope, he feels his knees giving in. His parents came back yesterday but they already left for work, making him the only one who's home. His heart is beating quickly and he feels sort of happy, he really does, but at the same time, something frets him. He considers calling Sehun or just any of his friends but when he's about to do it, he doesn't. Maybe it's guilt that's eating him slowly but he can't do it, he doesn't feel like he deserves it, their genuine congratulations. So he doesn't do it and worries his brain on how he's supposed to finally have the conversation with his parents.
Sehun is back in school the next day and Jongin is glad. So so glad. It's a friday and Sehun asks him if they want to hang out today with Jongin sleeping over at his place. Jongin is quite sure that it won't be a normal sleep over but he agrees because why not. He wants it, Sehun does. It should be easy for them. Sehun's home is nice. An apartment that's neither small nor big, the interior is very minimalistic and almost evertyhing is kept in black and white aside from the light blue color of his bed covers. But more important is the fact that he lives alone. They spend the day with comfortable chatters, playing too much video games and kissing each other on Sehun's bed. “What did the principal want from you?” Jongin blurts out all of sudden, his head leaning against Sehun's broad chest as they lay down together on Sehun's light blue bed covers. “She told me that they got a note an anonymous hint of someone who claimed that I was the one who stole the task sheet of the finals, ironically together with Kim Joonmyun.” Jongin gulps. “And?” “They couldn't prove it and had to let me go.” Sehun continues, speaking in a calm voice. Suddenly, Jongin has the urge to tell Sehun about the good news, he feels like Sehun needs to be the first one to hear about it. “Hey Sehun,” He gets a low hum as reply. “I got the scholarship.” There's a lazy smile stretching on Sehun's pink lips. “Well, you got it. That's something.” he mutters while he's busy peppering Jongin's neck with kisses. “It's not like they won't accept you. This way, we are both content.” Jongin states in reply, almost sounding reassuringly while his face contours in faint contentment. All of sudden, Sehun shoves him away only to pin him flatly down on the mattress. "It was you, wasn't it?" he says, eyes boring in the pair of deep orbs beneath him.
Oh
There's a pause. "You were the one who started it." Jongin mumbles, not backing down even though his confidence is slowly crumbling. It happens all too fast, maybe, he just can't keep up with the sudden change of situation because he doesn't know what to feel. Sehun is just Sehun but then he's not just Sehun. Right now, Sehun's eyes are storms. Stars buzzing as the center of the calm that decorates the rest of his face. "But I never thought that you'd actually go that low." be presses out before his face contours into a humorless smirk, leaning closer to Jongin until the other is sure that he must feel the other's breath on his lips. "Touché, Jongin." he says calmly, facial expression still intact before he closes the distance between them. Neither of them closes their eyes, but in contrast to Sehun's stoic look, Jongin's eyes are widened in pure surprise. He unintentionally gasps once their lips are molded together and his astonishment lasts for a few seconds until he can take a grasp of the situation. By then, Sehun has managed to slip his tongue inside Jongin's mouth, seemingly in a rush as he explores the other's warm cavern. Hands on either sides of his face while he's slowly pushing Jongin down on the bed until the boy feels his head sinking into the soft material of Sehun's cushions. There's that electrifying feeling in the pit of his stomach again, creeping to his legs and his growing arousal. He sighs in pleasure when Sehun starts to rub against him, the action getting more urgent with the time until Jongin's body is slightly shifting up from the powerful move. They are both still fully clothed but the hot has reached Jongin's head by now and Sehun seems to feel the same way since right then, he sits upright, knees on either side of Jongin, and lifts his shirt over his head. The expanse of Sehun's chest is as pale as expected, blemish free and soft. Jongin lets his fingers wander over the trembling skin, both still heavy breathing. “Shirt off.” Sehun roars, speaking louder than he intended to. He nods, clumsily getting his sweatshirt off before the other's chest is on his own, skin to skin. Their pants follow right after until both of them are left in their underwear, heavily making out with Jongin's legs winded around Sehun's middle and the latter's hands roaming all over Jongin's body. “I- want- more-” Jongin stammers, words sounding staccato due to his growing desperation. Sehun's eyes burn at that. His lips wander more southwards, over Jongin's upper body until he arrives his faint v-line, pecking every centimeter of bronze skin down to his boxers. Arriving there, he pulls the black boxers slowly down, erection becoming visible, before carefully taking the other's dick in between his lips, swallowing it down once before letting it fall out of his mouth again, not without giving the tip a audible suck that makes Jongin's breath stutter. Next up, he concentrates on Jongin's hole, briefly glancing up to Jongin as if asking for permission before he dips his long finger in the lube he got from who knows where and starts to rub it generously over the rim. This causes Jongin to push his trembling lower body in Sehun's direction who smirks and Jongin would kick his face if he wouldn't be the one who's going to give Jongin an amazing orgasm. The first three fingers are inside of him, when Jongin starts to get more responding, moving slowly on Sehun's fingers. Jongin moans in content, eyes drifting momentarily to Sehun's impressive bulge and he feels the need to wet his lips. “More, I can take it.” He grunts out, staring intently in Sehun's eyes. Without hesitation, Sehun pulls down his boxers in a swift movement, his erection bobbing from being freed of the restrain. He takes the lube and applies a great amount of lube on his cock before letting the small boy fall down and grabbing Jongin's thighs instead, spreading them even wider. This time, Sehun's breath hitches at the view displayed in front of him. He takes his dick in one hand, slowly guiding the tip along the rim, making Jongin throw his head to the side. With one push, he's inside, stretching Jongin's insides with his whole length. “Are you Okay?” he asks, not moving to let the other adjust. Jongin closes his eyes but he nods. Sehun moves fast, languid strokes and hard thrusts. After a while, a new feeling blooms inside Jongin and he begins to slur something, mixed with his moans while Sehun is relatively quiet at the beginning, merely releasing a groan. But even Sehun gets loud, both of them giving their everything until the pace gets desperate and urgent, leaving both out of breath. “I want you to be the only one who sees me like this.” he mumbles in Sehun's neck, inhaling the calming and all too familiar scent of his cologne. The grip around his frame tightens. Jongin comes first, not having to wait long until Sehun follows, cumming all over Jongin's abdomen after pulling out seconds before he reaches his peak. He sinks down next to Jongin, catching his breath. Suddenly, Jongin becomes aware of the circumstances and after glancing at Sehun beside him, he knows that Sehun knows too. “I think you should go now.” Sehun says, voice loud and cold.
"Sehun-" Jongin pleads, sitting upright in the bed. And it surprises him how desperate he sounds, fingers buried into the sheets to the point of his knuckles turning white. But the other ignores him, grabbing his clothes and starts to dress himself without a word. Sehun would forgive him if he'd actually try to stay but unsurprisingly, Jongin doesn't. He dresses himself as well, hair still messed up but he couldn't care less right now. “Goodbye,” he whispers, unsure of what to do and then he's gone, with fast steps and a loud bang of the door. Jongin shudders. He's alone in the dark floor, only the faint moonlight coming through the window. And it's so stupid, Jongin thinks, because he's the one who feels grossed out my himself.
“Well, i'm not like you.”
The graduation ceremony came sooner than expected. He hasn't spoken a word to Sehun since that night and it just doesn't feel right. It's not like Sehun is already gone, not seeing each other is inevitable. They still pass each other in the hall ways and classrooms, gaze kept elsewhere and lips pressed firmly together. Jongin almost feels like he's going back to his normal routine without the blonde boy in his life, aside from the irking feeling that Jongin can't turn off. They won the dance competition but the feeling of success was only temporary, his emptiness is still present. Even if Sehun told him to leave that night, he was the one who let Sehun go. On the day of the graduation ceremony, they talk. It's after the ceremony and Sehun is the one who approaches him. Jongin tells him about his decision to travel for one year before he goes to university. Sehun nods and says that he got also accepted and they might see each other. He doesn't sound that enthusiastic. After that, Jongin doesn't know what to do without this ending in a pathetic love confession so he says nothing instead and lets Sehun leave.
It's when Sehun turns around that his expression falls, smile now completely vanished as his eyes keep following the leaving silhouette. Step after step, Sehun's also vanishing from his vision. Blending into the light of the exit. The moment he's gone, Jongin feels gravity not doing the thing it's supposed to do in his stomach, because he feels like his intestines are falling. Frankly. It sounds ugly but it feels even more horrendous. It hurts to get his heart broken.
1 year later
Walking onto the campus is like taking a deep breath, new fresh air filling his lungs as if it's his first, newborn in a whole new part of life. The campus is even bigger than expected, trees decorating the yard. And in between, among the crowd of strangers is Jongin, squinting to protect his eyes from the sun while he lets his eyes wander over the wide expanse of campus.
He shares a room with a second-year guy called Kyungsoo, he's short and too nice for his own good but Jongin likes him. Kyungsoo is the optimal roommate for him, actually. Later on, he shows the campus to Jongin and introduces some of his friends to him. Jongin is laughing at something one of Kyungsoo's friends says, Tao he thinks, when he spots a familiar figure. There's a lump in his throat and he has the urge to gulp. “Excuse me for a second,” he mutters, leaving the group to go in the direction of the person that might or might not be Oh Sehun. The person is standing in front of some kind of board, writing something down on a paper and dressed in black. His hair is brown. Not blodne but brown, also shorter and soft looking. Jongin hesitates before he taps on the guy's shoulder. “Sehun?” he asks slowly. The guy turns around and yes, that's Sehun. He's obviously surprised, eyes widening. “Jongin?”
“Sehun!” A deep voice yells all of sudden. And merely seconds later, there's a tall someone at Sehun's side, arm on said boy's shoulder as he's panting audibly. “Man, I looked for you for the last-” he pauses, only now noticing Jongin presence. ”Oh hey,” the giant says, flashing Jongin a blending smile. Jongin smiles back, overwhelmed with the situation so he does something he didn't do for a long time, he runs away. Not literally, but he says something along the lines of “I have to go, see you later.” and then he's gone, returning to Kyungsoo and his friends. Sehun looks after him, still confused.
"Who was that?" Chanyeol asks all of sudden, as if the question ejects out of him with undeniable urgency, holding himself back for the last seconds. Sehun looks up at him but is only met with the back of Chanyeol's head since the latter has turned around to look at Jongin. And he keeps staring until Jongin is around the corner and out of sight. As Chanyeol turns back to Sehun, he's met with Sehun who eyes him with a look that makes Chanyeol frown.
Sehun is a second year, so they don't really share that many courses but they keep seeing each other on the campus, occasionally walking into each other. But it seems like Sehun wants to punish him for something. He's decently friendly but doesn't really let Jongin get close to him, always keeping him at distance. It turns out that Sehun and Chanyeol, the giant, are also friends with Kyungsoo and thereof in the same social circle as Jongin. They want to meet up at a Saturday night to have a small house party when Chanyeol calls Jongin, asking him to pick him up from his dorm. He's been doing that since they met for the first time, courting Jongin and being not exactly hiding that he has an obvious crush on him. Jongin doesn't know why he agrees but he does so here he is, waiting in front of Chanyeol's dorm. But to his surprise, it's not Chanyeol who opens the door but Sehun. “Jongin?” He asks, opening the door wider for Jongin to step in. “Well, Chanyeol asked me if we could go together to Tao's place, so.” he drifts off, not exactly feeling comfortable.
Chanyeol is still in the shower so he waits on his bed, staring in space since Sehun made it his task of the day to ignore Jongin's existence if it isn't for some snarky remarks.
"Are you done?" Jongin asks after seconds of silently observing Sehun while the latter was fixing his hair in front of the mirror. At first there's no reply and he's almost content that he won't get one when Sehun opens his mouth. "Done with?" he's still combing his hair, eyes fixed on his reflection in the mirror in order to appear nonchalant and apathetic. Their eyes meet for a mere second in the mirror and that's his mistake. Jongin crosses his arms in front of his chest, “Nothing.” Finally, Chanyeol comes and greets Jongin with too much excitement. Sehun disappears in the bath instead, making him feel a bit more at ease. Chanyeol is really slow, taking twenty minutes to dress completely while Sehun is already back, sitting on his bed with his earphones in. “Chanyeol, are you done?” Jongin cries slash whines loud enough so the said guy can hear him from his position in the small bathroom. “Yes!” Comes a loud cry, Chanyeol walking quickly out of the bath, putting on his shoes before he looks subtly at Jongin who looks everywhere but to Sehun's bed. “Weren't you two on the same High School? Did you know each other?” He has everyone's attention on him now, even Sehun raising his head in mild interest. Jongin gnaws at his lower lip. “We did, we were-” “Acquaintances.” Sehun cuts in, getting up from his bed to grab a light jacket from the floor. “Right.” Jongin says courtly, following Chanyeol out of the dorm, closely followed by Sehun.
Tao is known for throwing good parties. He has a nice apartment close to uni and since his parents who fund the whole thing live in China, it's the optimal place to have a good time. When they arrive at Tao's place, there are already about five people, lingering on the couch and the floor, holding plastic cups with questionable substances in it. The night proceeds as expected, hip hop droning out of Chanyeol's beats pill and by 4 am, everyone is far gone. Tao complains that he's bored and tries to convince the other's to play seven seconds of heaven. This makes Chanyeol laugh so loud, Jongin next to him shrieks before giving him a death glare. But somehow, Tao gets the majority to agree with his suggestion. So they do sit down on the floor, an empty vodka bottle in the middle.
“This is ridiculous, guys.” Jongin looks over to the source of the voice. Sehun is looking so unbelievably arrogant, eyebrow raised while leaning backwards on his seat on the couch. “Such kill joy.” he comments loudly. Even if he doesn't really want to play the game either, Sehun is pissing him off. And the look on Sehun's face is worth it. “Get your bony ass over here Sehun and play this goddamn game!” Chanyeol bawls, waving the sour looking Sehun to them who takes a seat next to Jongin with a deep sigh. Kyungsoo and Chanyeol are the first ones to be chosen for the not always so pleasurable stay in heaven. Both aren't exactly keen to do it but they do, returning after Tao screams. After the first pair, Chanyeol tells them that he has to go, hugging Jongin a tad too long as a goodbye. Now it's Jongin's turn to spin the bottle. Surprise surprise, the bottle stops in front of Sehun and for a second, even the drunk Jongin doesn't dare to look in the other's eyes. When he does, he catches Sehun's gaze. Kyungsoo leads them to the small coop where Tao stores some of his shoes. The moment Kyungsoo closes the door with a giggle, it's quiet. Quiet and dark. Jongin is hyperaware of how close Sehun is to him and with the time passing, his eyes get used to the darkness and he can make out Sehun's features. It's almost endearing. The way Jongin's eyes are shifting, hands fumbling and his voice hinting a slight tremor which is making itself apparent in a state of attentiveness. “Aren't we, you know, going to make out or something?” Jongin asks, not even trying to hide his nervousness. Then he feels something wet on his lips and he returns the pressure of the soft pair of lips with the same amount of passion. Well, that was easier than expected. “I'm sorry for letting you go,” Jongin's voice is muffled, Sehun's palm caressing his cheek. “It's alright,” Sehun responds flatly but his actions are soothing. Tao's obnoxious cry comes far too early and Jongin sighs before plastering a last kiss on Sehun's lips, reminiscent of a smile appearing on his features. “I missed this. You.”
They don't even think of rejoining the game, instead they are sitting down on the couch, Sehun having a tight grip around Jongin's wrist and he's not thinking of letting go. Next he knows, Jongin climbs onto Sehun's lap, facing the other. There's a certain look of excitement in Sehun's eyes, glistering in amusement as he keeps eye contact with the stoic looking Jongin in front of him. “So,” his voice sounds hoarse, even more than usual perhaps due to his alcohol infatuated state or whatever, Jongin couldn't care less but it sounds so so hot. “What now, Jongin.” he continues, eyes not letting off the other boy. Seemingly unimpressed, Jongin observes him and that's all he does for a while. Then, Jongin moves. Sehun closes his eyes and he's already starting to get a hard one when he remembers where they are and that they aren't alone. “Jongin, Jongin,” he whispers, holding the other's shoulders to get his attention, with success, Jongin is raising a brow. “You need to stop now. Later on, alright?” Sehun whispers, pecking Jongin's soft lips. Without a word, Jongin climbs down and mutters something about being hungry. Right now, Sehun wants nothing but being alone with Jongin so he says a bit louder, “How about Jongin and me going to the grocery store to get some snacks.” He gets an indifferent “Sure,” from Tao who isn't even listening and that's enough to get up and take Jongin with him.
The walk to the small drug store near the dorms is filled with laughers and drunken whispers. every time they pass a streetlight and they are momentarily illuminated by the orange colored street lights, Jongin looks over to Sehun. the hood of his black pullover covers his head and he's in general colored in dark that night, dark like the night. Then, all of his sudden, he sits down on the curbside. Sehun doesn't understand but he does the same, both huddled together at the side of a abandoned street. “Nice Jacket by the way,” Jongin leans his head on Sehun's shoulder. "Need to keep up my bad boy image, am I?" Sehun retorts, a small, crooked grin forming on his lips. He dives in for another kiss but Jongin hesitates, causing Sehun to draw back. Not this again.
“You can be so cruel, you know that?” he looks up to Jongin, fringe falling into his eyes and face shimmering in the orange of the dimmer streetlights. Mesmerizing. Jongin adverts his eyes, taking another big gulp from the bottle he took from Tao. “So do you.” There's a distorted grin appearing on Sehun's face. Then he grabs the bottle from Jongin's grip and takes a sip himself. “I guess.” They fall in a comfortable silence, both immersed in their own thoughts. That night, they don't return to Tao's place.
A few weeks later, Sehun comes in Jongin's dorm room in a good mood. “I just had an interesting conversation with Chanyeol,” he chimes, easily taking off his jacket and leaving it on the floor as he's strolling to the bed. Jongin on the bed is just humming in reply, absentmindedly scrolling on his smartphone.
“He wants to confess to you, tomorrow.” Sehun says casually as he plonks himself down on the bed, making himself comfortable behind Jongin, who raised his head at the statement in order to glance back at Sehun who's answering his questioning stare with a shrug. With a sigh, Jongin put's his mobile away on his nightstand for good and turns around to Sehun who's leaning against the wall, preoccupied with the forgotten writing pad Jongin has been sketching new dance choreographies in when he felt inspired enough to sacrifice his rare amount of time he has to sleep. Before Sehun has the chance to skimp further through the notes, Jongin takes it away and climbs on Sehun's lap instead. Having the pale boy's attention now fully to himself, he nestles up to the other's front, head resting in the curve of the sharp line of Sehun's neck. “So, what did he say?” he asks, eyes staring blankly ahead. Truthfully, Sehun's indifference towards Chanyeol unnerves him. After all this time, there's still that wary feeling of unsureness. Old habits die hard, isn't that what they say. “That he wants to confess to you soon.” he retorts easily. “And what am I supposed to do?” “It's easy.” Sehun says jauntily, propping his chin on Jongin's shoulder from behind, pressing a light kiss on said boy's cheek. It feels strangely comforting. “How so?” Jongin asks quietly. “Well,” Sehun pauses, lips still close to Jongin's ear. “There are two options. You could accept his confession. Or you could come to my room. Tomorrow night and I swear to god, I won't mess this up. Let's give it a try, for real. I am going to hurt you, you are going to hurt me. But we will do it with practiced fingers and passionated mouths and i swear to got, it will be worth something.” Jongin cuts him off with a kiss but on the inside, he feels like he's being torn apart from immense uncertainty.
Ironically, Chanyeol is even faster than Sehun thought. The next day, he's barging in their shared room with the words “I'm going to do it. Now. Do you know where Jongin is?” Sehun doesn't say anything at first, seemingly contemplating before he smiles at his roommate. “He's in the dance studio. If you're fast, you could catch him.” Chanyeol thanks him before he storms out of the room, bumping into Sehun's shoulder while he's at it. “Run, Chanyeol, run.” Sehun comments, unaffected. Then he's messaging Jongin to come to his room right now if he's ready to give them a chance. He's sort of glad that Jongin's dorm isn't close to the campus' dance studio since he can be sure that Chanyeol won't meet Jongin, who should be on his way to his room.
-
Thinking about it now, it has always been the moon when it came to Sehun. Barely lit faces drowned in the whitish light of the moon, bonfires beneath the starry sky and shadow contours leaving under the full moon. But when Sehun's the moon, would that make him the sun? What an absurdity. Far from it. He's just like that satellite they saw that night. Rather a lightbulb in the distance, mistaken for a star and on his way to the moon. Still far away from the sun, heading into the different direction because in the end, he needs the moon and never intended to be a part of the warmth that the sun provides. Jongin arrives at the floor Sehun's room is situated on. As he stands here, in front of the door he never dared to open, he closes his eyes. Closes his eyes and thinks fuck this, Sehun and him have never been like that. They aren't just excitement and fireworks but actual stars, shining brightly. Sehun is his sun and his moon and all of the stars and part of his sun system. Jongin is Sehun's sun and his moon and all of the stars and the center of his sun system. He doesn't know if there's a way out but for once, he wants to be brave. He opens his eyes and pushes down the doorknob…
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