#77 Asters {1/2}

[maknaerulez]

Title: Asters
Prompt: #77
Rating: NC-17
Length: ~21000 words
Side pairings: Baekhyun/D.O.
Summary: Asters blossom within his chest, in the wake of spring. These are words Jongin would write if he held a pen to stain Sehun's skin. (The Last Five Years!AU)
Warning(s): profanities, angst.
Notes: it's heavily unbeta-ed as i sped through writing this thing at the last minute so a huge apology to the op! thanks for the prompt anyway, i hope i did it some justice. and a word of thanks to the mods for being absolutely wonderful and kind for extending the deadline, it truly helped me! thanks to m for listening to my complaints, you're of coursethe best. i'd like to dedicate this sekai fic to my two parents, s & f who i hope would enjoy this fic. as for the readers, have fun reading this fic and give your love to all of the amazing fics of this round!


May 31st 2015

The frame feels heavy in his hands, its gold edges digging into his palm, leaving dents. His thumb swipes against the picture, almost falling into a flashback of the day the picture was taken. He looked happy, blissful, and carefree and in love with the boy whose cheeks were smashed against his face. He bites his lip, indulging in the pain in order to ease the throbbing in his heart. These are times that Sehun wants to revisit, just to feel what is like to be so sure of life and to be so in love with a certain kind of boy because when he looks at the present, it is filled with so many uncertainties and insecurities.

Sehun gazes wistfully at the boy’s smile, his beautiful set of teeth glimmering in the presence of the sun and his brown, brown eyes framed by short eyelashes. He looks at the smile that he, himself, is wearing and his lips quirk slightly at the fact that that smile was coaxed out by the boy. Sehun places the picture back on the little desk by the bed, his eyes have grown exhausted of looking at old memories and his heart has weakened at the pain of reminiscing the used-to-be’s.

When the light slowly disappears and there’s no longer sun to brighten up the room, he feels the coldness seeping into his body, raising goose bumps on his skin. Even when Sehun turns the heater on, he still feels it crippling through his body, breaking out into shivers. He glances at the door which remains stationary throughout the day. Jongin is not home, again.

The loneliness is sitting in his heart like an old, familiar friend coming by to visit. Miss me? It would wrap itself around Sehun, pulling him into the veil of dark thoughts and misery. It has been so long, since he felt this way. Ever since Jongin walked into his life, he has never found the need to revisit those feelings, those thoughts. They have been long buried in the deepest of earth and to have them resurface at the absence of Jongin, it’s unsettling. Sehun feels himself curling inwards, pulling his knees close to his chest and taking slow breaths. A glance at the clock and the door, he bites his bottom lip. Jongin’s not home, again.

Sehun’s used to this by now, something that he never wants to get used to, even. He sits on his hands, on the cold marble floor at 8pm, 9pm, 10pm and the clock keeps ticking the hours away. Jongin is not home, Jongin is not home, he is not home yet. Sehun sits on the cold, marble floor, occasionally throwing his head back and gulping down bitter alcohol but nothing is as bitter as the resentment settling in his heart. Jongin is not home, still.

This is not easy, Sehun thinks, his index finger swirling around the rim of the beer bottle. It is never easy.

Sehun takes a sweeping gaze around the apartment he has called home in the last five years and tries to think of the moment where everything falls apart. Even with him trying so hard to search for that turning point, he can’t find it. He can’t find the imperfection that turns his relationship into the disastrous mess he’s in. Jongin and Sehun, that’s what everyone identifies them as and they have never strayed away from each other. Sehun has never felt less important to Jongin ever, up until now.

Which is probably why it hurts so bad; the fact that Jongin’s love possibly faded away and Sehun’s love is still a burning flame, refusing to burn out.

When Jongin finally comes back home, Sehun listens silently to the tip-toeing and the clinking of keys on the kitchen counter. He listens silently, snuggled into his comforter on his bed, to the boy running a hot shower in the middle of the night and changing his clothes in the dark. He stays mute when Jongin finally gets dressed for bed and chooses to sleep on the couch in the living room, instead of sleeping on the bed with his husband. He curls into himself, feeling loneliness gnaw away at his heart once again. A teardrop flows down his cheek, as he closes his eyes shut, pleading for the ache to fade into nothingness.

This is not easy, Sehun thinks, biting his lip and hugging his comforter tight. He is still breathing shallowly, his heart thumping achingly loud against his ribcage. It is never easy.

April 27th 2010

“Who are you trying to set me up with, again?” Sehun asks, uninterested. Truthfully, he isn’t bothered about dating or relationships in general but his best friends have been concerned since all he does is auditions, auditions, occasional part-time jobs, cry in the abode of his home about his misfortune and unlucky fate in the city and auditions.

Spring is in full swing, flowers blossoming on the once stripped tree branches, bringing colour to the streets of New York. Sehun has once again, failed an audition and he's drinking the morose feeling away and drowning himself in the caffeine his espresso brings. Baekhyun, being his usual self, is once again worried about Sehun's wellbeing and as a solution, Baekhyun decides on sending Sehun off on another blind date. Again.

“A writer, Sehun, a writer,” one of his best friends (unfortunately), Baekhyun sighs. “Why don’t you ever pay attention to me?”

Ignoring Baekhyun’s whiny voice, he takes a sip of his coffee and immediately winces at the hotness. His tongue is burnt slightly now, cursing his impatience and also Baekhyun because in the end, everything is his fault.

“Writers are pretentious,” Sehun points out with a lisp, his tongue still pained and scalded by the heat of the coffee, to which Baekhyun rolls his eyes at.

“Then, what are you?” his other best friend (again, unfortunately), Kyungsoo remarks as he joins them at the table. Baekhyun scoots closer to the window to make space for Kyungsoo to settle in. Sehun frowns a little at Kyungsoo’s comment, just slightly offended at the thought of people deeming him as pretentious. And his frown deepens at the sight of his two best friends intertwining their hands underneath the table, probably thinking it's not seen but Sehun notices everything. Every. Single. Time.

“How am I exactly pretentious?” Sehun grumbles. He glances at the cup of coffee in front of him and tentatively takes a sip again.

“I’m not saying you’re pretentious,” Kyungsoo says, fixing the collar of his button down shirt. “I’m asking, if writers are pretentious, then what are you as an actor?”

Satisfied with the now cooled drink, Sehun continues to take long sips. He pretends to think for a few seconds by furrowing his eyebrows a bit and pursuing his lips. He smirks slightly before answering, “An artist. A real one.”

Baekhyun barks out a laugh at that, accidentally sputtering remains of his sweetened chocolate drink onto the table which earns him a side glare from Kyungsoo. But being used to the boy’s doe-eyed glare means being immune to the daggers he’s sending Baekhyun’s way so he simply replies to Sehun’s cocky answer with a “That’s what you think.”

“It is what everyone thinks.”

Sehun’s reply is ignored by his best friends as Kyungsoo merely turns to Baekhyun fully and looks at him with a gaze unexplainable. Sehun watches as Kyungsoo says, “I told you that Jongin’s too good for him.”

The ends of Baekhyun’s mouth move upwards, twitching, “Maybe it’s good for Sehun, then he has to try harder.”

“I’m right here, you know,” Sehun declares, clearing his throat slightly but it didn’t stir the two boys from discussing his love life right in front of him.

He isn’t even sure why they are both so worried about him and his currently non-existent love life. He is actually doing fine. Well he isn’t scoring any roles or getting much cash from his part-time job as a cashier at an old record store which no one visits but look at the brighter side, he’s living in New York; the place to be. He’s fine with not having a secure job, he’s fine with eating microwaved meals, he’s fine with cycling as his mode of transportation and he’s perfectly fine with not having a relationship. Sehun rather work on his acting than be involved in a relationship, so as he watches the two boys discuss his possible blind date, he is unsure of why his two best friends are so concerned about him. Look at him, he’s fine.

“Maybe you guys should worry about your own relationship,” Sehun adds, casually. It catches their attention, both of them raising an eyebrow each at Sehun.

“What’s there to worry?” Baekhyun chuckles, glancing at Kyungsoo with an easy smile, to which Kyungsoo scoffs at but Sehun can see the tips of his ears reddening in abashment.

A lot, Sehun rebuts in his mind. The way you stare at Kyungsoo when he’s not paying attention, the way you steal a kiss from Kyungsoo’s words, interrupting his sentences, the way you think no one’s looking when you snake a hand up his thigh, the way you compose music and write lyrics eerily resembling your relationship and… Sehun blinks, catching both of his best friends sharing smiles and Kyungsoo hitting the back of Baekhyun’s hand. It is indeed worrying to see both of them so in love with each other to the point they see nothing but each other, to the point the world doesn’t even matter anymore to the two of them. It is worrying, to Sehun, that he’s left out in this cycle. His best friends are in New York, living their desired dreams and living together and he is the lone wolf, left behind in his delusional dream of being an actor.

Maybe, it’s the loneliness. Maybe that is the reason why his best friends are so concerned, sending him on blind dates after another. Sehun isn’t exactly picky, but he has never found someone he just… is interested in. While he’s slightly grateful for the thought behind these blind dates, he doesn’t see why it’s so necessary. He’s doing well with the loneliness, he thinks.

Then, remnants of late nights spent in his pathetic one room apartment, slurping on cup noodles and cheap beer cans (or soda cans when he’s really broke) flash behind his eyes and he is overwhelmed with the feeling of loneliness. It is fine being alone but he’s too alone. Too lonely. Too isolated.

He clicks his tongue against his teeth, “I’ll give the writer a chance, and I’ll go on the blind date.” Baekhyun turns his focus to him, eyes brightening and lips stretching into a wider grin at him. It’s contagious, Sehun muses, his own lips stretching upwards into a smile.

August 8th 2012

“It’s boring,” Sehun whines, his voice coming out higher than usual through the video call.

Jongin laughs, his signature throaty and sonorous laughter travelling all the way to Sehun’s ears. He smiles, despite himself and joins in the laughter. He delights himself in looking at the low quality image of the crinkles at the ends of Jongin’s eyes and his teeth all on show when he laughs. Sehun realises with a pang that he wouldn’t be able to see this face until the weekend and it is four days away.

“I thought you loved acting?” Jongin says, once he recovers from laughing, eyes still squinted in amusement.

Sehun leans back against the chair and takes a glimpse in the mirror to find his face spotless thanks to the BB cream, abused by the makeup artist. He’s frowning now, the wrinkles visible on the lines around his mouth and on his forehead. It has only been two weeks of rehearsals for the play he has scored a role for. It is not even a huge, huge role; he’s just a measly second male character who is overlooked by the male lead and to be honest, he isn’t even sure if the play is going to make it big. He isn’t sure if it’s going to work out, if he’s going places or if the play is going to be a huge hit with the audience in Ohio. But then, he glances at Jongin, at the apartment he left briefly to pursue this play. He looks at the smile on Jongin’s face and the uneasy feeling fades away. It is going to work out.

“I do, but it’s so tiring,” Sehun continues to whine. “I’m getting backaches and I think I’m losing my voice.”

Jongin chuckles, “If you’re so worried about your voice, you’d stop whining.”

Sehun bites his bottom lip and looks at Jongin through the screen, through his lashes. “Maybe I’m just hinting at someone to come down to Ohio.”

“Oh baby, I would but I am booked this whole week.”

Sehun laments loudly, “I told you to drop the pet name!”

Sehun’s co-worker, Jinri who is the female protagonist, shouts at him to keep it down but all Sehun could hear is the deep, resonated laughter coming out of Jongin and all he could see is Jongin’s scrunched up face when he loses himself in his laughter. And all Sehun could think of is how much he misses Jongin and how far four days is away from now.

“Then, how am I going to show how much I adore you?” Jongin's eyes are sparkling, playful. There is a lilt to his voice, only Sehun is able to detect through a low quality video call. Living with the boy for a while can do that to you, Sehun thinks. He is able to remember, commit to memory, every single quirk of Jongin's features and still learn new ones in a day.

Sehun rests his chin on his palm, eyebrows waggling at the screen, “I don't know. You're the creative one between us.”

Jongin rolls his eyes, exaggeratedly but a smile remains, unwavering, on the fullness of his lips and it's adding speed to the pulse on Sehun's wrist, sending the beating of his heart into a frenzy. “Just because I'm a writer doesn't mean that I'm the creative one.”

“Are you trying to say I'm creative then, Jongin?” Sehun jests, tapping a finger against his lips in mock deep thought. The darker skinned boy on the other end zeroes on the action of Sehun's finger and if he's paying attention (which is always, when it comes to Kim Jongin), Sehun is able to see the gulp of Jongin's Adam apple bobbing in his throat.

Jongin clears his throat, voice coming off a little strained, eyes diverting to a spot behind Sehun's shoulder. “Then, I guess we are both lost cases,” he replies, with a forced laugh but there is no humour, no amusement. All Sehun could see is the pools of desire swimming in Jongin's brown irises, mirroring his as Sehun's eyes skim over the way Jongin's tongue sweeps over his bottom lip in nervousness.

It's the distance, Sehun reminds himself, it's the distance playing with their minds. It's the distance making them realise that they need each other more often than they do. It's the distance making them feel emptier without the other, or at least that is how it is in Sehun's mind. He can't turn to his right to find Jongin sitting there anymore, his fingers can't reach out in the mere few inches between them to wrap around Jongin's wrist, reminding himself that he's there in his life. Sehun can't pull Jongin's plump bottom lip between his teeth, listening to the moan enunciated from Jongin's throat over and over again. The distance is a cruel thing, setting them far away from each other when they are so used to each other's breathing, each other's heartbeats in the middle of the nights.

Now, Sehun has to learn to fall asleep to his own heart beating, has to learn how to live without a presence beside him in his too small bed, has to learn to wake up to sheets perfectly spread out on his body, without being tangled in limbs. It is like learning how to walk independently without a hand to steady your steps every few seconds, he feels like he's rediscovering how to live all over again. His life had been so wrapped together with Jongin's, Sehun has forgotten how it's like before.

It's not like he misses the emptiness anyway, he's better off with Jongin's presence in his space.

A few seconds tick by, with them just staring at each other and not at each other. Sehun doesn't know what else to say except “I miss you”, croaking out from his lips. It catches Jongin's attention, snapping his chin upwards to meet Sehun's pleading eyes.

Silence follows, Sehun's words echo in the air, travelling through the screens, travelling to Jongin's ears. There is a hitch in Jongin's breathing, exhaling slowly. The screen is pixelated, Sehun could barely see through the low quality video call but he knows Jongin well. He has Jongin's features memorised, every single movement memorised, kept in a box in his mind. He can almost feel the exhale of Jongin's breath against his skin, he yearns for it. But four days, it just keeps blinking in his mind, behind the darkness of his eyelids, reminding him of the time he has left till he could see Jongin again, feel him breathe next to him.

“I miss you too,” Jongin whispers shyly, and Sehun shouldn't be able to hear through the weak internet but he hears it all too clearly, pounding in his eardrums, drumming on the underside of his wrist.

Sehun closes his eyes briefly, parts his lips to say, “Four days, Jongin.” He swallows, feeling something akin to bile rise, lodging in the column of his throat. His heart is heavy with words, jibberish really, like come here, I miss you so much, I don't think I could live a day without you let alone a whole week, I love you, do you love me as much? These words... Sehun feels them whirling around in his head, almost taking control of his tongue, spilling out of his mouth but he stops himself, bites himself on the tongue, tasting the metallic blood in his mouth. Instead, all he allows himself to say is, “It's too long.”

He hears Jongin's chuckle, it develops into a full laugh, filling Sehun from head to toe. Sehun snaps his eyes open to capture Jongin's face scrunched up in a peal of laughter, his eyes crinkled at the corners, lips stretched upwards into a grin, softened at the corners with fondness.

Sehun can't seem to pull his eyes away from looking at the screen, at Jongin's eyes as he replies, “I can't live without you, too.” Sehun feels his cheeks burning a deep red colour, eyes casting to the keyboard.

Jongin has always been able to catch on the undermining of his words, always knows how to paint the apple of his cheeks a crimson colour, always knows what to say to fill Sehun's insides with warmth and especially, longing in his abdomen.

It comes with living with each other for far too long, Sehun thinks, or maybe it comes with memorising each other too much, filling their heads with the thoughts of each other's beings.

June 14th 2015

“Jongin,” Sehun breathes out, or pants out as the latter presses kisses all over his face, distracting him from his audition script. Jongin's lips linger far too long on the corner of his lips, teasing him with a lick of his tongue. Sehun almost groans out of pleasure or annoyance or both, at this point, he's not really sure anymore when it comes to these things. His mind has always been a disoriented place whenever Jongin's in the picture. He takes a deep breath, trying to regain what is left of his composure, “I'm trying to memorise my lines, please.”

The boy pauses in his tracks, leans back a little to look at Sehun properly. Sehun entertains him for a few seconds by averting his gaze from the pile of papers in his hands to the brownness in Jongin's irises. He could see his reflection clear as water in those irises, almost drowning himself in the pool of emotions. He has little restraint left, but Sehun is able to pull backwards, he's able to take a step back before slipping into the pool where he knows he'll be awfully drowned in the waters at the expense of Kim Jongin. He pursues his lips, tilting his head to gaze at Sehun better. Sehun merely puts on a smile, innocent and charming enough to convince Jongin to stop distracting him. He sure loves these interruptions, the distractions in his everyday life (he cannot lie, those lips are a work of art) but the audition is just two days away.

And Sehun is frankly running out of time.

It is also kind of rare for Jongin to do these things anymore, if Sehun had to admit. They barely have the time to spend mornings with each other like this; basking in the sunlight of the early summer sun, letting shadows dance on their tangled limbs on the sofa, breathing in each other's scents. Most of the time, Sehun is left alone in an empty apartment and goes to the bed late in the night to an empty bed.

He should be appreciating this attention, Sehun realises with a pang, but as he glances at the script from the corner of his eye, he decides that he cannot live by feeding off Jongin's success anymore.

It is cue for Sehun to step up, be desperate again to achieve acting roles once more.

“Sehun...” Jongin trails off, goes into his shell again where Sehun knows he is thinking a little too hard about what he wants to say. Sehun leans forward, closing the small distance between them, to peck on Jongin's nose lightly. Jongin chases after his lips, and successfully attaches his lips to the small bow of Sehun's lips, licking at the roof of his mouth with his clever tongue. He pulls back enough to say, into entrance of Sehun's mouth, dropping a peck on the corner of his close-lipped smile, “I'm going to miss you so much.”

“What are you saying?” Sehun nuzzles his nose against Jongin's, audition script absolutely forgotten and thrown on the marble floor. Jongin always gets through him, he fiddles with Sehun's weaknesses, dances on all of Sehun's ticklish spots and soon, Sehun is already caving in, predictably.

Sehun cracks a smile, teeth gleaming at Jongin, trying to clear the wrinkles of his frown away.

“You have me right here, always.”

April 30th 2010

The lights are finally dimming, casting a soft glow on the small stage. People have gathered around with their own drinks of their choice, sitting in groups at tables. It's cue for the act of the night.

Sehun clutches the drink tightly in his grasp, eyes quickly adjusting to the subdued lighting. He starts to manoeuvre his way through the tables, muttering apologies underneath his breath and finding his usual table at the corner. There's a tattered sign on the table, with 'reser'ved' written cursively across it. He rolls his eyes in amusement and pushes the sign down as he takes a seat. It must have been Kyungsoo's handwriting, as Chanyeol's letters are most often in caps and his handwriting looks just as messy as the owner.

Sehun takes his seat, facing the front with barely hidden anticipation for the act. His fingers are tapping to an unknown beat in his head, it's most probably the new song that has been played on a loop at his audition a day ago. He tries to still his hands, still the growing anxiety inside him but it is futile as his mind remembers his purpose of his presence in The Kitchen.

Ever since Sehun agreed to another one of Baekhyun and Kyungsoo's blind date and has allowed them to meddle with his love life again, they have been talking about the writer non-stop, reassuring Sehun every five seconds that the guy is wonderful and “this is it, Sehun, he'll be the love of your life”.

But Sehun likes to think that he doesn't fall in love easily.

There's the usual nerves breaking out before a blind date but nothing out of the blue for him really, as both Baekhyun and Kyungsoo have made sure that he'll be familiar with the emotional drive before a blind date. And right they were.

He's not so sure about their choice for his blind date, though.

Sehun's not supposed to feel any kind of resentment, he's supposed to be neutral but his past experiences on blind dates have gone badly. Alright, he is kind of exaggerating it a bit but so was Baekhyun when he insisted on sending Sehun off on a blind date and was so certain that the guy would be Sehun's type.

Then, it turned out to be Park Chanyeol, Kyungsoo's companion in the bar business.

It has become a funny story to tell the kids and fortunately, Chanyeol took his rejection pretty well, laughing it off and assuring Sehun that he expected it after all. Baekhyun was devastated and thus, began his search for more potential dates for Sehun.

Now, Sehun sits on a stool, arm rested on the tabletop with a fiddly hand on his thigh, playing with the threads of his ripped jeans. He has succumbed to another one of Baekhyun's atrocious ideas and he wonders sometimes why he's still friends with the guy. It has been Kyungsoo's idea afterwards to plan the date at his bar, The Kitchen, so that Sehun and his date would be close to them and they could keep an eye on the date.

About the date... Sehun pursues his lips in thought. Kyungsoo had approved of him and praised him highly, which intrigues Sehun more about the guy or should he say, the writer? He had asked questions naturally about the writer, trying to dig up more information on him before the inevitable date but all Baekhyun did was to ignore him whilst Kyungsoo told him kindly that Sehun should just meet him on the date itself and see how he is in person.

First things first, Sehun wants to argue is that the writer's late. It has been ten minutes into their supposed meeting time and the guy is nowhere to be seen. Sehun's starting to hope that the writer stood him up or forgot about the date, just to shove it up to Baekhyun's face. Then, he remembers that this guy has the approved stamp by Kyungsoo which is rare since Sehun's dates usually strings from Baekhyun's choices. Sehun has to trust the writer, for Kyungsoo's sake and hope that he's merely running late.

But people often have to regain his trust from years and years of knowing him, so who gives the writer the opportunity to earn it fully on the first meeting?

Sehun can no longer be alone in his thoughts as the lights dim further, emphasising on the light on stage. Sehun sits up straight, leaning his shoulder against the wall in his attempt to get comfortable. He takes a sip of the alcohol, hoping it'll loosen the knots in his body. A guy clad in a flannel and jeans makes his presence on stage by strutting into the audience's view, with an acoustic guitar. The light shines bright on his face, bringing out the gleam in his irises when he greets the crowd with a loud, booming voice, unlike the small form he's wearing.

“Good evening, people of New York!” he takes a beat, hearing the cheers from the audience. He naturally wears a smile on the stretch of his lips, “I'm Baekhyun and welcome to our humble abode, The Kitchen!”

Baekhyun's smile grows wider into a grin when he notices Sehun in the crowd, nodding his head at him. Sehun chuckles, lifting a hand to wave back in greeting. Baekhyun's eyes linger on Sehun for a second too long before returning back to the audience with an exclaim, “We're starting with a slow one for tonight and here's Stuck On You by New Politics!”

His eyes have returned to Sehun's table, but this time, with a twinkle in those irises. The corners of his mouth soften, “This performance is dedicated to my best friend and hopefully, his new partner. Hope you enjoy it, folks!”

Sehun's eyes glaze over, his ears are filled with the slow strumming of the acoustic guitar, carrying a ballad in its notes. Baekhyun parts his lips and sings the starting of the verse but Sehun is quickly distracted by a soft “hey” in his ear. He swivels his head around to meet unfamiliar eyes staring at him. The guy wears a genuine smile on his lips, the corners of his mouth turned upwards, directed at Sehun. He realises, a beat too late as he stares at the guy, that it is the writer, his date of the night.

When Sehun doesn't reply, the writer rubs the back of his neck in abashment, teeth breaking out into his smile. Sehun is still staring, he feels his jaw growing slack. He's not sure if he has taken his intake of breath just yet, but he's too busy gazing at a boy who is incredibly handsome and he is uncertain of what Baekhyun and Kyungsoo have done this time.

“Sorry for being late!” the writer whispers loudly while Baekhyun's soft singing accompanies him in the background. “I got lost at the subway and I couldn't find this place. It's my first time after all...” he rambles on, his head ducked low.

Sehun clears his throat, clears the thoughts in his mind and answers him, “It's okay, I didn't wait that long.”

The writer lifts his head, the corners of his mouth tugging upwards again into a smile. It tugs once more at the strings of Sehun's heart, making the organ feel more constricted within its cage. He has the most beautiful, full lips Sehun has ever seen and he's feeling kind of self conscious in his simple white tee and black ripped jeans as the latter is sporting a grey button-down with denim jeans.

“I'm Jongin, by the way,” the writer introduces himself, eyes crinkling at Sehun. He is starting to feel light-headed, it must be the alcohol although his drink is only a quarter in and he has been known to hold his drinks well. “What about you, actor boy?”

“Actor boy?” amusement flashes briefly in Sehun's eyes. A corner of his mouth twitches and he gives in, bringing upon a smile for the writer. “I'm Sehun. Nice to meet you, Jongin.”

“You too,” Jongin lets out a chuckle, shyly covering the sight of the inside of his mouth with the palm of his hand. “Are we being too formal?”

A laugh spills out of Sehun's lips, he's bare and unguarded in front of Jongin at the moment. The walls of his heart are not as stable as before and Sehun is falling fast and hard before he could even have a say in it.

His heart has always been a stubborn little thing.

“I think we are,” Sehun's eyes avert to the stage for a few seconds, catching Baekhyun's gaze on them. The singer smiles, joy written on the upward tug of his mouth at the success of the blind date. Sehun merely shakes his head, unable to fight the smile coming on his own mouth. He returns his eyes to Jongin, letting it drop anchor in the pools of his irises. “But I think you are already a much better date than my previous ones.”

A smirk creeps onto Jongin's lips, an eyebrow cocked at Sehun. “So you've been around the block, huh?”

Sehun presses his lips together, tries to keep the smile contained but all of his attempts at regaining his composure in front of Jongin have been failing. “With Baekhyun's help, of course.”

Jongin's eyes disappear into crinkles, mouth falling open in an endearing laugh, the sound of his laughter filling Sehun's ears. For a moment, all Sehun could hear is the melody of Jongin's laughter, blocking the chatter of The Kitchen and Baekhyun's singing out from his ears. He becomes absorbed in the boy's features, as Jongin continues to laugh, all of his canines on show. There's a small smile on Sehun's lips, and it's the outcome of Jongin's presence.

“Of course,” Jongin barely croaks out in the midst of his laughter. When he's finally done from doubling over in laughter, he shares a look with Sehun, a blissful smile mirroring Sehun's.

Baekhyun is transitioning into a more upbeat song and Sehun realises it's one of Kyungsoo's favourites; Justin Timberlake. The instrumental of the song fills the bar, and Baekhyun accompanies the melody with his soft voice, belting out the lyrics at a higher pitch. If Sehun was looking, he'd see Kyungsoo in the corner at the back with his body swaying to the music and a fond smile on his lips, the only smile he is directing at Baekhyun. But this time, Sehun's too occupied with the quirks of Jongin's mouth and the whispers of his heart, wanting to learn more about the writer.

Then, Baekhyun sings. The lyric, “and it feels like falling in love right now” flows into Sehun's ears, rippling his heart as he gazes at Jongin, chin rested on his palm, eyes widened with zeal.

And so, Sehun leans in, his pulse rate rising with every inch covered between them. His lips mouth at the shell of Jongin's ear, he could feel the writer's shivering under the fan of his breath on his skin. Sehun takes an inhale of Jongin's cologne, letting it fill his senses, letting himself familiarise with Jongin's scent. He parts his lips to utter a few words, a proposal, an idea, “Want to get out of here?” to which Jongin nods his head to with eyes bright, enthusiasm twinkling in his irises.

Sehun has his hand out, and he waits till Jongin laces his fingers in between Sehun's gaps. He tugs once and Sehun has them running out of the door of The Kitchen, leaving the table at the corner of the bar forgotten, letting go of the tension in their muscles, allowing the brightness of their smiles shine on their lips.

They stand on a pavement across The Kitchen with their chests heaving from the adrenaline rush of escaping the walls of The Kitchen. Their hands are still intertwined, their grip on each other's hands growing loose and comfortable. Sehun's too invested in the warmth of Jongin's palm against his and he figures he adores the callouses of Jongin's fingers. Jongin straightens up, a grin on his face, and looks at Sehun in anticipation. Sehun is too busy, being lost in the sight in front of him, the sight of the street lamps casting a dull, yellowish glow on the planes of Jongin's face.

It feels like falling in love for the first time under the company of the stars in the universe.

“Where should we go?” Sehun asks, scanning the streets for any interesting shops they should venture into or a restaurant to quench the hunger in them. He hasn't been to The Kitchen for a while, having been occupied with auditions, so he's not entirely familiar with the streets as much as before.

Jongin's smile deepens, eyes boring into Sehun's with intensity. The tone of his voice lowers as he utters, “Anywhere, as long as I'm with you.”

Sehun's heart skips a beat, there's a red light going off in his head but all he could focus on is the sincerity laced in Jongin's voice. He takes a step backwards, pulling Jongin with him. Jongin has placed a piece of his heart in Sehun's hands and he isn't sure, he's afraid of not being careful. So he holds Jongin's hand tenderly, the pad of his thumb soothing the muscles on Jongin's hand. He just has to trust Jongin as well, as there's a piece of his heart in Jongin's palm too and there's another lodged in Sehun's throat, threatening to spill.

They begin walking under the starry sky, with only the lights to guide them through the dim streets at only eight into the night. Sehun doesn't have a destination in mind but he feels like he could go to the end of the earth with Jongin's hand interlocked in his.

Sehun feels invincible and in love for the very first time.

June 17th 2015

The right side of the queen-sized bed feels awfully cold on a Wednesday afternoon.

Sehun stretches the sleep out of his limbs and rubs his eyes gently as they try to adjust to the approaching summer sun with its rays creating shadows on the walls of the apartment. The shadows are reminding Sehun once more of his husband's absence in the bed. He is not expecting much but he searches the apartment thoroughly anyway, for any sign of the writer.

As usual, it's empty like the hollowness of Sehun's heart.

Instead of feeling the usual humidity of the afternoon scorching on his pale skin, he feels the cold crippling into his heart, freezing his veins and arteries like before. Sehun can't help but slump in his form and succumb to the loneliness that's about to take over. It's an eerily familiar feeling, one he doesn't welcome at all but also one that he can't avoid entirely.

It is kind of funny how Sehun has been expecting the routine of waking up alone to return but yet, the ache in his heart isn't lying and he still crumbles to the ground every single time Jongin's not there to hold him up in the warmth of his arms. Sehun should have known that a weekend with Jongin is all he is going to have until the high of his schedule fades and he'll come back to the apartment filled with Sehun's sorrows and erase the ache in Sehun's heart with his lingering lips on Sehun's skin.

Sehun has to be patient. As always.

It has been like this for a long time, ever since Simon & Schuster has picked up Jongin's book draft. Now, the writer has published three books in the course of their relationship and the books have been selling, flying off the shelves. The company has been demanding of his attention, greedy off the dollar signs that Jongin has been producing from his written works.

Sehun frowns at the thought, he is supportive of Jongin's career of course. He has been the writer's first fan, pushing him to the path, reassuring the latter of his upcoming success in the future.

He just wants their relationship to live on a smooth, wooden flooring. Not a road filled with rocky bumps.

All of a sudden, a ring of his phone brings him out of his thoughts. Sehun trudges over to the kitchen, where his phone lies on the counter. Kyungsoo's name flashes on the screen, blinking on and off as the call rings out in the apartment. Sehun lets out a sigh before picking his phone up and sliding his finger on the screen to answer Kyungsoo's call.

“Sehun,” Kyungsoo's voice booms out into Sehun's eardrum from the other side of the phone. There's a tinkling of music playing in the background and Sehun figures that he's in charge of The Kitchen today instead of Chanyeol. “Are you doing on the 20th?”

Sehun leans against the counter, fingers dancing along the wooden top. He breathes out, “No, nothing sure of yet.”

“Oh, good,” it sparks curiousity in Sehun and he hums as Kyungsoo goes on, “Make yourself free. I might have an audition for you.”

Sehun's eyes have been wandering all over the kitchen, and his eyes catch a glimpse of paper peeking out from the underside of a bowl. He pursues his lips, not remembering leaving a note of any importance in the kitchen, and he strides over to the dining table.

“Might?” he answers half-assed into the speaker of his phone, as he's too intrigued in the mystery of the paper under the bowl. He picks it up and pushes it away carefully. Sehun takes in the sight of the note, folded into half messily, looking like it has been done in a rush. Pushing his doubts away, he picks it up between the pads of his two fingers and uncovers the mystery within.

In the midst of all this, Kyungsoo continues to babble Sehun's ear away, “Just be grateful that I'm your friend and a good one at that. Some guy walked into the bar last night, complaining to me when he was drunk about his upcoming play in the few weeks. Spourting some shit about having no male leads or not being able to find the right one. Sounds like a pretty pretentious business to me, Oh Sehun, I don't know abou-- hey, are you there?”

Sehun's hands are trembling, the paper has landed a cut on his index finger but he's too immensed in the words written on the note to care about the sight of blood on his finger. His vision is growing misty with every repeated reading of the note. Kyungsoo's voice sounds so far away rather than directly into his ear from the speaker of his phone. The handwriting is so familiar, cutting an edge into Sehun's heart, hitting too close to home. And Sehun suddenly feels like he's missing a piece of his heart, having given it to Jongin for safekeeping.

sehun,
i'll be gone for a while. i don't know when i'll be back.
don't stay up for me.
xx jongin

Sehun exhales shakily, noisily into his phone's speaker, creating static in the silence. He closes his eyes, a blink of his eyes letting a teardrop fall. His bottom lip quivers as he parts his lips to answer Kyungsoo's worried voice.

“Jongin's gone. Again.”

March 20th 2011

“La Cuisine?” Sehun questions, raising his eyebrows at the fancy interior of the restaurant. The waiter escorts them to their table, wishing them a good evening as he whisks away to another table. Jongin tries to muffle his laughter behind the palm of his hand at Sehun's bewildered expression. “I didn't think that we'd be having a top-notch dinner today, Jongin. I should have worn fancier pants.”

Jongin gives in, bursting out into laughter. The neighbouring table looks over at them, sending a glare at their noise. The frowns on their faces threaten to call the waiters out on them but Sehun and Jongin don't really care as they lose themselves in their peal of laughter together.

Jongin chokes out, trying to compose himself, “I just thought it'd be nice for a change.”

“A fancy restaurant date is like #3 date in the beginning of a relationship,” Sehun points a finger at Jongin accusingly and mockingly narrows his eyes at the boy. “You, Kim Jongin, have failed.”

Jongin rolls his eyes, but there's a smile threatening to break out on his lips, Sehun has learned all of his tricks by now. “I apologise for not being a rich bum, Oh Sehun, but it's your fault that you've fallen for a pauper instead.”

A corner of Sehun's mouth twitches in amusement, “What makes you think I have fallen for you?”

Jongin smirks in response, Sehun's stomach begins to lurch. It must be the hunger. “What makes you think you haven't?”

Sehun avoids the question by lifting the menu from the table. His eyes flick from the heavy gaze Jongin is sporting to the content on the menu. It is filled with French words, unfamiliar dishes that Sehun has never heard of. There are only images of the dishes accompanying their names, and that is the only thing helping Sehun to choose his meal for the night.

“Do you even know how to pronounce these words?” Sehun asks casually, eyes wandering all over the page of the menu, finding something that looks appetising. If only, the descriptions of the dishes were in English, instead of French.

Jongin scoffs, and Sehun momentarily flits his gaze over to the boy sitting across him. He has his eyes fixated on the menu as well. “I know my French well, excuse you.”

Sehun raises his eyebrow, chuckling under his breath when Jongin mockingly makes a pained expression at his disbelief. “I get it, I get it. You're the one with all the languages, I'm just an imitator.”

A smile spreads across Jongin's face and it scrunches up in laughter momentarily, “See, being with me has humbled you tremendously.”

Sehun puts down the menu, returning a smile to Jongin. He clasps his hands together and asks, “Are you ready to order, o' humble one?”

They recite their orders to the waiter and well, in Sehun's case, he tried very hard to pronounce the French words as accurately as he could but atlast, Jongin chuckles and reaches over to help him by telling the waiter himself in accented French. Sehun couldn't help himself, he feels a stir in his stomach at the sight of Jongin's lips making out the syllables of the French words.

Once the waiter leaves the table with a promise to be back with their order, Sehun leans over the table to peck on Jongin's lips lightly with a nibble on his bottom lip to drawl out a low moan from the writer. When Sehun leans back in his seat, looking every bit of smug, Jongin, on the other hand, wears a light pink blush on the apples of his cheeks.

Jongin mutters incoherent words under his breath and Sehun perks up, inquiring, “What was that?”

The writer's cheeks redden, “What did you do that for?” His eyes are everywhere but Sehun and he almost coos at how adorable Jongin looks with red tinging his tanned skin. Sehun prides himself in the bite mark on Jongin's bottom lip, slightly swollen from his peck earlier.

“I just can't control myself, hearing you speak French,” Sehun answers, resulting in a redder Jongin. Sehun could see the boy bite the insides of his cheeks, to keep himself from blushing or smiling even further.

“Gross,” Jongin mutters but the slow forming grin on his face says otherwise, along with the glint in his eyes, making Sehun's heart beat faster and faster than usual.

The food arrives, with light chatter on the table. Sehun makes disgusted expressions at the sour taste of his food and Jongin helps by laughing at his misery. Sehun sulks, his bottom lip drooping into a pout and Jongin kisses the sourness away, filling Sehun with sweetness on his tongue. Their dinner goes by in a breeze with constant jests at each other, a few bickerings (“How fitting. Your food is as sour as your face.” “You take that back, Kim Jongin.”) and casual chatter to lift the tension and heavy weight off their shoulders from the previous days of not seeing each other.

There is flowers blossoming in Sehun's heart at the sight of the cresents of Jongin's eyes, his happiness watering life into Sehun's flowers. It is soon approaching a year of being together and Sehun hasn't figured out a way to calm the racing pulse on the inside of his wrist, the back of his knees. He still feels the jolt of falling every single time he gazes at Jongin, and he has taken a liking to the risky trip down. It's unlike him to be so impulsive but when it comes to a boy like Kim Jongin who has weaved his words like vines around Sehun's heart, he is weakened to the pads of his knees, head hung low.

“Since this fancy restaurant's your idea, I'm assuming it's your bill?” Sehun jokes, taking a sip of his wine. The alcohol hasn't settled in fully, it's still a light buzz in his head, making him just slightly dizzy, crazily in love with Jongin.

“Didn't you get a role a few days ago?” Jongin raises his eyebrows at Sehun, his finger is circling the rim of his half empty glass. His eyes are slowly becoming half-lidded, and that's when Sehun knows that Jongin is succumbing to the alcohol in the drink. He has always been more of a lightweight.

“That doesn't mean I'm rolling in cash, Jongin,” Sehun makes an exaggerated roll of his eyes at the writer. “Aren't you supposed to be rich, big shot?”

Jongin's words are becoming slurred and his hiccups are more audible, much more obvious in the heaving of his chest as he attempts to take a deep breath. His wine is almost gone now, his glass is emptying faster than Sehun's. He hiccups once, “I'm a struggling writer, Sehun. Not a successful one.”

Sehun adds a mental 'yet' to Jongin's words. He rubs his chin, he doesn't feel at all concerned about the bill. He blames it on the wine, it's affecting him a bit. Not as much as Jongin. “Then, what are we gonna do?”

Jongin doesn't answer for a while, preoccupied with his hiccups. He keeps taking sips of the glass of plain water as Sehun plays with the carrots on his plate, making weird shapes in his way of prolonging his time in the air-conditioned restaurant with the scent of food and cologne heavy in his nostrils. Also, the wine is making him lazy, stretching his legs out under the clothed table. He parts his lips, burps a little accidentally and Jongin erupts in a fit of giggles. Sehun smiles softly, pushing a piece of carrot to make a house, “Do we have to wash dishes all night long here?”

“No,” Jongin drags his syllables out, and hiccups again. He makes a frustrated noise at the back of his throat, his glass of water is clearly not helping out. He leans over the table, almost knocking his glass over. Sehun furrows his eyebrows and holds a hand out to stabilise the writer, rubbing his thumb on Jongin's shoulder. The writer squirms, lets out a giggle at the ticklish action. His eyes are boring into Sehun's, dilated and blown out. His voice is lower than usual, “Let's just run out of the restaurant.”

Sehun cocks an eyebrow, “Without paying?”

Jongin nods, a smirk playing on his lips, “Without paying.”

Sehun's eyes scan the restaurant; no one's paying attention to them, too indulged in their meals and their own business. Waiters whisk past them, rushing to tables to serve customers. Sehun turns back to Jongin, stares at the hand Jongin's holding out with the smirk intact on his lips. He curls his fingers into Jongin's hand, feeling the familiarity and warmth wash over him in contentment. The rock that was lodged in his throat is gone, and he's feeling liberal with his hand in Jongin's once more.

“Ready?” Jongin asks and Sehun whispers back, almost lost in the noise of the restaurant, “Always.”

Jongin's eyes are brighter than before, he's tugging on Sehun's hand, pulling him forward towards the exit of the restaurant. They are almost out of the door when Sehun hears a faint “Sir, your bill?” behind him and that's when he propels his feet further, taking longer steps, jumping off the pavement with Jongin's hand snug and tight in his. There's wind rustling in his eardrums, like static as Sehun runs with all his might, with Jongin beside him. His heart is about to tumble out of his chest, and he's panting for air with every step. Sehun is about to collapse, he feels it in the tire of his bones but when he looks over to Jongin, he sees the latter wearing a smile brighter than the stars and moon in the sky combined.

And Sehun continues to run, taking refuge in the breeze, trusting it to carry them safely through their speed.

Jongin slows down, nodding towards a corner in the street and Sehun takes a sharp left, collapsing into the wall as he desperately gasps for an intake of air. It takes them merely a few seconds before they erupt into laughter, eyes crinkling with tears at bay, feeling the disbelief of what they have done.

“Hey Oh Sehun,” Jongin shouts and Sehun clasps his palm over Jongin's mouth. The boy bites lightly at Sehun's skin, pecking a kiss onto his palm and Sehun draws his hand away, feeling the tingles all over his body. Jongin smiles sleepily, eyes still half-lidded like as if the run did not wake him up at all. His voice drops a pitch lower, “Do you want to move in with me?”

Sehun steps back, but Jongin has his hand out to grab Sehun's collar, pulling him in back again. It has always been like this between them; Sehun trying with all his might to take an exit but Jongin is there to pull him back, shove him past the danger sign, into the ocean where he drowns helplessly at the expense of Kim Jongin.

“What for?” Sehun fires his own question back.

Jongin hums, fingers curling into Sehun's shirt, tickling his chest. Sehun shouldn't have unbuttoned his shirt, shouldn't have left the first two buttons free. Maybe he should have worn a tie, at least it'd be helpful in shutting Jongin up.

“You're broke, I'm broke. I have an apartment, You have an apartment. Let's just...” he trails off in his explaination, stumbling in his words and feet. Sehun wraps an arm around Jongin's waist to steady him, but he feels like he needs the anchor more than a drunk Jongin. “We can move in together, share the rent. It'll be better than living separately.”

Sehun tilts his head at Jongin, he isn't sure if this is the alcohol talking or Jongin's genuine words but he gets an answer when Jongin gazes at him, worry in the lines around his mouth and sincerity lingering in his irises.

“Isn't it too fast?” Sehun still wants to take a step back, is still hoping for a boat to arrive to send him back to shore.

But Jongin wouldn't allow that. He scrunches his nose, “Too fast?” His grip in Sehun's shirt goes slack for a second before he tightens it even more. “That shouldn't even matter, we are just moving in, Sehun. But since you're on that page, I like you a whole hell lot and I don't think it's too fast, it's too slow.”

He jabs a finger into Sehun's cheek, as menacingly as he could but the alcohol is still in control of him, making him lazier in his moves. “You're slow, Sehun.”

The adrenaline is still rushing in Sehun's veins, the alcohol taking over his system, drowning it in impulsiveness as he leans into Jongin's body, trapping him against the wall. He ducks his head down, closing the distance between but not quite. His breath ghosts over Jongin's full lips, and the writer tenses for a second before leaning into Sehun's taller body, his knee fitting into the gap of Sehun's thighs.

There's a honk on the streets, a burst of laughter in a street down, a clash of glasses on the floor but it doesn't drown out the “I like you a whole hell lot too” Sehun whispers into Jongin's mouth. Jongin growls, grabbing a fistful of Sehun's hair at the mention of those words. Sehun becomes focused on the feel of Jongin's lips against him, moving in sync and biting on all of his weak points to drawl moans out of his throat. There's still alcohol breathing in his veins, coursing through Sehun's body, but he feels sober, kissing and swallowing all of Jongin's whimpers with his lips.

September 9th 2014

“Break a leg, Sehun!” Sunyoung, the female protagonist calls out from the other end in a hushed tone. A bright smile follows after, with a thumbs up.

Sunyoung has always made Sehun feel better, patting him on the back, going the extra length to put a smile on everyone's faces. Sehun lets out a sigh, trying to ease the tension weaved too tightly into his bones, trying to bubble the piece of positivity Sunyoung has gifted him into his heart. It is helping somehow, when he thinks of lighter, happier things such as Jongin's toothy smile, the small peck on Sehun's cheek everyday by Jongin's lips, the crescents of Baekhyun's eyes, his mother's singing voice and the flowers he used to grow outside his window in his hometown.

Still, his heart is beating albeit too fast and it is all common for someone who is about to step on stage but Sehun is not unfamiliar with the feeling of a thousand eyes on him, the dimming lights on his character, the dramatic gasp of the audience along with the climax of the play. Sehun should be used to it by now, he should be wearing the confidence of a main protagonist, not the side character who occasionally holds the backdrop there and then.

The lights are turning, finding their positions to shine on stage. The stage director, Jinki, nods at his assistant before flashing a thumbs up at all the characters on stand-by. Sehun is leaning against the wall, hands clammy and throat dry. He almost wants to exclaim to ask Jinki to wait as he grabs a sip from his bottled water but the theatre does not wait for anyone, nor does the audience who have paid ten bucks to watch this play on action. One of the side characters, standing before him, Matt or something clasps on his shoulder, grinning like as if they are about to step on stage for a comedy slap show and not a serious play about war and love.

“Everyone, ready in ten seconds!” Jinki whispers as loudly as he could. He waves his favoured blue pen around, pointing at all of the characters, “Good luck and don't fuck this up, this is my last chance.”

Everyone nods solemnly, including Sehun but it all feels robotic. He tugs on his golden sleeves, takes a sharp intake of breath when the lights grow subdued, focusing on three spots on the stage. Matt or something erases the grin from his face and steps onto the stage with the others. Sehun watches as he does an elaborated intake of breath and the curtains begin to draw away, revealing the stage props and finally, the play everyone has been working hard on.

Sehun counts down in his head, from thirty seconds just like Jinki asked him to. There is a polite applause from the audience, welcoming the show. The characters begin to speak, adding emotions to the words they memorised from the script. Sehun continues to count, it's coming, he has to take his first five steps now.

He tries to keep his breathing laboured, tries to focus on the stage instead of the audience but he feels his heart yearning to look out for once, to search for the familiar brown mop of hair he has run his fingers through countless times, the crooked smile he has kissed multiple times, the usual wave of excitement at the sight of Sehun acting on stage and not a practice at home.

Sehun has to speak now, but his eyes are too busy searching the audience. He hears Sunyoung say her lines mildly, it all seems so far away. His eyes are going through the third row now, he keeps telling himself that Jongin's there, he is there, he should be there. Sehun's going to see the boy he loves holding a bouquet of lilies like always, with the widest grin on his face and the excitement of a ten year old boy in his eyes, sitting on the seat he has bought a ticket for.

“I can never be in love with anyone else other than Prince Nathaniel,” Sunyoung recites, adding a sigh of adoration to her dialogue. She emphasises her words by holding a hand to her cheek, closing her eyes softly and slowly like a film set on slow motion, ending it with a tiny quirk of her lips.

It's Sehun's cue to say his dialogue, his monologue at the beginning of the play but his eyes are on the first row, three seats away from the end and there hasn't been a sign of Jongin yet. He's hoping with all of his heart that Jongin's sitting on the last seat, although he knows deep within that the boy wouldn't pick a seat that far from stage. Sehun's merely playing his cards and throwing all of his hope into the possibility of Jongin running late, buying a ticket at the very last minute and having to settle for the last seat in the house. Then, Sehun's eyes run over the last seat on the row, the last seat in the theatre, and it's a woman in her mid-thirties with curls running down her shoulder and hands clasped together on top of her lap with anticipation written all over her features.

Jongin has missed his show. For the third time despite Sehun constantly reminding him of the name of his play, the venue, the synopsis.

“I'm starring in a play called Forbidden-”

“Ah, a carbon copy of Romeo and Juliet, I see?” Jongin interrupts, eyes still fixated on his journal. His pen is moving fast, scribbling words across the paper. Sehun tries once more to take a peek but Jongin nudges him in the ribcage, pushing him away.

“Oh shut up, this play is set later than Shakespeare's time. I'm a prince, you see,” Sehun retaliates by biting on Jongin's earlobe. The writer winces but his eyes aren't lifting off the journal.

“And thou fell in love with a pauper, Sehun?”

Sehun leans back against his chair, giving up in his attempts of making Jongin look at him. He frowns at Jongin's words, “Are you going to watch me act or not?”

“Of course, I would. I'm not called your biggest fan for nothing.”

“The Victoria Theatre, promise?” Sehun is biting his lip, there's doubt laced in his voice and Jongin pauses in his tracks, dropping the pen. It lands on the paper with a soft thud as Jongin finally looks at Sehun, searching his eyes. Jongin sighs, rubbing the tip of his nose exasperatedly. He leans towards Sehun, touching his cheek gingerly with the ink marks still on the pad of his index finger. Sehun's too invested in Jongin's eyes to even care about the ink stain it's going to leave on his skin.

“Promise. Have some faith in me, will you?”

Sehun's heart falls, and he realises a beat too late that his part is five seconds later than usual. He parts his lips, feeling the cut of his shattered heart prick him in his throat, another gash he has to treat later in the confinement and solidarity of his apartment. Sehun feels the rest of his body going numb from pain, this is what he's used to, unfortunately. Not the lights of the life on theatre, but the pain that comes with love and too much hope.

His voice sounds awfully bitter unlike the intimidating tone he is supposed to adopt for his character. Sehun's too immersed in the heartbreak to change his voice, and he could envision Jinki shaking his head at him behind the curtains. Sehun's hands are shaking in tremor behind his back, and his voice has a slight tremble to it but his eyes hold sharply at the audience just like the pieces of his heart.

“Prince Nathaniel, the heir to the throne. No, your grace, I would never fall for a commoner like Delilah.”

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