Striving for More
So it's back to school again, there's stress and I feel like I'm completely under the gun for time, but that's what it's suppose to feel like when it gets close to final time, it's just the norm. I realize that I can't kill myself over every little thing that I do now, I just have to try. I spoke to Spike yesterday and he makes my day better, he lets me know that as long as I tried my best at what I'm doing than that is all that matters. It's hard when I feel like I'm always competing to try and get a grade, that I'm not doing good enough or that what I've don't just doesn't quite make it. It's people like him that check up on me in a less psychotic way and ask about my grades and what I'm doing in college that lets me know that maybe I'm doing alright just as I am.
In other news, along the same strain. I'm tired of looking, searching, waiting, whatever you want to call it. Most of the time I try not to, or as it's considered... I dont like to actively look. Anyhow it's along that whole idea of guys and waiting for the right one to come along. It isn't so much that I've been putting myself out on the line purposefully... it just sort of happens sometimes but I'm over it right now. I'm not going to ask for a date (not like I do now either), not going to look for the opportunity, if I ask to go out to get a cup of coffee... it'll merely be to get a cup of coffee and chat not for anything more (hell I do that now anyway). There's a lot of things that in the back of my mind I'm going to put on the shelf for now, yeah I want a fairytale but if it isn't going to happen now I'm not going to force it. Crushing over a guy that probably doesn't even think about me is just extra baggage for me. Right now I don't need that extra baggage. If something is meant to happen, it will, if not... I have the rest of my life to worry about falling in love and all that sentimental stuff I adore.
Anyhow, the whole thinking on love/like and school stuff reminded me of a poem that I wrote a little while ago and ended up posting on a poetry site that I'm a member on. P.S. if you wanna see any more of it I'm on PostPoems.com under Eris in Eden.
To Strive
In life we create
perfect little contructs
of what we desire.
They are what we
try to live,
try to make,
try to be...
but can never really achieve.
Perhaps that is why
we create them,
because we know we can
never have just that,
the perfect entity.
But yet we revel
in our victories
that bring us closer
to our perfection and
lament in our defeats
that draw us away from
the golden image we've made.
And we blind ourselves
to think that some how,
some way we will one day
undo the rift between
reality and fantasy
and have what we've been
longing for,
for so long.
This is what it means to strive.
In other news, along the same strain. I'm tired of looking, searching, waiting, whatever you want to call it. Most of the time I try not to, or as it's considered... I dont like to actively look. Anyhow it's along that whole idea of guys and waiting for the right one to come along. It isn't so much that I've been putting myself out on the line purposefully... it just sort of happens sometimes but I'm over it right now. I'm not going to ask for a date (not like I do now either), not going to look for the opportunity, if I ask to go out to get a cup of coffee... it'll merely be to get a cup of coffee and chat not for anything more (hell I do that now anyway). There's a lot of things that in the back of my mind I'm going to put on the shelf for now, yeah I want a fairytale but if it isn't going to happen now I'm not going to force it. Crushing over a guy that probably doesn't even think about me is just extra baggage for me. Right now I don't need that extra baggage. If something is meant to happen, it will, if not... I have the rest of my life to worry about falling in love and all that sentimental stuff I adore.
Anyhow, the whole thinking on love/like and school stuff reminded me of a poem that I wrote a little while ago and ended up posting on a poetry site that I'm a member on. P.S. if you wanna see any more of it I'm on PostPoems.com under Eris in Eden.
To Strive
In life we create
perfect little contructs
of what we desire.
They are what we
try to live,
try to make,
try to be...
but can never really achieve.
Perhaps that is why
we create them,
because we know we can
never have just that,
the perfect entity.
But yet we revel
in our victories
that bring us closer
to our perfection and
lament in our defeats
that draw us away from
the golden image we've made.
And we blind ourselves
to think that some how,
some way we will one day
undo the rift between
reality and fantasy
and have what we've been
longing for,
for so long.
This is what it means to strive.