I'm back. Defeated n downhearted, methinks.
I just came from my first math test in Math 90 (pre-algebra). I feel like crying! It wasn't a long test nor something terribly complex but I don't think I did well at all. I got the process down but once I went to apply it to a problem, my answer didnt' match the calculator. I'm used to failing math. I've done it since grade school but I guess it's that I'm trying so much harder in this math and it'll hurt more if I fail. I swear the problems don't look like they do in the book. I don't know how but problems always appear different on a test. You think it's odd huh? Beliiiiiiieve me. D's are a GOOD grade for me and to get anything higher is miraculous!! I did find out however that the learning disability we always knew I had (and took the psychologist the beginning of my highschool freshman year to figure out FINALLY) has a name. We always joked that I had "math dyslexia" because no matter how I tried to understand it, once I tried to actually do it, the process became mixed up in my head. Well it turns out it's no joke!! Dyscalculia is to math what Dyslexia and Dysgraphia is to letters. I found out that those with dyscalculia exibit strong accquisiton of languages and other non related math subjects, and due to the nature of it, are even able to do geometery--which I can do! If it involves drawing or writing, I can do it. I also have some other basic problems that I had no idea had anything to do with the math disability. But everytime I tried to tell someone I had a math disability, they all said: hur hur. Duh we all do! *rolls eyes* I guess I'm a little prideful to say I have "learning disability" because I grew up around those that had them. Usually in English and reading and I have none of that so, I just don't want to compare myself to them. Those I also knew more often than not were juvenile deliquents who made fun of me as I did my Japanese homework. I feel bad for them because I know they only did it because they were frustrated! Boy, I know what that's like. In my state, we have to take what's called the Math Proficiency Test in highschool in order to graduate. It's just basic math to about algebra but I had major problems with basic concepts so I never passed the test. I graduated only because my certified math block qualified me as "special ed" and believe me, I hate thinking how "narrowly" I made it! To think I got recieved one out of 2 Departmental awards for foreign language, got all A's and B's in English, History, and foriegn language but couldn't pass a math class to save my life! It wasn't till college they finally gave me proper math help so now I'm relearning things and doing much better, I think, but I'm sad. I want to go back and take the MPT! I know I could pass it!! I wish I could go back in time after learning what I learned here and take it back with me. Mom told me I shouldn't be upset at the teachers back then entirely because maybe they didn't really know about things like Dyscalculia. *sigh* Although it does make me feel like I squandered every single year in school from gradeschool on, being stuck on one math concept. It used to be I averaged 4 years per math concept but by the time I graduated, I was learning much faster. I suppose I could be selling myself short! It's possible that I did much better on that test too, but that's not likely. I grew up believing I understood how to do something, feel really confident, only to find out I did everything wrong. So, I don't know what to think exactly. I just really hope I did all right. In the meantime, I'm doing my best to practice. I'm going to reasearch Dyscalculia a little more to see if there's any steps I can take to help myself learn better.
Dyscalculia
Dyscalculia is a term meaning "specific learning disability in mathematics." People who suffer with a poor memory for all things mathematical have many other symptoms and characteristics. Taken as a whole, these coexisting conditions comprise what this author terms "the dyscalculia syndrome."
Here's a link of symptoms if you're curious! http://www.dyscalculia.org/calc.html