The Shot.. [Fic]
This work is of fiction based on facts gathered from interviews and various sources. There are some artistic liberties taken only in the interest of plot and not meant to libel or disrespect the group. If reality-based fiction is offensive to you, do not read. I will only accept constructive comments or positive ones.
This is my interpretation of how it happened and I was inspired by the story Diamond Dust by Gerald Tarrant. If possible, I have done my best to stay accurate and close to character. With this said, read on and give me feedback! It’s greatly appreciated. ^^ ~Maki
maki82@hotmail.com
www.cryinginred.com
1
We all heard the shot. Its deafening silence afterwards told us it was the end. Toshi cited creative differences and he said he had found a new path in life. We were sad to see him go and we didn’t want to disband-especially Yoshiki. It was his dream ever since high school to have a band…none of us could really understand why Toshi did what he did but I think I knew. Yoshiki demands nothing less than perfection in anything he does; especially his music and he expected so much of Toshi. Sometimes I think he didn’t realize that Toshi was still human! I often saw Yoshiki fondly as the mad genius that envied his prodigy’s voice but had no choice but to sing through him. Now his “voice” was gone and he was lost.
I remember not long before that when Yoshiki broke the news of disbanding. I found Yoshiki at his studio, working furiously on something, a song maybe. Papers were scattered across his desk and on the floor, like the work of a madman.
“Yoshiki, what the hell are you thinking?” I exclaimed as I burst in the room. It was the first thing my head. “Not letting Toshi at the concert?! I know you love X. You’re the leader and it is your life but you know it’s my life too!”
“But it won’t be right without him and I don’t want him there!” protested Yoshiki. I always knew he had an aggressive temper; his childish outburst, coupled with the anger etched plainly on his face reminded me that I was actually a year older!
“Maybe, but X is not just one person. It’s all of us and we should all get to make these decisions! I mean, you let Taiji go and I remember you were less than sad-you broke his fuckin’ arm! So let’s just move on.” Yoshiki’s eyes flashed as I mentioned the hated name of the man who he believed had betrayed him. He was never going to forgive him. I knew that he was still a sore spot in heart of the band and it would not soon heal. So it was salt in the wound, but what did I care? He was wrong and I was going to prove my point no matter what. I heard a low growl come from his throat.
“Taiji was the bassist! The instrument! Instruments can be replaced but voices rarely can. Toshi was the voice and I sang through him, hide! And I can’t sing anymore…” His eyes seemed to flash when he was angry and I could still see it behind those dark shades as he glared at me. Yoshiki jumped up, his chair flying back and he stood inches from my face, fists clenched. I felt his angry breath upon me as he cried, “He betrayed me, hide. He betrayed me, you, and X. He doesn’t deserve to be with us anymore!” I was not going to back down from him. I had never backed down from a fight before; in fact, I usually started them when I was drunk. I had spent a lot of time back then, apologizing the day after, unable to remember a thing… Yoshiki, did I really say that? I was stupid. I’m sorry… I would say groggily but ever so sincerely, and all would be well; now I was sober-and this was much worse. Damn Yoshiki and his dramatics! I was fed up, and so I grabbed his collar with both hands and threw him against his desk, the papers scattered more. He grimaced and groaned as I had him, trying to push me away but I wouldn’t give. Yoshiki deserved the hell beat out of him for his attitude, and yet as I stared angrily at him, grinding my jaw together, I could not do it. It was if Yoshiki was under some evil spell and I looked at his angry eyes and I wondered how to bring him out of it. Maybe a good nose-bashing would do the trick, I thought to myself finally in that moment. It didn’t seem to come as easily as it did when I was drunk. It wasn’t easy but I felt the pain as my fist connected with his face. You know, it really hurts to punch someone!
Blood began to flow from his nose and he looked a bit surprised but he was fuming!
“Fuck you, Yoshiki! Fuck you!” I screamed in his face. “Toshi didn’t betray anyone but himself! If he wants to believe we didn’t want him at that press conference then, let him. You know he won’t listen if you try to tell him the truth!” Yoshiki ripped off his shades, and held his nose with one hand. I expected retaliation and there should have been, but there was none. I think it was because we both knew we were fighting for something larger than the two of us. Our whole world rested in this band and it was being destroyed.
Yoshiki seemed strangely quiet. The blood continued to stream down his lips as he tried to stop it but his eyes were fixed on me. His face began to soften, but it didn’t quell his anger. His dark eyes shined now but almost like they were in tears. No doubt, he was a sensitive man. I could still feel his anger though, and his quiet anger was the most deadly. I let go of his shirt and he grabbed the edge of the desk and pulled himself back up with a grunt. His posture was rigid; he continued to scowl at me, turning away while he grabbed a tissue from off the desk. I felt justified about what I had done but I couldn’t help to feel a little… disappointed. After all, it wasn’t the reaction I expected. It’s funny, but you know, sometimes he seemed vulnerable when he didn’t wear those sunglasses and, I think he was…
I was not quite sure what to say or do next as he stood briefly with his back to me. I felt my words dying in my throat. I laid my hand on his shoulder and he tensed. I removed it from his black silk shirt and I noticed the papers beneath us. I bent down and began to pick them up. Yoshiki bent down, still holding the crinkled and blotched tissue on his nose. I could see dark stains forming on the front of his shirt as he helped.
“What is this, Yo’chan?” I asked finally as I stood up.
“A song,” he replied gruffly but muffled through the tissue.
I read the scratchy looking title across the top. The Last Song? I thought to myself.
“You were working on this when I came in?” I said.
“Yes,”
I looked at the music and read the notes.
“Yoshiki, there’s no way in hell anyone else can do this!” He didn’t seem to hear me as he walked over to the piano and sat down. He began to play and I stood there silently, waiting for him to reply.
“’Watching the stars until they are all gone…Like an actor all alone…’” he said in English, in a soft tone, the tone I know he used to narrate his songs. He went on this way till the pitch changed and the chorus began. He began to hum the painfully high parts and something told me he hadn’t intended anyone else to sing this song but Toshi.
“Toshi’s going to sing, isn’t he?” Yoshiki halted the music with a dissident stroke of keys.
“No!” He replied passionately. Once again I saw the fire in his eyes. “We can find someone else to sing, or maybe play instrumentals. The fans can even sing! Whatever-I don’t care!”
“What!” I exclaimed. “Yoshiki! You don’t understand anything, do you? I had hoped you would have understood if I broke your nose but apparently not!” I sucked in my frustration a moment and tried to calm down.
“Ok,” I replied, backing off a little. I didn’t want to push him anymore, and I still felt bad. “Ok,” I uttered again, softly. “Yoshiki, look, I’m very sorry. I truly am. I-I didn’t mean to hit you. It’s just-you’re so damn stubborn! How else would you understand?”
“Hm, Yes, I never understand, do I? Why is the world still a puzzle to me…?” he said in a sarcastic tone.
“Come on, you know you can’t leave him out like this! You told me-you told me once that you made music that you knew only he could sing, didn’t you!”
“Yes,” he mumbled.
“And you said he could leave ne? Nee?”
“I-I did! But, I didn’t want him to go! He was my best friend and I wanted to respect his decision! What was I supposed to say?” I sighed; he had a point. Yoshiki had a point but I couldn’t just let this be!
“You could’ve said no. You could’ve said, ‘please stay till after the concert’!” I cried.
“You could say a lot more than that! I know you don’t like to speak but hell, you know you could’ve spoken up and said something! Anything, god damn it! Anything! You write songs better than this!”
“I-I know,” he said softly. He was never good with arguments or speaking in general. He hated interviews so much he had to force himself to speak and made sure that the rest of us all said something. Yoshiki was not completely at a loss, however, because when he could not speak his mind, he could always speak his heart.
“So this isn’t easy, I’m sorry, Yo’chan,” I replied and gave a weary smile. I laid my hand on his shoulder affectionately and he glanced over at it but did not remove it this time. Things don’t usually end so well, I know that. That’s life and even though we made it without shedding any more blood that day, it was uneasy.
Chapter 2 coming soon...