{insert subject here} (myspace, 5-27-06)
Well, tomorrow is my 20th birthday. I thought that it would be more important to me, but it's not. My grandma died 2 months ago. I have no car, no job, no friends, no life, no boyfriend... so I've come to a conclusion. Life sucks.
I have been carless for over 3 months now. I don't know how I've made it. I know Bridget still blames herself.. and sometimes, I still do too. I get mad at her because this hasn't affected her as damn much as it has me. I love her to death, and I know she loves me somewhat. I know she didn't mean to wreck my car and end my life as we knew it. But, it still happened. I wish she could at least help me pick up the pieces, just a little. It's already cost my dad over $1,000... he shouldn't have had to pay a dime. The wreck came back on my dad, bigtime. It doubled his insurance for the next 3 years. It basically severed our relationship as we knew it. I've been stuck at my house, 6 miles from Clinton, for the last 3 months. I went out with Chris a few times, but that's about it. No one calls to check on me, see if I'm still living. WHAT THE FUCK happened to all those people that called themselves my friends? Chris, Beth, and Bridget are the only ones who kept in touch with me. Now, Beth doesn't talk to me because her husband hates me. So what? Fuck him. Chris and I will probably talk again, sooner or later... but only when he decides to apologize for what he said and did. And, throughout everything that's happened, Bridget is the only fucking person who has been there for me... the same girl who took my life away in the first place. Fucking ironic, isn't it?
I still owe my bank over $1,000 for all the fees and overdrafts that occured back in November. Everything started to fall apart in November, and it's just be a downward spiral since then. After all this court shit is over with, I will end up oweing well over $4,000... all because I let my friend drive my car. Life is fucked up, then you die. But I still love her, don't get me wrong. I'm just pissed right now.
I can't work because I have no transportation, and no one is willing to take my anywhere. Looks like the only job I'll have in my future is babysitting my nephew until school starts back up for him. Eh, it's money though. My dad worked out a deal with me that if I sign the car over to him, get a job and keep it, and don't run around... I can have my car back. But, he's only giving me a week to find a job. I can't even get it back till I can save up $250 for insurance. That's probably a good month's work of babysitting.
I think karma is after me.. and it's winning. I just can't think of anything that I've done that's bad enough for all this to happen to me. I've lost everything. Am I paying for being a klepto when I was younger? For saying "god damn" too much? What the fuck did I do? I've had absolutely no emotional support from ANYONE... the friends I thought I had... well, guess I don't have any. I'm a good person, despite my flaws. I didn't deserve this.
I have been carless for over 3 months now. I don't know how I've made it. I know Bridget still blames herself.. and sometimes, I still do too. I get mad at her because this hasn't affected her as damn much as it has me. I love her to death, and I know she loves me somewhat. I know she didn't mean to wreck my car and end my life as we knew it. But, it still happened. I wish she could at least help me pick up the pieces, just a little. It's already cost my dad over $1,000... he shouldn't have had to pay a dime. The wreck came back on my dad, bigtime. It doubled his insurance for the next 3 years. It basically severed our relationship as we knew it. I've been stuck at my house, 6 miles from Clinton, for the last 3 months. I went out with Chris a few times, but that's about it. No one calls to check on me, see if I'm still living. WHAT THE FUCK happened to all those people that called themselves my friends? Chris, Beth, and Bridget are the only ones who kept in touch with me. Now, Beth doesn't talk to me because her husband hates me. So what? Fuck him. Chris and I will probably talk again, sooner or later... but only when he decides to apologize for what he said and did. And, throughout everything that's happened, Bridget is the only fucking person who has been there for me... the same girl who took my life away in the first place. Fucking ironic, isn't it?
I still owe my bank over $1,000 for all the fees and overdrafts that occured back in November. Everything started to fall apart in November, and it's just be a downward spiral since then. After all this court shit is over with, I will end up oweing well over $4,000... all because I let my friend drive my car. Life is fucked up, then you die. But I still love her, don't get me wrong. I'm just pissed right now.
I can't work because I have no transportation, and no one is willing to take my anywhere. Looks like the only job I'll have in my future is babysitting my nephew until school starts back up for him. Eh, it's money though. My dad worked out a deal with me that if I sign the car over to him, get a job and keep it, and don't run around... I can have my car back. But, he's only giving me a week to find a job. I can't even get it back till I can save up $250 for insurance. That's probably a good month's work of babysitting.
I think karma is after me.. and it's winning. I just can't think of anything that I've done that's bad enough for all this to happen to me. I've lost everything. Am I paying for being a klepto when I was younger? For saying "god damn" too much? What the fuck did I do? I've had absolutely no emotional support from ANYONE... the friends I thought I had... well, guess I don't have any. I'm a good person, despite my flaws. I didn't deserve this.