(no subject)
my life is absolute shit.
i've never felt so worthless. or helpless, or hopeless.
i told brandon the other night, i've never truly hated life until now. isn't that strange?
I have A's in school. I have great friends.
and yet everything around me is crumbling.
everyone in my family seems to be dying, which is terrible, and even being home right now is hard.
one of my aunts passed away today. another is in the hospital hooked up to a ventilator and going to surgery that might only kill her instead of help her, but it's a doctor's last ditch effort.
i don't know what to do. i threw myself into school. i drink more. i don't want to do that. but i don't know what to do.
someone important to me apparently hates me now. which really bothers me a lot.
i'm broke.
i'm miserable.
i'm lonely as hell.
i'm thinking about taking a long vacation once school is out to visit some friends of mine in tennessee. maybe that'll help.
i don't know how much more of this i can take.
i'm going to see brandon tonight i think. he's the shoulder i think i've needed to cry on the last few weeks and haven't gotten to see him. it's nice to know that i have him there through anything. that's what best friends are for. for the past 8 years he's been great.
i don't fucking know anymore.
i've never felt so worthless. or helpless, or hopeless.
i told brandon the other night, i've never truly hated life until now. isn't that strange?
I have A's in school. I have great friends.
and yet everything around me is crumbling.
everyone in my family seems to be dying, which is terrible, and even being home right now is hard.
one of my aunts passed away today. another is in the hospital hooked up to a ventilator and going to surgery that might only kill her instead of help her, but it's a doctor's last ditch effort.
i don't know what to do. i threw myself into school. i drink more. i don't want to do that. but i don't know what to do.
someone important to me apparently hates me now. which really bothers me a lot.
i'm broke.
i'm miserable.
i'm lonely as hell.
i'm thinking about taking a long vacation once school is out to visit some friends of mine in tennessee. maybe that'll help.
i don't know how much more of this i can take.
i'm going to see brandon tonight i think. he's the shoulder i think i've needed to cry on the last few weeks and haven't gotten to see him. it's nice to know that i have him there through anything. that's what best friends are for. for the past 8 years he's been great.
i don't fucking know anymore.