i cannot sleep, i cannot dream tonight....
hola~ hello everyone! dude it is fucking like 12:45 and i cannnot sleep and i am so tired...err it pisses me off when i have nights like this...mike is really scaring me, i am so afraid that he will go to jail because yeah....he's eighteen now and he will and can go to jail if he has anything on him if he gets pulled over...i worry too much and i hate that. what really is pissing me off is sarah, she told him that she "didn't want him talking to me because all i'm out to do if split them up" which it bullshit because i can't even count how many times he has called me up upset because him and sarah got in to it or him and sarah are fighting and it's all going to my head and it is really upsetting me and i think i am just thinking too much that is why i can't sleep. ah...i'm just so tired won't you sing me to sleep and fly through my dreams so i can hitch a ride with you tonight and get away from this place meet a new name and face i'm just not the same without you in my life...i freaking love that song (the view from heaven by yellowcard) hmmm...guys i really don't know what i'm doing anymore...i might have to move to colfax or bondurant or some small ass town like that and i really don't wanna but i don't wanna go to a des moines school if i live with my daddy and the only way to go to sep is to get a car and even then my mother and father wouldn't even have the gas to give me to drive all the way out here and back everyday and then i'd have to get my ass a job which would be hard because just, ah, i don't wanna move! i hate making new friends well... i love to meet new people but i will miss all my friends here and i am so lost and i don't know what to do... i'm tired of doing the same thing all the time. i am tired of my mother ho- ing herself around and making me lie to everyone about where she is and what she's doing and i'm tired of all the drama and i'm just rambling...i really need someone to listen to my whine...i feel like a total idiot... i really wish i could go back in time and start everything over like a few years ago. maybe in like 1997.. i was so happy then my parents were still together my grandpa was still alive and i didn't have a care in the world. it was just friends and not guys.. i mean i had the thought of them on my mind but i had never had my heart broken and never been "in love" which sounds so lame to say but it is the truth. it is now 1:00 and i am going to take some tylonal p.m.'s and try to sleep..wait we are all out of them..shit..i'm fucked...i guess i will go and "try" to sleep.. goodnight everyone..see ya'll in like 6 hours...5 hours and 59 min...i am rambling again goodnight <3 heather