Me.
I know I've wrote something like this about 12908902 times but this time its different. I've changed a lot in the past month. If you ever wanted to know anything about me read this. leave a comment.
I'll be eighteen on Christmas. I'm getting my lip pierced and a tattoo on my wrist. I have 1/2 inch gages and a twin brother who's the exact opposite of me. I laugh when people get hurt. I want to fall in love with a boy who dresses better than I do and I think I already met him. My entire love life is a pattern of going out with a boy after not talking to him for a long period of time after we broke up the first time. It goes something like adam, stu, stu. stu, adam, maybe stu. I believe in destiny and soulmates and perfection. I'm agnostic and I don't believe in most organized religion. I party because it's fun not because I want to not feel. I hate rap music and I want to live a movie or at the very least a song. I cry when I hear certain songs and My Chemical Romance rocks my world. I get jealous and I feel stupid most of the time. I talk too much espiecally when I'm not sober. I used to think having a boyfriend would make me happy. Then i realized that when i'm not single i'm miserable to. No matter how skinny I get I will always think I am fat. I have a guilty pleasure for LFO and Otown and everyone who thinks that makes me lame is retarded. I like what I like and I don't care what anyone thinks. I kiss girls when I'm drunk and sometimes i have random hookups. Stuart Leek is the only person I have ever felt anything for when I kissed him. I want to stay up all night under the stars with a boy talking about everything from sex and music to the meaning of life.
I think every song and every band sounds like someone else including my own band. I play bass. I can relate to everything. I am horrible at giving advice and although I try to stop.. i constantly talk about myself. I'm overly blunt. I miss someone even though it's all coming back. I can't wait for college and I would do anything to go to Loyola in New Orleans. I need a scholarship and I have senioritis. Ray nauds syndrome means I can hardly ever feel my fingers and toes. I know how to give a guy a boner and it makes me laugh. I hate when boys touch my ass and no one has ever seen it. I love my friends so much but I wish I meant more to them. I wish my parents would get a divorce instead of always saying they are really going to go through with it this time and never pulling through. I used to be suicidal and I pray to be anorexic. Sometimes I want something horrible to happen to me. It would be nice to be really popular. I dye my hair drastically all the time because I want something no one else has. I lost 50 pounds and I'm eating disordered. I think the best feeling in the world is dry sex. I would kill to live in the 60s with switch blade fights. I hate when boys cry except when its because of me. Most people think I'm a bitch. I walk in the hallways and I ignore everyone. I think marijuana should be legal and I tend to fall for boys who would never love me. I love hot pink and I'm a walking cliche. I'm stingy about gas money and weed. I ask to many questions when I already know the answers. I never call boys but I hate when they don't call me. I used to hate girls for really stupid reasons until I grew up. I cuss too much and say pussy and fuck in front of teachers. I talk about sex and drugs constantly and i don't care who knows. I tell everyone everything about me.
That is me.
These are the songs that mean so much to me:
Verve Pipe "The Freshman"- Makes me think of how immature I was when I was suicidal as a freshman/sophomore. "For the life of me I can not believe we'd ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen"
The Ataris/Don Henley "Boys of Summer"- When me and Stu broke up the first REAL time I listened to this song constantly because it was the only song that didn't make me sad. "When I get you back I'm going to show you what I'm made of."
Taking Back Sunday "Cute Without the E (Cut from the Team)"- This was the first song I ever could play perfectly on bass. "This all was only wishful thinking."
Taking Back Sunday "Your Own Disaster"- Just reminds me of every relationship I've ever had. "I don't think that you know what you've been missing."
Taking Back Sunday "New American Classic"- Reminds me of myself. I could see me writing this song. "When all that you need is just a reaction... it's too much to ask for when there's no attraction"
Straylight Run "Existentialism on Prom Night"- I remember listening to this song on prom night on the way to Tabitha's house with stu, elyse and her date. "Sing me something soft.. sad and delicate or loud and out of key... sing me anything"
Straylight Run "Tension and the Terror"- Shows the awkwardness of first dates that I have gone through. "I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you."
Staind "Epiphany"- "I speak to you in riddles because my words get in my way."
Silverchair "Ana's Song"- Reminds me of when I used to pray to god to get anorexia. "I need you now somehow."
Brandon Boyd "Divided"- Makes me think of how I think I'm a horrible person just because I'm not physically attractive. "I want to affirm that what I see in reflection day to day isn't all I am."
Saves the Day " At Your Funeral."- Reminds me of how overpowering drugs are. "And At your funeral I will sing your reqieum."
Saves the Day "Cars and Calories"- Because the autobiography of my entire life. No song has ever described me so perfectly. "And it took bites out of her insides until she was just a hollow shell."
Placebo "My Sweet Prince"- Reminds me of drug use and how I'm scared its taking over mine and my friends lives. "I never thought I'd fill with desire I never thought I'd feel so ashamed."
Phantom Planet "California"- I can't wait to go to California and start my life there some day. "California here we come."
New Found Glory "The Glory of Love"-The song I would die for if anyone ever sang it to me. "Tonight its very clear as we're both lying here.. there's so many things I'd like to say. I will always love you."
New Found Glory "Hit or Miss"- The first rock song I ever listened to and the song that made me like the music I do today. "Have I waited to long? Have I found that someone."
New Found Glory "The Story So Far"- Reminds me of when I first met Stu. I don't even like NFG. "I can't remember the time or the place, or what you were wearing. All I know is it was the best conversation I ever had."
My Chemical Romance "Our Lady of Sorrows"- The best lyrical song ever written. Lines in it have changed my life. "Oh how wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying."
Something Corporate "Konstantine"-The First song to ever make me cry. I can relate to every line in it. "This is because I can spell confusion with a K and I can like it. It's to dying in anothers arms and why I had to try it."
Something Corporate "Walking By"- Shows how powerful and amazing and horrible love can be which I can relate to. "These nights I get high just from breathing. When I lie here with you... I'm sure that I'm real."
My Chemical Romance "Demolition Lovers"- Basically the best love song ever written. "This time I mean it. I'll let you know just how much you mean to me"
My Chemical Romance "You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us in Prison"- Shows how amazing MCR is by having homoerotic undertones. "Life is but a dream for the dead."
My Chemical Romance "Cemetary Drive"- "Singing songs that make you slit your wrists."
Matchbook Romance "Tiger Lily"- I remember driving Stu home listening to this song and thinking how perfect it was. "Talking about our lives like we've known eachother forever."
Maroon 5 "She Will Be Loved"- Just an amazing love song that makes me want to fall in love. "I want to make you feel beautiful."
Maria Mena "You're the Only One"- Reminds me so much of when I went out with Stu. We were able to joke and call eachother names and make fun of eachother and it was just fun. "Remember that time when I put my hands between your legs and said it was small.. because its really not at all."
Letterkills "For the Weekend"- Amazing love song. "Just thinking for the weekend. Maybe we could be something."
Incubus "Summer Romance (Antigravity Love Song)"- It's the most romantic song ever. I remember making out with Adam once while listening to this. It's the perfect get stoned and fall in love song. "We can rendezvous a quarter to two and make sure we're alone."
Incubus "Stellar"- It drives me insane how the majority of the songs on here remind me of what I used to have with stuart. "We could spend the night, watch the earth come up."
From Autumn to Ashes "No trivia"- I don't really know why I love this song. "So arch your back and flip your hair.. make eye contact. you know I care."
From Autumn to Ashes "Short Stories with Tragic Endings"- I can relate to every line in the entire song. "This is your freedom from this life of fallacies.. with no last kiss and no regrets"
From Autumn To Ashes "The Fiction We Live"- What I want any boy to say to me to reassure me."You might be just what I need. No I would not change a thing."
From Autumn to Ashes "Autumns Monologue"- Describes the unsurity I feel when I'm in a relationship."Why can't I be what you need? A new improved version of me."
Franz Ferdinand "Take Me Out"- I remember Elyse dancing to this at Brittany's party and it just symbolizes all the great times I have with my friends. "Take me Out."
Foo Fighters "Everlong"- I just want a boy to sing this to me. "And I wonder when I sing along with you if everything couldever feel this real forever."
Finch "Letters to You"- Reminds me of all the boys I would do anything for that don't even notice. "Can't you see that I want to be there with open arms?"
Emocapella "Again I go Unnoticed"- "Please send me anything but singals that are all crossed. Because I can't read your rolling eyes."
Death Cab for Cutie "Tiny Vessels"- "You're beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me."
To Be Continued.
I'll be eighteen on Christmas. I'm getting my lip pierced and a tattoo on my wrist. I have 1/2 inch gages and a twin brother who's the exact opposite of me. I laugh when people get hurt. I want to fall in love with a boy who dresses better than I do and I think I already met him. My entire love life is a pattern of going out with a boy after not talking to him for a long period of time after we broke up the first time. It goes something like adam, stu, stu. stu, adam, maybe stu. I believe in destiny and soulmates and perfection. I'm agnostic and I don't believe in most organized religion. I party because it's fun not because I want to not feel. I hate rap music and I want to live a movie or at the very least a song. I cry when I hear certain songs and My Chemical Romance rocks my world. I get jealous and I feel stupid most of the time. I talk too much espiecally when I'm not sober. I used to think having a boyfriend would make me happy. Then i realized that when i'm not single i'm miserable to. No matter how skinny I get I will always think I am fat. I have a guilty pleasure for LFO and Otown and everyone who thinks that makes me lame is retarded. I like what I like and I don't care what anyone thinks. I kiss girls when I'm drunk and sometimes i have random hookups. Stuart Leek is the only person I have ever felt anything for when I kissed him. I want to stay up all night under the stars with a boy talking about everything from sex and music to the meaning of life.
I think every song and every band sounds like someone else including my own band. I play bass. I can relate to everything. I am horrible at giving advice and although I try to stop.. i constantly talk about myself. I'm overly blunt. I miss someone even though it's all coming back. I can't wait for college and I would do anything to go to Loyola in New Orleans. I need a scholarship and I have senioritis. Ray nauds syndrome means I can hardly ever feel my fingers and toes. I know how to give a guy a boner and it makes me laugh. I hate when boys touch my ass and no one has ever seen it. I love my friends so much but I wish I meant more to them. I wish my parents would get a divorce instead of always saying they are really going to go through with it this time and never pulling through. I used to be suicidal and I pray to be anorexic. Sometimes I want something horrible to happen to me. It would be nice to be really popular. I dye my hair drastically all the time because I want something no one else has. I lost 50 pounds and I'm eating disordered. I think the best feeling in the world is dry sex. I would kill to live in the 60s with switch blade fights. I hate when boys cry except when its because of me. Most people think I'm a bitch. I walk in the hallways and I ignore everyone. I think marijuana should be legal and I tend to fall for boys who would never love me. I love hot pink and I'm a walking cliche. I'm stingy about gas money and weed. I ask to many questions when I already know the answers. I never call boys but I hate when they don't call me. I used to hate girls for really stupid reasons until I grew up. I cuss too much and say pussy and fuck in front of teachers. I talk about sex and drugs constantly and i don't care who knows. I tell everyone everything about me.
That is me.
These are the songs that mean so much to me:
Verve Pipe "The Freshman"- Makes me think of how immature I was when I was suicidal as a freshman/sophomore. "For the life of me I can not believe we'd ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen"
The Ataris/Don Henley "Boys of Summer"- When me and Stu broke up the first REAL time I listened to this song constantly because it was the only song that didn't make me sad. "When I get you back I'm going to show you what I'm made of."
Taking Back Sunday "Cute Without the E (Cut from the Team)"- This was the first song I ever could play perfectly on bass. "This all was only wishful thinking."
Taking Back Sunday "Your Own Disaster"- Just reminds me of every relationship I've ever had. "I don't think that you know what you've been missing."
Taking Back Sunday "New American Classic"- Reminds me of myself. I could see me writing this song. "When all that you need is just a reaction... it's too much to ask for when there's no attraction"
Straylight Run "Existentialism on Prom Night"- I remember listening to this song on prom night on the way to Tabitha's house with stu, elyse and her date. "Sing me something soft.. sad and delicate or loud and out of key... sing me anything"
Straylight Run "Tension and the Terror"- Shows the awkwardness of first dates that I have gone through. "I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you."
Staind "Epiphany"- "I speak to you in riddles because my words get in my way."
Silverchair "Ana's Song"- Reminds me of when I used to pray to god to get anorexia. "I need you now somehow."
Brandon Boyd "Divided"- Makes me think of how I think I'm a horrible person just because I'm not physically attractive. "I want to affirm that what I see in reflection day to day isn't all I am."
Saves the Day " At Your Funeral."- Reminds me of how overpowering drugs are. "And At your funeral I will sing your reqieum."
Saves the Day "Cars and Calories"- Because the autobiography of my entire life. No song has ever described me so perfectly. "And it took bites out of her insides until she was just a hollow shell."
Placebo "My Sweet Prince"- Reminds me of drug use and how I'm scared its taking over mine and my friends lives. "I never thought I'd fill with desire I never thought I'd feel so ashamed."
Phantom Planet "California"- I can't wait to go to California and start my life there some day. "California here we come."
New Found Glory "The Glory of Love"-The song I would die for if anyone ever sang it to me. "Tonight its very clear as we're both lying here.. there's so many things I'd like to say. I will always love you."
New Found Glory "Hit or Miss"- The first rock song I ever listened to and the song that made me like the music I do today. "Have I waited to long? Have I found that someone."
New Found Glory "The Story So Far"- Reminds me of when I first met Stu. I don't even like NFG. "I can't remember the time or the place, or what you were wearing. All I know is it was the best conversation I ever had."
My Chemical Romance "Our Lady of Sorrows"- The best lyrical song ever written. Lines in it have changed my life. "Oh how wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying."
Something Corporate "Konstantine"-The First song to ever make me cry. I can relate to every line in it. "This is because I can spell confusion with a K and I can like it. It's to dying in anothers arms and why I had to try it."
Something Corporate "Walking By"- Shows how powerful and amazing and horrible love can be which I can relate to. "These nights I get high just from breathing. When I lie here with you... I'm sure that I'm real."
My Chemical Romance "Demolition Lovers"- Basically the best love song ever written. "This time I mean it. I'll let you know just how much you mean to me"
My Chemical Romance "You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us in Prison"- Shows how amazing MCR is by having homoerotic undertones. "Life is but a dream for the dead."
My Chemical Romance "Cemetary Drive"- "Singing songs that make you slit your wrists."
Matchbook Romance "Tiger Lily"- I remember driving Stu home listening to this song and thinking how perfect it was. "Talking about our lives like we've known eachother forever."
Maroon 5 "She Will Be Loved"- Just an amazing love song that makes me want to fall in love. "I want to make you feel beautiful."
Maria Mena "You're the Only One"- Reminds me so much of when I went out with Stu. We were able to joke and call eachother names and make fun of eachother and it was just fun. "Remember that time when I put my hands between your legs and said it was small.. because its really not at all."
Letterkills "For the Weekend"- Amazing love song. "Just thinking for the weekend. Maybe we could be something."
Incubus "Summer Romance (Antigravity Love Song)"- It's the most romantic song ever. I remember making out with Adam once while listening to this. It's the perfect get stoned and fall in love song. "We can rendezvous a quarter to two and make sure we're alone."
Incubus "Stellar"- It drives me insane how the majority of the songs on here remind me of what I used to have with stuart. "We could spend the night, watch the earth come up."
From Autumn to Ashes "No trivia"- I don't really know why I love this song. "So arch your back and flip your hair.. make eye contact. you know I care."
From Autumn to Ashes "Short Stories with Tragic Endings"- I can relate to every line in the entire song. "This is your freedom from this life of fallacies.. with no last kiss and no regrets"
From Autumn To Ashes "The Fiction We Live"- What I want any boy to say to me to reassure me."You might be just what I need. No I would not change a thing."
From Autumn to Ashes "Autumns Monologue"- Describes the unsurity I feel when I'm in a relationship."Why can't I be what you need? A new improved version of me."
Franz Ferdinand "Take Me Out"- I remember Elyse dancing to this at Brittany's party and it just symbolizes all the great times I have with my friends. "Take me Out."
Foo Fighters "Everlong"- I just want a boy to sing this to me. "And I wonder when I sing along with you if everything couldever feel this real forever."
Finch "Letters to You"- Reminds me of all the boys I would do anything for that don't even notice. "Can't you see that I want to be there with open arms?"
Emocapella "Again I go Unnoticed"- "Please send me anything but singals that are all crossed. Because I can't read your rolling eyes."
Death Cab for Cutie "Tiny Vessels"- "You're beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me."
To Be Continued.